because my life is lame and so totally wrapped up around a band….jerome is leaving nin. for reasons unrelated to his health. from his post it sounds as if it’s possible he never was sick to even begin with. i don’t know. trent’s nin.com posts sounded frustrated and disappointed. makes me uneasy. cuz yes their lives matter to me.

i had a dream about nate last night. it’s fucking with me. sitting in the back of my mind all day, sorta thinking about it all day. just messing me up. in the dream i had gone to get food at mcdonalds. i ordered and he was working there in the grill preparing food. he brought the food to the bin and looked around. he looked at me, sort of paused, looked away. i kept staring at him as he did it 2 more times before finally giving a sheepish wave and nothing else. he was going bald which made me happy.

3 years later and he still sits in my head fucking with me. 3 years and i still don’t know what i’d do if i ran into him somewhere. 3 years and i am still bitter and hateful. i wish i never met him.

and i’m suddenly freaking out about money. i need to move. i have too much crap to move back to a small apartment.