\ by

i’m getting sick. i have the sore throat from hell. make it stop. i can hardly swallow. all the cigar smoke blowing my face tonight didn’t help much either.

ctrc business tomorrow afternoon, then work again. dealing monday so hopefully i can get out lots early.

for anyone in the immediate viewing area who wants to come to movie night…be here, 8 ish wednesday. 2 full length movies, and one who knows how long film about the infamous ninj. and food and drink and friends and fun and all that. tony is no longer coming cuz his girlfriend cant come, and apparently he is no longer allowed to hang out with me without her. whatever.

 

gah my throat

had the most weird ass scary dream. i had gone to mexico with a bunch of people, possibly some sort of field trip. there was some big scary mexican gang working in the city we were in. for some reason, they kidnapped one of our group members. we didn’t know what to do to get her back, but we ended up coming up with this big elaborate plan to trick them into giving her up. it involved lots of secretive stuff…an apple IIe computer that had wireless internet, a library/store…we had somehow figured out they were going to be bringing her to this library/store, so we figured we could be in the library/store pretending to do some kind of work, and then when they get in, we had this big ambush plan. but it didn’t work right, of course. for some reason tons of other people joined us at the library/store and when the gang came with our friend, they saw the crowd, and they saw us inside, and they took off. so a few from our group took off after them, and chased them for a few blocks but then lost them. since we had done all this, we really pissed the gang off, and they killed our friend. so then all the rest of us were scared shitless that they were going to come after the rest of us. i was walking down some street on my way to the travel agent to book the next flight back to buffalo, and one of the gang members, a girl, came up to me. she asked if i had been talking shit about her, so i faked and pretended i was on the gang’s side of things, so she wouldn’t kill me. when i got to the travel agent’s all of my group was there also trying to get out of mexico asap. we couldn’t get back to buffalo but we could fly to cleveland, so we did, just to get away from the gang. we left all our luggage in the hotel because we were so scared to go back.

messed up.

i can’t swallow.

 

leighanne saw sex toy girl with no shirt on ROFLMAO

and either sex toy girl, the boyfriend, or both are moving out of their apartment. WHY CANT THE PPL UPSTAIRS MOVE!!! at least sextoy girl was entertaining.

Posted in: Dreams, Personal \ Tagged:

\ by

work went really fast which was nice. leighanne got here around 1, sent me msgs at work about almost hitting a deer cuz it was so foggy. FOG! which meant when i got out of work early (yay) i woke her up and we went out to buffalo to see bob. well…it was less than spectacular fog, and one of the tower lights is out, but it was nice nonetheless….and the patrol cars didn’t notice us really…walked outside and took a roll of pics…and holy cow they’ve done alot of work on the building. plexiglass everywhere. even the doors are…sort of doors and not boarded up anymore. it looks infinitely better. but depressing cuz i’ll never see the inside in all it’s wonderful decay. if there was a guaranteed way in, one that you could get in fast without being noticed by the apparently slow patrolers…it could still be done. but i didn’t see any entrance….

i’m super high strung and i dunno why. destroyed all my fingernails at work, and my eye keeps twitching annoyingly. gah make it stop.

tomorrow is grocery shopping, cuz i have zero food, and work at night again. someone entertain leighanne.

Posted in: Personal

\ by

i just remembered i had the most vivid dream about flowers…i was in some kind of garden and all the flowers were huge. and it was like an extreme closeup the entire time…as if i was photographing them with a macro lens. the colors were so bright and vivid. and i remember thinking how amazingly beautiful they were, and how i had never noticed flowers were so pretty before. i wanted to get my camera and take pics of them.

from swoon: Fresh, brightly colored flowers featured in your dream, whether growing out of doors or arranged indoors, are an auspicious omen of great personal happiness

talked to tom on the fone after talking to carolyn. and i don’t know what to do. so i’ll continue to do nothing.

 

 

Posted in: Personal

\ by

HA

movie night at jasens. watched “gangs of new york”. good but entirely too long. the end was slightly surprising. still too long. and cameron diaz is just so not attractive. but she gets to sleep with justin timberlake every night, so shes got one up on me.

and i’m a jerk.
and if you’ll excuse me i’m going to go abuse some alcohol now.

i’m sorry.

 

today. felt like crap mentally. carolyn is trying to talk some sense into me.

went to the parents for dinner and laundry. mapped out the road trip in april with mom. should be easy going most of the time. and turns out, the abandoned kids park, frontier land (or something), is in a town at the exit we have to get off at to go to tahawus LOL. so we might have a 4th stop now, depending on timing of things. the least important of them, so it gets skipped if necessary. and it turns out the overlook mountain house trail is a “moderate” 2 mile hike, and is one of 2 locations where a certain rattlesnake lives. FANTASTIC. mom doesn’t think i’ll be able to do it. she’s all like, u have to go buy hiking boots now and break them in before we go blahblahblah. and i dunno what to do about rattlesnakes. they’re a protected species so i can’t kill it NOT LIKE I WOULD GO ANYWHERE NEAR IT ANYWAY.

 

a 17 year old boy sums it all up

BlakBinderMonkey: hell, i just want someone that wont treat me like a emotional punching bag

Posted in: Personal

\ by

guess what? i was up at 9:30 today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i got a ctrc related phone call so i had to wake up and be coherent. stupid people working normal 9-5 jobs. but i tried to go back to sleep, cuz those few hours were WAY too many to have to fill with something to do with myself. was that english? anyway. took a while for me to fall back asleep but finally did, didn’t get up with my alarm, and got up at quarter after 2 ish. haha laaaaaaaaaaazy.

 

i only worked 3.5 hrs last night. had a rough night. dumped money, kept making mistakes, so when the pit boss offered to pull me from the game i took him up on it. then went home shortly after. developed my 4 rolls and scanned in 2 of them. did the other 2 today. so maybe tomorrow i’ll have IG updated with battery factory and first ward pics.

tonight is movie night at jasens…they mentioned a contest…i’m scared.

Posted in: Personal

\ by

i need a vacation. this was supposed to be my vacation week. i’m really looking forward to my april vacation. i just need to get away. maybe it will be good to spend time with my mom. and in the woods. fresh air. buddhist monks. urbex. maybe it’ll clear my head. maybe i’ll come back with a new outlook. with inspiration. isn’t that what a solitary retreat is supposed to do? i may not be hiking the entire appalachian trial, but it’s woodsy enough for me.

mom found a hotel near woodstock ny owned by kate from the b-52s. it’s all 1950s mod-ed out. we want to stay, except it’s 1. expensive, and 2. requires a 2 night stay…we don’t have enough time to stay in woodstock for 2 nights. it’s too far between woodstock and tahawus. oh well. that reminds me, the “love shack” from the video is in the catskills someplace…maybe i should try to find it. too bad the resort from dirty dancing, which is set in the catskills, is actually in (west) virginia (?).

tony told me to stop stressing out about everything or i’ll start breaking out haha. oddly enough, that almost made me cry at work.

madonna is playing toronto on july 18. i want to go. it’s a sunday

not exactly an alanis fan, but this made me laff: “Men say, ‘Oh God, she’s a nightmare!’ I just want to shake them and say, ‘What specifically are you talking about–that she required that you tap into your emotional self?'”

 

out of bed at 1:20 today. though i didn’t want to do it.

my current position: i’m done.

done.done.done

what i’m done with, you can try to figure that out yourself. i’m just done with it all.

 

omg i so totally forgot leighanne is coming for a week on friday ROFLMAO. i am such a bad friend. i thought it was next week for some reason.

sucessfully developed a test roll of film. decided to do a test roll cuz my developer looked…lumpy…lots of suspended stuff. i didnt want to wreck my 4 good rolls so i just pressed the button randomly and took a roll of the apartment. and it worked. so tomorrow i guess will be doing the 4 real rolls, but i need to buy more clothes pins first.

Posted in: Personal

\ by

it’s not bacc that makes my back hurt. it’s dealing in general, now that i do it so infrequently. ug. pain.

i decided i don’t know how to flirt. and i really need to learn, cuz it’d get me more tips i think. one of my players today wanted to take me out to dinner. if i only knew how to flirt with my players i’d get tons more money out of them. oh well.

9 emails, 8 spam…fantastic. fantastically annoying.

MUST GET OUT OF BED AT 12:30 TOMORROW! plans! drop off 401k papers at HR, then down portage to return keys to the nacc, then down pine to walmart to buy new pots and dirt for my poor strangulating kitchen plants. work at 8. dealing again. if all goes well i’ll have 4 dealing days in a row

one of the spam emails at a hotmail address just offered to sell me drugs…you know, prescriptions like viagra…the funny thing is, they offered to sell me the pain killers i actually have LOL. i’ve never seen that before. i didn’t realize my pain killers were big on the black market…maybe i should start selling them

 

i got up at 20 to 2. it’s an improvement at least. i did go out to HR, NACC and walmart but forgot to deposit my cingular rebate and buy fixer. i did indeed repot my plants in really big pots. so hopefully i won’t have to repot them any time soon. and hopefully the one that was dying the most will come back to life.

brian offered to call me every day to get me out of bed. but as i had pointed out before, and he re-pointed out, that doesn’t mean i’ll actually get up. my mom called me yesterday at 2, could tell i was still sleeping and said she’d call bad. the most perfect way to have used the situation would have been to get my ass out of bed. but i went back to sleep. so i haven’t yet taken brian up on his offer.

my motivation for tomorrow though, is that i got my developing tank today. or maybe saturday or friday, since i hadn’t checked the mail. anyway…i have all the stuff i need now except fixer and containers. so tomorrow i must get up and go buy fixer at the overpriced camera lounge, and gallons of water from wegmans, so i can develop my film from the long hair whore self portraits and first ward a few weeks ago.

i’m in a bad mood today. very very over emotional. brian’s email made me cry for whatever reason. i do that sometimes…cry because i have really good friends. i don’t know whats wrong with me. forget it.

 

omg my stove has been on for over 24 hours!!!!

Posted in: Personal

\ by

sometimes i feel like i’m 80 years old. i realized bacarrat makes my back hurt. so once again, it’s killing me. and my knees hurt…dunno why cuz i’ve never had problems with my knees. maybe the very subtle change in weather from rain yesterday to snow today…dunno. i just feel old physically. i should start doing the ab workout again.

i remembered something today that made me smile momentarily in another wise boring day. i realize i’m not really unhappy, i wasn’t unhappy today…just bored. and i’m so tired of being bored. i sleep so long cuz i have nothing else to do. and absolutely no motivation to do some of the things i could do (like update institutional green). i need a muse. i need inspiration. i need new music from u2. haha i thought i’d just throw that in there lol

i am going to force myself to get up tomorrow at 12:30…i probably am lieing right now though. we’ll see. i need to cash my rebate from cingular, and take my keys back to the nacc, and try to pay my cable bill again. and i need to cook, so i stop eating absolutely craptacular food. i might make chili. dunno. gotta see if i have all the ingrediants i need.

Posted in: Personal

\ by

got out of work early, which was nice. for a few minutes i thought i was gonna get stuck past 5, but instead i got out at 20 to 4 haha. dealing tomorrow night.

i guess i don’t have anything else to say.

omg i forgot the funniest part of thursday night. danielle was telling us how her friend burned her a cd and said it was new dave navarro videos. so danielle put it in the comp to watch it. and it turned out to be tommy lee and pam anderson’s home video porn. so danielle says “when i realized it wasn’t kinky stuff i stopped watching” ROFLMAO

 

not happy today. not lame anymore. slept til 3:30 cuz i had nothing better to do with my time.

 

so i’ve sorta let my dream site go stagnant..hasn’t been updated in ages despite all the dream i have. so i decided i’d go look up major symbols that have stuck in my head from recent dreams…or the symbols closest to what i dreamed…

Fry- A dream of frying anything indicates unhappiness in love, unless you burned it, in which case you will soon be consoled.

Bacon- Cooking bacon in your dream augurs a surprise, or gift, which will please you very much.

Bed – your own bed promises security

Hair – A dream of combing (or brushing) your hair signifies a solution to an annoying situation which has been plaguing you for some time. To cut your own hair, or have it cut, is a sign of success in a new venture or sphere of activity. Curling or setting your hair pertains to emotional affairs and promises either an improvement in your marital relations or a new romance

Ice – To slip, slide, or fall on ice indicates coming difficulties

Spider – Spiders in a dream are a sign of general good luck; to kill one signifies good news; if it was spinning it augurs approaching money; climbing a wall it’s a harbinger of success in all that concerns you most deeply

i can’t find anything on ferris wheels…that’s all i remember.

Posted in: Dreams \ Tagged:

\ by

omg i’m so lame. lol.

message for ty: what i had said earlier today…i was wrong. and you are probably right. if you don’t understand, i’ll ttyl

so i got to see danielle for a few hours today. her and adr came over to watch the sabres game, and we drove by the new townhouse and went to the ghetto dennys. i had bacon, since the dream was so drool worthy. it was nice to see her finally and semi catch up on life…tho i don’t think things will ever really be how they were in college…kinda sad.

got eric’s xmas gift…he got me osbournes season 2 dvd. i went looking for easter eggs and the good easter egg site is down…blah. i can’t seem to find any listing for season 2. oh well. part of the bonus footage is ozzy talking about wanting to be a hermaphrodite. hermaphrodites seem to be the theme of my weekend lol.

dying my hair tomorrow morning. i got the darkest color brown without going black. we’ll see how it goes. if it’s dark enough i probably won’t have to go black for the concerts. but i did find 6 shampoo washout black dye, so i’m gonna try that and hopefully not have to strip it out afterwards. cuz i know everyone will say i look bad with black hair. not like i care what you think tho  hehe i got the new whore skirt i ordered on ebay. it’s too big though. and i think it’s funny that it’s wider than it is long…it’s REAALLLLY short…so i’m not quite convinced i can pull it off to begin with…gotta try it with a belt tho, to see if it looks hideous bunched up and stuff. i guess i’ll try to resell it if it doesn’t work out. i need fishnets…

apparently i never paid my cable bill last month. so i’m past due and owe adelphia 200$…lovely.

 

i’m still really lame…i expect it to continue for a few more days. haha gah. i’m ashamed of myself

my hair = very very dark. everyone is going to think it’s black though in good light it’s most definitely brown. and it’s most definitely the closest my hair has been to it’s natural color in about…9 years. everyone will hate it. we’ll see what it looks like in a few days when it fades.

is this weekend supposed to be nice? i feel restless.

and i feel like taking a nap but i’m going to resist.

going to try to teach myself how to do html in photoshop. i can’t find a good tutorial to follow however. i can make the stupid graphic, no one needs to tell me how to do that…but i’m not clear on how to slice it, and then get it into dreamweaver…oh well. i’ll look for more info

i get spin magazine now. they had a hilarious article where they made up fake justin timberlake memoirs…soooo funny. and they had tons on grunge, cuz apparently it’s the 10th anniversary of kurt cobain’s death…one of the things was “people who’ve come surprisingly close to being eddie vedder” and of course they had one of my all time most hated people on it – scott stapp – “too ripped/oily/psyched about the 2nd coming” LOL

and all this reminds me…

the following words came out of my mom’s mouth “when i was reading kurt cobain’s diary…”
me: WHY ON EARTH WERE YOU READING KURT COBAIN’S DIARY?!?!?!?!?!?!
mom: i don’t remember…

 

 

Posted in: Personal