and i return from the dead. was that inappropriate?

well. friday on the way to the jordan concert we passed a funeral parlor. jenn started talking about her father’s funeral this past christmas, and i had mentioned it was going to be horrible when one of my grandparents finally went, because it would be a big family reunion full of people i don’t know or remember, telling me the last time they saw me was when i was “this big” and how big i am now. it was exactly like that.

so i drove out there tuesday. upon going into canada i was told i wasn’t going to be allowed back into the country on my way home, and would have to go through ohio and pennsylvania, because i didn’t have a passport. gave me a really hard time for no reason. jerk. stopped at ikea in burlington on the way. and it still only took me 4 hours to get there. oops. i arrived at the funeral home before the rest of my family did. viewing was from 4 to 9. it was pretty bad. my grandma can hardly walk, so she spent the entire time in a wheel chair. she has no teeth anymore, can hardly talk, and of course was extremely upset. it was rough. big giant family reunion. have i mentioned how big my family really is? both sides of my mom’s family are huge, and most are still in michigan. my mom has 52 first cousins (i have 2…), and who knows how many 2nd cousins (over 100). aunts uncles cousins everywhere, and i probably only remembered…10 at most (many i’ve never met to begin with). and the last time i’ve seen even these 10 was over 10 years ago. so anyway…

my grandpa was a very colorful person, as are most people in my family. loud, opinionated, obnoxious, never shut up. a character. it was hard not to expect him to sit up in the casket and start talking. it really was. one of his friends said if we played a tape of rush limbaugh he surely would sit up and start yelling ha.

wednesday was the marathon 8 hour viewing from 1 – 9. even more family i half remember. a less emotional day for the most part. i was accosted by 2 cousins? who wanted to make sure i’d be voting for Kerry because my grandpa would haunt me for the rest of my life if i didn’t. no worries there. aahhh the freak show showed up on wednesday. half my family is very very good looking, some modeled, some are just really attractive. the other half is out of a haunted house or something. there’s aunt rose, my grandpa’s sister. she has really bad alzheimers and didn’t know where she was or who anyone was. wears a very bad white wig (even though she has hair which her husband dyes blond for her…). her husband, dominic, is the one related to sonny bono. imagine sonny bono but with a very bad black hair piece, bad upper lip moustache, much worse skin, huge nose, and generally more twisted up and you have dominic. in a purple somekind of print suit. their daughter, donna, the 400 lb schizophrenic…dominic bleaches her hair blond as well. their son sammy, the don (seriously), who looks like a young dominic, not quite as horrifying. daughter susie, smaller and less crazy version of donna, but still horrifying, but with dark hair. she had some supremely scary stoned looking boyfriend with her. i really wish i would have brought my camera, because omg, they were amazing…

ex uncle mark came one of the days. he is the artist who thought i actually have some talent. it was nice to see him again, it’s been a long time. other colorful family members were there as well, and some 2nd cousins or something who remembered me. it wasn’t as horrible, but it was so long and boring and i don’t know what to say to anyone. oh my personal favourite moments of the few days were the “she has a 4 year degree in psychology but works at a casino” comments, laced with disappointment.

today was the actual funeral. cousin billy told him the red sox won (grandpa died of a heart attack eating pizza and watching the boston/ny game on saturday). a friend of his said he’d see him soon, but hopefully not TOO soon. haha. it first time i was at a real catholic funeral. lonnnnggg. and horrible. we didn’t go to the cemetery thankfully, but right to the luncheon. by this time i was in severe withdrawl from my meds which i forgot to bring with me…my dad and i left for home around 4. i was allowed back into canada thank god, and am home now trying not to be sick. i feel like crap.

i found it all to be a bit disturbing for some reason. i can’t really explain it. it was really emotional, and seeing everyone else emotional made me even more emotional. i don’t know why. selfish reasons i think. as much as i complained about him and dreaded the holidays there, he was very loved by his huge family and lots of friends. and it made me feel really sorry for myself because i don’t have that. i probably never will have that. i don’t know why it made me feel even worse than i already felt, but it did. i found the whole…viewing thing slightly disturbing, because it’s all these people gathered in a room, a room you’re sharing with a corpse! a dead body!!! my family would touch him, and i didn’t even want to go near him. HE’S DEAD!!!! but it was like, no big deal, happens all the time…but it bothered me for some reason.

i do not want a funeral. i do not want to be buried. for those of you in my life now who may be still in it when i die…if you want to have some kind of gathering or memorial, have a big ass party. i do not want a casket, so i guess my dead body wouldn’t even be at the party. if you insist on me being there, you can rent caskets until creamation. yes i’ve decided now that i want to be creamated. my ashes can be thrown around wherever you want…but i don’t want any part of me to be buried. the party should be big and glam and glittery and fun, and i only insist on my 2 nin instrumentals “leaving hope” and “the persistence of loss” to be played at some point during the party. i can’t think of any other instructions for you at this point.

mr kitty is like twice the size he was when i left tuesday. i swear he is. stop growing!! i bought the most fabulous jacket at hot topic before i left. it’s so wonderful. saturday is tea party concert.

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