Author Archives: Elegant

wednesday…i don’t remember yesterday. OH RIGHT. meetings…401k meeting was only good cuz i wouldn’t have been able to understand it if i had just taken the book and tried to figure it out myself. mandatory supervisor meeting was…long, and semi boring as much of it was the same as the meeting i had to attend for the dual rate promotion. but we are getting some cool training coming up like in card counting…and this cheater guy is gonna come in and show us how people cheat. i’ve heard he’s amazing. looking forward to it.

movie night turned into a slumber party lol. brian was staying again cuz of his car, and james ended up crashing on the couch. played with brian’s light reflectors, doing test pics…we watched “the crow” which we decided isn’t actually a good movie. but it is. LOL. flipped channels for a while, spanked james in dr mario, and got my fill of embarassment by watching my 5th grade musical. stayed up til 530 with james watching music videos and trying to find out which bands from our generation were going to be around 30 years from now – at least in collective consciousness. went to bed but couldn’t really fall asleep. was too…cold hungry and worked up. but eventually fell asleep and slept pretty good. had some strange dreams and some lovely ones. had one about james that was lovely but weird cuz it was like…a different version of today. part of it he was cooking breakfast. bacon *drool*. waking up in real life and having him not cooking breakfast was a let down  haha jk.

so yeah. today. i dunno. apparently danielle is home. should probably get in touch with her. found a definite destination for my vacation, an old mining town in the adirondaks. looks perty. mom is in for it.

i love buffalo. seriously.

so i was being lame and looking up buffalo websites – the buffalo english site, you know you’re from buffalo if…they’re so hilarious.

then i stumbled upon something that i didn’t realize was solely a buffalo thing…

orange chocolate.

apparently the rest of the country doesn’t eat orange chocolate. i don’t eat it either, cuz i think it’s disgusting, but really…outside of buffalo it doesnt exist?!?! you probably don’t know how hard it is to explain orange chocolate to someone who doesn’t know what it is…no it’s not orange colored, no its not in the shape of an orange…it’s just…orange chocolate. chocolate that tastes like orange. aka tastes like crap. lol

when leighanne gets up we have to initiate her with genny, real buffalo wings, beef on weck, and now apparently orange chocolate. any other suggestions?

OMG i forgot to mention the best thing about last night.

james brian and i are going to start a band. and it’s going to be called “my hermaphrodite”

ROCK

my neighbor is doing gymnastics upstairs. WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE SUCH A SPAZ!

and today’s quote of the day:
upon waking up this morning
james: you don’t look like a boy

LOL it struck me as being really funny, shut up.

i think i gave myself a concussion.  i hit my head on the baggage shelf in the bus on the way into work. i didnt even hit it that hard, didn’t hurt that much at the time. but just kept getting worse and worse. the left side of my face feels weird. i took pain killers at work, and it went away for a bit, but now it’s back and it’s making me feel sick. if i disappear it’s cuz i didn’t wake up tomorrow.

turning stone sent me comp things to use in april. i thought hey cool, i can go see apc in roch, drive to turning stone after, stay overnight for 40$ with the comp, play some 10$ baccarat, and go on my merry way across state. except they expire the day before my vacation starts…boooo. guess not.

well i’m alive. oddly, when my alarm went off i was more awake than i have been the past few weeks at 12:30…but i still didn’t get out of bed. my head hurt so bad in the middle of the night that i almost cried. took more pain killers and went back to sleep. it’s ok now but there is still residue in my skull, which is why i didn’t get up with my alarm. i tried to go back to sleep but i wasn’t falling asleep again so i got up at quarter to 2. not bad. i feel sorta slow and crappy still. i might call into work. esp cuz it’s gonna be slow as hell with the “snow storm” today/tonight, and i’ll get paid more if i call in than if i go in and leave early…but maybe i should save my sick days til the bowie shea’s concert since i prolly won’t get off for it…

i’m looking for something to do on my vacation. of course… urbex.

did you know that the wonderful new york state dept of conservation burned down ruins during the 1960s… old catskill hotel/resorts…hospitals…anything abandoned and unused, they just burned down…arsonists. all of them. grrrr

i’m not convinced that i should go on a 16 stop tour of asylums in mass yet. i can’t find any new information about danvers, and others…i don’t know if it’s worth the drive to get there and not be able to look around. or find out they’re not even standing anymore.

but i might go out to woodstock ny and the great catskills resort, overlook mountain house.

there’s also a place in/near saratoga, but unclear on it’s status either – ghost cars, roaming rotweilers, neighbors with shot guns…not appetizing.

ok i don’t get it. i just DONT FRIGGEN GET IT. i don’t get how ppl can just leave amazingly beautiful buildings to rot…hotels, estates, hospitals…it’s not like these are some ugly ass cookie cutter square brick buildings. these are things that were built by architects, with ornamental details, and beauty. i just DONT GET IT.

and i also don’t get why a state as small as mass. had 16 mental hospitals…

i called into work. multiple reasons…1. i feel sick again. my head is not right. felt queasy again. 2. it’s snowing really bad, so there would be no players. 3. if i went in and signed to get out early cuz i’m sick, and there are no players, it’s probable i would have only worked an hour or two, and therefore made between 15 and 30$. 4. i’m getting paid more to call in sick…8 hours at 13$ an hour. toke committee by-laws are great

but i really feel like shit. went to the parents for dinner. roads are super slick it was fun.

overlook mountain hotel is a go. definitely heading out there. it’s actually part of a catskill hike LOL. so i guess i don’t have to worry about trespassing. my mom is probably gonna go with me LOL. she freaked that i was going to go by myself. it’s like…hello. you let me go to ENGLAND by myself when i was SEVENTEEN, but you don’t want me to drive across state alone? ok sure. so i told her, these are the rules. we have no schedule, time table, reservations, or destination other than woodstock ny. if i see a sign and want to go there, we are going to said destination. all my whims will be fulfilled. if we pass a sign for reptile world, and i want to stop, we are going to reptile world LOL. she’s like, when have i ever been super regimented. i’m like, you haven’t, but those are my rules. if i decide i want to go to manhattan suddenly, or boston, or anywhere, we are going. i have 6 days. the only place we’re not going is whatever place in lake george has the horse jumping, cuz that’s saved for leighanne. plus it’s only april, i doubt it’s open yet.

so there you have it. gonna see if i can find any other desirable locations en route.

tonight’s words of wisdom:

Darknyss6: sara it sucks being beautiful I’m telling you
…
vacant enigma: yeah i cant lick my own stomach no matter how hard i try
vacant enigma: i have this thing
vacant enigma: called a back bone

i need some motivation. i’ve felt like crap lately…i can’t sleep at night so i’ve been sleeping in til 3ish every day…not taking my vitamins…not eating right cuz i just don’t want to cool at all…then not sleeping again *vicious cycle*…i need to actually get out of bed at 12:30 when my alarm goes off, and actually DO stuff instead of sitting here all day. what to do? i’m not sure, cuz i am boring…but DO something.

i need to clean my room/desk, that’s what i need to do.

i have a spider problem in my apt it seems. 3 this week in my room. ugly black house spiders. my weapon of choice (which is not christopher walken) is some kind of spray cleaner…usually fantastic cuz it’s the only thing i have in the bathroom in a spray bottle. it’s more of a stun gun than a revolver…stun the bug enough to maybe kill it manually. this last time i switched to oxi clean…i figured since it altered the first layer of skin on my finger, it’d probably kill a spider. i’m not sure if it did or not, cuz i don’t know where the spider went when i hit it with the cleaning power of oxygen…but i haven’t seen it yet. then i had a horrible thought…what if the oxi clean mutated it into some giant killer spider, a la the teenage mutant ninja turtles…no giant mutant spider has shown up yet, so i think i’m safe but…

beware the ides of march

of course, i slept til 3. for no reason. no reason at all.
brian captured a drug deal going down. no that is not me!!! what are you talking about. i can’t believe you’d think i’d do drugs.

i finally ordered one of the posters i wanted from m. kungl…the midnight zephyr, cuz it was onsale for 15$ and you got a free smaller lemon drop martini poster too…it’s huge. the zephyr one i mean…i wasn’t expecting the size. the lemon drop martini one is a cute smaller size i want the rest of them in that size. of course. dunno where we’ll put these…BUT THEYRE SO COOL. he needs to have a sale on his other stuff lol.

every now and then i get reminded that my favourite nine inch nails song is actually not “the fragile” or any of the stripped/acoustic tracks off “still”…but “reptile” from the downward spiral. “reptile” is one of THE coolest songs ever. the guitars are so powerful omg. esp the live version in the dvd easter egg. and david bowie dueting on it during the bowie/nin tour is not so bad either (that’s what reminded me of this fact today)…”reptile”..go download it

if i don’t redesign using the graphics leigh is working on for me, i think i’ll have to do a reptile layout somehow..

work was work. had a st pat’s day party upstairs. joe’s dad gave me beads and a flower. i was special tonight hahah. i’m supposed to go to a mandatory meeting on monday, at 6, but i work at 7…so i can’t go. which means i’m gonna have to go on my day off, BLAH. i gotta find out when the other meeting times were to reschedule. might throw off movie night timing this week, but will let everyone know. also have 401k meetings the next two weeks that i want to go to, so i can be all adult like and plan for my retirement…haha

all is not lost. i talked to ty for a few hrs tonight. he talked some sense into me. or made sense out of my brain. whatever, i’m not feeling awful right now. i just have to remember patience is a virtue.

Lt Ripley 36706: we could find out tho
vacant enigma: haha
vacant enigma: im not wearing saranwrap
**
Lt Ripley 36706: btw
Lt Ripley 36706: i want to state for the record
Lt Ripley 36706: while i visit your site often
Lt Ripley 36706: i do not support its political message
Lt Ripley 36706: and i think you should post that 😛 lol

my dreams last night primarily dealt with ice…walking around on 2 foot thick ice that had no change of breaking, or me falling in. it was around the water intakes in the falls. wavy though so i slid up and down the hills of ice…ice everywhere. another dream involving ice, but it was a hockey rink. just lots and lots of ice all night. i looked it up at swoon but it doesn’t make sense. it feels as if it should mean more than they say…

i’m messed up in my head. everything feels like a mess. over analyizing. i’m feeling very discouraged and negative, and self destructive. i want to throw one specific hope/dream/thought away. might be easier for me.

anyway. movie night. tackled the horribly depressing “requiem for a dream” followed by “school of rock” so we wouldn’t drive our cars into on coming traffic after. “school of rock” was cute. jack black is funny. incredibly unattractive, but funny. reminds me i need to change the “song that makes you laugh” to tribute haha. we hung out here after watching the various video channels and watching alot of crap. james left around 3 and brian crashed in the spare room cuz he had to get up early to get his car fixed nearby. good times as always.

woke up this morning to being attacked on the bct forum, and the forum pretty much imploding through in fighting. seriously. makes me want to shoot myself. does not help my current inner state of mind.

tom’s supposed to call later to talk about…the shit i’m thinking about. maybe he can make some sense of things and make me feel better. i feel really really awful right now. arg

i have to start this post with a metallica lyric

“Ain’t gonna waste my hate”

today has been a day filled with wasted emotions. getting out of the house made me feel alot better. the meeting was good, and we addressed the forum issues, and discussed options. it was fine. i’m trying to get the board to get me a birthday cake at the 75th party

today was alot of wasted emotion on things i can’t controll. i need to chill out and stop trying to control everything and plan for every thing. i need to stop knowing what to do if such and such happens, or if so and so does this, or this doesn’t happen.

i need to stop worrying about what may happen in the future and how to handle it if it’s undesireable.

i have to let things just happen.

go with the flow.

take things as they come.

i may have been deluding myself with false hope in certain things, but when i want something, hope happens. delusional or not…i need to just let them happen if they are going to.

ka.

let the chips fall where they may.

well i certainly had an entertaining last 20 minutes of work…started when i hit a lady with the roulette ball. this guy there asked me if i was mad at my boyfriend. i said no. the lady said maybe i had a girlfriend. which led to asking me if i was heterosexual. i said yes. the 2 of them started into a rather hilarious conversation about gay people. the lady thought lesbians were perfectly fine, but gay men were gross. it continued between the 2 of them, her trying to explain the difference, and all this. me and this other guy were laughing our asses off. in the end, since i said i didn’t have a boyfriend, the guy started asking me what i look for in a man and is going to keep his eye out for me. thanks.

what else did i have to say. oh yeah. the bct forum makes me want to kill myself.

i think i’m definitely going to have to change my email address. and i love it so much too… …i need to think of something equally as cool now

and oh yeah. i didn’t get told off. i’m disappointed. i guess tom and her talked and she apologized for being a bitch, and whatever.

and OH YEAH. i am moving june 1st. to the townhouse by the shale quarry. it’s all settled and signed up and partial deposit and all that. leighanne will be moving in there may 1st, and when my lease is up, i’ll be joining her. it’ll be fun. the return of the non party!! you should all be very excited.

ok i really don’t know what i did to my back…it was fine as i sat here all day. it doesn’t really hurt when i stand up…just when i go to sit back down it hurts. and then it was spasming…i don’t get it. someone fix it.

i think i had something to say but i forget. definitely going to try to get laundry done tomorrow, even tho i’m a early start. and take my film in since i bought the wrong chemicals for the fixer and still am waiting for a developing tank…hopefully can pick them up wednesday before movie night…

which reminds me. someone suggest a non-depressing-want-to-kill-yourself-after-movie….we’re watching requiem for a dream, so after that we need something uplifting…lol. if no one suggests something it’s gonna be dirty dancing

and apparently i’m really stressed out. i’ve been tearing apart my cuticals horribly, and my eye is twitching…you can’t tell it is, but i can feel it, and it’s annoying.

something just made me really really happy. and then 5 min later something made me really really discouraged…