i’d like to officially change my stance on the whole psycho-pharmaceutical scene. antidepressants are miracle drugs. i am so much happier now than i was a few weeks ago. even on my bad days, i’m so much better. i’m 100% convinced my emotional state is due to the drugs, and not to any cognitive restructuring or rationalization on my part. i think the same things i had been thinking the past 4 months, they just don’t get to me as much. so i’d like to thank my neurologist for prescribing me antidepressants to treat my headaches – which it is doing as well, despite the fact i’ve had this little annoying one for 2 days now, and it won’t go away, even tho i’ve taken 5 of my habit forming pain killers.
i was in such a good, talkative, friendly mood tonight. i was talking to anyone and everyone, i had a bit of confidence. i like me when i’m this way. i wish i could be this way more often, since once again, it was confirmed that people’s first impressions of me are that i’m a bitch and/or have an attitude problem. jenn was scared of me when she first met me ROFL. she thought i had an attitude, and was scared to work with me. i explained that i did have an attitude at the time, cuz i was tired of spending 3 hrs a night at the training classes and doing nothing. but now she knows just how cool and nice i am. and i explained this whole self mocking ego bit that i do hahaha. i asked susan if she thought i was a bitch, but she said no not at all. she’s like, the first person ever hahaha.
but things are way weird at work. suddenly all these people are flirting with me. i’m like…uh…did a sign just flash on above my head reading “single?”!? this floor supervisor who i met on opening day, who nakita told me i should date, was asking me about my boyfriend status today, and how could i be a 22 year old chick and not have a man…and i had asked him about his exciting (sarcastic) night, and he said the only thing exciting were the pit clerks LOL. maybe it’s cuz i told him he smelled good yesterday, then asked him if he smelled good again today hahaha. then mr crush “accidentally” ran into me a few times, then made a point out of finding out if he’d see me tomorrow, asking where i’d be tomorrow, and if he didn’t see me, that he’d see me monday at class. then when there were a bunch of us waiting for the bus, we were joking around about getting a ride to the lot from the security SUVs,
and i mentioned that i get rides from security in the parking lot. so this guy goes, well of course a good looking chick like you would get rides from security…wtf??!?!! these people are gonna give me a complex 😛
mr crush informed me today that he’s going to teach me blackjack and roulette at the same time at dealer school. and i’m so beyond fine with that, because 1. i could deal blackjack this very moment, i just don’t know the security procedures. 2. i half know roulette already from mr crush teaching me the other night, and from just watching it – both games i’d just need some practice time and 3. i’d like to know more than one game going in, so i’m not at the same game 8 hrs a night, 5 nights in a row. change is good. everyone’s got these high expectations of me now though lol. what if i suck?!?! mr crush came up to me and was like, go to dealer school, graduate, and start dealing so i can kill some of these people. i told him no problem, that i wouldn’t dissapoint. he said he never thought i would. aww it’s nice for some people to have confidence in me, unlike some other people *ahem*ubeducationalpsychologydepartment*ahem*
i’m really excited about all this. after 4 months of being very unhappy, things seem to be finally looking up for me.
holy fucking shit. rhett warrener and brian campbell from the sabres are being…semi-quarantined… for exposure to SARS!!! news said they might have been exposed to it, from one of brian’s visiting relatives who works in a hospital in ontario and was exposed, and is now being treated for symptoms. ugugug scary scary. hate diseases. hate scary new mystery diseases that kill you.
now for something completely different…got another contact for a webdesign project. my site sooo must have been added to google or something. while i’d like to get jobs from it, obviously, i hope i’m not getting in over my head here…especially now that i have no time.
oh yeah!! something else that happened last night. we got our 90 day evaluations. mine was funny. blahblahblah good worker, exceeds expectations, perfect attendence blahblahblah. then one of the comments was something about “always suggesting new ideas” etc…i started laughing – that’s a nice way of saying “she bitches and complains about how things are done all the time, and says they should be done differently.” hahahah
ok holy shit (i’m just full of amazement today)…i decided to search for the casino to see if my site came up…sorta wanted to see if i should cover my ass haha…i get VH1’s site, and a list of niagara falls concerts…since when was the pleasure dome a concert venue? nothingface and rusted root are playing there (not at the same time LOL)…and freaking jefferson starship/airplane are playing at the casino in june….”don’t you want somebody to love, doooon’t you need some body to looove, don’t you want somebody to love, you better find somebody to love”….that rocks! hahaha. and like…a temptations review, duke ellington orchestra…and the next one april 11th is a show called Legends Alive…it’s impersonators of the blues brothers, roy oribison, shania twain, abba and tina turner. it’s funny tho, because people keep thinking tina turner is coming for real. they don’t realize they are impersonators. i’ve heard they’re supposed to be super fantastic though. and i found a site for the beatles cover band that’s been playing – who i admit, are very good. through the first 100 hits, i haven’t found my site, so i think i’m cool.
and i’m definitely getting sick. i’ve been getting night sweats, which i hate, and now my throat hurts.