i had requested tonight off so that lei and i could go see Elevation – a u2 tribute band – recreate the zoo tv tour at the opera house in toronto. i put in my request too late and so i was on the schedule…that is until i went in for my 10pm shift and i wasn’t on the road map (tells you what section you’re in). so i left…and we went to toronto. got there late, but saw half of the zoo tv show, and saw the band do the few other songs after. they were really good…sound wise…some things left a bit to be desired, like macphisto, but maybe i just expect alot from someone trying to be macphisto

How To Dismantle An Atomic Bomb

Have They Done Another Actung Baby?

no.

so…i also came into ownership of an advance copy of u2’s new cd “how to dismantle an atomic bomb” *cough* so here is my song by song review. keep in mind i suffer a disease. this disease manifests itself by making me not like any u2 record the first (or 2nd or 3rd…) time listening to it. u2 albums need to be listened to then put on the shelf to age for a few months before i listen to them again and actually like them. so i have a feeling this review is going to be quite a bit negative…and that doesn’t necessarily mean that it’s bad.

Vertigo (3:13) – as we know from a few weeks ago, i love this song. however it is absolutely not representative of any of the rest of the album. it’s a shame really…

Miracle Drug (3:54) – i like the lyrics. alot. but…that’s about it. it’s slowish and boringish. and very “electrical storm” ish…

Sometimes You Can’t Make it On Your Own (5:05) – this is bono’s song about his father who died a few years ago. again i like the lyrics but…i don’t like slow songs!!! by anyone really!!! it’s pretty but slow songs bore me.

Love and Peace or Else (4:48) – now this song is very very cool. dirty edge guitar, bluesy feel sorta…groovy. i feel like i should have more to say about it LOL. really really like it.

City of Blinding Lights (5:46) – old u2 sounding…the song that recycles lyrics from “last night on earth”. bono thought “hmm…when was the last time i wrote good lyrics, oh yes, pop, let’s see what’s on there that i can reuse, but change a little bit…” and he didn’t even pick good ones. but i like this song. honestly lol. i told you this was going to be negative…

All Because of You (3:33) – more upbeat and fun. reminds me of a “rattle and hum” era song…the guitar i think…not the rest of it really lol. “i like the sound of my own voice” hehehe “people got squashed crossing the tracks”…not exactly the most stellar lyric ever, but it’s amusing at least.

A Man and A Woman (4:27) – *I* like this song. lei doesn’t. it does NOT sound like a u2 song in the slightest… seriously, it’s like..what band is this. it’s on the verge of sounding spanish. i expect carlos santana to make a guest appearance. or like bono singing a sade song…it’s like spanish jazz. i probably would never have imagined u2 making a song like this. but i really do like it lol. it’s smooth. bono says ‘Sister” alot in it, makes me think he’s trying to be jeff martin haha

Crumbs from Your Table (4:59) – not sure i have anything to say about this song. it’s not bad. sounds like “electrical storm”. oh yeah, this is the song that practically STEALS the same riff from the end of “electrical storm” for the end of this song.

One Step Closer (3:47) – the ultimate song to fast forward. it’s on the level of “grace” and “peace on earth”. absolute crap. if i never hear it again i’d be happy.  (aarrrrrrrrrrrrg the basement door was shut again so the cat shit on my bed again arrrrrrrrrrrrrrg)

Original of the Species (4:34) – weird…synth/strings…i like the lyrics again. slow again….

Yahweh (4:22) – so u2 is a christian band. this is the song the band did so they’d win back the people they pissed off when they came out with “achtung baby” instead of “joshua tree part 2”. and i don’t like it. i really wanted to, really wanted to, but i just don’t. i think it’s silly. it’s not deep or thoughtful or anything. i feel like it’s part “zooropa”, reminds me of bono singing the advertising ads, combined with “somedays are better than others” just the rhythm of the lyrics i think… but badly combined. i don’t know.

it’s a very chill album…slow and not at all like vertigo, which for ME, is a disappointment. i wanted up beat real rock music. this isn’t it.
lyrics – B…better than “all that you can’t leave behind”
music – B…well..it’s still u2 sounding. i think the reason i like “achtung baby” so much was because it didn’t at all sound like what u2 was supposed to sound like at the time. and i like (half of) “pop” so much because “pop” didn’t sound like u2 either…this sounds like u2. and while that’s obviously not a BAD thing, it’s not exactly thrilling anymore either….
live ability – i’m not sure i’d want to see any of these songs other than vertigo live…
bono – bono is being bono. self depreciating a bit. the abuse he has put on his voice is very apparent. it’s not horrid, but it’s definitely not what it used to be.
edge – edge is shouting “hello, i’m still in the band, i’m right here”. sounds like “i will follow” edge met up with “electrical storm” edge and they had a baby.
adam – very “pop’ adam bass lines
larry – is larry…it’s drums…they sound the same to me. haha.

right now, upon…3rd listen or so… i don’t like it. now that i’ve heard it, i don’t want to listen to it anymore. back on the shelf for a while i guess.

and my comp is broken. just stopped working before i went to work. sounded like it turned off, but it didn’t. just the hard drive seemed to stop running. screen froze. turned it off and back on, cant boot up. fabulous. dad is coming tomorrow to take a look at it. it better not be completely messed up. i better not have to wipe the drive, because i don’t have anything burned….grrrrr i cant live without my comp.

it’s u2 day!!!! the new u2 single “Vertigo” goes to radio today. it’s not the reason i posted the lyrics to “walk on” but hey it fits. and now i’m trying to restrain myself from posting tons of other u2 lyrics hehe. we put in “all that you can’t leave behind” in the stereo. it’s been…wow…ages since i listened to this album. it has it’s moments hehe. it’s made me all hyper! makes me really really REALLY want to be at a show. can’t wait til the spring tour!! 2 weeks vacation cuz we all know u2 actually WILL tour, and the album actually WILL be released, unlike mr reznor and his empty promises of a new album and spring tour. hehe.

a little re-review of “all that you can’t leave behind”
1. beautiful day – ok yeah no one can deny that it’s a great song
2. stuck in a moment you can’t get out of – good song, cute
3. elevation – hahah i’m sorry to my friends who had to deal with me in my huge u2 ness 3 years ago and having to be embarassed by me singing this song constantly
4. walk on – *drool* *cry* *grin* *hyper*
5. kite – nokitedoesnotmakemecry hehe
6. in a little while – tolerable, but as lei’s friend said, bono’s voice has not aged well and it’s VERY apparent in that song
7. wild honey – barf
8. peace on earth – barf
9. when i look at the world – better than barf, but only slightly tolerable
10. new york – i used to not care for this song on the album, but then seeing it live, and then the 2nd version after sept 11th made me like the song alot more, and just listening to it now, it’s totally rocking
11. grace – *HELP IVE GONE DEAF FROM SUCKYNESS* in the top five worst u2 songs ever (along with “miami” and “playboy mansion”) so maybe it’s the top 3…

hehe…i’m going to try not to revert to my 3 year ago self and fill every post with u2 related nonsense, but i make no promises. u2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

gotta go shower, so we can go to the store to buy chili ingrediants cuz i’m cooking today, and have the excuse to drive around in the beautiful day blasting “walk on” in the car . so great to live with another huge u2 fan haha

 

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! u2!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Cleveland

cleveland 5-20-03

went to pick up leighanne at the airport at 9 am and left right from there to cleveland. all i have to say is screw yahoo and their 3.5 hr drive to cleveland. took about 2 and a half (really 3 cuz we stopped for lunch)……find the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame with no problem, super easy to get to. if i got there without getting lost it must be easy to find. get in the lobby, and the first thing we see are these giant guitar sculptures – much like the Chicago cows, and the Buffalo…Buffaloes…but guitars designed by different artists, and the one facing us is called “michael as a musical instrument” and is being held by a sparkling glove.
and also in the lobby were trabbants from the zoo tv tour, and the zoo tv sign (which should be placed somewhere dark so you can actually see it). i’m not really going to go into a review of the museum, just the stuff that was cool/interesting/whatever…

there’s an area that is like 50 years of….and they had popstars, and each decade in music, and stage costumes. so we’re looking at the stage costumes, and i’m like WHERE IS BOWIE?! there’s gotta be bowie costumes, he’s the king of costumes. we go through the decades, i’m like, they must be in 70s…still no bowie. bowie is on the music timeline, but no ziggy stardust costume etc. we get to the end, and go down this way we had missed, and what is there?….a whole showcase of bowie costumes LOL. ashes to ashes clown/mime costume, stage costumes from various tours (including the short shorts from the ziggy era), the union jack coat from the earthling cover that i wanted to steal, etc. so i was satisfied. fishy took an illegal picture real fast with the digicam lol. there was another bowie jacket i wanted to steal too cuz it was way rad.

la la la, the main reason we went was the u2 exhibit of course. the part that is being taken away at the end of the month is the Anton Corbijn photograph display. once again, i want to be anton corbijn. they had various photos from his history with u2, including some of my favs like bono in the bathtub. there were about 15 i wanted to steal hahaha. the artifacts part, with hand written lyrics, merchandise, blahblahblah was cool. they had these rad rattle and hum promotional posters – 4 of them, one band member on each poster – which would be so friggen cool to hang up if you had the whole set. i’d totally use them to decorate in my “real adult” living space, if i had the whole set.

the highlight was the upstairs of the exhibit – the costumes. cuz you walk up the stairs and there is macphisto in all his glittering glory. we’re like freaking out LOL. they had zootv tour costumes, like the zoo army blue uniforms the rest wore while bono was macphisto, and mirrorball man. they had elevation era clothes, like the black leather things “evil u2” wore in the elevation video, they had edge’s everyday #7 shirt and bedazzled pants…they had the popmart era stage gear, which we freaked out about again, cuz it was bono’s bubble suit, and boxing robe/tight pants ensamble…edge’s black cowboy/mr the edge shirt, one of adam’s stage outfits (not the orange jumpsuit thank god) and his rad yellow bass, larry’s “hit man” outfit. it was so fabulous. they had the flag jacket!!! i wanted to steal that too. gah bono and his jacket’s. they had other stuff from the tours in cases and crap. it was fantastic. we were so hyper cuz they kept playing the “history of u2” thing that was on the bonus dvd. OH and yeah, on the floor with the photos was the “it’s only rock and roll” theatre, where they show videos of whatever. there is a scrolling marquee to tell what’s showing in the theatre, and when i saw it, it said “making of joshua tree” so we’re still looking at the photos, we just wander in the theatre and it’s the end of zoo tv – macphisto singing “love is blindness” so i’m like AH ITS MACPHISTO and we run in. apparently they show different stuff all day long, and had shown the entire zoo tv concert. after that was going to be entire elevation show. could have stayed there all day hahahah.

we were there about 3 hours, went back to the car to get my camera to take lobby photos, and headed out. on the way home i decided to take a detour to chautaqua (that’s probably spelled wrong). chautaqua institute is this sort of camp, started in the 1800’s, that concentrated on arts and music. it’s not like… a summer camp thing, or a resort thing (like in dirty dancing)…it’s hard to explain, but you would go there to study your musical instrument, or vocal training, or art, and they’d have concerts and lectures and stuff. it’s actually pretty famous. it had gotten pretty run down as i remember it when i was a kid, when i was dragged there by my parents. but now it’s pretty damn cool to me, cuz as fishy said it seems sorta cult like. so we detoured off the highway and found it, sorta sweet talked the guy at the gate to let us drive around (your supposed to have a reason to go into the institute, even if its offseason). i wanted to go on a “pilgramage” to the “holy land”. the most bizzare aspect of the institute to me is their model of the holy land…palestine. as a kid i used to just walk around the area and step on all the cities, having no idea what it actually was. but it’s a mock version of the dead sea, and whatever other water way things are around it, with the major biblical cities placed along the “map”. so even tho it was raining, we found the holy land and walked around it a bit, drove around the institute inspecting the surreality of it, took some pictures, headed out and back to the thruway.

that led to the second unintended detour…getting on the expressway the wrong direction and heading back to the NY/PA line…it’s not possible for me to have a road trip without going the wrong way at least once. BUT it was fruitful because we got off at the last exit in NY, and stopped at the best hickass truck stop ever. it was glorious. exactly what a truckstop should look like. i took pictures. haha they also had a sign out in front advertising carol ho homemade soup…ho soup definitely picture worthy.

got back on the thruway the correct direction, headed home. driving was pretty awful cuz it was pouring most of the way, and the spray from the trucks was maddening. but we got home. had a fabulous time. it rocked major.

so tomorrow we’re journey-ing to the terminal, and the psych center, then to pick up my dry cleaning and do the falls/casino/canada thing. should be another great adventure. going to try to con our way into the terminal and psych center. hehe

U2 – not so best of 1990 – 2000 – subtitled: what were they thinking?
picked up the limited edition best of, b-sides, dvd at target (14.88 on sale). i’d been hearing how much they were screwing up with the remixes, but didn’t go listen to them for myself at u2.com. to begin with i was wondering why on earth they’d be remixing songs for a best of cd…when i bought the first best of, when i wasn’t a u2 fan, if i had gotten remixed songs i would have been very, very upset. remixes are for fans, not for casual listeners, but i digress…they remixed, gone, discotheque, and staring at the sun from Pop, and numb from Zooropa…as well as a sorta new version of mysterious ways…i fast forwarded through some of the songs i hadn’t heard were remixes, and went to the new versions.
1. “mysterious ways” – it’s normal, it’s achtung baby version, and suddenly you’re like WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT!?!? suddenly bono starts slurring and badly sings a high note. ok what?! why change an amazingly brilliant genius song, for 3 seconds, to make it retarded…specifically, it’s the “she sees the man inside the child” part. i don’t know what the hell he’s saying now, but it can’t possibly be that, and it sounds stupid. and if i was not a big u2 fan i’d hate it, and be really irritated it wasn’t the album version everyone knows and loves.
2. “gone” – this is one of their best songs ever. the live version is incredible. and that’s what i think they were trying to do with this one. they rerecorded the vocals, or dug a different vocal track out of the dust bin, and changed some of the music around it…it doesn’t work. it doesn’t touch the original or the live version. i was actually cringing when i had it on in the car. during the first chorus i was thinking, if they were trying to make it more like the live version they needed to add Edge’s background vocals…which they did in the 2nd chorus, but not nearly loud enough to be any good. and you can tell they used some of the vocal tracks from the original album version, and then some new ones. at least it seems that way to me. no doubt the end high notes are the old track, no way can bono hit that now. *sigh* then the cd goes onto “until the end of the world” which is one of their greatest songs ever as well… non remixed THANK GOD
3. “discotheque” – new beginning, not as hyper, more ethereal…it’s OK so far, since it’s a remix and not supposed to sound like the original…it’s totally devoid of its hyperactivity tho, which made the original so fun. ok the chorus, wtf. so not good. ok no this is not good at all. it’s so choppy now, no flow…no bono moans…no boomchas…without the boomchas, just them saying “discotheque” is really dumb for some reason. well that sucked.
4. “staring at the sun” – another of the greatest u2 songs ever…ok it just started and it’s like wtf is this crap. this sucks for no particular reason. it just sounds awful. it’s hurting my ears. an acoustic version would have been better. this is really not good. who approved this?
5. “numb” – so far not all that different. ok wtf is with the very out of place background “i feel numb”? i think it’s larry. it doesn’t need to be enhanced, leave it inaudible in the background please. bono’s falsetto is way cool, so it’s ok that it’s been brought up. but the other part. no…ok yeah nice bono falsetto. 🙂 if it wasn’t for the bad “i feel numb” part, this would be the best remix…but it really ruins it for me.

and the new songs
1. electrical storm – i like this song. alot. and the video. hehe. larry shirtless, can’t go wrong.
2. the hands that built america – cheesy…it’s ok, it’s strange, bono sings opera. definitely soundtrack material (it’s from a new movie “the gangs of new york”)

thank god for no remixes of “hold me thrill me kiss me kill me” and “until the end of the world” or i’d really have to bitch. and i still do not get why “the first time” is on this cd…if you wanted another song from zooropa.. hello?!?! “lemon”!!! or even “daddy’s gonna pay for your crashed car”…but “the first time”??? stupid.

i think they felt it was safe to remix all these songs from Pop since it was their “failure” album…hardly. i don’t care if they say it was unfinished etc…the first half sounds very good and very finished, it’s the 2nd half that needs help. and all the songs on the best of are from the first half. and just because casual fans won’t know the Pop songs, doesn’t mean they needed to be remixed into crap, cuz that’s not gonna make casual fans go out and discover Pop for themselves…and i guess the “numb” remix…no one really knew that song either.

you know what. i don’t like this cd at all. the first best of was so good…and this one, i don’t get it. i dunno why. i just think it’s really bad. it was probably hard to pick out tracks to include, since you have to include songs from “achtung baby” which might as well be a best of in its own right…to me, this cd is not representative of the best of u2…especially with all the fucking remixes. WHAT WERE THEY THINKING omg it’s pissing me off so much lol. if the songs were left non remixed, this would be much better, but i’m already thinking of how i’m going to have to fast forward half this cd…if i even bother to listen to it.

ok bsides. actually they’re mostly remixes…i hate remixes. lol. i never listen to the best of 80-90 bsides disc. i’m a bad fan. oh man i can’t take this. the “dirty day” remix is pretty cool. er well most of it is. “north and south of the river” never heard this song before…eh sorta boring. i hate dance remixes. haha this song is called “salome” and it sounds like bono is saying salami. shake it, shake it, shake it salami hahah. the “numb” remix on the bsides disc is bizarre haha… it’s all hip hop-ified.

well the bonus little dvd thing redeemed the rest. it’s so funny.

one hour photo – thumbs up. it was pretty good. robin williams plays such a good creepy psycho guy lol. it was interesting, and the very end was somewhat unexpected, and made it even better. turns out it was written and directed by mark romanek – the famous video guy (including nin’s “closer” which he refused to put his name on cuz it had to be edited so much to be aired on MTV and he thought editing it was wrong, mj and jj’s “scream”, madonna’s “bedtime stories”…) i kept noticing some interesting shots and camera stuff, and it all made sense when i saw it was by him. one thing i don’t get, like why it was there, and it was one of robin’s dream sequences towards the end. very mark romanek, but i don’t understand the symbolism behind it. but that’s ok lol. went to dennys after and to the island for a while. i decided taking the north bridge is way shorter than taking the south bridge to get to nate’s house. so that’s my new route.

tomorrow i have nothing to do. i think it’s supposed to rain and storm all day or something. it’s really windy out now. i need to dye my hair again, cuz my 1 grey hair is super noticable LOL. so i might do that…dunno what else. it’s band night at work, so might head there to chill for a while since nate will be there, and i figure it’s something for me, or me and adr to do. but we’ll see.

 

bought hair dye, bought hairspray, put batteries in camera…my day had been productive 😛

heard the new 3 doors down song with adr the other day. does. not. sound. like. brad. at. all. but we both recognized the song from them doing it live in the 4029495 shows that we saw lol. it’s decent.

it’s really friggen hot again. and what happened to the storms? it rained at 7 this morning (woke me up, thanks). now it’s super sunny and hotter than hell.

bono’s on oprah today. is it still on at 4pm?

 

i think i’ve neglected to mention how much i love bono. i. love. bono. he is brilliant. obviously, i watched oprah. it was fantastic. love him. the mtv special about bono and chris tucker’s trip to africa is on oct 9th apparently. seeing what was on oprah and stuff, about africa, and the problems there and stuff, i really admire nate for going over there to try to help. i wish i could leave my comfort zone and do something like that, but i know i wouldn’t survive it.

🙂

something that annoys me. i hate watching shows and how for the last 15 minutes, they do like a 1 minute segment, and then 5 minutes of commercials, back for another minute, more commercials. it’s pointless. i mean, i know the point, but it’s dumb and annoying. and oprah should get her facts straight about certain things…like that bono and ali did not JUST have their 4th kid, it’s way over a year old now…

it’s so friggen hot. we’re going to wendy’s for dinner hehe

went out with nate. started off at wild wings for the big beer, then duffs for some food, then to jt wheatfields. there could not have been any alcohol in my drink there…cran vodka with no vodka 😛 even tho i didn’t see anyone from my high school class, there were NT kids there. wait no i lie, i did see people from my class, just no one i really knew. mr martin, my 6th and 11th grade art teacher was there. which is just…weird. didn’t talk to anyone. yeah…

not going urban exploring tomorrow/today, going a different day. dunno when tho. i might go take pictures somewhere else. i’ve been meaning to take pictures of the grafitti that is at the end of the lasalle expressway, but never bring my camera to work. i need to finish my roll of film, it’s got the horrid wax statues from the falls on it lol. wait til u see them lol.

 

there is something slightly unsettling and slightly comforting at the same time, to turn the radio on (103.3), just as they were beginning their sept 11th moment of silence at 8:44, and have it followed by u2’s “one”…

damn garbage men at 7, damn mom being noisy as she left at 7:30 and damn recycling truck at 8, damn whatever truck is outside now playing howard stern.

something strange about today being such a beautiful day again, just like last year.

 

i breifly caught the beginning of this news article and i have to post it. because i think the forced poetry of it is absurd: “Silence fell on ground zero Wednesday morning, precisely a year from the moment when a terrorist-guided jetliner sliced through a crystal blue sky and murdered multitudes.”

i woke up today and decided to be industrious and get alot accomplished today. i did a load of laundry since the only pair of pants i wear were dirty from running through the rain last night. i was going to wash my car but it keeps looking like rain so i might wait til tomorrow. i was going to send resumes to job placement companies. i need to use the film in my camera. and now it’s 11 and i’ve lost all motivation to do any of it.

i think i’m going to fuck with my webhost, and switch accounts to the better cheaper plan if i can. so if things go wrong and sites don’t work, that’d be why. but knowing me, i won’t do it today, so no worries.

 

ok i tried my hardest not to make a big deal out of today’s date, but my friend carrie (u2 carrie not high school carrie) sent this to me, and it’s really great so i have to post it. it’s a u2 thing…

From @U2.com…

IN THE NAME OF LOVE: 9-11-01

DATELINE: New York City. Tuesday. 8:45 AM EST
FORECAST: Sunny and mild. 76 degrees. A clear and
cloudless morning.

It was a beautiful day…

the street sounds like a symphony…

in the towers of steel
belief goes on and on …

baby’s got blue skies up ahead …

in the locust wind, comes a rattle and hum …

across the field, you see the sky ripped open …

shards of glass, splinters like rain …

see the face of fear, running scared in the
valley below
bullet the blue sky, bullet the blue …

see the flames, higher and higher …

as the orange sky was screaming …

voices on the cellphone
voices from home
voices of the hard sell
voices down a stairwell
in New York

don’t think, don’t worry
everything’s just fine
just fine, just fine …

In a little while
I’ll be home, love …

can’t see for the smoke …

don’t whisper
don’t talk
don’t run if you can walk …

don’t connect
protect…

it takes a second to say goodbye
say goodbye

such a nice day,
to throw your life away …

this bomb-blast lightning waltz
no spoken words, just a scream…

is there a time to run for cover?

September
streets capsizing
spilling over and down the drain

like a star exploding in the night
falling to the city in broad daylight …

the dust, a smoke screen all around…

don’t hope for too much
don’t breathe…

I can’t believe the news today.
I can’t close my eyes and make it go away.

bodies strewn across a dead end street…

I see the dust cloud disappear without a trace…

the sun so bright it leaves no shadows
only scars carved into stone on the face of earth

sad eyes, crooked crosses
in God’s country…

the crowd is gathered, in black and white
arms entwined, the chosen few
the newspapers say it’s true

and mothers, children, brothers, sisters torn
apart…

it was a dirty day
a dirty day.

in cracked streets, trampled underfoot
sidestep, sidewalk
I see you stare into the space…

you stumble out of a hole in the ground…

three o’clock in the morning
it’s quiet and there’s no one around
just the bang and the clatter…

there’s an old church bell
it’s no longer ringing…

the high street never looked so low…

intransigence is all around… military is still
in town

they’re reading names out over the radio
all the folks the rest of us won’t get to know

different names you’re finding hard to spell

night hangs like a prisoner
stretched over black and blue

and today the millions cry

through the rain we see their tears…

see their tears in the rainfall

we’re wounded by fear, injured in doubt

don’t travel by train…
don’t eat …
don’t spill …

don’t fill out any forms
don’t compensate…
don’t cower, don’t crawl…

don’t take it on board…
don’t fall on your sword…

and I can see those fighter planes
I can see those fighter planes.

lookin’ for to save my soul
lookin’ in the places where no flowers grow
lookin’ for to fill that God shaped hole…

lookin’ for the father of my two little girls…

I won’t rest until you’re found.

and this battle’s just begun,
there’s many lost, but tell me who has won?

Jesus, Jesus help me
I’m alone in this world
and a fucked up world it is too

this desparation.
dislocation.
separation.
condemnation.

I try to stand up but I can’t find my feet.

don’t know if I can hold on
don’t know if I’m that strong
don’t know if I can wait that long…

who heals the wounds,
who heals the scars?

and if God will send his angels
would everything be alright?

when you look at the world, what it is that you
see?

is it getting better? or do you feel the same?
will it make it easier on you
now you got someone to blame?

then will there be no time of sorrow?
then will there be no time for shame?

is there a time for keeping your distance?
a time to turn your eyes away?
is there a time for keeping your head down?
for getting on with your day?

and though I can’t say why
I know I’ve got to believe…

and I know it aches
how your heart, it breaks
you can only take so much …

rejoice

though torn in two, we can be one…

because grace makes goodness
out of ugly things.

what you don’t have you don’t need it now
what you don’t know you can feel somehow

this is the moment that we share for always
(always)
turn each song into a prayer (always)
now and forever, for always.

in the stillness of the evening
when the sun has had its day
I heard your voice whispering,
come away, come away

in New York.
New York, New York.

I don’t want to see you cry
I know that this is not goodbye.

I will be with you again.

 

i keep getting the weirdest memory flashbacks today. and they aren’t like the ones i’ve been having about my childhood. earlier i got a flash back to sitting in a restaurant in vegas after i ate the raw pizza at the golden nugget. then i just had one about new orleans…so quick that i don’t know what the flash back was about, just that it was new orleans.

so i ended up not being productive. of course it is only 4:30 so i have tons of time, i can still do the resume thing tonight. but i hate doing stuff after i’d normally be “out of school”…lol. and i hate doing things when my parents are home, or at least my dad, cuz then they ask me what i’m doing. lol.

i did go try to waste film, took a whole 3 pictures, and they’re lame. one is in love canal, which isn’t as fun anymore now that most of the abandoned houses have been torn down (like the mushroom house)…one was the grafitti on lasalle expressway, but i almost got murdered. i pulled over on the side of the highway and walked under the underpass. there were 3 hoodlums on the pedestrian overpass asking me what was wrong with my car, but i couldn’t hear them. so they screamed WHATS WRONG WITH YOUR CAR. and so i turned around and was like IT’S OK! and then the girl yelled something about shooting me cuz she had a 9mm or something. lol. and i wasn’t even in the falls yet really. whatever. it was lame. then i took a picture of my odometer, cuz it was 11111 hahah. that one probably won’t turn out. so i guess now i can bring the camera to lunch on friday like carolyn asked, i still have 11 pictures left.

 

so in my non-productive day i burned a bunch of cds. copied some for carolyn, and burned almost all my mp3s as files onto cds. my drive is so empty now lol.

adrienne came over for a bit. we had to go buy auto parts for her car (a new antenna), then came back and chilled here before going to dennys. chatted, girl talk, etc. she said i’ve changed this summer. like, she can’t believe that she told me this one thing she did last week, and i was like why? she said she thought i’d freak out if she told me, cuz that’s the impression i gave, but now i’ve changed. lol. i know i’ve blogged about everything changing already, but apparently it’s me that’s changed lol. we were talking at dennys about current stuff, and i was saying how leah is so excited that i met a boy and stuff, how she’s never seen me smile like i am in the pictures etc…and adr was like, yeah you don’t see yourself haha. i don’t know what to think about it all. half of me is happy about all this, but there’s the part of me that almost wishes it wasn’t happening because of what is going to happen later on…but as i keep saying, i’m not thinking about that and i’m just going with things now and enjoying it all. yeah. and i’ve said this before, but i’m saying it again. it’s unbelievable how fast i pick up other people’s mannerisms if i’m with them long enough. i catch myself doing very nate-like things – even if no one else realizes it, i do. and it makes me laugh, cuz i’m like wtf am i doing, this isn’t me lol.

so my mom is still being funny. i got home 5 min ago, come up stairs and she goes “i hate to tell you this but….nate called while you were gone.” i’m like LOL ok is that like a tragedy, i wasn’t home for his call?!?! she makes me laff.

going to geneseo on saturday for the bbq – nate gets to get educated on good music 🙂

found a girl online who has gotten into the buffalo psych center. i’m soooooo jealous!! they found a way in one night, and gah i wanna do it! her pics are so cool. they took video footage too, she said there was some creepy ass stuff going on that they hope they got on film. mtv should tape a fear episode there…and of course, let me be on it 🙂

the different sides of geneseo…it’s saturday night, our neighbors have a party…what do we do? danielle and i watch a movie, bill and leah work on a puzzle. then we all congregate in the family room to play nintendo and/or do the puzzle til 2 am…LOL

i was gonna say something else but no clue anymore what it was…oh well.

 

THIS is what I forgot to say last night. we had a new discovery last night…someone (probably workers) stole from our townhouse over break. danielle and i realized we should have 2 pints of ben and jerry’s ice cream in the fridge. we mentioned it to leah and bill, asking them if they ate it, or if they had seen it in the freezer when they came back. they didn’t. then leah realized her ice cream was missing too. the workers went through our fridge and stole our ice cream. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they went through our rooms, they opened my window, and stole our ice cream!

i gotta find my u2 tape so i can get it ready for the superbowl…i guess we’re having a mini party…bill ordered pizzas with his meal plan and i guess danielle is gonna make taco dip or something. i think i gotta take her to the store.

 

i don’t like football. yet i still watched until the rams tied the score. by the last 2 minutes i figured i had wasted enough time watching it i might as well finish. and then they tied, and i was like NO WAY i’m not watching anymore of this. and the commercials sucked. there was only 1 good commercial…for budweiser…when the man slid on the satin sheets on the bed and out the window. that was great. bud has the best commercials. the rest were so boring.

but then… u2 halftime show!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!! that was GREAT! lol. that’s like the best halftime ever. and they did MLK which was like WOAH… NO ONE knows that song. so that was way rad. yay for u2!

wow it’s snowing out. it’s snowed alot…where have we been?!

 

 

old MTV video tapes

today is gonna be mj video day. lol.

i think mtv should bring back 12 angry viewers and let me be on it… and ooooh this is the super great Manson as President of the USA closing performance!!! this was great. god manson is so funny. i love how the audience is just …..staring. hahahah…. they’re all like, what…the fuck…is this. lol.

so janet jackson is presenting mark romanek with the video vanguard award for like best director….they’re doing a lil montage of his vids…every great vid, he’s done. LOL…he is really so good. and he made trent lick a microphone LOL.

what do you know… i have the NIN perfect drug video on tape too LOL….how lovely. trennnnnnt!!!
yeah now i’m on mtv awards 97…this must be a preshow thing. this video rocks, trent is so evil looking…ok more so than normal haha.and this song rocks too. hahah 3 days til nin dvd!!! is absynth (sp?) really bright green? haha my watching trent play piano fantasy still remains hehe.

oh this show is “and the nominees are…” hosted by hanson LOL. i think this 97 mtv awards was the one hosted by chris rock…and i think u2 might have been on it…maybe they were on 98…i have a mp3 of their performance tho. hah. lol a commercial to buy u2’s pop album at bestbuy – oh and they said “Buy mtv award performer u2’s pop”….yay.

and now is the preshow…tabitha soren, i hate her. she’s a bitch. premier of janet’s “got til it’s gone” video…ew interview with mariah after her divorce….when she turned into mega slut. lol spice girls. they’re so funny. even tho i hate kurt loder, sometimes his deadpan comments are just hysterical. like, scary spice said their movie is out on boxing day and he’s like “yeah boxing day is a big holday here too” HAHAHA talking to janet….shes fat in this interview…her arms are like huge.

ok on to the show….yup chris rock. spoofing the “beautiful people” haha WOO HOO this is the u2 one…hah. ok why did i tape this and save it? cuz no one i liked then or like now besides u2 is on it… hah. chris rock is so funny. hes got THE most weirdest deformed hands lol. ooooh this is the whole tribute to biggie “i’ll be missin you” award show…fast forward. whatever happened to prodigy? they rocked. jewel, blah, fast forward. prodigy is performing. i remember my mom was watching it and was like, what the hell he has snot coming out of his nose all over LOL. lol the white prodigy guy just struck a jay gordon pose…of course, before jay gordon was in orgy, but whatever lol. all raver music should be as cool as prodigy. woah i think black prodigy guy has nipple rings…woo hoo. wallflowers, boring….girls rapping, a big fast forward….fiona apple, best new artist, is this her big rambling speech? haha yeah the maya angelou speech hahaha. the “this world is bullshit” speech hahahahaha she’s such a nutcase. WOO HOO u2 finally….then i can stop watching this crap….oh shit this isn’t the mp3 i have. this is the really shitty performance of please that ali reminded bono about after sept 11th HAHAHAH. how great. ok well that wasn’t shitty…bono sounded good, the band sounded good. aside from being kinda uneventful…and then chris rock said bono looked like the unabomber in his black hoodie hahaha. too funny….

haha talking about dangerous tour, the actual tour and how big it was, and the guy is like, this is the biggest outdoor show ever…haha soon to be surpassed by zootv and then popmart haha. i can’t imagine building the dangerous stage, or zootv stage….any big stage, even the elevation tour. they have the behind the scenes thing on the u2 dvd, and it’s like wow..that stage was NOTHING and it was so huge. hahah all that work for 3 hrs of use…

i soooo don’t remember this….behind the scenes stuff for “give into me”….my fav mj song. lol. slash should tour with mj, he’s not doing anything anymore lol. forget jennifer batan, big haired guitar player….go for the other big haired guitar player named slash hehe. slash rocks.

now i’m watching this tape that contains the 2 versions of “they dont care about us”, 86 and 88 grammies, and 2 mtv rockumentaries about MJ…. so i’m on rockumentary #1 which is about dangerous so like 93 or so. and the commercials are on, and i am so amused!! lol there was one for the premier of Sea Quest on NBC, the movie the Real McCoy….one to buy Janet. at Kmart LOL….MTV commercial advertising new videos “this fall” from janet jackson, mj, u2, whitney houston, nirvana, pearl jam, guns and roses… LOL. mj should do a making the video episode…that’d rock. cuz this rockumentary has all kinds of behind the scenes stuff from remember the time vid shoot – stuff that isnt on “dangerous short films” video tape…there is this one dancer in the RTT video who looks like a man. i hate her. hah.
i need some retro mj clothing…i used to have a belt. long time ago, like when i was 4. i want a vintage mj shirt.

blah the commercials were cut out of this episode of rockumentary…boooring. lol.

i think music is really amazing. this show is showing billie jean from the opening night of the dangerous tour. they show the audience and every person is clapping along to the beat…i think that is amazing. not just mj, but any artist or band. to have the ability to control a crowd like that. to have the power to have people just…i dunno. follow like that. actors can’t do that, artists in the classical sense can’t do that….only musicians, cult leaders and religious figures can…hmm.

haha i forgot, this world music awards thing is when mj started laffing about pirates. LOL he gets another award, and he’s standing on stage with hootie and the blowfish, and this old man. and the old man starts talking about how his success and the success of all the other artists on the show is a result of their music not being stolen by pirates. and mj starts laffing LOL and then the guy keeps going about music piracy and stuff and mj is trying not to laff. LOL but the way the old guy said it, it deserved a laff, cuz he’s like, your music is getting stolen by pirates LOL

so on with my video tape watching….world music awards 1996. this was an mj thing LOL. it was an earth song performance, and i believe it was post controversial messiah complex brit awards performance. yep i’m sure of it, because this is the same performance and i remember waiting to see it to make my own conclusions about the whole messiah bit at the end. mj looks so beautiful, very feminine, but…like…beautiful. bad hair tho, half mullet. or not, but like…bad. layered, woman like. LOL. but his face moved, and he looked happy.
and i realized something while watching the earth song performance. something i really don’t like about invincible is it’s lack of emotion. HIStory might have gotten slammed in the media for being self-indulgent or what not, and criticized because it was all angry and stuff. well i admire the high level of emotion on HIStory…he was truely angry, and it came out in his music. and i realized that listening to invincible – it doesn’t move me. he’s singing totally devoid of any emotion. he’s going through the words, and stuff but i don’t think he really has any emotional involvement in any of these songs – with maybe the exception of speechless but i HATE that song and never listen to it. i dunno. but that’s why i don’t like invincible. i like emotional music, personal, not personal, just emotional…there was no emotion in his tribute concert performances, not like this earth song performance had…i dunno.

jordan knight and jon b have recorded a remake of the Hall and Oats song “Sara Smile”….do you know how much i HATE that song?
thinking about it, i haven’t had anyone sing at me in a while…ha

i’m having this conversation with cyndi about dumbo. i don’t really remember dumbo really, except for the pink elephants. which i thought were super scary. and i realized some of the movies i find the scariest, creepiest movies are kids movies. first off, most if not all disney movies are really scary. i’ve never been a huge fan of disney so let’s think
lion king – scar (is that his name) kills mufasa…scar is one scary mofo…
little mermaid – whatever that octopus woman’s name was who stole ariels voice – scary.
dumbo – pink elephants – scary…dumbo getting drunk, that whole part
pinnochio – the misfits (that is the right movie correct?)
aladdin – jafar (cyndi said this…i’ve seen the movie a billion times, but i barely remember him at all)
sleeping beauty and snow white – just really scary… lol
alice in wonderland – i love this movie, but it’s a giant drug trip and it’s scary
peter pan – i had to watch that a bunch of times recently, and yeah it’s scary. peter is evil looking, and captain hook is evil, and yeah it’s scary.
beauty and the beast – the beast, nuff said lol
song of the south – ok i dunno if this one was scary cuz i don’t remember, but it was totally racist LOL
bambi – don’t remember it, but his mother was shot so… yeah scary.
and perhaps the scariest children’s movie i’ve seen… “willy wonka”… OMG IT’S SO FUCKING SCARY! esp the part with Wonka chanting on the riverboat…jesus christ. i saw it last year maybe on tv, and had totally forgotten about that part… after i was like HOLY SHIT that was scary. i think i posted the chant on my blog before…must find it again.
THERE’S NO EARTHLY WAY OF KNOWING
WHICH DIRECTION WE ARE GOING
THERE’S NO KNOWING WHERE WE’RE ROWING
OR WHICH WAY THE RIVER’S FLOWING
IS IT RAINING
IS IT SNOWING
IS A HURRICANE A-BLOWING
BLEH!
NOT A SPECK OF LIGHT IS SHOWING
SO THE DANGER MUST BE GROWING
ARE THE FIRES OF HELL A GLOWING?
IS THE GRISLY REAPER MOWING?
YES! THE DANGER MUST BE GROWING
FOR THE ROWERS KEEP ON ROWING
AND THEY’RE CERTAINLY NOT SHOWING
ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!

there we go…it’s scary just reading it, but in his possessed chant…

and another scary kids movie… Wizard of Oz… christ. scary. and the black remake, The Wiz…mega scary.

i so know i’m not insane. there was this movie i saw as a kid. the only thing i remember about it was this book, and there was a green head that came out of it. it was this evil book thing. that’s all i know…. WHAT MOVIE IS THIS! SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!

MacFishto: The dark Crystal should have been banned…
Opal Tranquility: what was that?
MacFishto: that is the king of scarey
Opal Tranquility: i havent heard of that
MacFishto: OH good lord…it was this trippy muppet movie
Opal Tranquility: i remember some like, carebare movie, with some green head that came out of a book
Opal Tranquility: NO WAIT ITS THAT
MacFishto: from like 1980
Opal Tranquility: THE GREEN HEAD THING
Opal Tranquility: RIGHT?
MacFishto: um…
Opal Tranquility: lol or not
MacFishto: green headed thing?
Opal Tranquility: hahah nm
Opal Tranquility: no one ever knows what i’m talkign about, and i certainly dont
Opal Tranquility: i just know i saw some movie as a kid with this green head that came out of a book
MacFishto: no what are you talking about..can you remember anything lse about it
Opal Tranquility: nope
Opal Tranquility: except it may have been care bears
Opal Tranquility: lol

I FOUND IT! I WASN’T IMAGINING THINGS AND IT REALLY WAS A CAREBEAR MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT IS IT!!!!!! AND IT WAS AN ORANGE HEAD NOT A GREEN ONE! BUT THAT WAS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM NOT INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!


this, is a spectacular idea
blah blah blah u2 playing first arena show in the US in worcester mass. “When security came charging after one girl, Bono motioned them away, wrapped his arms around her, and waltzed with her around the lip of the stage. Then he continued singing while she slumped down and hung onto his leg. Eventually Bono came in from his emoting long enough to realize that she wasn’t just hugging him. She had chained herself to his ankle. And she did not have a key. The concert had to continue with Bono attached to the fan until the roadies could get a saw and chop her off.”

BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!

more funnies from the u2 book: the scene – u2 are invading england on a greenpeace boat because they were forbidden to go near this nuclear waste site on land.
“One woman present suggests to Bono that there’s an empty cabin available if he’d like to go lie down for a while. Thanks, Bono says, that would be great. She leads Bono in and stands there staring at him as he lies down on the cot. Bono is exhausted; he tries to ignore her. Then she says, “Aren’t you going to take off your pants?”
Er, Bono says, no, that’s ok. I’m fine. Thank you. Then she climbs onto the cot next to him. Gently but firmly Bono explains that the young woman upstairs with the brown hair is his wife. Ahhh. And maybe she’d like to take a nap with me, hmmm? That’s right, ok, thank you. The woman goes off to fetch Ali and Bono lies back, relieved. A couple of minutes later the door opens again, Ali comes in and lies down next to her husband. It is the first time the two of them have been alone together in ages, what with Bono on the road, and the weary couple try to make the best of this odd circumstance. As they begin to cuddle, though, Ali lets out a yelp. Their hostess is back and has climbed into bed with them. Well, Bono says, jumping up, let’s see what’s going on on deck.”
“Paul McGuinness watches them through binoculars. Then the manager turns his attention to a special project for the boys. Paul has with him the cover of the Beatles’ album Help with its photograph of the Fab Four waving navy signal flags. Paul has eight red flags and a booklet of instructions on how to spell out letters. He summons U2 to the top deck and lines them up and they begin learning to spell out first “H-E-L-P” and then “F-O-A-D” – a favourite expression of Larry’s that abbreviates “fuck off and die.”
Great rock band though they are, choreography has never been U2’s strong suit. They spend a lot of time getting their signals backward (they are following McGuinness, who is facing them, which gets confusing) and hitting eachother with flags. During the difficult “switch” from “H-E-L-P” to “F-O-A-D”, Adam pokes Bono in the eye. Eventually the entire exercise degenerates into a sword fight with semaphores.”

hahahah….after the greenpeace stuff….
“When the bus trip resumes, Bono and I head to the backseat. As we approach Manchester I say, “Well, of course, Bono, everybody must be asking you about all the references to oral sex in your new songs…”
“WHAT?” Bono sputters. “Bill, you’ve turned to the wrong page in your notebook, you’re asking me Prince questions!”
Listen, I say, to these lines from recent u2 songs: “surrounding me, going down on me,” “You can swallow or you can spit,” “here she comes, six and nine again,” “did i leave a bad taste in your mouth,”…
“Ahh.” Bono mumbles something about sixty-nine being one of the most equal sexual positions and then strongly suggests we get onto another subject.”

 

oh and the praise keeps coming in about the MPS site that was debuted yesterday – which i think is funny cuz there are some parts i’m not happy with, and i’d like to be different/better. but everyone that is involved in the MPS and the interference msgboard loves it, they think it’s amazing LOL. and yes, there is ALOT to it, and stuff, and i am proud of it cuz it is really complicated…i still think it could be better. but ah well. it’s done…..which is funny too, cuz i’ve still been working on it all day since i got home from work…stupid stories that have to be rewritten chapter by chapter for the site. hahah

 

if i had a band i’d cover billy idol’s “eyes without a face” lol. or rebel yell…some billy idol song.

i realized that sitting at my desk makes me feel like i’m dying. so i’m gonna try not to spend so much time at it anymore. of course, that’s not gonna happen. but my posture makes my tendonitis in my shoulder hurt, and that makes my whole chest hurt and i feel like i’m having a heart attack, and then my head feels weird – not a headache, but like there’s no circulation in it. and yeah. it makes me feel like shit to sit here. too bad like, my whole life revolves around my sites, and my friends that are online that i need to talk to…oh well.

i was talking to this woman at work today. she’s always been…out there. she’s not all there in the head, someone said she was an alcoholic and has this weird alcohol brain diesease… i forget what they called it. i don’t even know if it’s a real thing, but it made sense. but i think she’s schizophrenic. she started talking to me today about all kinds of persecutory things that happen to her.. her mail being tampered with, her car being tampered with, things being stolen from her, people using her phone to call Miss Cleo (lol), her daughters computer disks being erased, things that she’s personally taken to doctors – like referrals – being misplaced or tampered with… really paranoid kinds of things. and she talks to herself, and sometimes you’ll talk to her and she just WILL NOT hear you. it’s strange…and it’s really weird, cuz she was in the army, and she was a nurse – yet she’s working at mcdonalds, lives in the projects, is on welfare and gets food stamps. so something is not right. she should be able to get a nursing job, or something medical related. she seems really bright, when she’s being “normal” and not spaced out. she knows alot of stuff, and i can have conversations with her and she knows what i’m talking about….and rose, who is schizophrenic, she works at tops because she couldn’t hold down a job…she’s poor but not on welfare…lots of personal problems. alot like this woman at work…weird.

so i might have decided on a new career goal – advertising. and the web design thing… but i might go back to school for advertising or something. dunno.

 

i just got email from MJIFC – the michael jackson internet fan club…they’re shutting down. after 7 years. it’s kinda funny, and kinda not. i joined in early 96 i think, and i LOVED it. i finally felt like i could talk about stuff going on with me and being an MJ fan after 6 months of feeling really isolated in regards to it. i met so many great people through it (carolyn, amanda, sandy, emily, cyndi etc…others who i met later in #mjfans). but then it sorta exploded, and the old founders left, and it just got really shitty. it changed formats to digest only from seperate emails…and then there was the whole thing where they bounced a post i sent because it was too large – when it was actually a good post, and not some stupid 1 line piece of shit from some newbie…after that i unsubscribed, and went to news only so i could get info updates. it was a great thing back in the day, and it got out of hand. and now they’re shutting it down. end of an era… sorta goes hand in hand with where i am in regards to MJ now. interesting…i dunno what else to say about it. just felt like mentioning it.

 

 

finishing the popmart show….bono wore 4 different outfits. first was tight black pants, muscle shirt with black hoodie over it…then changed shirts to the Bono Man shirt…then changed shirts again to a red shirt with black sides….then for encore changed to black shirt, black hoodie, and bubble pants. added the bubble jacket for the 2nd encore…on the elevation tour he wore the same thing every night, for the entire night lol. popmart was an amazing achievement i think…just all the…grandeur…i mean it was absolutely HUGE. so it is quite mindblowing. i dont like how it was filmed. i understand why it was filmed this way, but…don’t like it. i prefer zootv. i forgot about all the INXS stuff in this popmart show…adding “never tear us apart” to….uh, some song, i forget which now.. “all i want is you” i think…dedicating “one” to michael hutchence…i dreamed about the song “one” last night cuz i was reading about the video shoot in the u2 book. but in my dream the song made so much sense LOL…i mean like, i had this revelation about it in my dream and was like aaahhh thats what the song is about. at the moment it’s sorta making me think of hedwig. woah bono’s voice just totally broke down during one… i wonder why. sounded like he was crying, but i don’t think he is.

eric brought this up…uh… i guess when we were watching the elevation dvd…but why do people always scroll credits over the last song…do we NOT want to see the last song? it makes no sense…currently scrolling credits over “wake up dead man”…uh..yeah i’d like to see this song, bitches. is it really THAT important to make us watch the credits?! cuz i REALLY don’t care about who had anything to do with the filming of this…if i did, and wanted to see the credits, then i would watch them scroll over a black screen…annoying.

ok so popmart is over…it was different, it was huge, i enjoyed it, but not as much as zootv as far as big productions go. will have to watch it again when i get time.

 

 

its kinda funny how much the internet pervades my life. cuz i had all these weird dreams last night, and then i had dreams about blogging them. LOL