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omg i had a dream i was at a david bowie concert, but it was in the street in front of my parents house. and special guest howard stern showed up to duet on rebel rebel, and they brought me on stage as well. gah so weird.

also dream: don’t remember all of it, but i was in prison for something, and there was someone with me who decided he was going to shoot every single person in prison. OH i remember, it was some sort of version of the movie saw, with a guy who wants people to be thankful for their lives if they survive his torture – which this time was walking down the row of cells, and shooting into each, not aiming, and whoever got shot got shot. we turned a corner and got to a cell with a guy who looked like a gangasta rapper, ice cube reminiscent, and he was holding a huge ass automatic gun. so he starts shooting at us before we can shoot at him, and my partner disappears, so its just me with the gun and we only have a hand gun. he puts a few rounds into my shoulder, and i manage to get a few into his back which doesn’t faze him at all. and then he shoots a few rounds into my leg, and somewhere else, and i get a few more into him. i’m sorta assumed dead, and someone comes to drag me to the hospital or something. but i’m awake and not dead and so i’m walking with them by all these ppl who think i’m dead but i’m not.

and dream: i was coming home to my apartment and the locks had been changed, and my unit and the one next to mine had turned into a jewelry shop. the shop people were still in the process of moving in but all my stuff was gone. so i was fuming and went to the office and demanded that i get my apartment back and that all my stuff be returned exactly as it was, and that i wanted all new appliances. haha

and in other news. not as many people as i thought knew about my trip to the hospital. i am above rumors at that place i guess. also didn’t realize exactly who was helping to get me out of the building before the emt’s caught up. i thought it was just mary, but apparently it was rob and kin and other ppl haha. they’re so nice. they almost got me out too, which would have been way better than forcing me to go to the hospital. apparently i was also totally coherent and knew what was going on, and was responsive, i just don’t remember any of that part.

and i think i have a sinus infection. cuz i’ve never had a cold where i wake up from extreme pain around my eyebrow and side of my nose on the left side. or maybe it’s a cold and i’m just THAT stuffed up by the time morning rolls around.

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dream: i was on america’s next top model. but i don’t think i was a contestant, i’m not sure. i was trying to do my hair in a cool girl mohawk though for some where we had to go. and we had a big picnic thing, and were all wasted. and kitty was there. and my grandma. and then this lady was there, and now after this picnic she was bothering me if i got any mail for her, because she was waiting to hear from someone else on the show who had a kidney to give her, because she needed a transplant. and there was a hockey game during the picnic, sabres vs someone, but i couldn’t watch it all. i went inside to see the score at the end of the game, sabres had been winning, and they did win but the score was 578 to 256. HA

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another dream nightmare. i was out with some people driving somewhere, and we ended up driving down highland to college st, where globe and carbo-sil are. whoever was driving was an explorer i guess because they suddenly turned to go by globe. they wanted to go explore it, and i told them it was still half open so we couldn’t. then we saw some trucks and people so the others finally believed me that we couldn’t do it. i pointed out carbo-sil though and noticed that it was really neatly trimmed (the grass i mean) and cleaned up. then i noticed one of the buildings didn’t have a roof to it anymore. so we drove into the driveway for it and saw some trucks but no people. i realized they were doing work on it though, which bummed me out for some reason cuz i had only gotten to check it out once and now i wouldn’t be able to. we decided to go in anyway, and try to avoid the people. but we went into one building and there was a kid with a williamsville varsity jacket on, and for some reason we were scared to death of him and decided to leave. so we’re trying to run away from him (who had already run away from us) and then we were in a maze and couldn’t find our way out. and i had screamed when i saw the kid, way to be stealth. so then we’re in the maze and i turn the corner and am face to face with sweeney, trent’s bodyguard. and i scream again cuz i was scared of him too.

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i realized how stupid i am to be going on this trip. it’s going to be a rough 48 hours. cuz i realized that i have to leave my house at 5:30 in the morning. which means come home from work, shower, and go right to the airport. no point in going to bed, since i haven’t been going to bed til 6/6:30 every day anyway. then to not have a hotel and just be up waiting at the airport to fly home…more no sleepy for me. thankfully i don’t have to wait in buffalo for adr to get home from vegas so i’ll have time to come home and sleep more. and since we’re not planning to sit out in buffalo for u2 all day i’ll have time to sleep. but wow. yeah i’m gonna die. i supposed its not as bad as the trip to boston where i didn’t sleep at all and had to drive. at least i’ll pass out on the airplanes. maybe i’ll get that hotel afterall.

i had crazy nightmares last night. the only one i remember now involved me driving somewhere on the highway. i took an exit and when i was exiting i went off the road a bit, as i was going right to turn right onto the main road. but i went slightly off the road. i couldn’t steer back onto that part of the road because suddenly there was like a foot drop in the pavement between my left and right tires. so i had to back up to where the drop wasn’t so much, to steer back onto the road. but then the drop became even worse so i tried to jump a small area of road, so i could get back on the pavement and i didn’t make it so i plunged down a cliff. cuz suddenly there was a cliff. somehow i managed to not be in the car, and it crashed at the bottom of this cliff. then suddenly i was in toronto, but this canyon was still there, because i’m looking down at my crashed car and suddenly someone else had been driving it and is still in the car. so i’m standing on the street and trying to get someone’s attention to call an ambulance. a guy finally sees what happened and starts to go down into this canyon to try to get her out of the car but he’s all wimpy and trying to find a good way down the cliff. meanwhile someone else sees, and this guy just bounds across the rocks and gets down to get the girl out. and someone calls an ambulance. so now we’ve gotten the girl out of the car and we’re back up on the road, which is now in toronto if you recall, and we’re waiting for an ambulance but it’s taking forever. i try to find out why it’s taking so long, and apparently the ambulance got into an accident and is tied up. so these other people and the girl from the car decide to walk to another street to get a cab, and of course as soon as they leave the ambulance shows up.

the other dream was scary too. i think they were due to having gotten a massive headache while i was sleeping. so painful.

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every day i’ve been dreaming something about nin and nin concerts. this time nin was playing an outdoor concert at a local college. i had a friend, carrie, from boston coming to stay with me for the night for something completely unrelated. for some reason adr2 and i didn’t know about the show, so we didn’t have tickets. we found out because we went by the site of the concert and saw everything being set up. so we hung around and it was around 9 in the morning and only a few people were there, but they had been let into the show, and a few had gotten their place at the barrier already. but we were surprised that hardly anyone was there and there was still tons of room up front. so we debated whether or not to get tickets for it, cuz apparently you still could get them. we saw sweeny but he was busy so we didn’t bother him, just kept walking around the field which was the GA floor. i didn’t know if we should get tickets because i didn’t know if carrie would be interested in going with us. we walked up to the barrier where security guards were giving out wristbands to the people who were already there. we asked if we could have them as well. there were 2 different colors, blue and orange. blue were given to those who were students at the college, but we weren’t, so he gave us orange ones. even though we didn’t have tickets. so we were like SCORE we got in for free. i remembered carrie again, and tried to get in touch with her to see if she wanted to come to the show too. i remembered that i had the same color wrist band saved from another show, so she could just put that one on and get in for free too. then i remembered that ANOTHER person who we had apparently met in line at a different nin show was coming to stay with me that night too. but i had no where for them to sleep except the floor. and i forgot their name and how to get a hold of them. so once the line for the show formed (cuz apparently they made us get into line way later even tho we were already “inside”) i wandered around looking for them. found the person, who’s name was apparently erin, and she was holding her dufflebag and pillow and stuff that she brought to stay the night. i had forgotten she was coming right to the house to drop her stuff off, and obviously i wasn’t there when she got there. we got let in again, and suddenly this was all indoors. we went up to the front and there were chairs sitting around, but just the first row was chairs, and we were like wtf. we were totally gonna throw them out of the way once the show started.

the end.

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wow i had no idea donnie wahlberg was in Saw II. that made my night! the movie was good, but a bit predictable in spots. and not in the same way that you THOUGHT saw I was predictable. it did throw a twist or 2 in there, but i definitely knew certain things were coming. it did a good job showing how human nature makes you panic and that ruins everything. it would have been so easy to escape the situation if the people could calm down enough to use their heads and figure out how to do it. but it was good. really genius in ways of torture. and i like how they integrated things from the first movie. gave me a headache though. and i didn’t like the “piecing it together” thing at the end. it looked too much like you were suddenly watching a trailer for the movie.

and in other news. how is this for a dream about my life situation. i dreamed i was in prison. i don’t know what i did to get there, but i was in prison. i guess there was a mall in the prison because we could go certain places, and to stores, and everyone knew we were prisoners. jason from work worked at a spencers/hot topic type store in the mall. i guess i knew him from before my prison stint as well, but i’d always go see him. the day before i was set to be released, i was out in the yard with a few other girls. and apparently this was attica, they had built a new female wing of the prison. so we were in the yard sitting against one of the chain link fences. the warden came out, and we stood up and the fence ripped when i stood. so she thought i was trying to escape. and i was like “i’m getting out tomorrow, why would i try to escape today?” and then we got into this huge ass fight. and i kept thinking, oh great, now i’m not gonna get out, and i’ll be in here for the rest of my life. but they released me the next day anyway. but i stayed walking around inside for awhile, and i guess i went to see jason at the store. no one knew i had been released, so everyone was surprised and happy to hear that i was out finally. then it went on to something about me being in the air force and in charge of handing out guns to the people getting on the various planes, then going on as a tag along on missions on the planes. hah i dunno.

and i’m about 8 years too late with this but….south park is so funny. their social commentary is just hilarious.

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seems like salvation comes only in our dreams

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i was really sick, and apparently in school because i went to the nurses office. but it was more like a mini hospital. i can’t remember how i felt or how i was sick, but they couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me. so eventually, the doctor decided to cut my chest open and look around inside. so she did, and they had me put my hand under my rib cage, while they did the same. and they found that there was nothing inside me. no stomach or liver or heart or anything. it was just empty. i thought, no wonder i feel so empty. so they sewed me back up again because they didn’t know what to do. obviously i shouldn’t be alive with no insides. so i just went home, and called who had just been visiting previous to me being sick. i was outside on the phone with him, on this big porch/gazebo part of the house. it was really beautiful, made of brick, with these huge staircases that led down from the porch onto the hill. we lived on the side of a mountain, and the gazebo overlooked the valley. it had a really great view. he was mad that i never showed him the porch/gazebo, but he understood that i didn’t want him to know everything about me yet.

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dream: there was another hurricane in the atlantic, headed for new jersey. specifically, asbury park. (oh hey, if we’re bored on vaca, we could go to asbury!). i was worried about the casino, because it was so run down, and i remembered leighanne saying that each hurricane made the building a little more vulnerable and accessible. i didn’t know if it had been torn down yet, so i went there. and it hadn’t been torn down, but all the medusa heads had been removed, and the carousel house had no walls anymore. i walked around the building and though there were no walls i still couldn’t go in. then the palace was still there. it had been partially torn down, then the walls were rebuilt with big windows. the stuff inside was still demolished as it was last year when i was there in real life. none of the fun paintings and tillie heads were on there, they were replaced with holes and windows. i didn’t understand any of it.

had to work 9 hours tonight cuz of daylight savings. so my pay check will be for 40 hours and 15 minutes of overtime. that’ll be helpful considering the next 2 checks are going to suck so bad. plus the toke rate this week should be pretty good. money! work has been uneventful. jenn’s husband jeff got promoted, so that’s good. she may have to leave swing shift tho. so i’ll see her never. shes coming over monday with the baby dressed up for halloween so i gotta remember to go get some candy. i’m leaving a plastic pumpkin full of easter candy on the porch for the kids monday haha. chocolate doesn’t go bad!

what else. going exploring with dustin tomorrow, and i think he’s bringing someone. i think we’re gonna go to lockport but not sure. he had some places i had never heard of that someone else was going to be checking out so maybe we’ll just go with them, who knows.

the serial killer book is not scary. it’s really interesting. on john wayne gacy at the moment. my dad’s high school serial killer isn’t in the book, bummer.

i feel like i have alot to do and no time to do it before i leave. gone all day tomorrow. 2 fillings monday morning, take the cat to the parents, jenn and megan, pack, clean my desk off, and the office and bedroom floor incase my mom feels like cleaning she won’t put all my stuff away in strange places. gah. and i only have 5 rolls of film and i feel like i’ll need more for byberry and hudson psych. i’m sure i’ll need more. oh yeah, gotta see if my dad has another 35 mm to lend me, so i don’t use the digital but still have color.

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because my life is lame and so totally wrapped up around a band….jerome is leaving nin. for reasons unrelated to his health. from his post it sounds as if it’s possible he never was sick to even begin with. i don’t know. trent’s nin.com posts sounded frustrated and disappointed. makes me uneasy. cuz yes their lives matter to me.

i had a dream about nate last night. it’s fucking with me. sitting in the back of my mind all day, sorta thinking about it all day. just messing me up. in the dream i had gone to get food at mcdonalds. i ordered and he was working there in the grill preparing food. he brought the food to the bin and looked around. he looked at me, sort of paused, looked away. i kept staring at him as he did it 2 more times before finally giving a sheepish wave and nothing else. he was going bald which made me happy.

3 years later and he still sits in my head fucking with me. 3 years and i still don’t know what i’d do if i ran into him somewhere. 3 years and i am still bitter and hateful. i wish i never met him.

and i’m suddenly freaking out about money. i need to move. i have too much crap to move back to a small apartment.

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so i had this dream last night. tommy and i were getting married. it seemed sorta spur of the moment, but it was planned. possibly that we decided with only a few months to plan. we were getting married at a mall it seemed, but there were no stores. the place was just set up like a mall, with a 2nd floor that had space in the middle of the walkways to look down on the first floor. i think i sorta looked like the corpse bride. anyway. i was immensely unhappy about it. people started arriving, and i was walking around wanting to call it off. but i felt bad that i’d disappoint all the guests. but then i talked to someone i guess was my mom that i didn’t want to get married, and she told me to call it off, that tommy was walking around in the hall. so i went to go find him and i guess i told him i didn’t want to get married. don’t really remember what happened after that. but we didn’t get married that’s for sure.

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