today, a man told me that i looked like a woman he saw on america’s most wanted.

never heard that one before.

then he said that i don’t look exactly like her, cuz she had a moustache

so i said, i thought i’d be able to escape unrecognized if i shaved off the moustache.

 

how funny and technologically perfect is this? the day after i order the z2, minolta comes out with the z3 LOL. man. i’m tempted to return the z2 right away and wait on the z3, cuz the z3 has antishake…i can’t find a release date for the z3 tho…

 

dyed the hair. it didn’t change color.

forced myself to leave the house and drove down to the falls to take some crap generic photos that i can then destroy. got dippin dots (the reason that really gave me the kick in the ass needed to actually go out there), and paid 5$ to go in the niagara frontier wax museum. best 5$ spent in a long time. it’s so fabulous. randomly there are statues of mother theresa, julia roberts, and princess diana…amidst the indians and former explorers and daredevils. surreal. there is something undeniably creepy about bad wax museums. hopefully got some fun photos to go destroy.

which i’m going to develop and destroy now, since brian and james decided to be losers and not to come over tonight.

my section got closed at 11….unheard of. so i did double coverage for the card change at midnight, then got sent to open more games…at 1am…unheard of. there was talk of us all doing over time, of me definitely getting stuck since i was 7-3 but they managed to get me out an hour early. shouldn’t complain then right?

might be going to the linkin park projekt revolution tour with eric from work. he asked if i was going cuz he wants to go and has no friends LOL. we ran into him at ozzfest last year, he looks like david drainman from disturbed. he’s the kid i licked chocolate off his head at the christmas party LOL. but it all depends if i can get the day off. will have to talk to him about it tomorrow, since i was pulled away from his table to open the new ones when we were discussing it. i’ve been compulsively checking orgy’s site, because there was a rumor they were going to get added to the tour’s 2nd stage as the headlining act…and if so, then i’m most definitely going. i should have bought tickets for it last saturday when they had 15$ lawn tix…grr…

i think i’m going to try to force myself up tomorrow to dye my hair. i think i’m just going to do the underneath hair red, and some red streaks on the top layer. but once i screw it up i’m sure i’ll end up covering the whole head.

 

from chucky p’s new book, an article about juliette lewis….reminded me about me. reminded me about others.

“just because i don’t smile at everyone, and ask them how they’re doing, i have to be sad?”

“people have reduced marilyn (monroe) to a sex symbol, but the reason she had so much power is she made people light up. she had a joy. when she’s smiling in a picture she’s a blend. she’s in a female body, this beautiful woman, but she has that child-love shining through, this kind of child-light that makes other people light up too. i think that’s what’s special about her.”

and one from an article about…i don’t really know who it’s about…andrew sullivan, whoever he is…

“Aloneness is…that’s life. It’s the quality of our aloneness that matters. whether it’s quality solitude. i am a solitary person. i always have been, ever since i was a kid. i guess it’s hard…it takes alot for me to let somebody in.”

 

its before 12 and i’m awake because of messed up collage dreams (only way i can describe them) and because my neighbors are inconsiderate. i don’t really want to wake up to fireworks outside, and blind melon “no rain” really loud.

and besides that all i want to do is go back to sleep. hide away from my head and from feeling…the way that i do.

i said i wasn’t going to post about how i was feeling anymore. but i can’t sleep to stop.

 

before i get into the deep part….rupaul was just on tv…as a man. and he looks like a black version of jay gordon.
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“you can’t always get what you want, but if you try sometimes, you might find, you get what you need.” – rolling stones

i’m trying to decide if mick jagger was right. he’s most definitely right about the first part…it’s the 2nd part where i need some convincing….i think i’ve been deluding myself into thinking that i historically go with the flow…roll with the punches my life is thrown…take things as they come.
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i’m going to try to start a daily (more likely semi daily) random memory posting. and for today….

11th grade advanced placement history class. we had just written a paper about Franklin Roosevelt and Hoover (Herbert? wtf is his first name? Henry?). we were going over an exam, and our teacher, the wonderful Mr Afshani, said that FDR was a republican. and we all paniced. we had all just written a paper about how FDR was a DEMOCRAT and he’s telling us now that he wasn’t!?!?! panic the way only smart people who are concerned with grades can panic. until we all were like HES A REPUBLICAN?!?!?!?!?! we cleared up the confusion and it became a big inside joke. he signed my year book with it.
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i want to write an autobiography. but not about me. i’m boring. one about someone else. an alter ego much like chris gaines (i can’t believe i just referenced garth brooks). i think it would be fun to write an autobiography if i had interesting things to write about.

reminds me of my writing project from may that i still haven’t started. i haven’t even thought about it lately. at least i had been thinking about it for a while. somewhere along the line however, i just stopped.
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(you can skip this) i have something wrong with my eye. i get this thing where my left eye gets itchy and the bottom lid gets swollen as if something bit me in the eyelid. i used to think each time something really HAD bitten me, but nope. it happens every now and then, but it has happened a few times this week, which is odd. i’m trying to figure out if i’m allergic to something or if it’s stress. i don’t feel particularly stressed this week (esp compared to other points in the recent months) but…it keeps happening. it usually makes my eye start twitching too. which hasn’t happened much yet. minor eye twitches is one of the most irritating things ever. if you’ve had it, you know. no one can see it twitching, but you sure can feel it, and it drives you crazy. i definitely know the twitching is a stress response. whatever. now you’re all educated and maybe disgusted. whatever.
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i am so lame and entirely too excited for vh1’s i love the 90s….next week! tho i won’t see any of them for a while stupid job. i think one of the ultimate careers for me would be to be one of the people who does the research for all these fun vh1 shows.

i hope everyone had a good 4th of july weekend, whatever you were doing.

i went to work. the big fireworks show went on despite the rain. my parents ended up coming out for it, said it was very good. i was in 3 card poker all night, which was hectic, so they gave me double coverage. which meant mean and stef just talked for 4 hours basically. jenn is pissed because she didn’t get promoted and people who basically suck did….she has every right to be pissed. i’m insulted that people who are so bad at their job got promoted to do what i do. other dual rates are insulted too. it’s like a slap in the face sort of. hard to explain.

dropped dosage of meds again on thurs, and i feel like crap. physically. dizzy and stomach weird, and blah. i can’t remember if next thurs i am supposed to drop again to every 2 days, or just stop completely. oh well.

and i spent some money. i gave in and bought a nice digital camera. i ordered the minolta z2….i’ve read mixed reviews on it, but it seems to do a good job, and have good features, and is affordable. the things people were concerned with i’m not that concerned about, mainly because i don’t plan on making large prints from anything i take. i wouldn’t go any bigger than 8×10 with my negatives, so i doubt i’d go bigger with digital images. esp because i don’t care for 8x10s. i just find them to be too big for my tastes. even when you’re doing you’re own enlarging, 35mm can’t be exactly enlarged to 8×10…theres always white space, which makes things look much nicer to me. so whatever. i also plan on returning the z2 if it turns out i don’t like it afterall. take it to the terminal and try it out. planning on going to dansville on the 14th, so i’ll try it out there, see how things go. and i also figure i’ll still bring the nikon along with me at all times too…for now at least.

i’m a small bit irritated too. one of the people who has been volunteering at the terminal recently, helping with the kiosk, and doing some photo work sent me a picture today….taken at the terminal on the 3rd…of johnny rzeznik from the goo goo dolls with stuffy the buffalo. and i did not know about this. i’m a bit irritated that no one told me he was going to be there shooting footage for a dvd. ME if ANYONE should have been there to schmooze with a rock star. *I’M* the groupie here. i’m the young girl involved in a preservation project. i’m the one to make the link between people my age and the building…i should have been there. i could give a shit about him really, as i don’t like the band, and i don’t find him attractive. he’s just another person to me (unlike if it was say…trent haha). but come on now….and this guy knew about it?!?! how the hell did he know? unless he was “with the band”….SOMEONE from the board was there to open the building to them…so yeah. irritated. whatever.

ug stupid flea bites won’t stop itching. my shoes rub against them all night and they are driving me crazy. and it is just beyond humid out. thank goodness for AC

 

no nightmares that i remember. did dream about orgy playing at the casino, which was rad.

slept in til 2:30 again. forced myself out of bed. should have kept sleeping. working myself into a very bad mood, and i don’t like it.

i have things to do but no motivation to do them. i am jack’s wasted day

uggggggg can’t sleeeep. kept having nightmares when i was falling asleep last night. then loud music woke me up and kept me up in the morning. then the lawnmowers just like every friday. dreams about a politician coercing me into sleeping with him. then weird sorta urbex about a bunch of us living in REA with the politician and a ted-type person. didn’t want to get out of bed, so kept half sleeping, with strange sort of scary half dreams…blah. and i think the dog has fleas, because i have 3 bites on me today.

and i don’t want to go to work. i’m such a slacker lately. i dont even DO anything in my job and i still don’t want to do it.

and i don’t want to do the terminal site updates that i need to do. and blahblahblah.

and we have no food in the house.

non party! yay. *i* had a good time at least. the bonuses decided not to show up (jerks), but jerry came and stayed longer than i figured he would, so that was cool. jasen was able to come for a bit too, he was the grill master. james almost started on fire. hit the neighbors house with the frisbee twice. brian and bob got me a door knob. oh and jasen gave me a radiation detector. finally got to meet tony’s girlfriend, maybe she won’t hate me anymore. and we now have enough alcohol to last us til next year i think. there’s no room in the fridge for food LOL. but yeah, everything was good. thank you all for coming. i hope you enjoyed yourselves too.

after everyone left, watched some/most of harry potter with james. it’s not that i don’t like it, it’s just…not really me. not something i’m really attracted to. but it was good i guess. i think the books might be more interesting to me.

today…ha have to clean the place again. maybe dinner at the parents, tho i’m not quite happy with the mother at the moment. not sure i want to go see them after the highly insulting email she sent me the other day. but whatever. it’s that or starving so…

 

i’m not sure if this is a joke or not:

After being turned down to do the score for the Broadway musical, Aida, Trent Reznor has apparently agreed to work with Chuck Palahniuk and David Fincher on Fight Club: The Musical.
Palahniuk has been giving lectures at colleges around the country. Last night he spoke in Eugene, Oregon and responded to a few questions regarding the possibility of a Fight Club musical. One frequent visitor of this site, Jesse, was in the audience, and here’s his recap:
Chuck just started laughing, and explained how David Fincher caled him awhile back and said some financers from the movie were interested in making a Broadway musical, and had contacted him. Chuck then went on to say Fincher explained he had already called Trent Reznor to ask him if he would score it, and he said yes.
This was also reported on Ain’t It Cool News and has been discussed on the boards at the official Chuck Palahniuk website.

and i’m not sure if i’m happy about it. if trent is scoring it, it would have to be cool…but come on now…fight club: the musical?!?!? is this for real? and trent scoring a musical, no matter how cool the music he comes up with may be?!?!? i dunno about this…

 

 

dreamed about being in toronto. on a field trip or something. also dreamed about driving naked. i don’t usually have naked dreams…never showed up to a party or an exam naked or anything. that might be my first ever naked dream…

dad just stopped by to look at the washer (might be fixed) and leighannes car (still broken). was going to try to get together with heather this weekend, as she was going to be down in the falls at the canadian outlets, but then i realized that the bridge will be like 2 hours to cross, and it wasn’t going to work out. so we’re going to try for another weekend. go back to the cool store where i got the floursecent green sleevey shirt.

i had stuff to do but don’t want to do it. lazed around in bed reading, and day dreaming quite lovely little day dreams, until mom came with the umbrellas and ruined my day and put me in a bad mood. went back to bed to read after she left, but continued in the bad mood. blah. i still have to shower, then chop broccoli, clean…

a note on the day dreams. they weren’t really day dreams at all (cuz i was reading), but just…feelings. it’s hard to explain. i have spent many hours throughout my education day dreaming. and this wasn’t the same thing. it wasn’t thinking of a sort of plot, or…watching a scene in my imagination…it was just a feeling. and it was wonderful. some images accompanied the feeling, but it definitely was not like watching my imagination on tv. anyway…

finished song of susannah. i have some issues with it. i’m a bit confused, as unless i forgot something, there are some continuity issues. just emailed brian about it, maybe i just forgot things. i also hate when writers write themselves into their novels. it just screams EGO to me. it ended up making sense in the book, once he really came into it, but at first when they kept just mentioning stephen king, it was like HELLO LAME. i still have issues with it though.

i liked it. but it didn’t really scream at me all that much. for whatever reason. i think i liked calla better…i dunno. it’s hard to place the books into any kind of order of “liking”…they just are.

i should eat something before my head explodes.

happy birthday to me. leighanne is hilarious. she left me notes in my bedroom from rock stars LOL. fabulous.

today and tuesday is the company picnic. i didn’t sign up to go to it on either day, but they gave me tuesday off anyway. LOL so i have 3 days off this week. good times. i think jenn, tony and i (and whoever else would like to come) are gonna head up to the new casino on tues night. check it all out and stuff.

 

leighanne got me a gun rack

a gun rack!?

i don’t own A gun, let alone many guns that would necessitate an entire rack

what am i gonna do with a gun rack?

so today was the big day. the 75th anniversary of the terminal. i think it’s safe to say it was a success. there were some things that could have gone smoother, but it was definitely good. had a good turn out, better than the picnic last year as this year it seemed to be a good crowd that was very steady most of the day. sold out of all the posters, most of the 75th shirts, and did very well. hopefully everyone else who was set up, or attended, had a good time. ninj and liz came, it was nice to formally meet them, since we met breifly at a tour last year. they gave me the raddest infiltration pin, and then i thought i lost it and i was very disgraught. but fret not! i found it YAY. coolest pin ever. met many more people who’s names i forgot as soon as they said them. i’m a jerk like that. i felt like an ass cuz i had to ask brent (documentary crew) his name, and we’ve talked at at least 5 events so far lol.

after finishing everything, doing clean up stuff, etc, me adr and leighanne went to buca’s for dinner…just like after the picnic last year. turned it into a tradition. good food as always.

quote of the day/night. from adrienne: “that’s why i couldn’t do medicine, i don’t fucking care, just die!” and you don’t want to know about anything else that was discussed on the way home LOL.

and in recap of the other days this week…dunno where i really left off. wednesday watched a movie i think was called “heaven”…it was in italian. it was pretty. thursday….oh yeah, back to the terminal for kiosk work and some set up. james came by thurs night and watched “se7en”. hadn’t watched it even tho i got the dvd a year or so ago. forgot how good it was, and how good of a psycho kevin spacey is. love the line at the end, “oh, he didn’t know.” hehe gives you chills. brilliant concept, i thought. friday was…sleeping in, procrastinating finishing my signs for today…called into work as planned, but went to jasen’s to play poker. and somehow miraculously i won. with a 4,5. actually i won it all with a 4, ace, and i didn’t win with a straight haha. so i got paid to call in sick, and then made money. win win situation hehe. good times.

i’m feeling momentarily better. we’ll see if this continues, i dropped the dosage again. headaches…every day. dunno if i’ll be able to stay off the meds, i’ll give it a few weeks to see if things even out in my brain. and i totally absolutely cannot sleep again. i’d say i lay in bed for at least a good 3 hours before falling asleep. and every single little noise wakes me up. i hate not sleeping. so we’re gonna have to take care of that somehow too. i got used to being able to sleep through most of the night while on the meds.

 

o.m.g. rea building. holy cow. ok so…was back at the terminal today to take some engineers through the building. when that was done, since we had 5 people, we decended upon the rea building to tackle the upstairs. we figure go to rea en masse and we’ll be safe against homeless ted.

i’m not so sure about that anymore. because homless ted is psychotic. no we didn’t run into him, just his aftermath. it’s really really absolutely fascinating. but completely insane. if you’ve seen session9, and watched the alternate ending, you’ll remember the camera panning back on a room with an interesting collection of items all organized and displayed on the floor. very artistic. very very weird. and lets just say ted had a bit of that. and it got better as we moved through the 2nd floor, where he had barriers of garbage and debris…very very very strange. i can’t even begin to comprehend it really. must take the photos to 1 hour tomorrow. gah.

and what the hell was i just watching on vh1. it was called the surreal life, and there COULD NOT be a more appropriate name. a reality show featuring….vanilla ice, ron jeremy…and tammy faye…!!! and erik estrada and a chick who’s name i didn’t catch. all living in a house real world style WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the sad thing is…i dreamed about vanilla ice last night. that more specifically, he was dead, and the world was mourning.

and the even sadder thing is. i find vanilla ice to be an incredibly attractive man. he is just very good looking.

korn’s greatest hits package out this fall will contain a cover of “head like a hole”….

and EVEN WORSE
After a healthy bidding war, CBS has landed an untitled reality series described as a cross of “American Idol,” “Big Brother” and “Survivor” set in the world of rock music.
It will feature aspiring musicians competing for the chance to become the new lead singer of Australian rock band INXS, a gig that opened up after the 1997 suicide of frontman Michael Hutchence
That is the most horrible thing i’ve heard in a long time. that is just….a sin.

 

So, I did it for nothing! I hurt my family! You lost your job anyway! I did it for nothing!
No! Not for nothing, Baby! Nobody’s ever done anything like that for me before.
You’re right, Johnny. You can’t win no matter what you do.
Listen to me. I don’t wanna hear that from you. You can.
I used to think so.