Author Archives: Elegant

1. ug, its 72 out which is way too warm to be wearing jackets. what happened to spring? you know, that season where the snow melts slowly, and temps are in the 50s for at least a few weeks? i forgot, buffalo has 2 seasons…winter and summer.
2. i got another 2 bills from my health insurance…i’m ASSUMING for my mri, but it doesn’t say anywhere “mri”…fucking 290$ and 150$…what the hell?!?!?!?! why do i even have health insurance? the only reason i went through all these tests was because i thought they’d pay for them, and it would make my 250$ a month for the last 8 months worth it. apparently i was wrong. i’m so pissed off.
3. drove out to work to talk to the people in charge of the dealer school. yeah they still don’t know what’s going on…the only info i got was the same info i had before…starting in a few weeks, on the 31st, and it will be in the afternoon. probably 1pm, which is better than 12, cuz i can sleep later, and there’s less time between class and my shift. but they still didn’t give me a straight answer about attending. i’m like, do i just show up? and they said they won’t know what’s going on til sometime this week, and if i don’t hear from them by the 31st to just show up. great.

my thumbs hurt. i constantly slice them open at work. for months i couldn’t figure out why i keep getting cuts, but i think i finally figured it out. i think it’s from unhooking the velvet ropes to enter and exit the pits. that’s the only thing i can think of. last night i got cut enough to bleed, and now its infected. i have a bright purple bandaid on. it rocks lol.

i’m a bit disturbed by my recent theme of dreams…death, dying, and pain…4 dreams about people being dead. 2 about free falling elevators, and the past 2 nights, dreams about cutting off appendages…that my ex-friend andrea cut her hand off using a plastic knife, and last night, 2 people playing blackjack, whoever won got to take an ax to the other person and cut a finger off. one finger cut off for each hand of blackjack lost. i am so mental.

a few things i’ve learned lately:
1. i’m a horrible judge of age. found out one of the floor sups i talk to is 29. he looks about 23. dunno if i mentioned tony is 27, looks about 17 lol.
2. i need to stop assuming that people my age, who are single, don’t have kids. i keep hearing more and more people talk about their kids, and then i get shocked. i forget that i am older now, and people might have kids and/or families. haha.

ok, these goldfish are pissing me off. they’ve got to go. that’s my monday project, a new layout. my hair is pissing me off too, but i can’t do much about it. i can’t make it suddenly grow. i thought about getting highlights, but…probably not. i curl it every day now, and it looks good for about 5 minutes, then takes a shit on me.

and all that stuff i said about being over nate. yeah, that was a lie.

i left the house today determined to return with bowie in hand….well that didn’t happen. went to frisb’s hoping to find outside or earthling. found zero. but i did leave there with the dave navarro “hungry” promo and a perfect circle “3 libras” promo. woo hoo. then i decided i’d go further downtown to home of the hits and new world, cuz i’d actually pay their inflated used cd prices…well everyone else decided to go downtown too. noooo parking…..then i stumbled upon a peace demonstration lol. which is why there was no parking. came back home down delaware and stopped at the record baron, even tho he never has anything i want, and is way too expensive. found 2 overpriced heathen cds which i passed on. but i did end up buying a 3″ maxi cd single of michael jackson “another part of me”. i’m still a sucker for mj collecting. i was almost tempted to buy invincible on vinyl and that record is crap lol. i think he had the entire jermain jackson catalogue on vinyl lol. however, that wasn’t as impressive as tower records in london having the entire latoya jackson catalogue.

anyway. if all goes well, my auction will end in 2 hours and i will own my fab jacket. carolyn thinks it’ll be too big also, so i told her she could buy it off me haha. or i’ll just resell it on ebay if it looks horrid. it’s so warm today, so i broke out my long suede jacket that bled all over me on graduation day in the rain lol.

i think i’m going to go through my mj stuff and try to sell some on ebay. i need to make some money, and i just feel like selling stuff haha. i’ve spent too much money lately, and i still need to buy the restored metropolis on dvd from deepdiscountdvd.com. i AM 40$ richer than i was last week, from gambling, so i can probably justify buying it now…lol. but i won’t. my next check is gonna suck, so i should wait. ug once my health insurance kicks in at work, my check is gonna be even smaller. but at least i’m not paying 250$ of it a month for the insurance i have now.

i finally got the video of bowie’s “heart’s filthy lesson”… it’s pretty rad. it’s like the bastard child of metallica “until it sleeps” and nin “closer”. hah i don’t know why i think that, but that’s just the impression i got.

heat wave. drove with the windows open today! let’s see the current temp….33 LOL i need to find a different jacket to wear to work, cuz i don’t want to wear the puffy coat when it’s that warm out. it’s supposed to be in the FIFTIES next week!!

speaking of jackets, i bid on this on ebay…even tho i think it’ll be too big. i hate that all the jackets i want on ebay don’t list sizes…so i have to guess by the measurements they provide. but i WANT THAT JACKET! if it doesn’t fit, i’ll put it back on ebay.

everyone at work has been in very weird/good moods lately. half of work sucked, cuz once again, i got the crap pits. but someone went home and i got moved to the good one woo hoo. i’m in the good one tonight too. but there have been some really funny moments this week.

along the same lines, i’ve been in a pretty good mood this week as well. except for the few hours on tuesday when i became a grad school reject. i’m wondering if it’s in part due to the antidepressants. this week would be the week they start to kick in. i’m not sure of the dosage for the meds if you were taking them for depression. but whatever. i’ve been in a good mood. i haven’t been all that upset or pissed off. i’m actually at the point of not caring if nate and i are ever together again, and i’m not waiting in anticipation of getting a letter from him. this kinda upsets me LOL. it makes me feel bad. but…just going with the flow. i’m still scared as hell that i’ll never meet someone who i have the same immediate connection with again, but…yeah. not thinking about that. that makes me more upset than thinking about not being with nate.

eckerd had altoids on sale 2 for 3, so i just got back from buying more sour tangerine. they are far superior to the citrus ones. everyone at work is addicted to them lol.

driving down fairmont is a freaking obstacle course. it needs to be repaved badly. there aren’t really any pot holes, just a big rusted pipe sticking out of the middle of the road. each time it gets real cold, more and more of the road collapses around the pipe, and more of the pipe sticks out. there are DPW cones and a sawhorse around it, so you have to maneuver around that. then the retards who live in the houses near the pipe park their cars in the street right near the stupid pipe. so you have to wind your way around the pipe, then avoid hitting their cars – or sometimes drive on the opposite side of the road around the pipe, because there is no room. HELLOOO don’t park your fucking car near the pipe. there’s barely enough room to go around it as it is. i can’t wait for one of the cars to get hit. then when you get to the stop sign at my street, the road is wavy…as i like to describe it, the toxic waste barrels burried in our neighborhood are pushing their way to the surface and distorting the road. it’s like a rollercoaster by the stop sign. ruie road is one giant man eating pothole. adr’s tire burst on ruie cuz of the potholes. ahhh life up north.

so work was actually sorta fun. i was busy most of the time, cuz i was in 2 good pits last night. had some fun with my supervisor and one of the bosses. left little drawings for him and stuff. laughed alot. it was good. kinda weird though, cuz the boss is the one who sexually harassed me last week, and he kept saying i was acting weird all night – that i was in a rowdy mood etc. i was like, ok i don’t know what you’re talking about. so he kept asking me why i was in such a weird mood, and his questioning got to the point of him asking me what i had done the night before, so i told him i went gambling. he asked me more questions about that, and now seems to think i was in such a weird/good mood because of tony. i’m like ok whatever. he never asked me if i won lol.

bah i’ve been sleeping so crappy…not being able to fall asleep til 6ish. i got up at 2:30 today, and i think i work early tonight. so my day is like, shot. i did however, have a 2nd dream in the past week of being in an elevator and the elevator breaking and free falling…hmm

current mood: just woke up.

went out last night to casino niagara. and i WON! woohoo. i won 65 bucks cnd, so about 40 US. (i ended up exchanging in 100 and i think i got like 67 back US…damn shitty exchange rate) went up there around 9 with b-c, who’s real name is tony. lol. we met a few other dealers from our casino up there. played pai gow for an hour or 2, then headed to the adult arcade on clifton hill for food. played some games there lol. then back to the casino for another hour or so. got home around 3:30. it was fun. glad to get out of my house lol. and i WON hahah.

so i work tonight at 8…yippie fun wow. nothing else to say.

i got my osbournes dvd. it’s a riot. even the menus are funny. there are some great moments in the bonus footage. and the too ozz for tv blooper reel. worth the 15$ it cost me. there is an ozzy translator you can turn on, and it captions some of the things ozzy says. there are interviews with them that i didn’t watch yet, photo gallery, the dookie game. apparently you can play bingo but i didn’t look into that. haha. umm…i watched ep 4 and 5 (neighbors, and bubbles) with the comentary. it was sharon and jack…sooo funny. esp episode 4 about kelly going to the gyno haha. sharon is hilarious.

why oh why do i only get good download rates on say…justin timberlake videos…but not david bowie videos?? i was getting 120k/s last night on jt’s new vid…but bowie?…of course not. getting 5k/s now or less. last night was better, but still not 120 haha.

sabres traded gratton to coyotes for a center. again, at least it’s not a goalie. we’ll see who else gets shipped off by deadline.

it’s really funny seeing just how much influence bowie had on hedwig and velvet goldmine. haha. and how much of a trend setter he is/was cuz he invented the mullet.

and i didn’t get into grad school. so now i gotta figure out what the fuck i’m going to do now. i’ve got a few choices i guess…take the classes anyway, reapply next year…screw all that, and think of some other program to take…go all out and aim for the stars at the casino…since i’d make more money doing that anyway.

i have nothing else to say. waiting to hear from b-c about tonight. i need to redesign delirious again. i like the fishies and all, but..just not feeling it. doesn’t correspond with my emotional state. can’t find anything to use to redesign tho, ug.

sabres traded rob ray to ottawa for future considerations, and stu barnes to dallas for some center who’s still in college, and 2nd round draft pick…i guess we’re just giving up on the next few seaons as well, cuz after tomorrow we won’t have any experienced players left on our team…hey, at least they didn’t trade for yet another goalie.

i worked 2 hours last night. but shh don’t tell my parents lol. went out to dennys with adr for 2 hours, then home. it was good. i was just so frustrated at work, being put in the boring ass pit for the 3rd fucking time this week. and 2 more times this week and 2 next week…i told the scheduler to not schedule me in that pit anymore. but it’s not going to matter soon, cuz once the computers get running all of the pits will be the most boring pit. can’t wait to start dealing. i heard again, school starts in 2 weeks…april 1st (or maybe the 31st since it’s a monday). so yeah, frustrated, asked to go home. they shut down 2 other pits so there was nothing for us to do anyway.

today went out with mom and adr to big lots, and to get gas. and mom said cvs had altoids on sale, so we stopped there, but it was the wrong store. everyone at work is addicted to the tangerine sour altoids, which are the best candy ever made. gotta send some to nate next time.

the bowie-a-thon continues. i did end up getting the nin/bowie concert mp3s…the nin part sounds exactly like Children Of The Night, even tho it’s a different show…supposedly. Children is apparently from a NC show, and the one i just dled is from St Louis. there are a few slight differences, but…very very similar. now the bowie set is just starting. annoying part is, it’s only 2 mp3s…so you can’t skip songs and crap. i hate that. but it’s easier to dl that way. now i need to find out the setlist tho, so i can at least write it down when i burn the files.

adr is coming back over later i guess, to use my comp or something. not sure. gotta call b-c at some point tonight, when i know he can’t answer the phone, and find out if we are going tomorrow.

scary stuff. blah. ok so i almost started crying yesterday before work watching the news. it was a story on the local army/air force/reserves/whatever shipping out to the middle east, and people saying goodbye and crying. so yeah, almost was crying. had to turn it off. today there’s been all kind of aerial maneuvers going on loudly around my house and stuff. i start to think, er try to imagine, what it must be like to be in a country under attack…like dresden in ww2 or iraq or whatever…that has to be like, the scariest thing ever…hearing planes fly above you, and the sound of explosions. ug. i am soooo anti war it’s not even funny. i’m anti war to the point where it would actually motivate me to do something – like protest or whatever. if i was in college, or in a place where i could find out protest plans etc, i’d totally be doing it.

i was 10 during the gulf war. totally didn’t understand what was happening really. all i remember is that when it started, i started keeping a war diary…i had this big great idea that i’d keep this diary about the war, and how i felt about the war, and someone would find it years later and think it was the greatest thing ever – like anne frank lol. well the diary lasted about 3 days. i have no idea what i had even written in it, but i know it was like short 1 liner things. and there was something about the prices of a barrel of oil. and this memory is like etched on my mind for some reason – but we were in 5th grade, mpp, and we were all concerned about the war. someone had a walkman, and we spent the lunch period getting war updates. i remember people shouting down the table that oil prices went up to blahblahblah$. it was like a BIG deal to us haha. around the lunch room doorway were a bunch of yellow stars that people had written names of friends or family who had been sent to the middle east. i asked if i could put my aunt on there because she lived in saudi arabia. i don’t think i ever did though.

i should call nate’s parents and ask them what they know about nate’s status if there is a war…from what he told me, if there was any kind of trouble or conflict in niger, they’d remove all the peace corpians…but i don’t know what would happen if it’s an iraq war. niger is a muslim country, so…bah. i don’t like this one bit. and i haven’t heard from him in over a month now. i know he’s probably in the process of moving at the moment, his 3 months of training is up. from his last letter it seemed like he wouldn’t write me til he was moved and settled in the village and life slowed down. i just hope he got/gets my stuff. he’s been gone as long as we had been together…the only thing i’m glad about is that time seems to really be flying. as adr put it the other day, i can’t believe it’s march already.

work was busy, and i was in the good pit, so i was happy. there was drama, so it was exciting hehe. and i got to hear like 2 minutes of eddie money doing sound check when i was checking my coat in the basement lol. Boy-Carolyn is officially “interested” in me. he was talking to me before he went on break, and my supervisors husband jeff came over and was like “stop hitting on the pit clerk. so b-c goes “i’m not hitting on her.” i’m like, oh great. so jeff goes “why not? she’s cute”, leading b-c to say that he was hitting on me the other night, gave me his phone number and everything. i’m like this is super. so then i walked past b-c coming back from break and he was like, i’m sorry i didn’t mean to embarass you down there. i’m like, its ok, dont worry about it. bah. i should tell him i haven’t called cuz i am phone-a-phobic.

so today…get dressed and stuff lol…work on the last few updates to the site. oh yeah, i updated and reorganized my picture page. it’s sorta like eric’s now, with the most recent pictures on the main page, then links to pictures categorized by year. but now i gotta do my custom error pages, since the server does them all for me YAY…and possibly see if i can get a guestbook working, cuz the server does that too hehe. so glad i switched servers. i work at 8…blah. but it’ll be busy again, and i’m breaker…