Category Archives: Dreams

i hate support ribbons.

dreams: i was getting a new tattoo the whole length of my right leg. it was supposed to be just some big swirly design thing. the girl who was doing the tat however was putting flames on me. i guess that was what i asked for, but they were hideous. she started coloring them with red orange and yellow even tho i wanted black only. so that session ended and i was upset and was like wtf. i didn’t know how to tell her that wasn’t what i wanted and she needed to fix it. then i went to mcdonalds with adr1 and was showing her, and it had magically changed to a bridge like structure. the tattoo changed, not mcdonalds. and it looked pretty cool so i was happy again. then leaving mcds we had to go into a parking ramp that was part of a school. we ended up getting locked in with all the other students, the school was holding everyone hostage for some reason. it was mostly people from work inside though. so then there was panic and all that goes with that, and trying to find some way to communicate with the outside world to tell them what was going on and to send cops. all cell signals and internet was blocked and there was no way for us to get help.

also nightmares about giant spiders, and scorpion type things.

so the buffalo bills player who is probably paralyzed from the spinal cord injury sunday…i knew him from work.

i dreamed about perez hilton. haha i’m a nerd. i was with someone else, possibly heather, and we had gotten called to babysit for someone. we had to meet the person at a starbucks type place to pick up the baby. so we go to the place and it turns out the person we’re babysitting for is none other then christina aguilera. so we sit down at her table for a bit with her, and who is across the restaurant with an entourage? britney spears. and she puts a tape into a tape deck and starts singing… or “singing”. it’s some new song she’s working on that she’s playing for her entourage. so me and heather and christina are trying to listen to the song, which is absolute crap, and decide if she’s just lipsynching or not. christina said that britney was totally lipsynching, because she can tell those things. then i guess christina leaves, and i’m like holy shit i so need to email perez hilton about all this!!!

also dreamed i was going back to europe for a week in march for nin shows, and 2 and a half weeks of nin shows in the us in september. i was trying to find someone to go with me but couldn’t.

i had a dream that some really famous artist liked my photography and became my biggest champion. he had a gallery in toronto and gave me my own show. it was all super exciting. strange though because this artist, i hadn’t actually met. everyone i dealt with regarding the gallery and show were employees. the artist decided to host this big fancy dinner in my honor to introduce me formally to the art world. before the dinner he called me and was asking me all these questions about my work and how i do such and such to get things to look a certain way. and i felt retarded because i don’t know anything about photography, i just take pictures of stuff i like. so i was making things up and i think he realized i was a hack. i got real nervous that meeting him in person was going to go horribly wrong, and everyone was going to know i didn’t know what i was doing and it was going to be so embarrassing.

also dreamed it was the apocalypse and i was roaming with some people i knew to try to survive in the burned out world. it was much like The Road i just finished reading, except it was in the beginning of the post apocalyptic world, and not further along, so we still had food and what not.

dream

don’t really know how it started but. i was on set of a new movie red scream films was making about vampires. somehow i got to play a small part in the beginning where scary vampires or demons or someone backed me into a corner and were going to turn me. that somehow turned into me actually being recruited to become a vampire. i was told i had to find someone who i think was named ephraim for protection because there would be people after me. i couldn’t find this person/vampire and was told by someone else to go to this one store and that he’d be there. so i find the store and it’s like a “goth” store, with all sorts of clothes and stockings and make up. but i see the whole place is full of normal people just shopping there. so i bought some fishnets and was sad because i was going to be found by these people after me. i must have said something to the cashier about being disappointed, and he said something to me which apparently was in code. he was a vampire and knew why i was there. he said ephraim was gone but to go through this door in the back of the store. so i did, and there was a big apartment back there and a girl who apparently was a vampire. when i walked in she knew why i was there, and she became my sort of vampire mentor. she took care of me and taught me things and protected me from the people who come after vampires. i wasn’t a full vampire at this point and i needed a male vampire to complete the change, and she arranged this from me, but i was scared because he was a hideous old man haha. i guess it happened because the dream continued. we pretended we were high school students in order to blend in, and prom was coming up. we were making plans to go to prom with the other vampire students. things started to go wrong in the vampire culture though. these “people” who were after us were causing trouble, everyone was scared. we had things that told the future to us and all signs were pointing to something bad happening. most people didn’t know we were all vampires, but some were being careless and letting normal people see that we could fly and normal people were getting suspicious. one day arriving at school all the places the vampire kids hung out – like the library because the librarian was a vampire, the art rooms, etc – the whole wing of the school was trashed and they were going to burn it down to get rid of us. prom came, and me and my mentor went together but we were late so instead of getting to sit at a normal table, we had to sit at a bar on stools. the jocks were sniffing around trying to find out what was really going on, and they were after me specifically. they tried to attack me but i got away and left the prom, and was driving down river road keeping an eye out for anyone who seemed to be after me. i saw a car full of jocks at a stop light and tried to lay low, went through the intersection but at the last minute they saw me and backed into my car. the next day all these kids were accusing me of hitting the jock car on purpose and killing them. i got really angry trying to explain that they are the ones that backed into me on purpose, and how is it possible for me to hit another car with the side of mine.

i think that was it. we wore really awesome clothes in the dream. haha.

it’s too hot out. feels like 94. ug.

i had a series of upsetting dreams about an ex – the most significant one. they were depressing, and strange, since as always my dreams are abnormal. they took place somewhere in a futuristic 1984 type society. it began REALLY disturbingly, very oedipal BUT IT WAS NOT A SEX DREAM. apparently in this society it was cultural tradition for adult women and men to have sex with the opposite sex parent. and i didn’t know this, but found out about my mom planning it. and i freaked out and refused to speak to either of my parents again, although this was supposedly accepted in this society. aeirusdfaomgbarfweiru. then that sorta morphed into the ex appearing back in my life again. he just showed up, and we were in my parents house i think. and as much as i tried to be cold and emotionless to him i couldn’t. and he was trying to tell me how he loved me even tho he had decided not to befriend me again once he returned to the country. and i was trying to be mad but he started crying. didn’t make any sense as to why he decided to show up again. there was something to do with my parents that i don’t really remember. but he was living at their house, i guess i was too. we were sharing a room but 2 separate beds. my bed was some sort of almost dentist chair like contraption. and somehow things were hooked up to it where when i exhaled as i slept my breath would blow up a balloon lol. then when air was no longer going into the balloon it would deflate of course, but very loudly. it woke me up and i couldn’t not make the balloon blow up and deflate again. so it woke him up, he thought someone was farting really loud. then the dream changed gears to where we were trying to be together but for some reason people were after us. we were going all over sometimes alone sometimes with friends to find someplace for us to hide where “the authorities” i guess wouldn’t find us. but everytime we thought we found something, The Authorities would find us again and we’d have to flee. we realized that wherever we went a man in a blue shirt was around, and we figured out he must be following us and alerting The Authorities to where we were. so we were trying to run from him, and we thought we had lost him inside this very strange office building, that was almost as if it used to be a grain silo…strange round rooms, and odd hallways constructed between each silo, got caught in a game of lazer tag it seemed. we found some office that was empty and we were trying to hide and be alone for once, but the man in the blue shirt appeared, and since most of these silo offices were somehow glass, he could easily see where we were hiding. that switched gears to back in being some apartment we had been hiding in, where i remembered some sort of fortune teller telling us about how our future lives would appear to us on rolls of toilet paper…images started appearing on our toilet paper and i found him and was like LOOK don’t you remember that spell put on us that we’d see our future on the rolls haha that was it. despite us not being able to be together in this future society our relationship was really nice.

w.t.f

outside of the strangeness of it all, it was depressing. and it sorta was sitting in the back of my head all day. doing nothing at work for a good 3 hours gave me lots of time to sit there and think about everything. got to remembering alot of things about when we were together that i had forgotten. little things, things that were said, things we did that i had forgotten about. i don’t particularly like to think about him, despite it being ancient history. it’s always depressing. i think this all came about from looking at pictures from the college era i found on a disc the other day, because with them were all my pictures of him/us. thinking about everything still upsets me. on one hand it’s clear that everything that was said – in hindsight – was total bullshit. but even now after all this time, 4.5 years, i can’t let myself believe that he was faking it all. that he didn’t care about me, and about leaving, and that he didn’t really like me that much it was just something to do. i mean, that’s how it feels based on the fact he didn’t keep in touch and didn’t contact me when he returned. but i just can’t let myself think it was because i wasn’t liked enough. life goes the way it goes and things happen for a reason i guess. this is how things were supposed to be. i just have to think, yeah, we had a great few months together, and he changed me alot, and hopefully he thinks about me sometimes.

and sitting at work i started thinking again about what i’d do if i saw him somewhere. finding out 2 years ago that he had a players card and had been in the casino at least once – the possibility that he saw me and didn’t say anything – killed me. in the small world of WNY i’m bound to see him someplace if he stayed here (which he may not have, i have no idea)…and as much as i’d like to be that cold bitter bitch i know i wouldn’t be able to.

see i don’t have a completely cold and black heart…

now to go to bed in hopes i wake up not so fucking depressed.

*edit* one of the things i just remembered about when we were together amuses me so i will share. he went to DC with a few friends to visit a friend at georgetown in the middle of the DC sniper scare. i was so terrified he was going down there, leighanne would update me on the sniper and how he had yet to strike on a weekend, only weekdays. of course, when he was there, the sniper struck on a weekend. i think leighanne apologized hahah.

*edit2* he was with me the first time i ever laid eyes on buffalo central terminal in real life.

dream

i was somewhere on payne ave and noticed this airplane flying really low. and i’m talking like, house level low. it was a southwest airplane, and it was gliding on the air drafts much like hawks do. i figured something must be wrong for it to be flying like that, but i thought it was weird that it hadn’t just crashed. i didn’t know airplanes could glide like that. eventually it did a weird double loop, and then hit the ground – upside down, wheels in the air. for whatever reason there weren’t many spectators around, and it didn’t seem like anyone was in the airplane. i figured i’d take advantage of the opportunity and ran home to get my camera to be the first to photograph the crash. i took a few pictures, and then for whatever reason that was it. suddenly i was really traumatized by the crash, and was crying and i was supposed to go to work but a psychiatrist who went to the scene to help people deal with the tragedy told me he’d call work and tell them i couldn’t come in cuz i witnessed the crash, and to make up the time, i’d go to work with my dad the following day. then it was apparently a holiday, and this house i was at on the same street as the crash was my grandmas. i called my best friend angela (wtf do i dream about her so much?) and she said something about having talked to saddam’s goons about the crash, or having watched them on tv taking responsibility for the crash. so i said well yeah, i got to see it, since it crashed on the street my grandmas house was on. and i was almost crying every time i told someone that i witnessed the crash.

haven’t had a stress airplane crash dream in a long time. wonder the reason for it now…

then i found this hahahah: real life snakes on a plane

i swear to god my landlord cuts the grass every day.