morning. not too much to say. i’m freezing. i got a bunch of stuff to do today now.

nakita called last night to see if i would work for her today, so i am, 4 – close. ended up talking to her for like, a half hour about this girl at work (who was the basis for the self centered post below, for those who were wondering) and how…self-centered she is basically lol. nate called around 10:30 from dunkirk. he sounded so exhausted. i gotta run to the mall real quick to pick up the porn star sunglasses from hot topic for his halloween costume – scottish porn star. i think they were like 10 bucks or something, so i gotta go to the bank since i have like 3 dollars. then i gotta do a bunch of crap with my room like clean and stuff, for the bed switch. my mom wants me to take all the stuff out of my toybox and put it in the basement for now since we have no storage boxes for it. yeah that’s so not gonna happen. there is so much shit in there (all my mj stuff) i’m not taking it in armfuls down to the basement. need a better idea here. oh well.

so i better go take a shower before the heat turns off, and run to the mall so i can do the rest of this shit before i have to leave for work at 3:30.

 

ok you know what. i don’t understand why my blog seems to be the only one that ever creates controversy. it’s like i can’t win. with the shit that went on in geneseo in january, that was obvious. that was my bad judgement, and it’s over and done with. so because of that i change things, i don’t mention names as much anymore. but that just leads to everyone fucking thinking what i say is about them. and no Mary this isn’t in direct response to you. this is in response to a whole summer of people asking me if certain posts were about them. it’s about Kurt asking me if i was mad at him for changing plans with me when i posted about how much i was irritated by things like that. when it had nothing to do with him. it’s about Carolyn asking me if certain posts were directed towards her.

so i’ll say all of this again. my blog is for me. it contains things that sometimes only mean anything to me. if you don’t like what i have to say then don’t read it. if there is something you want clarification or details on, just fucking ask me. i turned over a new leaf this summer, the whole “not my problem” stance, and it couldn’t be anymore true. I DONT REALLY CARE! i don’t talk about YOU because i don’t CARE. it’s not MY problem. it’s not MY problem until someone makes it MY problem. and i’m going to name names now…1. i don’t care about carolyn and kurt’s relationship because it’s not my problem. 2. i don’t care about the eric/mary/joe shit from june because it’s not my problem. 3. i didn’t care about danielle and nick’s relationship at the end of may, because it wasn’t my problem. etc etc etc. my feelings about things are known to the people involved, and that is where my involvement ends. and yes that is being EXTREMELY self-centered (as i admitted i was being in my self-centered post below), but i got tired of making myself SICK over everyone else. i was tired of crying over everyone else’s decisions. i have my own shit to deal with. my involvement begins when someone asks me to get involved. my involvement is being a good friend to people when they need it. and that’s it.

so i guess leave with this: it’s not about you. it’s all about me. me me me me me me me!

maybe i should re-think this whole blog thing. i can’t seem to stay out of trouble no matter what i do. and see i’m crying over this shit again. this is exactly what i DO NOT need.

 

i really wish nate was home. i need someone to yell to, and then cry on. today just hasn’t been all that great. and i feel like i’m going to die. hungry, but sick so i can’t eat, and now i gotta go to work. at least work will improve my mood, but i don’t think it’s going to make me physically feel any better. i wish i’d hurry up and die from the brain aneurism so then it wouldn’t hurt anymore. stupid neurologist telling me nothing is wrong. i wish i could give him my pain, then maybe he’d give me drugs that worked.

 

working for 3 hours is a waste of my time. seriously. 21$ before taxes, that’s 1 tank of gas. 6 hours over 2 days…but everyone keeps telling me how this is a good thing, because this time last year they wouldn’t have even had a host on the schedule. this gives me time to carve my pumpkin tonight, and find the rest of my costume.

my bed is now gone. my room looks weird haha. someone i know is pregnant. and i’m freezing. that is all.