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i forgot most of what i was going to say. i started off as the breaker, then got assigned 1 and 3 so this other girl could go home sick. that’s fine, whatever. did a whole lot of nothing except talk to john and jenn. i got really fucking irritated, and rethought a whole bunch of shit….

…which leads to the password post for today…

i pretty much won’t be dealing anytime soon…now the latest word is from 2 weeks to 2 months. i am for sure the first from our department to go, because i have a perfect record. but that doesn’t mean shit, cuz if the VP of table games decides to put the 6 month rule back into effect, that means none of us can leave until june 18th at the earliest. and that totally fucks up the moving out plan, because i was depending on starting this month, and getting the double sized pay checks…but we’ll see. i could still probably move out, i have enough in the bank to cover the initial rent, deposit, fees crap…

i’m definitely not going to class on tuesday. i really need a break from the casino, the casino people, and the whole mentality that i get into when i’m there.

 

oh apartment hunting…the first one we looked at, at 11, i was still half asleep for lol. but it was nice. it’s on a street off williams, across from the mall. it was cheap. sat around at denny’s to kill time since our next appt wasn’t til 1, ended up going to the 1 store in the mall, then to see the 2nd apt. this was the one we really were interested in, cuz of the balconies and stuff. it was nice, filled out the application for that one. we ended up calling one of the others to set up an appt, but that wasn’t til 2:30 so we went to target and dots, and i bought new shoes yay. they’re like fake leather fake adidas’s…all black, 4 black stripes…cross between adidas sneakers and those retro throwback bowling shoe-esqe shoes that are “in” right now. i love them, they’re so comfy. (they look killer with my red pants…and this shirt makes me look like i have boobs, so i love it) so we went to meet the guy for the 3rd apt and filled out applications so they could do a credit check on us. the guy was hella surprised that we both have excellent credit scores. went to see the apt, which was on the same street as the 1st one, and is exactly the same as the 1st one but smelled bad (definitely had pets there before who must have peed all over), and was more than the 1st one. so that one is last on our list right now – which is a shame cuz the guy was really nice.

i guess we have to wait to hear back from our #1 choice. we didn’t fill out an application for the 1st apt, because 1. the guy didn’t have any in his car and 2. i think he thought we were with the 2 old people that he was showing the apt to as well. i hope the one we want works out tho, cuz it’s so convienent and it was nice. bigger rooms than the other 2.

there you have it. i work at 6 tonight so i have no time for a nap. i’m so tired. blah.

Posted in: Personal

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work was pretty boring and uneventful. lots of people found out about their promotions today, so everyone was pretty happy. pretty slow night tho. nothing major to report on. plan 1 was excecuted semi-successfully, but i really don’t care anymore. i’m back to my healthiest mindset of not caring about much of anything.

must go to class tomorrow, since i’ll be awake for my drs appt at 11:30. i’ll probably go late though, cuz i’ll need to go back home to shower and get myself ready for work before class. still no word on when i really get to start dealing, but i’m the next on the list from my department to go. i might end up getting to see lacuna coil afterall, which is the same week as the planned cleveland trip – but i’ll have to switch days off for that…we’ll see tho.

 

you know what i hate? i hate going to the doctor on time, and then sitting there for an hour for the dr to actually see you. and then they talk to you for less than 5 minutes. i got new prescriptions written, for the same meds, but i get to take 3 pills at night instead of 2 now.

ziggy is so attention starved.

but yeah…i haven’t lost any weight since i was there the first time, so that’s good. and my mri was fine, i have a perfectly normal brain. i really just wish something was wrong with it, so they could fix it, and i wouldn’t have headaches anymore.

i gotta get ready to go to class/work. i’m so exhausted i just want to go back to bed.

 

ew it is so grossly humid out. barf. it made me think of 2 things:
1. going to the static x show on study day last may – cuz it was raining, and danielle and i were in leather-esque pants, so we were a bit warm
2. new orleans.

so i went to class. worked on my spin by myself for prolly 15 min, then joined the blackjack class and went through one shue. i really fucking suck at blackjack payouts. i just can’t think of them when i get them. class got out at 3 today tho, of course, so i have to make 2 trips to work today. blah.

on my way home i went by robert drive and got some more apartment complexes to call if the ones tomorrow don’t work out. but i hope they do, i’d rather live closer to work.

Posted in: Personal

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my mood improved at work throughout the course of the night. i can’t turn my brain off, but i was able to change channels. i started to remember, and talk to jenn about, some things that made me happier – so i was at least able to not be miserable the whole night. we didn’t talk in depth about anything, but i had mentioned how stupidly emotional i got last night cuz i was drunk and alone, and shes like “you could have called!!!” lol. and i told her what had gone on at the party, that she didn’t know about, and it made me happy hahah. then on break jeff comes and sits with us, and goes “i didn’t get to lick your tattoo” lol i’m like HOLY COW SHUT UP hahahah. no one else was really around us so it was ok. but shit if he did that on the floor, i’d have to punch him, and he is soooo way bigger than me. lol.

i need some sedatives or something tho, cuz i’m hella worked up. totally tore apart my fingers/fingernails/cuticals something fierce. i need some neosporin but i can’t find any. i gotta stop doing this, now that i’ll be working more with my hands…people will notice how awful they look. it’s sorta embarassing but i can’t help it. it’s a compulsion.

i hate birds. they start making noise at 4am. how am i supposed to sleep with bird noise?

 

well well, needless to say i didn’t go to class today again. alarm went off at 11, and i was just like holy cow i’m tired. went back to sleep til 2, then stayed in bed til 3 haha. i’m a slacker. since i have to get up to go to the doctor tomorrow, i’ll go to class tomorrow. jenn probably showed up today and will yell at me when i go to work. oops haha.

gotta try to enact my plan tonight at work, see how things go. i’m feeling pretty good right now. not worrying about anything, and working on getting myself to a place where i don’t care either way. being pretty sucessful at it right now. so yeah…

in other news, my aunt emailed people about her bed and breakfast finally opening june 1st. she said they have a website www.thecothernhouse.com which i can’t get to work yet, but if she paid someone to create the site other than me, i’m going to be very very pissed off, and she’s going to know about it.

 

sepultura’s cover of u2’s “bullet the blue sky” is so way better than POD’s cover.

the end.

Posted in: Personal

April 2003 Dreams

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April 11, 2003

dream was about something, then suddenly it turned into a broadcasted speech by george bush. it sounded so realistic, as if big speakers were interrupting every tv program, and radio, and broadcasting through neighborhood loud speakers. it was a speech about how we were at war, and it sounded so sooooo realistic to me it was scary. then i could hear the airplanes, and bombs dropping and exploding on the ground. i could feel the ground shaking from the explosions. totally friggen scary.
posted by sara @ 3:29 PM

April 10, 2003

i got a letter from nate, that was a greeting card he had written in. he didn’t write much at all. just that he’s been so busy with peace corps stuff. i got mad because he couldn’t bother to write me a real letter.
i was driving down river road, apparently home from work. i was going to turn on to felton but a train started coming but the gates were broken and didn’t go down. i saw the train so i was ok, but other people didn’t see it, and turned and almost got hit by the train. so the train went by, and then the gates went down because another train was coming. so i waited for the 2nd train to come. then this other train started coming from down felton, where there are no tracks. the train decided it was going to take the street cuz the tracks were so congested around where we were. so the train is driving down the street right toward me, but i managed to back up my car and avoid getting hit. i figured there’d be no more trains, but now there was another one coming. at this point another train started coming from the other direction and they were going to collide. jeff was there, along with other faceless people from work, and we all realize what is going to happen so we start running the opposite way so when the chemical tanker cars explode we will be safe. the trains collide, and jeff threw me down against a chainlink fence, and protected me with his body cuz he’s like 4 times my size. the trains explode. then suddenly me and adr and eric were on an airplane, fleeing from the train accident, and the plane had to keep landing and taking off at different airports. we landed in carson city, and then ended up in some canadian airport where we finally got off the plane. then we realized our plane had crashed at the airport, that we didn’t land. so we escaped from the plane, as it slowly sank into the lake we landed in. so we were all saved and went into the airport and watched the drama unfold on tv. then pieces of the airplane started floating towards where we were sitting on the bank of the lake, which was lined in cement like a pool, inside the airport. so i grabbed a piece of the plane as a souvenir of surviving the crash. it said american airlines on it. i took it home and showed my dad. it was made out of styrofome. i was severly traumatized by the train and plane crashes, so i was a bit of a basket case.
posted by sara @ 11:53 AM

April 9, 2003

a dream within a dream. sometimes the point of view was from me as an omnicient narrator, other times it was through the “main character” some guy. i was watching from above, groups of people on tours of the grand canyon. it might not have been THE grand canyon, but it was some kind of canyon out there in the south west, where they have those weird rock formations. it was more like the groups were exploring, instead of tours, because they had to build things to get across gaps and stuff. it was like watching a SIMS game. one of the groups met with another group and they decided to join into one group. i guess that was surprising because these were supposed to be competeing, or enemy groups. then i was in the action, seeing through the point of view of a man. his wife fell and broke her leg and wouldn’t be able to continue. something about this exploration was really important, because she said to leave her there to die instead of hindering the rest of the group. so they did, and the guy married this other woman from the group. they met up with another group, who this time was more of an enemy. there was sort of a clash, and everyone disappeared except for the man and his new wife. then his new wife morphed into a sort of spider with only 2 legs. she was coming closer and closer to him to push him off the edge of the cliff. she pushes him off the edge, and then remorphs into a person as he’s falling. he lands in bushes and trees in the bottom of the cliff. she appears down there in human form. then some indian cheif shows up. the man does something to the woman, and she dislocates her knee so she can’t go after the man. since the man survived the fall, the indian cheif asks if that means the curse is over, since apparently the man did what he had to do to lift the curse that was on him. so apparently, the curse was over. then the woman turned into a man, and was still trying to get the main character man. but the knee was dislocated entirely from the body, and he/she was trying to put it back in place. then his skin started melting off his bones, so now he was a skeleton with like, melted flesh hanging off his bones, still going after the man. the main character man and indian cheif go running off and escape the melting skeleton. they end up passing the spot where his first wife stopped to die. she’s still alive but in alot of pain cuz of her broken leg. when she sees her husband she asks if this means the curse is over. apparently she didn’t think she’d see him again unless the curse was over. so he says yes it’s over, and tries to start moving her to get her back to camp or wherever, and medical help. by then the melting skeleton has caught up with them, and is coming towards them.
then i “woke up” and thought that’d be a great idea for a novel, so i start writing the novel, and i’m working so hard in some sort of public place that everyone keeps stopping by and asking me what i’m writing about.

then i woke up for real. i really can’t remember alot of the dream, there was more to it, and it was way scarier. the melting skin on the skeleton was hella scary.
posted by sara @ 11:48 AM

April 3, 2003

my teeth were infected, and my gums were swollen so bad they swelled around my teeth. they were really painful and then started gushing blood. then my bottom teeth got the same disease. so i was in pain and i had to catch this witch or something, who was casting spells on people. but i wanted to find medicine for my teeth, so i went to the grocery store and they didn’t have what i needed. turned out tony had the medicine i needed, so i went to find him and get it. he didn’t want to give it to me but i stole it from him. they were big round pink discs that looked like chewable pepto bismol tablets. there were 4 of them. the first one i had to chew and swallow, the 2nd one 4 hours later i had to swallow whole. but they were so big i didn’t know how i was going to be able to swallow it. the meds helped my teeth problem but they were still painful and bleeding.
posted by sara @ 12:09 PM

i bought a david bowie poster and hung it on my wall in my bedroom. after that, i was somewhere, and i met david bowie. somehow he ended up at my house, which was really big but sorta run down. he was staying with me, and had gone out for the day, when i realized he had autographed my poster of him without me even having to ask. so i was all excited to see that. then i realized he had gotten the eurythmics to sign it as well, because they had toured with him when that poster was released. i was so excited and showing everyone the autograph. then bowie was my boyfriend, and we lived in this big giant house, that could turn into a disco with all kinds of lights and loud music and stuff. so we were having a party, and i was still overexcited about the autographed poster, even tho bowie was now my boyfriend. i guess it was the next day, and the house was back to normal but david and i were getting sick. then all these canadians showed up, with mullets. so we were half making fun of the mullets when they started to switch all the lights on themselves to start a party. they didn’t care that me and david were sick. i was super pissed off, and trying to find david because he’d comfort me, and try to get all these people kicked out. i was having a hard time finding him because the lights were making me woosy, and i kept falling/almost passing out. so i fell and someone caught me and put me under a table to rest. somehow i ended up finding david, and he was wearing this flourescent green and orange jump suit, which it turns out, i was wearing too. so he was helping me walk, and trying to get to where we could turn the lights out and kick everyone out. we wondered where all the security was, but we couldn’t find any. we went to one of the bars where this big scary black guy worked as a bartender for us, to ask him to start kicking everyone out. he through someone into the side of our indoor above ground swimming pool. the side of the pool had like a doggy door, that was a trap, so he through the guy through there, and into the pool, then we flushed the pool as if it was a toilet to get rid of people.

Posted in: Dreams \ Tagged:

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blah. sometimes i’m such a fuckup. buzz is gone, feeling very selfloathing. fucking alcohol.

i think i slept for a few hours but i don’t know. i’m pretty sure i did, but now i’m awake and no longer drunk, and i can’t get back to sleep. my mind is racing and of course all i can think about is stupid john and this whole stupid situation. i think i’m going to have to say something at some point soon. just to clear shit up for myself and see where things lie. maybe i’ll talk to jenn about this crap tomorrow at work.

or it’s just the post drunkenness making me crazy. i get this way all the time, and by tomorrow i’ll be fine again, stupidly giddy and optimistic. someone talk some sense into me, cuz i seem to lack it on my own.

i should go back to bed i suppose.

 

 

see i told you i’d be fine again in the morning. back to being somewhat optimistic, and when i think about john, it makes me happy and i think about how much i want to be with him.

i didn’t go to class today. i was going to, but i didn’t sleep much til the sun came up, and i didn’t really feel like getting up. oh well. i work at 7 since i had saturday off.

so i forgot to mention some bad news. i’m not supposed to know about it, but i so totally guessed. i might not be able to start dealing til june 18th. whoever is in charge of these things is putting back the 6 month rule – which is complete bullshit and totally unfair. it was unfair that those of us in class now couldn’t go to the first class cuz it was only at night. they got to start dealing right away. now we finally get to go to class, and they’re gonna revert back to having to be employed 6 months before switching departments?!?! bullshit. i guess our mgr who has returned from wherever is pissed, and working on getting us in before then. the only good thing about this though, is that if i’m still in my current department on may 17th, i asked for it off to go to the lacuna coil show.

now adr and i have 2 apartments to look at on friday. should be fun.

 

wow i so fucking dont want to be at work right now. i am in such a bad mood it’s not even funny. and i can’t fucking turn off my brain. i just need to forget about all this stupid shit.

Posted in: Personal

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big shout out to jenn and jeff who got nosey enough (or smart enough) to find my website. 🙂

i must say that i absolutely love driving my dads car. took it today to go to class, put the top down on the way home. yeaaah. i’m so cool hahaha. totally driving it tonight. it’ll match my outfit 😛

i created some issues in my head last night about…stuff…but i’m better now hehe. i was thinking too much, and getting irritated at myself, but it’s cleared up. talking to jenn i got all giddy and excited haha i’m so lame.

adr called the apartments we found by scummit mall, looks promising. we have an apt to go see one on friday. if i understood right, it’s the one she said sounded really good, lots of stuff included etc. we’ll see. they are cheaper than the amherst ones we looked at by 300$ LOL.

blogger is all fucked up. turns out none of my archives have published since the beginning of april. which is a sort of good thing at the moment, cuz that means jenn and jeff can’t go read the last months worth of posts if they were really that bored and/or nosey to see what i’ve been saying 🙂 i think i’m going to look into moveable type now, cuz it seems to have tons less problems than blogger. we’ll see if it’s beyond me to install tho…

and for some reason my 404 error pages aren’t working right. gotta see what the hell is up with them.

 

i fucking hate johns girlfriend.
yes i am drunk. sue me.

Posted in: Personal

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hello hello.

i slept last night!!! i’m excited. i was going to keep sleeping, but knew i needed to get up cuz i told jenn we’d go shopping. headed out to the outlet mall with adr and jenn for a few hours. i was feeling a bit extravagant today…i spent waaay too much money. i don’t normally find anything at the outlet mall, but this is what i bought:
– tight burnt red corduroy pants that were regular price 79$ ??!?!?!?! but got them for 20.
– black skirt, with netting pocket thing in the front, draw strings
– dark grey shirt with 1/4 length sleeves and black lace around the collar and cuffs – adr liked it, it’ll go good with the skirt, and it’s sorta more dressy for like, if i have a date or something haha
– *the find of the day* black satin corset like shirt, that has laces down the straps to the bottom of the shirt, from sacks 5th avenue originally priced 138$. it’s SO me i HAD to buy it. it’s an extra small, difficult to get on, but once it’s on it’s still too big cuz i have no boobs. but whatever. IT’S SO FUCKING COOL. totally wearing it on monday. and of course, i didn’t pay 138$ for it lol.
– 2 “wife beater” tanks, one black, one grey, with snaps
– black rayon or whatever, oriental looking shirt
– black skirt for work from target. don’t know if it’ll sit high enough on my waist to wear to work, but adr said her mom could alter it for me if i need to.
– 5 buttons from hot topic – kiss me i’m hardcore, i want you to want me, replacement tool pin, nintendo mushrooms, and grover for president for adr

yeaaaah, extravagant. i paid for dinner at the casino too…oh yeah, the casino. adr and i went out there for dinner. we’re walking around when we first got there and i saw susan, so i went to say hi. turns out my request to come to the casino was denied, so we weren’t really supposed to be there LOL. then adr grabs my arm and i’m like wtf? haha yeah…*someone* was there, and i was standing right next to him hahah. we ended up almost literally running into him later when we were almost leaving. needless to say, her night was made haha. we stayed and had dinner anyway, but i couldn’t get the discount cuz i wasn’t supposed to be on the premises…whatever, our bill was 12$ lol. so after, we walked around cuz we had to wait til 7:30 to leave *ahem* haha so ended up talking to darla in pit 1 to kill time, which worked out perfectly, cuz adr got to see john which was the whole point of staying til 7:30 lol. after that we went to the blvd mall and target, and i bought the other stuff out there. came back here to do nothing, and watch bad videos on vh1 classic.

 

got yet another email card from my mom – this time to remind me to get new prescriptions for my meds. no mention of the cat. mom called about a half hour ago from venice. they said it’s nice, but really crowded and dirty. salsburg (sp?) was really beautiful.

5 min later my grandpa called – again – they’ve called every day. this time they wanted to know the phone number of where my parents were staying in florida….yes cuz mom lied and told him they were going to florida for 2 weeks, not europe…at first i thought they wanted to know cuz someone had died or something, and then i’d have to be the one to break the news that they weren’t in florida. but he just wanted to give her the number of a cousin of hers, who lives in florida, and where all these other cousins are visiting right now so my parents could stop by and visit…as if my parents even would. but whatever.

i’m having a crisis about what to wear to the party tomorrow. i was planning on my weird black pants, and the corset shirt. but i tried it on together, and it just doesn’t really fit to be going to hard rock for a party. it’s definitely way more of a concert, or continental outfit. i might just go with the weird pants and red laceup shirt, which was my original plan. i really wish the corset shirt fit tighter, but oh well. i’ll see what jenn says, cuz we’re going to class then ditching to go shopping again, and we’ll have to drive by my house on the way back to grand island and the party.

oh yeah, adr and i found more apartments to call around scummit mall area. i guess i’ll do that sometime this week, whenever i find time.

i just put the screen in my window. it was like, warped or something, hard to get in. doing laundry too, and now i’m off to finally clean all the shit out of my backseat.

 

omg how could i forget to mention this?!?!?! mtv is bringing back the ball!!! headbangers ball is returning to mtv2 in may!!!

annnddd….new u2 album out 2004!!! sounds like it’s gonna be different from the last one (thank god). edge made comments about really fooling around with guitar effects etc. yaaay!!

now if we could only get news on nin, or tapeworm, or anything related to trent reznor. i’d be a happy girl…a happier girl i mean.

Posted in: Personal

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i got home at 7:30am because i went out to the bar after work with jenn, jeff and john, and whoever else from the casino was there. and um yeah. the end haha. let’s just say things are more interesting, if not a bit complicated now.

i so need to sleep some more, but i’m all jittery and shit. somehow i got nominated to buy donuts today, and i gotta get patrick a candybar, so at some point i have to leave my house.

so i don’t know if i’m going to take my blackjack audition or not. i know that i say the same thing about it everyday, but it keeps changing. jeff was telling just about everyone how i have the potential to easily be the best roulette dealer in the casino, as long as i get time in on a roulette game, but how i’m not going to if i have blackjack. keith agreed with him, and said there’s nothing wrong with spending the next few months just having roulette and the novelty poker games, i can always take my blackjack audition later blahblahblah. i asked john again what he thought and he still disagrees about it. so i don’t know what i’m going to do. cuz i like that jeff and everyone has this faith in me that i can be really outstanding on roulette, and i’d like to be able to see how that actually goes. gah i dunno. still going to keep going to class as long as i can, to get practice in on both.

i so need to go back to sleep lol

 

 

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oh oh oh ooh oh oh oh guess who’s coming to the casino!! gabe kaplin…better known as Mr. Kotter 🙂 the “oh oh ohs” should have given it away haha.

everyone wants a piece of me. still don’t know what game i’m learning, cuz tonight, robert was saying i’m doing craps. and someone else told me i’m signed up for craps. while i’ll do whatever game, i got pretty sold on the idea of learning blackjack and roulette. i tried to find mr crush when i got out to ask him what was going on, but he had already left. so i guess we’ll see in…10 hours haha.

work was painfully boring all night. talked to tony for like a half hour cuz his table was dead. we’re gonna go gamble after class tomorrow, cuz he’s got 3 hours to kill before going in for his real shift. i see this becoming and unhealthy pattern lol.

i think i’m in the middle of another panic attack. that, or i’m about to drop dead from SARS…or i’m going through withdrawl. pick one. my chest has hurt so bad all night. maybe it’s a pinched nerve in my back, cuz when put my head down, it like pulls on my chest and hurts super bad…ug. all i know is that i’m in pain. i took my temperature just now, it’s 95.4…shouldn’t i be dead with a temp that low?!? lol i’m a mess. i really hope i sleep tonight, cuz i’m so tired, and gotta get up early to go to the post office before class. ug and now i need money if i’m gonna go gamble.

holy shit my computer is so loud. dad replaced the power supply today because that’s what he thought was squealing so bad. well that’s not it. it’s the cpu fan that’s squealing. but the new power supply fan is way louder than my old one. i’m making him put the old one back in. i can’t deal with this noise.

 

i am SO tired.

so here’s the deal. finally. i’m learning roulette (robert wasn’t too happy with that haha). i’m getting private after hours blackjack lessons from…mr crush. who is just so hot, i might add. tony is probably gonna be teaching me after hours too. roulette class is going to be 4 weeks instead of 6. there was a bit of an issue when people realized i wasn’t already a dealer. they kinda freaked and were like, you can’t be doing this, it was for in house people. so the teacher went to speak to the head of the school about it, and she came over and was like blahblahblah you really want to learn this game? i was like yeah, i was under the impression from robert and mr crush that it didn’t matter that i wasn’t already a dealer – i could do craps or roulette without having dealing experience. so they were like whatever. i have to get pulled aside at times to be taught basic procedure or something, which mr crush will just end up teaching me along with blackjack. whatever. i’ll be fine. apparently they don’t know about the blackjack thing. that was mr crush’s idea i guess.

so class went good for the first day. there was no difference between me being a non dealer and the others. jesus, i know more than half of them, just from watching the game for the past 3 months. my hands are filthy, and brush burned lol. i’m going to have to start painting my nails every day to hide the dirt underneath them between breaks. looking forward to it.

after class, went to casino niagara with tony for a while. mom gave me 30$ cnd to gamble with, and i put in 29$ cnd of my own…left with 110$. we only played for about a half hour, 40 minutes. i think tony left with 225. we got muffins at the cafe before walking back to our casino. it was a good time. he’s thanking me for the after hours lessons, because it’ll keep him from going to canada every day between class and work. haha.

i am exhausted. i could go to bed right now, except i need to learn my multiplication tables for 17 lol.

and today’s pearl of wisdom: whoever said you can’t taste the difference between real sugar and nutrasweet is full of shit.

Posted in: Personal \ Tagged:

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i’d like to officially change my stance on the whole psycho-pharmaceutical scene. antidepressants are miracle drugs. i am so much happier now than i was a few weeks ago. even on my bad days, i’m so much better. i’m 100% convinced my emotional state is due to the drugs, and not to any cognitive restructuring or rationalization on my part. i think the same things i had been thinking the past 4 months, they just don’t get to me as much. so i’d like to thank my neurologist for prescribing me antidepressants to treat my headaches – which it is doing as well, despite the fact i’ve had this little annoying one for 2 days now, and it won’t go away, even tho i’ve taken 5 of my habit forming pain killers.

i was in such a good, talkative, friendly mood tonight. i was talking to anyone and everyone, i had a bit of confidence. i like me when i’m this way. i wish i could be this way more often, since once again, it was confirmed that people’s first impressions of me are that i’m a bitch and/or have an attitude problem. jenn was scared of me when she first met me ROFL. she thought i had an attitude, and was scared to work with me. i explained that i did have an attitude at the time, cuz i was tired of spending 3 hrs a night at the training classes and doing nothing. but now she knows just how cool and nice i am. and i explained this whole self mocking ego bit that i do hahaha. i asked susan if she thought i was a bitch, but she said no not at all. she’s like, the first person ever hahaha.

but things are way weird at work. suddenly all these people are flirting with me. i’m like…uh…did a sign just flash on above my head reading “single?”!? this floor supervisor who i met on opening day, who nakita told me i should date, was asking me about my boyfriend status today, and how could i be a 22 year old chick and not have a man…and i had asked him about his exciting (sarcastic) night, and he said the only thing exciting were the pit clerks LOL. maybe it’s cuz i told him he smelled good yesterday, then asked him if he smelled good again today hahaha. then mr crush “accidentally” ran into me a few times, then made a point out of finding out if he’d see me tomorrow, asking where i’d be tomorrow, and if he didn’t see me, that he’d see me monday at class. then when there were a bunch of us waiting for the bus, we were joking around about getting a ride to the lot from the security SUVs,
and i mentioned that i get rides from security in the parking lot. so this guy goes, well of course a good looking chick like you would get rides from security…wtf??!?!! these people are gonna give me a complex 😛

mr crush informed me today that he’s going to teach me blackjack and roulette at the same time at dealer school. and i’m so beyond fine with that, because 1. i could deal blackjack this very moment, i just don’t know the security procedures. 2. i half know roulette already from mr crush teaching me the other night, and from just watching it – both games i’d just need some practice time and 3. i’d like to know more than one game going in, so i’m not at the same game 8 hrs a night, 5 nights in a row. change is good. everyone’s got these high expectations of me now though lol. what if i suck?!?! mr crush came up to me and was like, go to dealer school, graduate, and start dealing so i can kill some of these people. i told him no problem, that i wouldn’t dissapoint. he said he never thought i would. aww it’s nice for some people to have confidence in me, unlike some other people *ahem*ubeducationalpsychologydepartment*ahem*

i’m really excited about all this. after 4 months of being very unhappy, things seem to be finally looking up for me.

 

holy fucking shit. rhett warrener and brian campbell from the sabres are being…semi-quarantined… for exposure to SARS!!! news said they might have been exposed to it, from one of brian’s visiting relatives who works in a hospital in ontario and was exposed, and is now being treated for symptoms. ugugug scary scary. hate diseases. hate scary new mystery diseases that kill you.

now for something completely different…got another contact for a webdesign project. my site sooo must have been added to google or something. while i’d like to get jobs from it, obviously, i hope i’m not getting in over my head here…especially now that i have no time.

oh yeah!! something else that happened last night. we got our 90 day evaluations. mine was funny. blahblahblah good worker, exceeds expectations, perfect attendence blahblahblah. then one of the comments was something about “always suggesting new ideas” etc…i started laughing – that’s a nice way of saying “she bitches and complains about how things are done all the time, and says they should be done differently.” hahahah

ok holy shit (i’m just full of amazement today)…i decided to search for the casino to see if my site came up…sorta wanted to see if i should cover my ass haha…i get VH1’s site, and a list of niagara falls concerts…since when was the pleasure dome a concert venue? nothingface and rusted root are playing there (not at the same time LOL)…and freaking jefferson starship/airplane are playing at the casino in june….”don’t you want somebody to love, doooon’t you need some body to looove, don’t you want somebody to love, you better find somebody to love”….that rocks! hahaha. and like…a temptations review, duke ellington orchestra…and the next one april 11th is a show called Legends Alive…it’s impersonators of the blues brothers, roy oribison, shania twain, abba and tina turner. it’s funny tho, because people keep thinking tina turner is coming for real. they don’t realize they are impersonators. i’ve heard they’re supposed to be super fantastic though. and i found a site for the beatles cover band that’s been playing – who i admit, are very good. through the first 100 hits, i haven’t found my site, so i think i’m cool.

and i’m definitely getting sick. i’ve been getting night sweats, which i hate, and now my throat hurts.

Posted in: Personal