so i should post something.

the hotel opened thursday. er well…i think its more like the expanded gaming floor of the hotel is open, i don’t think they’re giving people rooms yet. one of the 4 new eateries is open, as well as another retail store. and the nightclub. but yeah…new gaming floor. so hideous. i am so disappointed. other people are like oh its so beautiful blahblahblah. and i realize that i have a different idea of what is beautiful than most people, but really. it’s so…not elegant and high class. it totally does not match the main gaming floor AT all. part has a mirrored ceiling which reminded me of the god awful casino that adr2 and i went into in reno the one day. the other part doesn’t have a ceiling at all, it’s just exposed ducts etc, and it looks like a warehouse. given where this section is, right above the 2 new table game pits, i don’t think it’s just “not done”…i think that’s how it’s supposed to be. then it has the awning things over the tables like the main casino, and Paris in las vegas….but they’re all decorative, and i think they’re supposed to be stylized feathers – we’re in an indian casino afterall – but to me it looks like a skeleton…like a bunch of ribs of a great big skeleton. i understand the desire to have an indian type decor, but it could have been done sooo much better. it all just looks mismatched and cheesey. the new high limit pit, my new home, is so plain, and brown, and i think awful. it’s not classy or elegant in the slightest bit. it’s WAY more functional than the old room, and much bigger so i like that, but decor-wise i don’t like it. they also added a high limit lounge with a bar and food, and it is seriously the most plain thing ever. i just expected so so much more. they’re giving employee tours of the entire complex next week but you have to come on your day off and i’m not sure i want to do that.

while on my trip to cali i began, and finished, the book City of Light which takes place in Buffalo during the PanAmerican Exposition. it’s historical fiction, integrating fictional characters with real life old Buffalo citizens, Grover Cleveland (who was mayor of Buffalo before he was president), McKinley etc…I liked it. It was a bit predictable in parts, but then at the same time something else would take you by surprise. And it really makes you proud of Buffalo. I think everyone who lives here should be forced to read it. It gives you a nice warm feeling that we really were the center of the country at the time, a booming city, with huge industry moving in, and so much hope and high expectations. But at the same time it is sort of depressing to think of what we were, and what we let ourselves become…

which leads me to the latest preservationist debate in the city. My employers purchased the HO Oats grain elevator behind HSBC arena down town, and are going to tear it down for their Buffalo Creek casino. So preservationists like my good buddies are fighting the demolition because it’s a historic building and all that. Ok guys, there are about 10 other historic grain elevators in Buffalo, just sitting there like HO Oats, collecting grafitti, what’s it going to matter if we lose this one. And there comes a point where you have to sacrifice something old to usher in a new era. These elevators, as much as I love them, are never ever going to be used again. In my opinion, the city is better off demolishing them and freeing up all this water front, and Buffalo river front space, to actually DO something with, and make Buffalo a jewel of the Great Lakes again. Years and years people keep talking about waterfront development, and nothing ever happens. So let the Seneca’s come in, demolish some old grain elevators, building their casino, and GET people and other businesses down town. It’s really time to move forward here. Somethings are worth preserving, some aren’t. You have to pick and choose your battles, and I don’t think this is a good one. Great Northern, yes, HO oats, no. We have to build and grow and MOVE ON.

ok with that little rant done…i went on to read Ayn Rand’s “Anthem” a novella she wrote before Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged. It was very 1984/Harrison Bergeron like…took place in the future when everyone was made equal, and worked for the “brotherhood” except for the main character who breaks out of it and runs away into the Uncharted Forest. It was ok. Sort of a starter into Ayn Rand philosophy, and not as brutal and boring at times as Atlas Shrugged gets. Not bad. 104 pages or something, easy read.

and then i ran out of books. so i am trying to read Fellowship of the Ring. I started it about 10 years ago and got to page 22 of the prologue. I’m not doing much better now. I find it very difficult to read, it seems like the verb tense is off at times, and it’s just very hard. And I’m not stupid. It’s also boring. The review of Hobbit history and all that. And it seems to be very inconsistent, because one page says the Hobbits aren’t into their past and geneology, but then 10 pages later talk about the huge family trees with innumberable branches on them that the Hobbits make up…so which is it, they’re into geneology or they’re not?? Just hard to get interested in it and want to read more. But it was the same thing with the Hobbit and i ended up getting totally into it and really enjoying it. so we’ll see. i’m expecting santa to bring me a bunch of books if anyone like my parents got the hint that i don’t want more clothes that i’m not gonna wear, and knicknacks i have no place for etc. my amazon wish list is full of books this time around.

put up my christmas decorations outside today. neighbor kim came home when i was doing it, so offered up some spiral xmas trees to add to our shared garden. had a real conversation with her for really the first time in a year and a half. mostly bitching about the company who bought the property. of course it’s super windy so my one plastic candle that i couldn’t tie up to anything has fallen over. the candy cane stake lights from last year had no stakes left…didn’t realize when we took them down last year that we left all the stakes in the ground haha oops. so they are now hung on the sides of the door. you couldn’t tell what they were at first, so i taped them all sideways to the siding so you can see they are candy canes. i had to take the snowman head lights back to biglots cuz both fuses blew, so i got new ones and they look wonderfully horrible. put the big bulb colored lights outside cuz i had space around the door, so i need to go buy new ones for the tree.

old man (OM) was back in today. chuck told me OM was around looking for me, and i was like, don’t fuck with me. he was serious. i let my boss know, and a bit later he showed up in high limit and was watching me through the fish tank. michelle kept an eye on him and was going to make him leave if he came in to talk to me. i had 2 players come to my table when he was still there, and the one player for some reason said something about wanting to marry me, so i told him he’d have to fight the old guy behind the fish tank haha. the players got all defensive for me and were going to “take care of him” but OM left for the rest of the night. i really don’t like this. i had the shift manager walk with me out of the room to go on break incase OM was waiting for me again, but he wasn’t. yuck.

i really don’t want to keep sleeping until 4pm but i can’t get out of the cycle. i’m reading “devil in the white city” about chicago’s worlds fair in 1892 and the serial killer who began his killing at the same time. it’s pretty good. we’ve gotten to the fair actually opening now, half way through the book. carol recommended it to me. so i bought her city of light for xmas, which is a novel built around buffalo’s pan am exposition in 1901(?). devil in the white city is a true story. city of light isn’t, tho i haven’t read it. probably will before i wrap it hahaha.

la fee verte

at the tolouse-lautrec show i bought a book about the history of absinthe, which was a huge “fad” in monmarte among the bohemian culture when he was living. really makes me want to try some, but that aside… an exerpt:

absinthe moved further into the mainstream counter-culture with the 1997 video for the track “the perfect drug” (available in a ‘domination mix’ and an ‘absinthe mix’) by dark and doomy S/M oriented US band nine inch nails, in which trent reznor is seen preparing absinthe amid edward gorey-style landscapes, and perhaps regretting having murdered a girl. along with nine inch nails, gothic rocker marilyn manson is also said to buy crates of absinthe from the united kingdom. underground ‘absinthe clubs’ were alledged to be springing up in DJ Levien’s absinthe pulp fiction Wormwood, a fictional state of affairs only possible because absinthe remains illegal in america. its legal status caused speculation when presidential wife hillary clinton was photographed in prague with a glass of absinthe in front of her. did she actually drink any, people wondered, or was it a neat counterpart to her husband’s trick of ‘not inhaling’?

haha i wonder what would happen if you were caught by cops with absinthe. is it like pot? would you get arrested with drug charges? i bet alot of people have never even heard of absinthe.

i have just completed my first 40 hour week this summer, if not the entire year. i forced myself to do it. it was tough yesterday and today to not leave early, but i made it. we’ll see how my paycheck compares to my supervising pay checks. i really wanted to come home and keep going through my pictures today. i realize that i really need film. i’m going to have to try to make it out to color tech to buy some, as it’s the only place that sells my TMAX!!! film around here. the overpriced camera shop that was near me closed a few months ago.

i gotta dye the hair back to black tomorrow, so if/when i get the extensions tues they match. i haven’t seen the girl all weekend to get her address and stuff, so hopefully i see her at work tomorrow. or i’ll just have my short hair. blah. and laundry.

one thing that exploring today kept reminding me of was the book “atlas shrugged”. i finally finished it last week. i had only been reading it since march. overall i really liked it. there are times when it got way too repetitive, as did “fountainhead”, with ayn rand’s philosophy. i actually had to skip almost an entire chapter towards the end – john galt’s speech – because i just couldn’t take it anymore. it was a frightening book in many ways. but i don’t really buy into her philosophy. the book was very anti communist in a way. ANYWAY. exploring reminded me of it because one chapter sends dagny and hank to the 21st century motor car factory – which had been closed and abandoned. they go through the factory looking for records, and find “the motor”. that’s what i kept thinking about today, there were lots of motors and machines around.

i’m now reading “catcher in the rye”. a classic apparently. and although i honestly am enjoying it, i don’t quite see the point as there is no plot. i don’t get why it’s such a classic, when it’s just a teenage boy telling stories. it’s as if my stupid meaningless random posts from 5 years of having a blog were condensed into a book. i’m half through and yeah, no plot. not getting the “classic”ness. whatever. i do like it.

i found out about a bar that i’d probably like in buffalo. club diablo. focuses on punk, goth and industrial. i’m totally gonna check it out. man i need friends to go out with me haha. from the small picture in the magazine i saw it in, it was reminiscent of lux in rochester which i thought was the coolest bar i’d ever been to. looks way more swanky and trendy than the continental. the cont is such a dive haha. and apparently from their website,, ron jeremy hangs out there when he’s in town. lovely. i decided i MUST go there, because they have a specialty drink called jim jones kool-aid hahaha that thrills me. no cover on wednesdays, specializing in synthpop and ebm. adr2, you are SO going with me when we get back from vacation.

i feel like i have lot to do in the next 2 and a half days, but i’m sure i’ll sit here all day tomorrow and play snood.

my theory on the dark tower series, so far. i’m probably completely wrong.

i think roland is from the future. i think he is from the future after a big giant plague wiped out earth as we know it, and turned it into a waste land full of our artifacts, and mutated animals, and blahblahblah. his when is filled with things from the current world, machines that won’t work cuz they don’t know how to make oil usable, old robotics, technology that no one can figure out because evolution has brought them so far away from anyone who was alive to know how those things worked. roland is bringing people from the past before the plague (eddie, jake, susannah) into his future to try to figure out what happened, what went wrong, what the deal is with the dark tower. it appears as if his when is more midieval, with barons and wizards and fairs and what not. but it’s actually the future repeating the past – going back to an older time to go through change and evolution all over again. in this theory i would assume that eventually, the people in rolands when, would go through the same historical changes that happened throughout the past in our real world, and would eventually come to the same technologically advanced present that we know.

i’m not sure any of that made sense. but i’m not rereading it.


to my secret admirer. thank you for the flower. it’s lovely.

i like how the mike and ike’s are “the choice of nascar” haha

and in completely unrelated news, there is a spider in my room and i couldn’t kill it and now it disappeared. gah.

*kicks adelphia* stupid internet went down sometime in the early afternoon yesterday, and then i went to work so i just shut the comp off – which is why i wasn’t around, if you were at all worried about me.

yesterday. work was INSANE. when i got there it was dead, and i hung out up front talking to nate before pre-shift. it continued to be dead enough that they sent 1 server home (leaving 2). then at 7:30 ish we got SLAMMED. insanely slammed, and the 1 server was new, so he wasn’t handling it too well. so i spent an hour bussing tables, and then immediately seating people, running around like a chicken with no head. then i had to spend a half an hour cleaning up the flood in the bathroom because people don’t know how to use modern plumbing. THEN, it was dead again, no new customers, but no one was leaving either. so at 11 i locked the doors and i had called nate to meet me at the bar, and then manager wouldn’t let me leave. he said i had to stay there and say goodbye to people as they left. ok all summer it was super busy and i never once had to stay longer than 10 min or so after i locked the door. I stayed 40 extra minutes last night, doing NOTHING, cuz no one was leaving so i had no one to say goodbye to. i’m like fuck, nate is gonna think i stood him up and leave, and arg. so i finally asked if i could go and he still almost didn’t let me go. fucker. practically ran to the bar so that i wouldn’t just miss him leaving or something, but i saw his car so it was good. kristen and mike were there (i figured they would be) so nate wasn’t by himself waiting for me lol. had a few drinks and then the 4 of us went to dennys for food. i didn’t really want to go home but nate had to sleep so he’d be good for his substitute teaching interview thing today.

so i slept good last night, 2 nights in a row, it’s been nice. then rushed around to get ready to go to the sabres practice at the arena with adr. it was from 11:30 til 2, but they were still practicing after 2 and no one was leaving so we stayed til quarter to 3 ish. the little flyer they gave out had a thing about the preseason game on saturday….which we are now going to, because they’re using the arena in Jim Carrey’s movie!! so everyone has to be there and in their seats by 5:30 so the movie people can film, and stuff. there was also this 4 ticket deal including food and stuff for 60$ so me adr nate and ? are gonna go. need to find a 4th person i guess. we have no other friends lol. so that’ll be good. fun times fun times. the practice today was cool…someone still needs to sign their contract.

now i have nothing to do tonight. i forgot i need to go get batteries for my camera, and i want to dye my hair so i might go see if anyone’s got it on sale. i’m really friggen tired. oh yeah i’m supposed to get the chucky p book today, but darleen hasn’t brought it over yet. i dunno when she gets out of work and if she’s gonna bring it by, but i’d hope so…cuz i could have gone yesterday to get it myself and been done with it by now. lol.

oh yeah, my dad comes up and says my dentist bill came from a few weeks ago…75$…they’re going to pay 65$ of it for me. so of course i’m like wtf doesn’t my insurance cover it, i’m paying fucking 210$ a month. nooo i don’t have dental insurance. so i’m just not gonna go to the dentist anymore, and i told him, and he’s all like “that’s not a good idea.” well i don’t fucking want to spend 75$ to go to the dentist…he’s like, well skip the sabres game. there’s a difference between spending 20$ for something i WANT to do and 75$ for something i DONT want to do…besides the fact that i can afford the 75$ i just don’t want to have to. arg. unless they’re gonna pay for the dentist for me in the future i’m not fucking going. screw that, i can brush my own teeth thanks.


the rock and roll hall of fame museum in cleveland is doing a U2 exhibit when the john lennon one closes in december!!! must go!!! the article said they won’t be displaying the giant lemon cuz it’s too big hehe.

i can’t be home without my parents annoying me for no particular reason. i ask my dad a simple question about my loans – why are they due by october 28 when that’s not 6 months after graduation. and he’s like i dunno, u’ll get it paid off 1 month sooner now 😛 gee thanks. the rules are 6 months, not 5, and i don’t want to pay in october if that’s not the way it’s supposed to go. then i ask my mom if she talked to darleen, and maybe knew if she was going to bring the book over. and she’s all snotty, saying that i’m supposed to go pick it up. well gee it was nice if i knew this. and if i knew whether or not i’m supposed to pick it up from darleen or the bookstore. mom is like, she made it sound like you knew what to do. no she told me she was getting me the book, and that was it. great. can we go back to the last few weeks when i was getting along with my parents? thanks. maybe i should have nate come over and remind them how much they like him, so that they’ll keep being nice to me.


do you know what amuses me? the use of motors as sexual metaphors in 80s hair band songs….lol. they’re all over the place…
AC/DC “you shook me” – “she was a fast machine, she kept her motor clean”
Skid Row “18 and life” – “he kept his motor running but didn’t keep it clean”
Motley Crue “looks that kill” – “Now she’s bullet proof, Keeps her motor clean”
and those are only the ones i’ve noticed recently. eric, any to add?

off to read lullaby!!!!


my favourite lines from “lullaby” so far
page 143.
looking out the car window, oyster says, “you ever wonder if adam and eve were just the puppies God dumped because they wouldn’t house train?”
he rolls down the window and the smell blows inside, the stinking warm wind of dead fish, and shouting against the wind, he says, “maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet.”

chucky p has a thing for describing colors. and for ivy taking over cities.

done. took me 4 hours. liked it better than choke, by far. it was damn good.