the meathead perspective is this kinda… nin parody…making fun of them… humor…uh…thing. yeah. anyway, there is a new one that is reviewing the dvd,cd and still….and it’s super funny, so i have to type it out for everyone’s enjoyment, because i know any of you really give a shit
“Honestly, it’s hard to make fun of this cd, because the fact of the matter is, it’s really fucking good. I don’t mean good as in “this is a good cheesburger” either. More like, “this is the best goddamn cheeseburger I’ve ever fucking eaten in my entire motherfucking life, and whoever made this cheeseburger should get a motherfucking Nobel Prize.” Except this CD is better than a cheeseburger……..*blahblahblah*……At the risk of sounding like a kiss-ass, I’d just like to say OMG TRENT IS A GOD!!!!!!!!!!!! NIN R0X0R5!!!!!!!!!!!! This is one of the first CDs that I’ve listened to in quite a while that has no skippable tracks. Every song on this album is worth listening to repeatedly for a ridiculous length of time. Buy this fucking CD, jerk!”



i’m sorry i’m sorry i’m sorry, i can’t help it. i love trent.


i must admit, i’ve been feeling very vindicitive lately…in particular to just one person. i’m just really tired of this person’s bullshit. i haven’t even had to experience any of it in a while, but…yeah. i dunno. but i realized…i made a comment this summer i think, about how i can tell what someone is like, or what state of mind they’re in by their AIM profile/away messages….and i just realized that this person’s profile is the most accurate profile i’ve ever seen of anyone i know…it makes me laugh how true it is…


this is a paraphrase of something carolyn told me, which she paraphrased from someone who told her….

if you don’t like my obsessions then dont read my blog



i’m tired. can’t shower cuz my mom is doing laundry, so i’m just gonna have to be scummy. i’m starving to death. work was boring. i got to tell Pam that her accident was karma for hitting me…yeah so it was good. and as much as i want to, i’m not going to talk about trent.


fyi…i want “leaving hope” played at my funeral…


it’s ok that i’m posting this. cuz I’m not talking about trent… he’s talking about himself…

“Some of it is the band playing live in rehearsals,” Reznor said. “Some of it is alternate ways to present some songs. Some of it is stripped-down versions we did for radio shows. And some of it is instrumental bits that I thought tied everything together to make a nice soundtrack for a rainy Sunday afternoon. That’s what I was going for. And the point of including it with the live CD was to kind of show the dichotomy of what we can be. There’s a live, kind of smashing performance and then there’s another side of us that’s a bit more gentle, a little reflective.”

one of trent’s fav internet sites is ROFLMAO…which reminds me, eric, how u doing on there??

so i had a very weird day. someone called us at 6 am or so.. woke me up, of course. then my parents got up, and my dad didn’t go to work cuz he had an interview today. so this was around 7:30 or 8 that i hear them talking. then my mom is walking around upstairs and her sneakers are SQUEAKING so loud it woke me up… so i’m sorta half sleeping, just wanting to go back to sleep before i had to get up. then someone calls, and my mom comes in my room with her squeaky shoes. my manager at work got into a car accident and they wanted me to come in early. so i asked who it was, and my mom said Carol (there is no Carol)…so i’m like whatever. So I go in, and turns out, it was Pam who got into the accident. She smashed directly into a light pole in the plaza parkinglot at 5 this morning (the lot is empty)….she is ok, went to the hospital cuz she was sore and everything…whiplash. she must have hit it REALLY hard, cuz her van is completely smashed.

so…weird thing about that is.. Pam slapped me on monday. So i was telling this girl i know about it, who sent out bad vibes to Pam…and then she gets in an accident. talk about karma.

and then, i was completely not myself today. i felt so weird. and then i was having flashes that i was other people…LOL i know, i’m insane… it’s called a dissociative disorder LOL. but it was the strangest thing. i’d move a certain way, and i’d totally think i was someone else. yeah, not gonna talk about it anymore, or who it involved…so now i’m off to the psych ward haha


i was going to try real hard today not to go on and on about trent reznor and how amazed i still continue to be by the new stuff….but i can’t help it, ok, so deal with it…
from chicago tribune interview with trent:
“You get off track of your priorities. You can say it won’t happen to you, but it has happened to me. To the point where I have had to stop the train and say why am I doing this? The last album doing not as well has given me the courage and humbleness to make better music in the future, to put less attention on catering to an audience that is preventing me from making the truest art I can. You have to do it for yourself, yourself only. I have to keep that in mind. I am keeping that in mind.”

I hope to god that he doesn’t really feel that way…and that he doesn’t think The Fragile was not good music. because is one of the best albums i’ve ever heard.


am i weird that i could fall asleep to NIN?…. i’ve fallen to sleep to Prodigy and Metallica among others…


1. best moment from the dvd, like most artistic, or whatever (not my fav teenie bopper moments or anything like that lol)….during closer, the middle part of the song, the tv screen is black til the orange screens flash, and after the first flash of orange and then black, the screens flash on and it’s trent’s shadow on the orange. super great
2. i really don’t know the words to “suck”
3. the hidden “reptile” performance has got to be the best live version of the song i’ve heard…after the beginning part Charlie just wanders away, walks around, comes back…and it must have been done pretty early on into the show, cuz trent still has black lipstick smeared on half his face. god i love this song.
4. at some point eric and i had this discussion about what instrument danny lohner plays. and i dont even remember what differing sides of this point we were on, but i THINK i was saying he played bass, and guitar, and eric said he played guitar. well i’m so right, cuz i knew the tour guide said he played bass, guitar, keyboards vocals…so eric immed me yesterday saying that danny plays guitar during the wretched on the dvd…yeah, cuz i SAID he played guitar. but i also SAID he played bass. so now that i’m watching the dvd again i paid more attention….you can distinctly tell when danny is playing bass, versus guitar. cuz he stands and acts differently. and i realized that trent plays bass on at least 2 of the instrumentals…i think the mark has been made and complication. for sure complication cuz it was just on. hah. and i know trent played bass when manson came out in NYC to do beautiful people…so there. i’m still right.


this cd makes me so inspired (geee guess which cd)…makes me want to play piano again (if i had any sheet music and if i could remember how to read bass clef…i could figure it out real quick if i really wanted to)…makes me want to write again…i’ve been writing a bit, i’ve been doing some stuff for the MPS, but i have so little control of what’s going on, it’s not enough for me…and this cd makes me wanna go back to a storyline i had been writing before – before it went all haywire. maybe i should go back and read it.


it’s always been kind of interesting to look for the melodic patterns in NIN albums…like, the downward spiral has that one piano melody that goes through the entire album…and the fragile has the into the void melody in various songs…well the instrumental part of “the fragile” (song) before the end climax is the same melody as “the frail” i’ve just noticed.

NIN “And All That Could Have Been” DVD release

I posted 26 times the day the DVD came out. Here you go.


woo hoo dvd!!!!! went out at like 10:30 to get all my stuff. well barnes and nobles didn’t have the dvd…they said they didn’t get the shipment of all their new releases and they’d probably get it tonight, but if i wanted it to go to best buy LOL so i did. but that means i had to spend my own cash on it, and i STILL HAVE THOSE STUPID GIFT CERTIFICATES!!!!!! since i bought the cd yesterday at record theatre…ARG. but i got it at best buy, ended up getting the dts version… like it matters. i just grabbed one LOL. and i got my u2 cd at target. yeah the songs sound so different not on mp3s on my shitty comp speakers. haha. the one song “always” is like, a different version of beautiful day. the guitar and base part of the chorus is the same as beautiful day. it’s rad. anyway…. going to watch dvd now. i promise i wont blog til i watch at least all of the concert….all that hidden stuff is gonna piss me off LOL


ok i lie, i opened the dvd up, and there is this plastic bookmark thing in a pocket of the box (which is left handed also) it explains what the dvd was supposed to achieve and stuff….hehe


dts doesnt work on my tv apparently….cuz there was no sound playing lol. switched to dolby or whatever and yeah now i’m going deaf…i need a new tv…everytime there is like a big guitar or drum sound, my tv goes staticy LOL….ok yeah its really annoying. its funny to watch this and see the insanity of it all, and then think about what an amazing crowd we had for the show in toronto.

wow…the wretched…definite highlight of the dvd so far….my tv stopped being so staticy…maybe it wasnt my tv, maybe it was the dvd….arg. “the mark has been made” ….why am i such a sucker for the instrumentals? i mean this song is so brilliant. and its so fucking great live…lovelovelovelove it. theres some nice shots during that song…robin fink is such a freak. how is he gonna fit in with guns n roses?? and love danny lohner…he’s so great. and trent is so great when he plays guitar…hah. hes so short, and its just so cute. hahah…it’s kinda funny cuz they recorded all the shows and combined them, to watch robin fink’s hair grow….from shaved, to short mohawk, to bald to bigger mohawk etc….hahah. and it’s funny how robin fink can go fall down and knock charlie clouser down, and everything still sounds good… like it was supposed to be that way LOL. wtf…hah…after “complication” u have to switch to disc 2 hhahahah….i guess this is a good time for a lunch break since i’m starving to death.


ive never been a huge fan of “suck” but this performance rocks… i’m biased. i want to hear “last” off broken instead of suck…but yeah, this rocks. i get to have my teenie bopper moment now…. omg trent is so hot during “closer” hahahahah….omg i totally take back what i said to adr last night about my ultimate trent fantasy LOL. the lighting and stuff during “closer” was so rad. i remember being so impressed by it at the show, and yeah, it rocks on here. LOL trent rubbing robin fink’s forehead….lol robin on the ground now. 3 keyboards and 1 guitar during this song…yay smashed keyboard!! trent is gonna get danny electrocuted if he keeps dumping water on him like that. hahh….wow they really did combine a bunch of performances. in the past 30 seconds of “head like a hole” trent has been playing 3 different guitars, and robin’s hair grew…no wonder it took so long to edit this freaking thing…what the hell is that little box thing that charlie plays..he like smacks it around and it makes sounds LOL…he uses it during some song on the first disc, and he’s using it now in “just like you imagined”…another great instrumental lol. OMG IM SORRY another teenie bopper moment…starfuckers, holy shit…hahah.


hurt is so amazing…they keep showing the audience in the front row, and everyone is like singing, eyes closed…this one kid is can see the power of that song in all the people there…wow.

i wanna work for nothing records. i wanna be rob sheridan…lucky bastard. runs a nin fan site and then gets hired to run and go on tour with them to record the tour and then make the dvd….and he’s cute too.

trent thanks daisy may….that’s his dog. all together now – awwwwwwww

wow that was so great. i need a new tv now, and surround sound so i can watch it again the way it was intended to be…

i get pissed at trent cuz he takes so goddamn long to do anything, but then it’s always worth the wait in the end. he doesn’t put out shit. and like i said before when i noticed the 3 diff guitars… if him and rob sheridan went through every taped performance to splice together elements from all different ones…wow yeah that’s mighty time consuming and i’d probably have a fit and trash it halfway through lol…and it looks so good too. except for the changes in hair, clothes and guitars u can’t tell that it wasn’t 1 show. and if you don’t pay attention u’d never know lol. so off to find the hidden shit now….


well i found something…. LOL…
disc 2, supplimental content…go left from main menu, then hit enter. then down to main menu, left again, up, enter…it’s one of the trailers for “the fragile” featuring la mer and into the void…let’s see if i can do this again…hah i rock.

the still photo gallery is HUGE… aww trent’s dog…aelkrsldf hot trent in the limo with manson in starfuckers…


hehe my fav moment of the whole dvd is “i’ll be there for you as long as it works for me” in starfuckers…*dies*


omgomg managed to find a performance of “reptile” my fav nin song… er one of them. HOLY SHIT this is so great…i so wish they had played this in our show… omg this song is so great live. awerayhsdflknasrlawe….to remind myself disc 2. title 5, chapter 3.

hfs this is so great. ahhhhhh…ooommmmmmg trent whipsering “please dont hurt me” hahaha


yay for the cheater way to find stuff….title 5 chapter 4….trailer for things falling apart….
chapter 2 and 5 are just blank black screens…nothing is playing…
chapter 6 the manson starfuckers NYC thing…and beautiful people…god it would have been INSANE to be there for this. its cool to see trent just jammin and not singing and stuff…this is so great.
chapter 7 is blank
chapter 8…red…the day the world went away….and like a feather falling over this red/orange background…pictures of nature…half of trents face…nature…trent…covering his face with his hand…orange again. nature again…a snake….trents eyes and top of his head…live shots of the song…back to orange room and feather…
chapter 9 is the fragile trailer i found without doing the cheating thing….
chapter 10 a different fragile trailer featuring “the way out is through” and then trent singing part of it…super short, but rad.ok back to disc 1
can’t get it to be non dts, but title 3 is the alternate angle views for gave up, la mer, the great below, and the mark has been made…which u can get to through the menu…so i guess there isn’t any hidden stuff on disc 1…

back to disc 2 to watch reptile again 🙂


it’s weird that the cd and dvd are both halo 17…i thought the dvd would be halo 18…cuz closure had a different halo number than the downward spiral…


mmm yeah so the dvd is fantastic. it would have been amazing to see it on the IMAX in toronto last week. you can always depend on trent for putting out a quality product does anyone have a suround sound setup in their house, with a dvd player, that will let me come over?!


right so i’ve been asking myself this question the whole time…the dvd was available in dts and dolby…and i bought the dts one, which wont play cuz i dont have dts…and i would think that it would still PLAY but just not sound all spiffified or whatever it’s supposed to be…well ok whatever. the dts version has the dolby option on it tho…. so why have 2 different dvds for sale if both options are on the dts version?….and now i’m reading this article with trent about making the dvd, and he’s like “So we had to make the decision to put just Dolby on one version of the DVD and just DTS on another version.”…..but dolby and dts are on the dts version?!?! and i’m so confused…hah


“A few months ago I started working on new music for Nine Inch Nails and a lot of it was coming out real fast, to the point where it worried me that it must not be that good. So I took a couple of months off. Now I’m going back and looking at things, and it’s exciting. I feel the weight has been lifted from me. So I’m hoping to get the next record out in the next 15 years.” – trent


new rolling stone magazine…
1. it’s amazing how much i DONT look at ads…i’m reading an article blurb in “random notes” and the page next to it is a big full page ad for the U2 cd at target lol.
2. and i thought this quote was super rad….”we don’t have patriotism in England like you do in America. That went out with the First World War – when it was proved to be a load of bollocks” – mick jagger
3. and this is just perfect…”When asked recently why she (britney spears) covered Joan Jett’s “i love rock and roll” on her new album, Britney replied, “because i love pat benetar!”” ROFLMAO


i need a looped mpeg of “i’ll be there for you as long as it works for me” part of the dvd…god…lol.


i could listen to the “still” disc on repeat for the rest of my life


just wanna say… i am so happy. my parents were in the bathroom, i guess my dad was shaving or something cuz he has an interview tomorrow. and so i walk out in the hall and my mom is yelling at him that he has to wear nice shoes, cuz that’s the first thing men look at in an interview. and it was just sorta funny. so i’m just standing there smiling. and my dad is like, why are you smiling. and i’m like… wow, i don’t really know, i just am. so my mom is still saying something about shoes, and again my dad is like, why are you smiling, and i’m like it’s just funny. so then went downstairs to have some nachos, and i put Frasier on. and niles is just sitting on screen, roz is talking to him, and i’m just smiling and niles said something and i laffed, and i’m like I LOVE HIM. my dad is like, just don’t try to be like him. LOL…and i kept laffing at the show cuz it was funny. and i’m like, yes i am so happy right now. my parents arent used to seeing me happy.


i read this review of and all that could have been from rolling stone when i got the issue a few weeks ago. just reread it cuz it appeared on yahoo… yeah, it’s a brilliant review. it totally captures some of the things that i thought about it, and why i love it so much.

“While for most musicians live albums are little more than concert souvenirs or holiday-season cash-ins, that’s not true of Nine Inch Nails. Trent Reznor has always seen his music as an endless work in progress. Releasing songs, EPs and albums in various versions, he has managed to turn his obsessive refusal to stop tinkering into a compelling aesthetic. What drives him is his inability after the “completion” of any project to see it in any terms other than how far it fell short of his expectations. So, And All That Could Have Been, NIN’s first live album, announces itself in its very title as a disappointment.

Of course, it’s not. Its sixteen songs offer a gripping document of NIN’s mind-blowing 2000 tour in support of The Fragile — a tour that this magazine rightly declared the best of that year………..

Needless to say, Reznor could hardly let it go at that. A limited-edition version of And All That Could Have Been, titled Still, includes an additional disc of songs (“The Fragile,” “The Day the World Went Away”) recorded “live in a deconstructed fashion,” including four new pieces. That disc is well worth seeking out. All the songs are quiet, lyrical and deeply unsettling — persuasive proof, if any is even needed at this point, of the musicality that underlies Reznor’s most ear-shattering work, and of his ability to disturb even at his moments of greatest beauty.

and as if my day couldn’t get any better (well i could physically feel better but…) U2 is performing at the Grammys!!! yaaaay…when is the show? oh feb 27th…when’s the superbowl?


“still” totally makes me want to start playing piano again…


have i mentioned that headphones are the greatest invention EVER!?!?!?!?!

NIN “And All That Could Have Been + Still” CD release

I posted 18 times this day. Ha. Here you go.


i had some strange ass dreams last night. now i wanna listen to deftones but that cd is at school.

pam slapped me at work today. slapped my arm… really fucking hard. she left a mark. everyone was like, WHAT THE FUCK, including me. she’s like, something about this green sticker that was on her. and i’m like jesus christ that fucking hurt. cuz it did. i wanted to cry, it really really fucking hurt. wreatha said something to her about being so rude. so then pam looked at my arm and saw her fucking hand print, and was like i’m sorry and kissed my arm. i’m like whatever. it fucking hurt.

…early morning april 4, shot rings out in a memphis sky, free at last they took your life they could not take your pride…



came home from work, sat around, took a shower…got off my lazy ass and left the house to get a money order for my ebay purchase. i go to the bank, atm machine cant give me any money…so that means i can’t get the money order cuz i don’t have enough cash. so i decided to go to record theatre to see if they had any nin promo posters/stickers/whatever for the dvd stuff coming out tomorrow. they have a rack in the front labled Imports. so i’m looking at it to see how much the tea party cd cost (18$)…then i look to the right, AND THERE IS THE FUCKING LIVE NIN DISC!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT DOESNT COME OUT TIL TOMORROW!!!!!!! AEOIURASLIFDJAWLERNA so i’m looking at it, and it’s just the single disc…so i’m like uh, i have a q. this is just the single one right? and then right in front of where i had turned around and was now standing was the double. i’m like WOO HOO CAN I BUY THIS?! and they’re like yeah. LOL then the guy is like, do you want the DVD too? and i’m like ARG NO I HAVE NO MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i had to charge the cd… yeah cuz it was fucking 30$ fucking expensive indie record store LOL. BUT IT DOESNT COME OUT TIL TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so i asked for promo stuff too but the guy said they had none (liar, there were the posters up on the windows :P)….so nooooowww i get to listen to lovely trent screaming his lovely songs out, woo hoo. this is so fucking great omg i’m dying.

so now i only have to get the dvd tomorrow, hopefully at barnes and nobels so i can use my gift certificates….and then the u2 cd at target….hopefully the bank machine will be able to give me money, cuz i’d rather not be charging all of this.

and yeah i bitched about how fucking ugly the live nin stuff packaging was. yeah it’s ugly. but the double disc it’s in one of those fold out things like the fragile, and then it’s inside a cloth box. so it’s cooler than the scans seemed. lol but it’s for lefties…the cd comes out the wrong side of the cloth box thing LOL

and omg…i’m not there yet, but…looking at the tracklisting for the “still” disc…. a “the fragile” reconstruction!!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG….if it’s trent playing piano i’m going to die…and i’ll die a fucking happy death. aeryasd;lfkawe;rausidfoiawh;ero;aiyehfo;iasuj;sealn and there is a “something i can never have” reconstruction……ahhhhhhhhhh

omG i’m so fucking excited…. i must stop myself from going back to buy the dvd right now. ahhhh


soooo dying over this cd…..”the great below” and “the mark has been made” sound different than the Toronto show, and the other live mp3s i have…. omfg i so love “the mark has been made” live… ahhh….


lol as if my stereo wasnt loud enough as it is, and my mom can probably hear it downstairs, but she has to come upstairs to do something when “closer” comes on… and while she likes this song, she’s only heard it on the radio with the edit… hahahahahah


omg head like a hole rocks so hard…aah….trent needs to tour!!!!!!!


“starfuckers inc” is on and i’m remembering how great it was at the show, when the whole crowd is just screaming “don’t you don’t you don’t you” ahhhh it’s so energizing ahhhhhhhhhhh need to be there, trent needs to tour. i need that feeling again ahhhhhhhhhhh. i think there is something really different about nin fans, and the whole crowd participation thing… like, that was a feeling unlike any other concert feeling i’ve had….i mean u2 hamilton, it felt so different, singing along with that crowd, compared to the nin toronto crowd….both were just amazing feelings, but different. ahhhhhhhh need concert!!!!!

and omg sometimes i forget how fucking amazing “hurt” is….


omgomgomgomgomgomgomg something i can never have IS TRENT PLAYING PIANO!!!!!!!!!! holyfuckingshit i’m going to cry. this is the greatest thing i’ve ever heard.  times 100


LOL OMG IM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW. something i can never have was on when my dad got home, now adrift and at peace is on, and he comes in my room…
dad: what is this?
me: nine inch nails
dad: *jumps surprised*
me: he is a classicaly trained pianist you know
dad: i just saw a picture of them in the paper, mouth wide open screaming mode
me: he was gonna be a concert pianist
dad: can’t hide your roots i guess
me: it’s good stuff
dad: yeah this stuff is nice





omg the reconstructed “the becoming”…it’s so great. it’s so weird. like, there is this AWESOME, like so totally wicked piano beginning….and then this weird vocal effect where trent sounds like he’s in a tunnel. and then after the “the me that you know….” part, there’s a louder piano part over the drums and other instruments playing it….wow. this is so great. ok yeah, the “still” cd is so worth the inflated price i paid ALONE….

i wonder what this all sounds like on a stereo that doesn’t sound like shit. yeah i need to go drive around for a while.

omg i wonder if the dvd is gonna have hidden footage of recording “still”…. ahhh that’d be so great. i wonder if my next post i can start it with something other than “omg” LOL


pretty sure that “the day the world went away” version on still is that acoustic in chicago version that’s floated around on mp3…and i didnt start this post with OMG since i’ve heard this before hahahah.


i need a nin fan with me right now so we can go driving around and just be completely blown away by the absolute brilliance of the still disc.


“and all that could have been” – the theme for this design….the song is…strange. it is so amazing. but it’s so weird. and i almost cried. cuz the way he sings the chorus, the “the pieces and promises and left behinds”…omg. it’s got elements of “the fragile” album stuff, and some of “the downward spiral”… like the guitar part is reminiscent of “the becoming” off tds…but it’s sorta got that airy/far away sound of some of the fragile tracks…i dunno. i can’t explain it. it sounds so weird, like it’s a bunch of different parts of songs thrown together, and it works so good. the whole first verse, can’t understand a word he’s saying. like, i first thought he was singing in reverse… or something, it sounds so weird. gonna have to listen and read the words. but omg…yeah it’s so great.


trent needs a whole album of instrumentals. yes he does. and he needs to tour.

i’m so spent now.


so i drove around for a while. drove down to the falls, and then back to barnes and nobles and the other record theatre. i thought maybe barnes and nobles would have it out tonight, like how they sold Chucky P’s new book 3 days before it was supposed to come out. but no luck. the lady said they’re gonna have it tomorrow, so that’s good, i can use my gift certificates. and aunt darleen will be there, and can get me a discount. yay. i went to target too to see if they happened to put out the U2 disc tonight, but no luck there either. i’m getting greedy now hehe.

but yeah, so listened to “still” twice in the car. it is so amazing. fav parts: the end of “something i can never have”, all of “the becoming” but in particular the rad piano parts, all of “the fragile” and all of “and all that could have been”….that song… is so amazing. i can’t get over it. THIS is what so called alternative music is supposed to be about. it’s supposed to be about experimenting and taking chances and creating art. not this creed crap, and these “nu-metal” aka no talent bands like drowning pool and disturbed….no talent fuckers who happened to get lucky with a catchy song. if grunting like a monkey is talent, then someone give me a record deal cuz i can do that.

alternative music, it’s supposed to have substance, it’s supposed to be emotional, the whole beginning of “alternative” was to provide something with substance to fight all the cock rock bands of the 80s like poison and bon jovi…that old guitar alternative, or “grunge” from the seattle scene in the early 90s had substance… pearl jam, nirvana, soundgarden…they had things to say, they got so big because they were speaking to this generation of kids who had no future. it meant something. this shit that’s out now, it’s so meaningless, just as disposable as nsync and britney spears. everyone rags on the pop music superstars for their lack of substance, but it’s no different then papa roach, and limp bizkit…god these bands that are big now, they piss me off so bad….

you’re supposed to feel something with alternative music…it’s not supposed to be disposable. you’re supposed to listen to it and feel the emotions that went into writing and recording it. i’m in the car listening to “something i can never have” and trent starts singing at the climax and you can tell he’s singing with so much emotion, it hits you right in the heart… you can’t help but listen to it and be moved…he pours his soul out in his songs. that’s how it’s supposed to be….

sometimes i think i’m too emotionally involved in my music. all i know is that trent has reaffirmed his place as the top god in Sara’s polytheism…




rolling stone is such a waste of a magazine. i was letting my subscription run out. got the new one today, which is all about 40 pages long. i’m like, this is such a waste of paper, cuz there is CRAP in it. my mom goes, then why do you keep resubscribing? and i’m like I’m NOT i’m waiting for it to expire…she’s like oh well i resubscribed for you for xmas LOL…i haven’t paid for it in years, she keeps resubscribing for me.

but anyway, there were 2 good parts to this magazine. the readers and critics poll where U2 wins just about everything….readers pics: artist of the year, best male performer (Bono…MJ came in 2nd??? lol), best band, best album, #2 and #3 best singles (beautiful day, walk on) #2 and #3 best video (elevation, beautiful day), best tour, best album cover, best rock artist, #2 best welcome comback (MJ was #1?!?!?), best online fan site…critics pics: #3 single (stuck in a moment), #2 artist of the year, best band, best male performer (bono), best tour….and there is this pic of the band i’ve never seen before but i can’t figure out when it’s from. cuz bono’s got short hair…so i originally thought it was a Pop era photo…but he’s got that rosary on that he got from the pope, and his hair isn’t AS short as Pop days…but i think it’s funny that either way, it’s an old photo.

then the other good part was the amazing 4 star review of the live NIN disc…. once again…as if i wasn’t excited enough for it. they gave the EP last year a bad review, so this is good! hehe.

and there was also a big ad for the NIN disc and U2’s rattle and hum on dvd LOL…it’s sad when some of the best parts of a mag are the ads…


as if i couldn’t wait enough for the nin dvd and live cd….then we get the lyrics of “and all that could have been”

trent you are a god

*breeze still carries the sound
maybe i’ll disappear
tracks will fade in the snow
you won’t find me here

ice is starting to form
ending what had begun
i am locked in my head
with what i’ve done
I know you tried to rescue me
didn’t let anyone get in
left with a trace of all that was
and all that could have been

take this
and run far away
far away from me
I am
the two of us
were never meant to be
all these
and promises and left behinds
if only I could see
in my
you meant everything
everything to me
gone fading everything
and all that could have been

take this
and run far away
far as you can see
I am
and happiness and peace of mind
were never meant for me
all these
and promises and left behinds
if only I could see
in my
you meant everything
everything to me*


i got a whole 15 hrs at work this week. i stayed an extra 2 today cuz christa got sick. she didn’t go home however. she sat in the office off the clock for 4 hrs. was afraid to call her dad or something. whatever. so there is this kid gary at work, he’s like 17. he reminds me alot of psycho…i think it’s his eyes, and facial structure. well christa comes up to me in the morning and is like Gary thinks your hot. she said “hot” with THE worst buffalo accent i’ve ever heard LOL. i’m like, whatever. christa is the same girl who told me fat black lesbian sherry wanted me all summer, and that sherry wanted to rape me basically (since i would SO not be willing lol). lol. sherry doesn’t work at our store anymore, i wonder what happened to her. NOT LIKE I CARE! lol just curious.

so after i got home and cleaned up i went to the post office. and this guy held the door for me, whatever. so i’m in line behind him and he goes, nice weather we have today. and i’m like, yeah, it’s sunny. then silence. then he goes, I’m brian. LOL holds out his hand. so i’m like, sara. he’s like nice meeting you. i’m like yeah. so i’m standing there trying to look other directions in hopes he won’t talk to me anymore. he’s like, i noticed you walking up to the building. i’m like, oh. he’s like, yah with your shades on, they’re cool. LOL i’m like, yeah, they’re all scratched i need new ones. i thought i lost these but i found them. he’s like, yeah i wear regular glasses and i lose them all the time and they’re more expensive. and i’m like yeah, these were 10 bucks. so then silence again. and he’s like, nice talking to you. LOL. so he went to do his post office stuff, and went to leave. he held the door for some woman, and then came back in the post office while i was doing my thing. so i’m like wtf he better not be waiting for me or something LOL. so he was looking at something, and i booked out of there as fast as i could. scary.

then i went to budway’s to buy cake mix. i haven’t been in budways in YEARS. it’s so trashy LOL. and then i saw psycho’s mom there. LOL. she’s like *smile* hi sara… i’m like hi, how are you…i didn’t know what else to say to her, not like she liked me when i was with psycho….even if i was the best thing he could ever get. and i’m not being vain and egotistical there, not my fault it’s true.

i love trent reznor. the world needs more trent reznors. just watched this 6 part interview with him, talking about sept11th, and his current life, and music etc….and he is just brilliant. god. he is just so great. LOL. i have no words to talk about him. i’d die just for the chance to sit down and talk to him…..the guy interviewing him looked like that gay home interior guy who has a show on HGtv… LOL. the guy was gay too, but it’s not the same guy…brother maybe, they looked so alike lol. and trent has femmiest mannerisms when it comes to his hair. like, he could be talking and using his hands to demonstrate a point, and he screams heterosexual, but then when it comes to touching his hair, to move it out of his face or what not…. FEMMY!!!! totally femmy. it’s so funny. and his lips….omg. *dies* trent sorta has dimples…did you know that? no cuz he never smiles LOL. but sometimes he was talking and you could clearly see dimples… it bad that when he talks i stare at his lips? hahahah

i cant WAIT to go to new orleans lol.

Trent Reznor

My first Trent dream: A little background is needed, because there is a small reason for having this dream. I have a friend who is very into drugs. She is a heroin addict, was recovered at the time (in her opinion anyway). I had gone home from college for the weekend, and gone to her house because we were going to do something, or go out somewhere. We were deciding what to do, and another friend called, inviting her to go do ecstasy with her. I was invited as well, but I don’t do drugs, and I didn’t wanna sit there with them while they waited for the dealer, like I had done a different time. She said she hoped I wasn’t mad that she was ditching me…no I wasn’t mad at all (sarcasm). I was quite upset about it, since I was only at home for 4 days, and she could do drugs anytime. This is the event that prompted the dream.

In the dream, my neighbors on the curve of my street were having a block party get together thing. It was in a warehouse, so I went there with my shopping cart full of food. Lisa (druggy friend, not her real name) and other people from our work were there, it had turned into a work picnic/party. I sat down with people, and we were talking. It was going to be my birthday soon, and I was going to have a party. I didn’t want to say whether or not there was going to be alcohol there or not, because I knew if there wasn’t, Lisa wouldn’t come. She kept asking me, and I said I didn’t want to say. She came right out and said, “well if you don’t tell me, I’m not going to come.” I got really pissed off, but to make it worse she was sitting with Bruce Willis, and they started talking shit about me. I was getting more and more pissed, and ended up storming out of the warehouse, and into my high school. I was wandering around my high school, wanting to cry, but not in front of anyone. So I kept going into the bathrooms so I could cry, but they were either being worked on by maintenance plumber people, or had tons of people in them. Then someone I supposedly knew came up to me and said, “We have to find Trent, he’s the only one who can help you. He’s the only one who can understand how you feel.” I fought him, I didn’t want to find Trent. He kept telling me over and over as we walked around the school looking for Trent, “He’s the only one who can help, he’s the only one who understands.” That line was continuous through the end of the dream, which is why I think it made such an impression on me in the morning. So we continued throughout the school, I continued to fight him, and he continued to repeat that line to me. Eventually we found Trent. He was sitting in a restaurant in the basement of my high school, in a corner booth, reading the newspaper and eating fruit. I didn’t want to talk to him, but this friend dragged me inside, continuing to repeat that line as I fought him. Trent noticed we were there right when we stepped in front of his table. He looked up at me and folded his newspaper. He was very shy, like he didn’t know what to do because I didn’t want to talk to him. That was it. It ended.

February 10, 2001 – I was at home and Trent Reznor was doing a concert in my driveway. There was no stage, no band, just him. I was the only one there and was sitting inside a car parked in my drive way watching him. He was going all out like a typical show. I was sitting there watching him, and it was amazing, but I kept wondering how he could go all out when there was no one watching. I guess he didn’t realize I was there either. I didn’t think I’d be able to get all hyped up and stuff if I was just alone practicing. So he kept performing in my drive way, and I was wondering what people driving by thought of seeing a guy going crazy in my drive way. So then he started doing the Tapeworm song “Vacant” that A Perfect Circle has done live. It was different, harder than APC’s version. Then he started to cry, and sat down on the cement crying. I got out of the car and walked over to him and hugged him. He held onto me and just cried into my shoulder.

March 2001 – this dream, trent reznor was sleeping in danielle’s loft above my bed instead of her. “the fragile” (the song) was playing, and suddenly I realize who he was talking about in the song, and totally understood where he was coming from, all this stuff. so I get up and stand on the bed and I’m looking at him, and I think I was crying because I understood his sadness or something. So I’m standing on my bed, looking at him sleeping in the loft and I just touched his face, to like, let him knew I understood.

june 28, 2001 – I was dating Trent Reznor. he lived in my town (hah right) and i was still in high school. he was significantly older than me, maybe 10 years, in the dream (hes 15 years older in real life). Apparantly my parents didn’t care that i spent my nights at his house, which was a few streets away on Remington. So at night I’d go over to his place and spend the night there. He was always really nice to me and stuff. Then for some reason we decided we wanted to be cocaine addicts. So we caleld up some guy who was a dealer to come bring us some cocaine. Well the guy showed up and we were in the street and i had cup full of liquid cocaine, and I asked the guy if he wanted to try some. Then Trent was like, what the hell are you doing, we’re in the middle of the street. So I was like oops, and we all went inside. So the guy gave us the cocaine and left. So then me and Trent were coke addicts, and whenever he got high he was a real big asshole to me. I didn’t want us to be coke addicts anymore because I didn’t like when Trent was a jerk.

March 18, 2002 – i was with some friends in some room. it was me, eric, danielle, mary, a few others, and trent reznor. we were all sitting in an informal circle, and throwing a ball around to eachother. i guess we were playing a game, you had to catch the ball, but ppl were dropping it all the time. then there was a rule you could drop it 14 times, and then you were out. the whole time i kept trying to do stuff that would make trent pay attention to me, or get closer to him. he wasn’t ignoring me, but wasn’t really paying attention either. it was really hot in there, so i went and layed on the floor by the open back door. it was right near the chair he was sitting in. then danielle was showing everyone some bio project she did. trent was flipping through the pages, so i went over to him and looked at it with him. it was about some bacterial parasite kind of thing. and then he was touching me, and i was like what’s going on. and he had this smirk on his face. i guess he was pretending he was putting the bacteria on me. so then we sorta started fake fighting, but it was all flirty. then we were in the mall and he was chasing me. we weren’t running, but i was ahead of him and kept looking back at him, and he was all smiling. i kept thinking it was like the video with david bowie, when trent was chasing him. so then he caught up to me, and said something about how he was really into me, even tho it didn’t seem like it, and that we should get married.

somewhere else in this dream we were all talking about poetry, and some people were reading theirs. i wanted trent to read some of his but he didnt. and then he said something about how his poetry isn’t like everyone elses.

April 26, 2002 – something about a song from phantom of the opera playing, and not realizing what it was until danielle said “oh it’s from phantom”….then a whole bunch about trent reznor, including a new tv interview with him and he was smoking. so i thought, hmm that’s weird i’ve never heard anything about him being a smoker before, but whatever, i can deal with it.

June 26, 2002 – i had gotten the new nin record, which was sort of a covers album/tapeworm preview. it had a bunch of covers that i didn’t know, and 2 tapeworm songs. so eric came over and i was playing the tapeworm tracks for him. then we watched an interview on tv with trent and danny lohner, i guess about tapeworm. danny was doing all the talking, and trent seemed wasted out of his mind on something. trent had blue eyeshadow and red/purple eyeliner on, and blue eyeshadow over his top lip. he started rambling about something but danny made him shut up.
then i was in the yard of this really old rundown house in what seemed to be an area like the garden district of new orleans. there was a tour going by, but it was totally weird. the guide was an old woman, who went inside the house and told one of the men in the tour – a fat business man – to climb up the ladder and go through the window to find her. so he did, and when he got to the top of the ladder the entire thing broke and he fell to the ground. then i realized i was on the set of the new nin video. the theme was a haunted house of sorts. the entire house was falling apart, which was part of the video. i was in the video. i had to go upstairs to where the band was, trying not to make the house fall apart. the story was about a little girl who died and posessed the house. what i had to do was lay on this folding table, as the girl all grown up, but still dead. then people in nin were coming up to me and putting things on me, almost like a funeral. trent came and put a bible against my arm. danny lohner put something else on me. john landis was directing the video. there was something with this rocking chair with candles on it, and simulated lightning to make everything all spooky. well i guess the shoot finished, cuz i could get up from the table. a grand piano appeared, and i freaked out. i was like trent please you have to play something for me, you have to. and i was being all hyper and semi-annoying. he refused to play anything. he said something that i forget now, but it was like, he wasn’t sure how legitmate i was (it so wasnt legitimate that he said, totally can’t remember tho). i replied that i thought i was pretty legitimate. so i went over to where he was, he was cleaning and rotating the wine and alcohol that was being stored in a wine rack against the wall. he was wearing black pants and a purple dress shirt. he was like, take that scalpal over there and throw it, how it lands maybe i’ll play. i said i wouldn’t do it, because the last time i threw a scalpal it landed in my foot. so he was like, is it better now? and i said yeah, it had been 7th grade, it had all healed. then i remember that the same time i did that, i had sliced my hand open too. he asked if that was better too, but i didn’t hear him, so he said it again. so i said yeah, it was all better to, no scars even. then he handed me a big glass of alcohol as he walked away from me. it was cognac. so i was like, what is this, is it going to taste bad, cuz i’ve never had it before. he was going towards the piano. i was really being hyper and not myself, but he seemed not to be annoyed with it anymore but sort of charmed.
*woke up*
carolyn was staying with me because my parents had gone away. trent came over too. he still didn’t really know how to take me and how i acted with him, but he was warming to me. carolyn and i were talking about different kinds of hair products to use and how if i could try them all for free, i’d buy something if it ended up working. (i think there was more here that i don’t remember now) then carolyn was actually danielle, and one morning when we had got up, and i went downstairs to see where they were. they were sitting on the deck together holding hands. but when danielle saw me, she stopped and hoped i hadn’t seen. but i had, and i was pissed as hell, because obviously she knew how much i liked trent and everyone always liked her. so i was like, i’m going to fucking kill her. we all got up to go wherever it was we were going to go to. trent started talking to me about how he couldn’t wait to go back to new orleans in the winter. i guess he had a summer home up north, and stayed down there during the winter. i had a gun, and i was going to shoot danielle in the back. we got into trent’s car, which was a rusted turquoise cavalier. i was like um, where’s the porche? i figured he left that in new orleans. we left, and were driving someplace. i never killed danielle. we were talking about getting special access to concerts, backstage and stuff, if you were a member of some group. trent was a member, so he could do all that. so i was like, well then now you can get me in. i was going to say “since we’re friends now” but i still wasn’t sure how we stood, so i didn’t. he was sorta wishy washy about it, and was like well i’m not sure i can. but i can recommend you join the group. i guess it was invite only. so he was going to do that for me.
*woke up*
carolyn was visiting, because my parents had gone away. we were in my room, which was a mess. full of pieces of crap i had bought because trent had seemed to show an interest in them. we were waiting for trent to finish getting ready. he was in the bathroom curling his hair with a curling iron. then my cat came in, but she had turned into a hamster and was freaking out. so we were trying to catch her, and put her in a cage til she stopped freaking out. but she’d escape from the cage, and freak out more. then she turned back into a cat. trent was finally done in the bathroom.
*woke up*
i was going to see trent someplace. i had to go through canada to get to wherever he was. it was snowing, but it was a wet slushy snow. traffic was slow going, because you had to clear your own way with a shovel. so people were mostly just walking, not driving. trent called me on my cellphone to see how i was doing, and i told him the situation. that it was ok, just slow, but if it got any colder the snow would turn to ice and then it’d be dangerous to keep going. it was warm though, because i had a no sleeve shirt on as i was shoveling. i told him that the snow was disgusting because it was green. then this tv reporter showed up to do a story on the weather, and was helping shovel…..then danielle and i had gone to visit trent in new orleans. he picked us up from the street car stop, and we were walking back to his house. i was walking in front of the two of them, slightly annoyed remembering the past when i had caught them holding hands. then danielle started singing nelly furtado’s “Fly like a bird” and i was like omg stop! but then trent came up and walked with me, and took my hand. i guess we were a couple. he said “i love you honey” and i was a bit shocked, but told him that i loved him.

June 16, 2002 – i was in a mall with the people i went to new orleans with. our hotel room was in the mall. i had taken a shower, and so i was wet and had no makeup on, but i was hungry so i went with some old man to get a bagel from one of the food court stores. we walked to the bagel place and there was a big line. so we were standing in line, and people were making a big fuss up front because trent reznor was there. so i was like OMG i finally see trent in new orleans and i look like shit. so i was just staring at him, and the person i was with was telling me to talk to him. but i was like, no i can’t, i look terrible. so i just watched trent walk by with some old man he was with. and trent looked so cute, his hair was kinda short, and he looked really young. and he had eyeliner on, so his eyes were really dark. so then i was like, i’m not leaving new orleans til i get to talk to him, if i have to hang out in front of his house all day long, he has to leave to get dinner sometime. (figuring that he’d have to go back to the food court for more food).

July 3, 2002 – it was valentines day, and my boyfriend was coming over to take me out. it was trent. i guess it was prom too, and we were teenagers. so we went to prom, which was outdoors someplace. he wanted to go walk in the woods, but i didn’t want to. so instead we went over to this higher part to look down upon the forest. the forest was all creepy because it was covered in fog. because it was all creepy we decided to go walk in the forest anyway. then it turned into me being at a mall with carolyn and other friends, and we went to the lower level. then i realized that the mall had been built over where the forest was. so i was really sad, because i had gone there to reminise about the good old days and it had been paved over, and a mall was built. there was a casino in the mall too, which had been built on some other important thing of my past.

Jeopardy clue: “You need 3 Trent Reznors to get enough of this metal found in the body to make a nine inch nail”

(answer: What is Iron?) LOL

taken from adrienne’s away msg…it was a real question hahah


this is too cute (from

Many Sabres intended to place winning bids on their commemorative “New York” jerseys worn in Sunday’s game against the New York Rangers at Madison Square Garden.

That was before they saw how high the prices have skyrocketed with several days remaining in the Internet auction to benefit the Twin Towers Fund. The auction, which runs through Tuesday, can be accessed at and

“I know a lot of guys wanted them, but we’re not just walking away with them,” defenseman Jay McKee said. “There’s a price range we have set, but to get the jerseys we’ll have to shell it out.”

The captains still top each team’s list. Mark Messier already is over $6,000, while Barnes and Miroslav Satan are holding firm at around $2,500.

Rob Ray and Tim Connolly are at $2,010, while Alexei Zhitnik is at $2,000.

The jersey prices of McKee ($1,510) and his defensive partner, Rhett Warrener ($1,362), probably are higher than they should be. That’s because they have been bidding on each other’s to drive up the price.

“I hope he gets stuck buying mine,” McKee said. “Then I’ll buy it back from it for half of what he paid.”


NIN #1

Nine Inch Nails – Toronto, Ontario – April 28, 2000

During spring break, I got tickets to the Nine Inch Nails show in Toronto. The Thursday before the show, Eric came and picked me up to stay overnight in his apartment at RIT. Friday, I spent a few hours in the RIT library, yay, and then around 4:30 me, Eric, Mary, Karl, Dan and their friend who’s name I can’t remember left for Toronto. After a quick stop at Karl’s house and Wendy’s we hit the road for Toronto. I had told my friend Carolyn to meet us at this Taco Bell near Maple Leaf gardens at 6 or 6:30…but since we didn’t leave until 4:30 we were about 2 hours late HAHA. So anyway, we get into Canada, and are on our way…we hit a bit of traffic, nothing bad.

We get into the city, find a parking lot and go get Carolyn at Taco Bell, who was ready to just go home. So we went into MLG and got padded down, pink wrist bands, and headed out to the floor. As soon as we got onto the floor Carolyn and I lost the rest of them (actually, their no name friend had a seat by himself, and we all had floor tix) but found a spot in the crowd until we could find them again. We missed half of A Perfect Circle’s opening set, but from what I saw they were pretty good. So they finished, and we walked around the back of the crowd as people left before NIN came on. We found them, and rejoined them. At 9:30, the show started. There was a black curtain around the stage, and they “opened” with “pinion” which went into “terrible lie” as the curtain opened. This is the complete


Terrible Lie
March of the Pigs
The Frail
The Wretched
Gave Up La Mer
The Great Below
The Mark Has Been Made
Get Down Make Love
Head Like a Hole

E N C O R E :

Just Like You Imagined
Starfuckers, Inc.

They played for an hour and a half. At one point Trent talked to the crowd about how it had been a long time since they had been there, and he thanked us because they were really looking forward to playing for us, and how we made him happy and that was a rare event. The show was beautiful. The stage was pretty small, smaller than what I expected. They had 3 LCD things (dunno what u would call them), that they used for lighting instead of just pictures (like jumbotrons)..they moved down from above them pointing down, to behind them and they moved front and back, and it was a really cool effect. During some of the instrumentals they did use them for natureish pictures of water, and a field of tulips, and it was gorgeous.

After the first 3 or 4 songs, like when they played Piggy, the crowd mellowed out, and were amazing. The beginning was nuts of course, and we got thrown around a bit (That’s when Karl got hurt), but after Piggy, it was great. I had a perfect view of the stage the entire time, we were about mid stage mid ice. I had no problem with people around me, and I didn’t need to get my spleen removed afterwards haha. Before the encore Trent was like “you put me in a good mood, and that’s a rare thing, thanks.” What else..god it was just so incredible…The best show I’ve ever been to…Ok, so NIN closed with “hurt” the LCD screens were behind Trent and light just shown on him and it was so great. Um…I guess that’s it…so after the show we went out to find Karl, and got in line for shirts, which was worse pushing than the crowd during the show was.

After we got our shirts we still hadn’t found Karl, so Dan, Carolyn and I went out front, no name guy and Eric went out back and that’s where he was, near the parking lot. So I said goodbye to Carolyn, and we headed out of Toronto. By then it was about 12, and when we finally got to the QEW, we ended up losing no name guy who Dan was driving with, because they went a wrong way, then made an illegal turn back into the right way, but then we got stopped at a red light, and lost them. Since no name guy drove so slow, we caught up to them, passed them but they didn’t realize it. And so we lost them again….we pulled over to the side of the road until they passed us again, then we ran over a box which got stuck under the car for the entire way home haha.

Then in Oakville we got stuck in traffic cuz of construction, that was about 5 feet…but they merged 4 lanes into 1 without any signs or anything. We were there for a half hour…so that ended, and we rode back to North Tonawanda. Got home at quarter after two, drank a bottle of water and went to bed. On Saturday I got up around 12, took a shower and stuff and Eric, Dan and Karl and some girl, Kelly I think, came to my house to go to the Our Lady Peace show…which I wasn’t going to go to because I had so much work to do, but I did anyway. We went to UB (university of buffalo) to find out about it, doors opened at 4 so we went to the mall and then back to UB. We found out that OLP wasn’t going to go on until 9pm, so we decided not to go, and go back to school. So we went and got my stuff from home, and then to Eric’s house where his parents made us dinner, and drove back to RIT. After a quick stop there, Eric drove me back to Geneseo, and this boring life.

One last thing, Trent is the most beautiful person I have ever seen in my entire life. He is amazing.