blah. sometimes i’m such a fuckup. buzz is gone, feeling very selfloathing. fucking alcohol.

i think i slept for a few hours but i don’t know. i’m pretty sure i did, but now i’m awake and no longer drunk, and i can’t get back to sleep. my mind is racing and of course all i can think about is stupid john and this whole stupid situation. i think i’m going to have to say something at some point soon. just to clear shit up for myself and see where things lie. maybe i’ll talk to jenn about this crap tomorrow at work.

or it’s just the post drunkenness making me crazy. i get this way all the time, and by tomorrow i’ll be fine again, stupidly giddy and optimistic. someone talk some sense into me, cuz i seem to lack it on my own.

i should go back to bed i suppose.

 

 

see i told you i’d be fine again in the morning. back to being somewhat optimistic, and when i think about john, it makes me happy and i think about how much i want to be with him.

i didn’t go to class today. i was going to, but i didn’t sleep much til the sun came up, and i didn’t really feel like getting up. oh well. i work at 7 since i had saturday off.

so i forgot to mention some bad news. i’m not supposed to know about it, but i so totally guessed. i might not be able to start dealing til june 18th. whoever is in charge of these things is putting back the 6 month rule – which is complete bullshit and totally unfair. it was unfair that those of us in class now couldn’t go to the first class cuz it was only at night. they got to start dealing right away. now we finally get to go to class, and they’re gonna revert back to having to be employed 6 months before switching departments?!?! bullshit. i guess our mgr who has returned from wherever is pissed, and working on getting us in before then. the only good thing about this though, is that if i’m still in my current department on may 17th, i asked for it off to go to the lacuna coil show.

now adr and i have 2 apartments to look at on friday. should be fun.

 

wow i so fucking dont want to be at work right now. i am in such a bad mood it’s not even funny. and i can’t fucking turn off my brain. i just need to forget about all this stupid shit.