Category Archives: Personal

HA

movie night at jasens. watched “gangs of new york”. good but entirely too long. the end was slightly surprising. still too long. and cameron diaz is just so not attractive. but she gets to sleep with justin timberlake every night, so shes got one up on me.

and i’m a jerk.
and if you’ll excuse me i’m going to go abuse some alcohol now.

i’m sorry.

 

today. felt like crap mentally. carolyn is trying to talk some sense into me.

went to the parents for dinner and laundry. mapped out the road trip in april with mom. should be easy going most of the time. and turns out, the abandoned kids park, frontier land (or something), is in a town at the exit we have to get off at to go to tahawus LOL. so we might have a 4th stop now, depending on timing of things. the least important of them, so it gets skipped if necessary. and it turns out the overlook mountain house trail is a “moderate” 2 mile hike, and is one of 2 locations where a certain rattlesnake lives. FANTASTIC. mom doesn’t think i’ll be able to do it. she’s all like, u have to go buy hiking boots now and break them in before we go blahblahblah. and i dunno what to do about rattlesnakes. they’re a protected species so i can’t kill it NOT LIKE I WOULD GO ANYWHERE NEAR IT ANYWAY.

 

a 17 year old boy sums it all up

BlakBinderMonkey: hell, i just want someone that wont treat me like a emotional punching bag

guess what? i was up at 9:30 today!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i got a ctrc related phone call so i had to wake up and be coherent. stupid people working normal 9-5 jobs. but i tried to go back to sleep, cuz those few hours were WAY too many to have to fill with something to do with myself. was that english? anyway. took a while for me to fall back asleep but finally did, didn’t get up with my alarm, and got up at quarter after 2 ish. haha laaaaaaaaaaazy.

 

i only worked 3.5 hrs last night. had a rough night. dumped money, kept making mistakes, so when the pit boss offered to pull me from the game i took him up on it. then went home shortly after. developed my 4 rolls and scanned in 2 of them. did the other 2 today. so maybe tomorrow i’ll have IG updated with battery factory and first ward pics.

tonight is movie night at jasens…they mentioned a contest…i’m scared.

i need a vacation. this was supposed to be my vacation week. i’m really looking forward to my april vacation. i just need to get away. maybe it will be good to spend time with my mom. and in the woods. fresh air. buddhist monks. urbex. maybe it’ll clear my head. maybe i’ll come back with a new outlook. with inspiration. isn’t that what a solitary retreat is supposed to do? i may not be hiking the entire appalachian trial, but it’s woodsy enough for me.

mom found a hotel near woodstock ny owned by kate from the b-52s. it’s all 1950s mod-ed out. we want to stay, except it’s 1. expensive, and 2. requires a 2 night stay…we don’t have enough time to stay in woodstock for 2 nights. it’s too far between woodstock and tahawus. oh well. that reminds me, the “love shack” from the video is in the catskills someplace…maybe i should try to find it. too bad the resort from dirty dancing, which is set in the catskills, is actually in (west) virginia (?).

tony told me to stop stressing out about everything or i’ll start breaking out haha. oddly enough, that almost made me cry at work.

madonna is playing toronto on july 18. i want to go. it’s a sunday

not exactly an alanis fan, but this made me laff: “Men say, ‘Oh God, she’s a nightmare!’ I just want to shake them and say, ‘What specifically are you talking about–that she required that you tap into your emotional self?'”

 

out of bed at 1:20 today. though i didn’t want to do it.

my current position: i’m done.

done.done.done

what i’m done with, you can try to figure that out yourself. i’m just done with it all.

 

omg i so totally forgot leighanne is coming for a week on friday ROFLMAO. i am such a bad friend. i thought it was next week for some reason.

sucessfully developed a test roll of film. decided to do a test roll cuz my developer looked…lumpy…lots of suspended stuff. i didnt want to wreck my 4 good rolls so i just pressed the button randomly and took a roll of the apartment. and it worked. so tomorrow i guess will be doing the 4 real rolls, but i need to buy more clothes pins first.

it’s not bacc that makes my back hurt. it’s dealing in general, now that i do it so infrequently. ug. pain.

i decided i don’t know how to flirt. and i really need to learn, cuz it’d get me more tips i think. one of my players today wanted to take me out to dinner. if i only knew how to flirt with my players i’d get tons more money out of them. oh well.

9 emails, 8 spam…fantastic. fantastically annoying.

MUST GET OUT OF BED AT 12:30 TOMORROW! plans! drop off 401k papers at HR, then down portage to return keys to the nacc, then down pine to walmart to buy new pots and dirt for my poor strangulating kitchen plants. work at 8. dealing again. if all goes well i’ll have 4 dealing days in a row

one of the spam emails at a hotmail address just offered to sell me drugs…you know, prescriptions like viagra…the funny thing is, they offered to sell me the pain killers i actually have LOL. i’ve never seen that before. i didn’t realize my pain killers were big on the black market…maybe i should start selling them

 

i got up at 20 to 2. it’s an improvement at least. i did go out to HR, NACC and walmart but forgot to deposit my cingular rebate and buy fixer. i did indeed repot my plants in really big pots. so hopefully i won’t have to repot them any time soon. and hopefully the one that was dying the most will come back to life.

brian offered to call me every day to get me out of bed. but as i had pointed out before, and he re-pointed out, that doesn’t mean i’ll actually get up. my mom called me yesterday at 2, could tell i was still sleeping and said she’d call bad. the most perfect way to have used the situation would have been to get my ass out of bed. but i went back to sleep. so i haven’t yet taken brian up on his offer.

my motivation for tomorrow though, is that i got my developing tank today. or maybe saturday or friday, since i hadn’t checked the mail. anyway…i have all the stuff i need now except fixer and containers. so tomorrow i must get up and go buy fixer at the overpriced camera lounge, and gallons of water from wegmans, so i can develop my film from the long hair whore self portraits and first ward a few weeks ago.

i’m in a bad mood today. very very over emotional. brian’s email made me cry for whatever reason. i do that sometimes…cry because i have really good friends. i don’t know whats wrong with me. forget it.

 

omg my stove has been on for over 24 hours!!!!

sometimes i feel like i’m 80 years old. i realized bacarrat makes my back hurt. so once again, it’s killing me. and my knees hurt…dunno why cuz i’ve never had problems with my knees. maybe the very subtle change in weather from rain yesterday to snow today…dunno. i just feel old physically. i should start doing the ab workout again.

i remembered something today that made me smile momentarily in another wise boring day. i realize i’m not really unhappy, i wasn’t unhappy today…just bored. and i’m so tired of being bored. i sleep so long cuz i have nothing else to do. and absolutely no motivation to do some of the things i could do (like update institutional green). i need a muse. i need inspiration. i need new music from u2. haha i thought i’d just throw that in there lol

i am going to force myself to get up tomorrow at 12:30…i probably am lieing right now though. we’ll see. i need to cash my rebate from cingular, and take my keys back to the nacc, and try to pay my cable bill again. and i need to cook, so i stop eating absolutely craptacular food. i might make chili. dunno. gotta see if i have all the ingrediants i need.

omg i’m so lame. lol.

message for ty: what i had said earlier today…i was wrong. and you are probably right. if you don’t understand, i’ll ttyl

so i got to see danielle for a few hours today. her and adr came over to watch the sabres game, and we drove by the new townhouse and went to the ghetto dennys. i had bacon, since the dream was so drool worthy. it was nice to see her finally and semi catch up on life…tho i don’t think things will ever really be how they were in college…kinda sad.

got eric’s xmas gift…he got me osbournes season 2 dvd. i went looking for easter eggs and the good easter egg site is down…blah. i can’t seem to find any listing for season 2. oh well. part of the bonus footage is ozzy talking about wanting to be a hermaphrodite. hermaphrodites seem to be the theme of my weekend lol.

dying my hair tomorrow morning. i got the darkest color brown without going black. we’ll see how it goes. if it’s dark enough i probably won’t have to go black for the concerts. but i did find 6 shampoo washout black dye, so i’m gonna try that and hopefully not have to strip it out afterwards. cuz i know everyone will say i look bad with black hair. not like i care what you think tho  hehe i got the new whore skirt i ordered on ebay. it’s too big though. and i think it’s funny that it’s wider than it is long…it’s REAALLLLY short…so i’m not quite convinced i can pull it off to begin with…gotta try it with a belt tho, to see if it looks hideous bunched up and stuff. i guess i’ll try to resell it if it doesn’t work out. i need fishnets…

apparently i never paid my cable bill last month. so i’m past due and owe adelphia 200$…lovely.

 

i’m still really lame…i expect it to continue for a few more days. haha gah. i’m ashamed of myself

my hair = very very dark. everyone is going to think it’s black though in good light it’s most definitely brown. and it’s most definitely the closest my hair has been to it’s natural color in about…9 years. everyone will hate it. we’ll see what it looks like in a few days when it fades.

is this weekend supposed to be nice? i feel restless.

and i feel like taking a nap but i’m going to resist.

going to try to teach myself how to do html in photoshop. i can’t find a good tutorial to follow however. i can make the stupid graphic, no one needs to tell me how to do that…but i’m not clear on how to slice it, and then get it into dreamweaver…oh well. i’ll look for more info

i get spin magazine now. they had a hilarious article where they made up fake justin timberlake memoirs…soooo funny. and they had tons on grunge, cuz apparently it’s the 10th anniversary of kurt cobain’s death…one of the things was “people who’ve come surprisingly close to being eddie vedder” and of course they had one of my all time most hated people on it – scott stapp – “too ripped/oily/psyched about the 2nd coming” LOL

and all this reminds me…

the following words came out of my mom’s mouth “when i was reading kurt cobain’s diary…”
me: WHY ON EARTH WERE YOU READING KURT COBAIN’S DIARY?!?!?!?!?!?!
mom: i don’t remember…

 

 

wednesday…i don’t remember yesterday. OH RIGHT. meetings…401k meeting was only good cuz i wouldn’t have been able to understand it if i had just taken the book and tried to figure it out myself. mandatory supervisor meeting was…long, and semi boring as much of it was the same as the meeting i had to attend for the dual rate promotion. but we are getting some cool training coming up like in card counting…and this cheater guy is gonna come in and show us how people cheat. i’ve heard he’s amazing. looking forward to it.

movie night turned into a slumber party lol. brian was staying again cuz of his car, and james ended up crashing on the couch. played with brian’s light reflectors, doing test pics…we watched “the crow” which we decided isn’t actually a good movie. but it is. LOL. flipped channels for a while, spanked james in dr mario, and got my fill of embarassment by watching my 5th grade musical. stayed up til 530 with james watching music videos and trying to find out which bands from our generation were going to be around 30 years from now – at least in collective consciousness. went to bed but couldn’t really fall asleep. was too…cold hungry and worked up. but eventually fell asleep and slept pretty good. had some strange dreams and some lovely ones. had one about james that was lovely but weird cuz it was like…a different version of today. part of it he was cooking breakfast. bacon *drool*. waking up in real life and having him not cooking breakfast was a let down  haha jk.

so yeah. today. i dunno. apparently danielle is home. should probably get in touch with her. found a definite destination for my vacation, an old mining town in the adirondaks. looks perty. mom is in for it.

 

i love buffalo. seriously.

so i was being lame and looking up buffalo websites – the buffalo english site, you know you’re from buffalo if…they’re so hilarious.

then i stumbled upon something that i didn’t realize was solely a buffalo thing…

orange chocolate.

apparently the rest of the country doesn’t eat orange chocolate. i don’t eat it either, cuz i think it’s disgusting, but really…outside of buffalo it doesnt exist?!?! you probably don’t know how hard it is to explain orange chocolate to someone who doesn’t know what it is…no it’s not orange colored, no its not in the shape of an orange…it’s just…orange chocolate. chocolate that tastes like orange. aka tastes like crap. lol

when leighanne gets up we have to initiate her with genny, real buffalo wings, beef on weck, and now apparently orange chocolate. any other suggestions?

 

OMG i forgot to mention the best thing about last night.

james brian and i are going to start a band. and it’s going to be called “my hermaphrodite”

ROCK

my neighbor is doing gymnastics upstairs. WHY DOES HE HAVE TO BE SUCH A SPAZ!

and today’s quote of the day:
upon waking up this morning
james: you don’t look like a boy

LOL it struck me as being really funny, shut up.

i think i gave myself a concussion.  i hit my head on the baggage shelf in the bus on the way into work. i didnt even hit it that hard, didn’t hurt that much at the time. but just kept getting worse and worse. the left side of my face feels weird. i took pain killers at work, and it went away for a bit, but now it’s back and it’s making me feel sick. if i disappear it’s cuz i didn’t wake up tomorrow.

turning stone sent me comp things to use in april. i thought hey cool, i can go see apc in roch, drive to turning stone after, stay overnight for 40$ with the comp, play some 10$ baccarat, and go on my merry way across state. except they expire the day before my vacation starts…boooo. guess not.

 

well i’m alive. oddly, when my alarm went off i was more awake than i have been the past few weeks at 12:30…but i still didn’t get out of bed. my head hurt so bad in the middle of the night that i almost cried. took more pain killers and went back to sleep. it’s ok now but there is still residue in my skull, which is why i didn’t get up with my alarm. i tried to go back to sleep but i wasn’t falling asleep again so i got up at quarter to 2. not bad. i feel sorta slow and crappy still. i might call into work. esp cuz it’s gonna be slow as hell with the “snow storm” today/tonight, and i’ll get paid more if i call in than if i go in and leave early…but maybe i should save my sick days til the bowie shea’s concert since i prolly won’t get off for it…

 

i’m looking for something to do on my vacation. of course… urbex.

did you know that the wonderful new york state dept of conservation burned down ruins during the 1960s… old catskill hotel/resorts…hospitals…anything abandoned and unused, they just burned down…arsonists. all of them. grrrr

i’m not convinced that i should go on a 16 stop tour of asylums in mass yet. i can’t find any new information about danvers, and others…i don’t know if it’s worth the drive to get there and not be able to look around. or find out they’re not even standing anymore.

but i might go out to woodstock ny and the great catskills resort, overlook mountain house.

there’s also a place in/near saratoga, but unclear on it’s status either – ghost cars, roaming rotweilers, neighbors with shot guns…not appetizing.

ok i don’t get it. i just DONT FRIGGEN GET IT. i don’t get how ppl can just leave amazingly beautiful buildings to rot…hotels, estates, hospitals…it’s not like these are some ugly ass cookie cutter square brick buildings. these are things that were built by architects, with ornamental details, and beauty. i just DONT GET IT.

and i also don’t get why a state as small as mass. had 16 mental hospitals…

 

i called into work. multiple reasons…1. i feel sick again. my head is not right. felt queasy again. 2. it’s snowing really bad, so there would be no players. 3. if i went in and signed to get out early cuz i’m sick, and there are no players, it’s probable i would have only worked an hour or two, and therefore made between 15 and 30$. 4. i’m getting paid more to call in sick…8 hours at 13$ an hour. toke committee by-laws are great

but i really feel like shit. went to the parents for dinner. roads are super slick it was fun.

overlook mountain hotel is a go. definitely heading out there. it’s actually part of a catskill hike LOL. so i guess i don’t have to worry about trespassing. my mom is probably gonna go with me LOL. she freaked that i was going to go by myself. it’s like…hello. you let me go to ENGLAND by myself when i was SEVENTEEN, but you don’t want me to drive across state alone? ok sure. so i told her, these are the rules. we have no schedule, time table, reservations, or destination other than woodstock ny. if i see a sign and want to go there, we are going to said destination. all my whims will be fulfilled. if we pass a sign for reptile world, and i want to stop, we are going to reptile world LOL. she’s like, when have i ever been super regimented. i’m like, you haven’t, but those are my rules. if i decide i want to go to manhattan suddenly, or boston, or anywhere, we are going. i have 6 days. the only place we’re not going is whatever place in lake george has the horse jumping, cuz that’s saved for leighanne. plus it’s only april, i doubt it’s open yet.

so there you have it. gonna see if i can find any other desirable locations en route.

 

tonight’s words of wisdom:

Darknyss6: sara it sucks being beautiful I’m telling you
…
vacant enigma: yeah i cant lick my own stomach no matter how hard i try
vacant enigma: i have this thing
vacant enigma: called a back bone

i need some motivation. i’ve felt like crap lately…i can’t sleep at night so i’ve been sleeping in til 3ish every day…not taking my vitamins…not eating right cuz i just don’t want to cool at all…then not sleeping again *vicious cycle*…i need to actually get out of bed at 12:30 when my alarm goes off, and actually DO stuff instead of sitting here all day. what to do? i’m not sure, cuz i am boring…but DO something.

i need to clean my room/desk, that’s what i need to do.

i have a spider problem in my apt it seems. 3 this week in my room. ugly black house spiders. my weapon of choice (which is not christopher walken) is some kind of spray cleaner…usually fantastic cuz it’s the only thing i have in the bathroom in a spray bottle. it’s more of a stun gun than a revolver…stun the bug enough to maybe kill it manually. this last time i switched to oxi clean…i figured since it altered the first layer of skin on my finger, it’d probably kill a spider. i’m not sure if it did or not, cuz i don’t know where the spider went when i hit it with the cleaning power of oxygen…but i haven’t seen it yet. then i had a horrible thought…what if the oxi clean mutated it into some giant killer spider, a la the teenage mutant ninja turtles…no giant mutant spider has shown up yet, so i think i’m safe but…

 

beware the ides of march

of course, i slept til 3. for no reason. no reason at all.
brian captured a drug deal going down. no that is not me!!! what are you talking about. i can’t believe you’d think i’d do drugs.

i finally ordered one of the posters i wanted from m. kungl…the midnight zephyr, cuz it was onsale for 15$ and you got a free smaller lemon drop martini poster too…it’s huge. the zephyr one i mean…i wasn’t expecting the size. the lemon drop martini one is a cute smaller size i want the rest of them in that size. of course. dunno where we’ll put these…BUT THEYRE SO COOL. he needs to have a sale on his other stuff lol.

every now and then i get reminded that my favourite nine inch nails song is actually not “the fragile” or any of the stripped/acoustic tracks off “still”…but “reptile” from the downward spiral. “reptile” is one of THE coolest songs ever. the guitars are so powerful omg. esp the live version in the dvd easter egg. and david bowie dueting on it during the bowie/nin tour is not so bad either (that’s what reminded me of this fact today)…”reptile”..go download it

if i don’t redesign using the graphics leigh is working on for me, i think i’ll have to do a reptile layout somehow..

work was work. had a st pat’s day party upstairs. joe’s dad gave me beads and a flower. i was special tonight hahah. i’m supposed to go to a mandatory meeting on monday, at 6, but i work at 7…so i can’t go. which means i’m gonna have to go on my day off, BLAH. i gotta find out when the other meeting times were to reschedule. might throw off movie night timing this week, but will let everyone know. also have 401k meetings the next two weeks that i want to go to, so i can be all adult like and plan for my retirement…haha