i don’t want to spend today crying but that’s where i feel like i’m headed. i wish i could stop dreaming, because then i always wake up. i should get out of the house but i have no where to go. i should call danielle but i probably won’t. 6:30 have to go for early xmas exchange with parents and aunt darleen and kids…at least that’s something for me to do. i don’t think the kids know much if anything about nate, so hopefully they won’t bring him up. i don’t want to cry in a large group of people. i think if i see danielle today i’ll cry. so maybe that’s not a good idea…i have the INS exam tomorrow morning, i keep forgetting about it. i have to figure out how to get to the federal building…i would really like to isolate myself from everyone. which i know, is the worst thing i could do.