i wish it could have been any other way…

*sigh* today was crap. turns out i wasn’t a 10pm start today, so i was an hour and a half late to work. they made me a 10 start so that i wouldn’t get any points, and still got out as 4 as always with the late starts. sucked but turned out ok. i am a 10 tomorrow however. fine. and i am a 10 NEXT friday. none of this makes me look good anymore. not sure i mentioned it, but u2 detroit is in jeopardy. we have mandatory customer service training at work, and of course my scheduled day is the 24th, the day of the show. i had requested the 23/24 off 2 months ago but they won’t give it to me because of this training. shift manager talked to me on tuesday about why i needed it off, which i lied of course, family reunion was my excuse and that my parents are making me go even though i don’t want to. he said he’d see what he could do, but i wouldn’t be surprised if they don’t switch my day. and i don’t know what that means for me. hopefully i find out if they can or cannot switch my day, and if i’ll get fired for not showing up so i can sell my ticket, or kate can take both and go with someone else, or something. i could use 300$ from selling the ticket but kate will be devastated.

and today was crap cuz i was just really depressed. i think the drugs have been working for the most part. none of the reasons behind my mood have gone away, they just aren’t bothering me anymore, and i’m not thinking about them constantly. which is part of my whole problem with the field of psychology and why i decided not to continue to phd level. i do have my first appt with the shrink on wednesday however. today was just…blah. another day wasted with me doing nothing, me getting upset and crying for the first time in a while. just thinking about things again and yuck.

and i’m completely freaking out with the probability of meeting trent reznor at one of the next 5 shows. because it is going to happen, and i will friggen make a total fool of myself and it’ll be awful. i’ll be able to die with my life complete, but i’ll still probably throw up.

i always wanted a craftmatic adjustable bed when i was a kid. i only just recently realized that it’s basically a hospital bed.

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