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all is not lost. i talked to ty for a few hrs tonight. he talked some sense into me. or made sense out of my brain. whatever, i’m not feeling awful right now. i just have to remember patience is a virtue.

Lt Ripley 36706: we could find out tho
vacant enigma: haha
vacant enigma: im not wearing saranwrap
**
Lt Ripley 36706: btw
Lt Ripley 36706: i want to state for the record
Lt Ripley 36706: while i visit your site often
Lt Ripley 36706: i do not support its political message
Lt Ripley 36706: and i think you should post that 😛 lol

Posted in: Personal

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my dreams last night primarily dealt with ice…walking around on 2 foot thick ice that had no change of breaking, or me falling in. it was around the water intakes in the falls. wavy though so i slid up and down the hills of ice…ice everywhere. another dream involving ice, but it was a hockey rink. just lots and lots of ice all night. i looked it up at swoon but it doesn’t make sense. it feels as if it should mean more than they say…

i’m messed up in my head. everything feels like a mess. over analyizing. i’m feeling very discouraged and negative, and self destructive. i want to throw one specific hope/dream/thought away. might be easier for me.

anyway. movie night. tackled the horribly depressing “requiem for a dream” followed by “school of rock” so we wouldn’t drive our cars into on coming traffic after. “school of rock” was cute. jack black is funny. incredibly unattractive, but funny. reminds me i need to change the “song that makes you laugh” to tribute haha. we hung out here after watching the various video channels and watching alot of crap. james left around 3 and brian crashed in the spare room cuz he had to get up early to get his car fixed nearby. good times as always.

woke up this morning to being attacked on the bct forum, and the forum pretty much imploding through in fighting. seriously. makes me want to shoot myself. does not help my current inner state of mind.

tom’s supposed to call later to talk about…the shit i’m thinking about. maybe he can make some sense of things and make me feel better. i feel really really awful right now. arg

 

i have to start this post with a metallica lyric

“Ain’t gonna waste my hate”

today has been a day filled with wasted emotions. getting out of the house made me feel alot better. the meeting was good, and we addressed the forum issues, and discussed options. it was fine. i’m trying to get the board to get me a birthday cake at the 75th party

today was alot of wasted emotion on things i can’t controll. i need to chill out and stop trying to control everything and plan for every thing. i need to stop knowing what to do if such and such happens, or if so and so does this, or this doesn’t happen.

i need to stop worrying about what may happen in the future and how to handle it if it’s undesireable.

i have to let things just happen.

go with the flow.

take things as they come.

i may have been deluding myself with false hope in certain things, but when i want something, hope happens. delusional or not…i need to just let them happen if they are going to.

ka.

let the chips fall where they may.

Posted in: Personal

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well i certainly had an entertaining last 20 minutes of work…started when i hit a lady with the roulette ball. this guy there asked me if i was mad at my boyfriend. i said no. the lady said maybe i had a girlfriend. which led to asking me if i was heterosexual. i said yes. the 2 of them started into a rather hilarious conversation about gay people. the lady thought lesbians were perfectly fine, but gay men were gross. it continued between the 2 of them, her trying to explain the difference, and all this. me and this other guy were laughing our asses off. in the end, since i said i didn’t have a boyfriend, the guy started asking me what i look for in a man and is going to keep his eye out for me. thanks.

what else did i have to say. oh yeah. the bct forum makes me want to kill myself.

i think i’m definitely going to have to change my email address. and i love it so much too… …i need to think of something equally as cool now

and oh yeah. i didn’t get told off. i’m disappointed. i guess tom and her talked and she apologized for being a bitch, and whatever.

and OH YEAH. i am moving june 1st. to the townhouse by the shale quarry. it’s all settled and signed up and partial deposit and all that. leighanne will be moving in there may 1st, and when my lease is up, i’ll be joining her. it’ll be fun. the return of the non party!! you should all be very excited.

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ok i really don’t know what i did to my back…it was fine as i sat here all day. it doesn’t really hurt when i stand up…just when i go to sit back down it hurts. and then it was spasming…i don’t get it. someone fix it.

i think i had something to say but i forget. definitely going to try to get laundry done tomorrow, even tho i’m a early start. and take my film in since i bought the wrong chemicals for the fixer and still am waiting for a developing tank…hopefully can pick them up wednesday before movie night…

which reminds me. someone suggest a non-depressing-want-to-kill-yourself-after-movie….we’re watching requiem for a dream, so after that we need something uplifting…lol. if no one suggests something it’s gonna be dirty dancing

and apparently i’m really stressed out. i’ve been tearing apart my cuticals horribly, and my eye is twitching…you can’t tell it is, but i can feel it, and it’s annoying.

something just made me really really happy. and then 5 min later something made me really really discouraged…

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in the last 24 hours i did something to my back and it hurts soooooooo bad. my lower back too, which is unusual. usually it’s my shoulders that hurt like a bitch. blah. it’s fine during extended periods of sitting or standing…but changing positions…ouch. i need a massage *looks at ty *

work was work. no big thing. definitely gotta get my ass out of bed tomorrow on time, cuz i need to do laundry….this week’s schedule, flooring 8-4, dealing 7-3, off, ctrc, bacc 8-4, flooring 8-4 and flooring 8-4. sunday was SUPPOSED to be 6-2 but noo they went and changed it on me. jerks.

finally finished wizard and glass, took forever. not that it wasn’t good. it just took me so long when i only read before i go to bed. so now i get to start wolves of calla. i hate hard cover books, i just want to say. they’re too heavy lol.

 

 

so much for laundry. i couldn’t sleep last night. got up at 12:30, checked email, went back to bed. oh well. wednesday i guess…

best *I hate everybody*song: “dizzy” and “dissention” – orgy

best *damn all this love shit* song: “heart’s filthy lesson” – david bowie or “pure” – orgy

best *hey this song reminds me of* song: anything on candyass, mer des noms, or the devil you know

best *wow I hate this song* song: anything by creed, and most of the stuff on the radio

best “hmm..can everyone please stop FUCKING me over” song: “break stuff” – limp bizkit

best “I hope nobody finds out I like this song” song: “fighter” – xtina, but it’s out now right…

best *get the fuck out of my life* song: “leave me alone” – michael jackson

best *spontaneously start singing everyday* song: “life on mars?” – david bowie

best *I listen to when I am bawling my eyes out* song: “something i can never have” – nine inch nails

best *this song puts me in a grand mood* song: “walk on” – u2

best *I don’t give a fuck* song: “eraser” – nine inch nails

Reminds you of an ex-friend: “dissention” – orgy

Makes you laugh: “everybody was kung fu fighting” – by whoever sang that song

You never want to hear again: anything by creed or the police

You want to get married to: i should pick some cheesy 80s hair metal band song…like “heaven” by warrant or something lol

Sums up your teenage years: unfortunately i can’t use “elegantly wasted” here…”somewhere i belong” – linkin park

You like to wake up to: “closer” – nine inch nails

You like out of your parents record collection: The Doors

You wouldn’t know about if it wasn’t for a friend: 30 seconds to mars

Makes you think of someone who died: “eva” – orgy

You love the video more than the tune: “jeopardy” – greg hihn band

Reminds you of your now crush or love: “we are thrown together” – inxs

Makes you think of sex: “closer” – nine inch nails duh…or “sex type thing” – stone temple pilots

Makes you think of being alone: “and all that could have been” – nine inch nails

Are you embarrassed to admit you like: justin timberlake

Perks you up: “walk on” – u2

Do you love to sing: everything

Do you want to put on the list that didn’t fit elsewhere: “heart’s filthy lesson” – david bowie

Posted in: Personal \ Tagged: ,

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holy bowie….

tonight was my first night on baccarat since new years eve when i got promoted. i didn’t think i’d remember what to do. it was a normal night…spent the first 4 hours sitting there talking with the other 2 dealers. geneseo housemate bill, who now lives in tonawanda, stopped in and talked to me for a while. it was nice to see him again. blahblahblah. midnight we get a game going. normal game…until the last hour. it was the most amazing hour i’ve ever dealt. i don’t even know what to say (plus i can’t really say why). but WOW….yeah. friggen great night…

remember how i said i haven’t been involved in drama in a real long time. well that streak ended…it’s not a big deal, but i’m gonna get told off on tuesday, and i really can’t wait. i can’t wait for her to yell at me and call me names and whatever else she decides to spit at me, so i can go “are you done? k, bye” and walk away. it’ll be fantastic. it’s all to do with tom, and how me and him are friends, and a text message that went to her instead of me. whatever. it’s gonna be good for tom in the long run, since this is really ending whatever they had that wasn’t quite ended. it’ll be interesting.

and the sabres beat toronto’s ass!

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a black man came up to me today and said “miss, miss”. so i go over and say “what”. he says “you’re beautiful”…..guess what. HE WAS OLD.

i talked to the band that played tonight. got their card to email them about the bct party. they play fun r&b, motown, 70s funk, etc…like lance diamond. but not lance diamond. and possibly cheaper than lance diamond. hahaha. we’ll see what happens. got to leave early. talked to tom on the phone as he drove home cuz he was giving me advice lol. his advice is more doable than ty’s

 

“Me? I’m scared of everything. I’m scared of what I saw. I’m scared of what I did, of who I am. And most of all… I’m scared of walking out of this room and never feeling the rest of my whole life, the way I feel when I’m with you.”

everyone should be relieved that i watched dirty dancing today, or else i’d be making everyone watch it on wednesday

best. movie. ever….or at least from my childhood. gah i love that movie. it is just so friggen great!!!!!!!! i smile throughout the whole thing. it’s the only movie i think patrick swayze is hot in. tho i hate his lips. he’s got a phenomenal back lol. it’s such a cute love story. i want that hahah.

“it’s not a great room. you probably have a great room.”
“no it’s great room.”

ROFL gah

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so.

it’s easter time. and that means chicks ducks and bunnies sweettarts…except that when the crew was at tops on wednesday night, they didn’t have any !!!!!!!!! wtf is that?!? so disapointed. i haven’t had sweettarts in forever, esp after i joined sweettartaholics anonymous… haha someone find them for meee

i dunno if i mentioned this or not…i called my grandpa in the hospital yesterday. he didn’t sound good at all. could barely understand what he was saying he was slurring so bad for whatever reason. he thinks he’s getting out tomorrow but i don’t know how true that is. he claimed they’re screwing with his medicine to get it right…i’m waiting for the call.

as i expected i already want to do a redesign for this site…hah

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movie night at jasens was fabulous. we watched snatch and the ring. both were good. the ring was indeed very creepy. the first 5 minutes creeped me out more than the rest. i thought i actually wasn’t going to be able to go home alone, but i made it. LOL. of course, when the movie ended, my phone rang. (ive you’ve seen it, you’ll understand). it would have made more of an impact if they had waited til i left to do it LOL. it’s the thought that counts right? blair witch still fucked me up more though.

on the way home i thought i drove into a horror movie. a girl was walking in the rain on the side of the highway with a flashlight…i could just see myself hitting her and then being haunted because she just wouldn’t die…no matter how many times i ran her over or smashed her against a tree…a la creepshow 2 lol

so with the syndication/xml/atom stuff worked out, the following people need to syndicate their site: carolyn, amanda, adrienne…eric can take care of amanda if it’s not already syndicated, carolyn and adrienne…go into blogger, go into settings, click site feed, pick yes, and full…the end. no big deal. fyi i’m using bloglines.com for the reader atm. not sure if i like it yet, but we’ll see. that way i can check one site instead of 10

 

since i picked the wrong vacation week, and picked the week after the toronto apc show, i figured…why not go to the rochester apc show that’s on the 26th. so i am. alone again. fucking 10 dollar service charge, fucking ticketmaster. section 109, towards the back, no big deal.

i should shower its already 2:30

 

ok ok ok jasen dethroned the reigning queen of dr mario. but in my defense, i had a few alcoholic drinks…i am a lightweight…i challenge you to a rematch.

i now own a digital camera. my dad is going to buy a new one, so i get the old hand me down. it’s just a point and shoot. its the one i’ve used to take pics of my weird makeup and marker on my eyes. yay. it’ll be good for crap pics. i can get rid of my film point and shoot which hardly works.

gonna play with hair and makeup tonight since my extensions arrived. but i figure i should wait til i go to dairy queen. esp since my real hair is not the same color as the fake hair, so it would be very obvious it’s fake…hah.

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i found this and it made me LOL

adrienne: when some one was taking the exam today.. they had male exam…. and the penis FELL OFF when they were palpating ROFLMAO
sara: hahahahahahahahah
adrienne: she was like “i dont think thats normal”
adrienne: hahahhahahhahah
sara: its like, a pretend dummy or something?
adrienne: yeah… we call it totum pole man… its just a square with an atachable penis and scrotums (you can pick different scrotums with different problems) LMAO you;d laff sooo hard at this thing
sara: ROFLMAO OMG
adrienne: we also have a “dial a prostate”
adrienne: LMAO
sara: OMG ROFL

 

you know what is good about live journal. the friends page. i want a friends page for blogs. and you know what, you can do that now (sorta)…everyone’s blog needs an rss (xml) feed. then you use news subscription programs and “subscribe” to blogs. that way i don’t have to check every single blog i read 2983497 times a day. i just check one spot, and it shows you the new posts.

so now everyone needs to syndicate their website. blogger does it now too, so no excuses. on blogger, you go into settings, site feed, choose yes, and full…the rest you shouldn’t need to touch. on movable type, it publishes xml automatically. or is supposed to.

but i’m having issues…i can subscribe to my blog’s xml feed, but not eric’s. i assume eric has one since he’s using MT. leighanne has one, and i can subscribe to hers, and she’s MT illiterate. i tried to give danielle a feed, but the atom reader i used says no feed found…so i don’t know what the problem is…

but yes. everyone go change your settings so that you publish a feed which i can subscribe to and then have all my blogs readable in one location

i got all the makeup i ordered last week, and my photo chemicals i ordered over the weekend. but i think i ordered wrong stuff. i thought i had ordered fixer, but i just got hardener that i have to mix in with fixer…which i don’t have. and i don’t know what “a part” is…ex…mix 1 part solution with 2 parts water. so is that like, 1 cup of solution with 2 cups of water…or 1 liter of solution with 2 liters of water? is a part whatever i want it to be? i’ll have to figure it out tomorrow, and maybe go buy fixer from the camera lounge on military. i don’t have developing tanks yet so i can’t do anything right now anyway.

tonight’s wednedsay soiree is being held at jasen’s house. i don’t know what we are doing, but it doesn’t much matter to me.

got some work done on build 2 today…got the bio page done…short bio, 100 things about me (tho i think i need to change #91), and assorted photos from the past 6 years. alot fewer photos than are there now. i also created the lyric blog, which will be part of the music section, whenever i get my lazy ass in gear and do it…it’s really sorta the only part i have left.

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