jackson song count last night: 1 “the love you save”. the band was louder than it had been, and lots of ppl last night made it hard to hear the music on the radio.

i feel like shit. i feel like i’m hungover without having had the pleasure of first being drunk. blah. i got a wicked headache at work last night and forgot to bring any excedrin with me. one of the sups had an excedrin quick tab that she let me have, but you need 2 for them to really work. i haven’t been able to shake the headache yet, and then today i woke up with a new head pain, like drilling in my temples…I HATE MY HEAD! mom got the name of my neighbors neurologist who actually schedules MRIs and stuff, so i’m going to go see her sometime soon. cuz i’m dying. one of the women at work told me about how her daughter was complaining about having headaches every day, and they kept telling her it was depression and stress. then her brain exploded (er felt like it did) and it turns out she had a blood clot. all i want is a damn MRI so if it turns out negative i can at least feel better knowing that my brain doesnt have a giant inoperable infiltrating tumor inside. thanks.

so anyway…work was fine. it was busy, but not for me. i was the breaker so i wandered around with no responsibility sending people on break. it made the time go alot faster than sitting in a pit with nothing to do. i had an hour to do nothing before i could start the 40 min breaks so i hung out in one pit and talked to michael and 2 sups. apparently me and michael are going to have to fight for a supervisor position once they start firing the stupid people LOL. so then me and him were talking about how at least one of us should have been hired up front to be a sup. not fair. i keep forgetting to mention that gay nate has been at the casino 2 nights in a row. i haven’t really talked to him since i went to the continental with him in june. he was so drunk last night haha. but it was nice to see what he’s been up to. i assume he’s not still dating the girl in toronto that he had met at a rave and had the whole “love at first sight” thing, and he knows nothing about my nate, i’ll have to ask him if he shows up tonight.

i work at 6 today, i thought i worked at 8. my bad. so by the time i shower and everything and leave for work, i’ll have spent a whole 4 hours at home lol. these shifts, and having 6 days in a row, make me feel like i live at the casino.

things to do in the next few days:
– find out if darleen is working at barnes and nobles so i can get my book and nate’s gifts (still)
– find out grad school reference letter stuff
– start writing grad school essays – get help from education majors haha
– actually put stuff in my file cabinet instead of on my floor
– find the key to said file cabinet
– go to wardrobe people at work to get a bigger uniform
write my headache history

dude i keep dreaming about college…had a dream about going to another psych conference last night. a few nights ago dreamed about my professors…

there is this weird security guard at work who apparently thinks i’m his friend. i don’t know his name but he knows mine, from one interaction where he handed me a piece of paper on thursday night. now everytime he sees me he boisterously says hi to me, by name. last night in the cafeteria he did, then he had to give me something in the pit last night and decided to ask me how old i was and tell me how good of an experience this is for me, seeing all these different kinds of people at such a young age. why do i only attract weirdos?

my computer is making very weird annoying noises.

jackson song count from last night: 2 that i could hear. “don’t stop til you get enough” and “shake your body down to the ground”. i swear they don’t play anything past 1980. well, unless “everybody’s kung fu fighting” is past 1980…haha. yay for the kung fu hamster. they have hamster keychains now, but of course, no kung fu.

the gourmet cafeteria had prime rib and lobster tails last night. i ate rice. that was gross.

i think i work at 8 tonight. i have some 6-2 shifts next week so that’ll be nice. for some reason my check wasn’t direct deposited this week, even tho it was last week, so now i have to go to the bank. blah.


work was more active yesterday. well not in the customer department, but me…i had to run 2 pits yesterday, so it gave me stuff to do the whole night. there weren’t large hour long chunks of time where i didn’t do anything. i pretty much had rating cards to enter all night. so that was good. but then at 2am when the replacements came in they took both my pits so then i had nothing to do but wander around and go see if i could sneak some more food haha. we have a gourmet cafeteria. last night they had clams…lol. so i ate a baked potato, bread, cereal, an apple, and ice cream lol.

i think all work plays over the speaker system is the saturday night fever soundtrack, with a few abba tunes, a few random other 70s tunes and a bunch of obscure jackson 5 songs. the jackson 5 song list is now up to…5 songs i think. new years day they played “never can say good bye”, “ben”?!?!?!, and “sugar daddy”…last night they played “mama’s pearl” and “dancing machine”. we’ll see what tonight brings lol. i barely recognized mama’s pearl…i haven’t heard it in ages.

stupid nate postcard made me dream really nice nate dreams. blah.

and oh yeah. congrats to leah and bill who finally got officially engaged!!

i’m trying not to be negative today, trying to start out the new year on a good foot, but i’ve been awake a total of about 8 minutes and it’s already been shot to hell. yesterday was horrible in terms of it being a bad mood crying day. all the year in review crap made me feel like shit. went to dinner with my parents, had to keep from crying the whole time. work was a pleasant distraction. even at midnight i didn’t think too much and get upset. a few twinges of sadness, but not enough to cry in front of 1000s of strangers.

maybe i’m not dealing with things as good as i like to think i am.

work was fine. waited in line for the coat check for 45 minutes lol. a few confusions and the pit manager getting snippy with me once, but otherwise it was fine. we had a much better time than the slot attendants appararently. lots of people didn’t have their gaming licenses yet so they were sent home. so that meant not all the pits were open, and for the slots, there weren’t enough people to get payouts done in a reasonable amount of time. rumor has it customers were waiting 3 hours to get payouts on machines. we didn’t have much to do. i was busy for like, a half hour, entering player ratings when my shift started. but once those were done i sat there and waited for someone to bring me something to do. and since 2 pits weren’t open, even tho we had to send some people home, we had extras so nakita was with me all night…even less for us to do haha. she kept trying to make a case for why i should date this one supervisor that was in our pit last night haha. it’s so funny walking places with her, cuz she’s this cute lil black girl and every single black guy we pass hits on her LOL.

so anyway. ty is supposed to come over for dinner tonight, and i guess he’s gonna go to work with me, but i haven’t heard from him yet. i really need to find bigger pants to wear with my uniform, because the ones i have made my stomach hurt so bad last night. had to suck it in all night 😛

got to see inside the casino!!! omg it’s so nice. it’s 100 times nicer than the canadian one across the river. i had never been inside the building when it was a convention center, but i hear the before and after comparison is amazing. i think they should have water going down the big cement walls inside tho…esp by the restaurant which is called thunderfalls. but i guess that’s not gonna happen haha. there is a 2nd restaurant/pub called moreys place which is super nice. totally reminded me of the little restaurants that were in the casinos in vegas. then the floor has the bar in the center, which will have a band on top of it every day from 8am-4am or something…all the table games are in the middle in a T shape, and the rest of the floor is slots. there are these rad colored flags above the slots, which are actually color coded so you know how much the machines below are…it looks so nice. exciting!!

tonight is preview day #1 and i work 5:30-10:30. i gotta try my uniform on to make sure it fits. lol. last minute eh? should be interesting. we still don’t really know how things are going to work, of course.

anyway…last night did the gift thing with the gang. we weren’t sure if it was gonna happen cuz no one could find danielle, but i drove by her house on my way home and they had just gotten home. so did the gift thing, got nice stuff, played trivial pursuit, and watched tv. typical night haha.

herb ritts died…he was only 50. he’s one of the people i wanted to be lol. i wonder if he had aids, cuz the article said died of complications from pnemonia…and…that seems kinda weird, if he was only 50 and healthy i don’t think he would have died. but whatever. he was brilliant. :-/


i realized no one got the u2 dvd for me for xmas, so i went and bought it. and a watch since i can’t wear the motley crue watch that eric bought me to work haha. now i need a new tv. mine is such crap. all the text on this dvd is barely readable…grr. then i realized no one bought me my comp game either, so i’m gonna have to buy that too. i get paid today! i forgot!! yay. my uniform doesn’t fit. way too tight. can barely sit down. going to have to go early to go to the mall and complain, then to the parking lot to get the shuttle to the casino. so annoying.

i love bono.


funfunfun at the casino. there were way too many people everywhere…employees i mean. they didn’t open all the pits, which we didn’t know about, so we were trippled or quadrupled up the whole night. and since we weren’t doing anything, with 4 of us at a terminal we were doing even less haha. and of course there was confusion, and some of the supervisors were like, freaking out. and i’m thinking, chill out duh. this is not a big deal. they take their job way too seriously. i learned, from my management time at mcds, it’s just not worth it to get upset and freak out about things. things could always be worse. just chill….til the next episode haha.

so anyway. i’m off until tuesday. i think i might try to go buy black pants i can wear to work tomorrow, so i don’t have to wear these way too tight ones. probably not haha.

on the way home, there was a car parked at the water intakes…which draws enough attention as it is, being it’s 11:00…but the people inside have the car light on, illuminating….their love…for all people driving by LOL. i really don’t know what was going on in the car, cuz i was passing another car and actually had to pay attention to driving….but from the looks of it, there was no one in the front seat, and 2 people in the backseat, and i could see the back of a guys head…sooo….yeah. they should learn not to turn the inside light on, or they’re sure to get caught. haha. and choose a more secluded spot than the water intakes. and no i do not know this from experience. seriously.

a little something i wrote about the rainbow mall experience today. i was writing it on the back of last week’s paystub and ran out of room, so it’s only about a half hours worth of thoughts. i got there at 11, left at 2.

the unemployed of WNY…

I’m sitting in a dark corner of an abandoned mall trying to read. It’s the kind of light that would make your mother say “turn a light on or you’ll go blind”

There are handfuls of people like me – educated recent grads.
There are the worn out bleach blond women – probably hoping to meet a sugar daddy if they get hired.
There is the guy sitting “next” to me – cross legged lotus positon – humming – as if he’s meditating – he has a mullet.
There are alot of mullets here. Even high class suit wearing mullets. How can I not get hired?

Three women chose to stand directly in front of me. The one keeps coughing on me.
My ass is numb. What I wouldn’t give to sit in a chair.

Coughing lady gave in and sat down. She said “I don’t know how you’re reading in this light.” She just opened her book.

Well it has begun – we all have numbers, yet everyone herded to get in line. They’re starting with 08. I’m 179….
That’s all i was able to write down. I ended up sitting on the other side of the mall, against the old esprit store windows. A canadian man befriended me. He works at casino niagara right now. Apparently alot of CN employees are coming to apply at Seneca. I asked him why, he said the money….24$ an hour canadian or 24$ an hour american…which would you choose? lol. he started as a dealer at CN and was promoted to supervisor, which was what he was applying for here. He said dealers make 24$. I ended up seeing some ex-Mc-co-workers there, and the girl said they’ve already started calling people for jobs. A friend of hers got a dealer job after going yesterday, starts at 40k….TO DEAL BLACKJACK! see THIS is why i want the job lol.

so anyway. went through the screening thing. 5 questions about customer service, and exjobs etc. the usual bullshit. the table training is unpaid, but also free…8 weeks long, and they have 3 times a day that they do the class (4 hours a day i guess), so I’d still have to work at hard rock or some place else until the casino opens…you know, if i get the job lol. I REALLY WANT THE JOB THO. you don’t understand how badly i want to be a casino dealer at this moment lol.

i had to pee so bad when i left, and was going to go to hard rock to use the bathroom and get some food real quick, but decided against it. should have, since river road is all being constructed upon and i’m always waiting in traffic there. i think they might be near completion tho, because now they’re repaving it. it was so weird, since it was raining, the newly paved parts were creating so much steam you could barely see anything.

and again, i’m sorta psychic. i was thinking nate probably called while i was gone, and i was going to be really pissed if he was calling to cancel plans tonight….well he did call, but not to cancel. he’s going to come here after work instead of going home, but before he gets here has to go get his car battery replaced. so his eta for tonight is around 7 apparently. i’m going to assume he’ll be hungry so i guess that decides what we’re gonna end up doing later lol.

trying to make plans to see danielle in november one weekend, but it’s all screwed up. mom is only going to let me go if nate goes (i guess she’ll sacrifice the whole us together alone in a room thing, for me not driving all that way by myself), and dunno if things are gonna work out because of his desire to take the first week in nov to visit college friends, and both of our job situations. he might not be leaving his job in 2 weeks, depends how much money he has by then…who knows where the next few weeks will bring me as far as jobs go…then i thought i had figured out that the 3rd weekend was good, could leave thursday night – drive halfway, and have most of friday, all of saturday at danielle’s, leave sunday morning. but i forgot adr and i have sabres tickets for the 15th….so nowwww….possibly thinking about going to the sabres game, leaving afterwards at like 11:30/midnight-ish…driving til about to drop dead, sleep a bit, drive the rest of the way. that would give most of saturday, all of sunday, and then leave monday…blah i just want it all to work out.

i can deal blackjack
casino please hire me
i’m a good worker

what do you think it means if you dream about a butterfly biting you? lol

guess how much i paid for gas in my car today??!?! 62 cents per gallon hehe. someone messed up at sunoco so all the regular pumps were pumping at 62 instead of 1.62. yaaay cuz 5 min before i was bitching to danielle about how i needed gas and it was so expensive.

work was work. i had alot to do last night actually. we were way shorthanded so i had to do 2 pits again, but could barely check on the 2nd cuz i had to keep doing credit stuff in the 1st one. my detox is going well. i haven’t taken anything since monday at midnight. last night i was going to until the pit boss cured me. i was sitting there rubbing my head and he asked me if i was deep in thought. i told him i had a headache so he decided to come over and jam his knuckle into the back of my head…where ur spine goes into your skull. so he’s like push back so i’m pushing my head against his knuckle, and it’s like the vulcan death grip. any harder and i would have passed out. then he put his other hand on my forehead and just pushed my head back against his knuckle. and my headache went away, and it hasn’t come back since. of course, now my head is bruised, but whatever works is fine with me. it must have looked bizzare as hell to anyone watching us, but hey, whatever.

i guess work has a weeks long worth of music, because we’re back to hearing “ben” “got to be there” “mama’s pearl” and “never can say good bye” again. they play the weirdest shit. besides having saturday night fever soundtrack on a loop, they play 70s tv show and movie theme songs…like the theme from Rocky…and Welcome Back Kotter haha.

went out to lunch with danielle this afternoon. fridays. stole some mints. lol good times. stopped into radio shack and best buy to see how cheap cd players are. best buy had one for 25$ but i can probably eventually find a sale. or i’ll look on half.com or something. i don’t want to spend alot of money on it since it’s possible it’ll get lost in the mail.

i think i dreamed about eminem again, but no making out this time. i don’t know what it was about, just that i think he was in it.