i had things to say, but for the life of me i can’t remember them…

i had a blast from the past last night at work. i saw this kid who i’m pretty sure is my neighbors ex boyfriend, who she lost her virginity to at 14. thinking about people having sex at 14 kinda fucks with my head. that is SOOOOOOOO fucking young. that’s 9th grade!!! aweurlsdifjal;erlasknfd it just really fucks with me. at eric’s party i was talking to my neighbor jon and this subject came up. he was like “i don’t know about you, but when i was 14 i just wanted to get the guys and go play hockey.” lol. yeah when i was 14 i just wanted to hang out with my friends and go to the mall…to look at boys, but not actually want to touch them LOL. i might have wanted a boyfriend, but that is high school. high school relationships differ from college hook ups differ from real adult relationships. i just wanted someone to hold hands with in the hall and be seen with. it was a social status determinent more than anything else. but apparently some people have sex at that age. i can’t really fathom that. and to think the rumor was that one of my ex friends from elementary school was having sex at 10. gah.

and i think it’s kinda weird that when she told us (the neighborhood girls) she had sex with this kid, we were all like ok…it was no big deal. it didn’t occur to me how young it was. and now i think about it and freak out lol. i definitely think she’s the only person i know that had sex that young. now she’s fat. i’m not sure what that has to do with anything, but i thought i needed to say it hahaha.

at eric’s party i called her a whore and jon laughed. he said everyone else kinda dances around it, and doesn’t actually use that term, but me – i just go ahead and say it. lol. welllllllll it’s true. lol. her family was the first one we expected to get divorced (but we were wrong), and she’s the first person we expect to get knocked up.

anyway. leather limited is going out of business and they’re having a big ass sale with leather jackets as low as 28$ and leather pants and skirts real cheap too. so guess where i’m going tonight. damn jacket fetish. i figure maybe they’ll have some back stock to put out, and they’ll have my red leather jacket in the style i want. maybe i’ll get some real leather pants. doubt it, cuz when would i actually wear real leather pants? gah if nate was here i’d make him go try some on for me heheh.

so what are Ottawa Senators official colors? i can’t really tell. is it white black red and gold? i figure since varada got traded i should sorta update my site lol. if it’s white red and black hooray cuz then i don’t have to do anything hahaha. apparently gollisano is pissed sabres traded him. there was something i heard on the news about how darcy regier was supposed to talk to gollisano’s people before making any trades. oops.

i need to stop taking fridays off. i’m home, i’m alone, and i’m very upset. and i’m tired of being so upset. i was fine til i got back from the mall and started reading my book. it made me all sad and now i’m here crying, and i need to stop because my parents will be home soon. i need to finish my letter to nate, but i can’t do it now cuz i’m afraid i’ll start rambling all this stuff i’d later regret. i don’t want him to know that 3 months later i’m still getting so upset over everything. that i have these silly hopes of some big great reunion. and how i believe that given the circumstances of how we met and everything that there has to be something more to our relationship than what we had when he was here. these are things he doesn’t need to know, but i know i’d start going on and on about if i tried to finish my letter to him right now.

i thought i was ok, because last night after work i wrote this super huge email to my new internet friend, blabbing about all this, and i thought i had gotten it out, cried myself out so that i’d be ok today, and good to go for another month. but here i am, miserable yet again. my mom gets on my case about how i should write to nate every week, so he doesn’t forget about me, and to ask lots of questions that he’ll have to answer so he’ll have to write me back…

ok i’m in a better mood now because i just watched the funniest movie ever made. Baywatch Hawaiian Wedding. this has got to be the most retardedly great thing ever shown on tv. i am amused to no end. i can’t even think of how to describe it. it has to be seen to be believed.