maybe i shouldn’t be trying to stop my drugs. started on thursday, reduced the dosage, and i’m already getting headaches. not sure if it’s coincidence or not, but…i already can’t sleep again. and i have barely been able to stop crying since yesterday.

i am so unhappy.

cried most of the day yesterday. managed to stop myself for the hour or so i was out with my parents (though almost failed a few times), and for the 6 hours i was at work (though almost failed there too). jenn and tom both knew how upset i was so they knew not to ask about it which helped. almost cried on my game a few times, but managed to find my voice and stop.

slept badly, woke up. read email from tom, cried more. have been crying since.

i am so fucked up.

maybe carolyn is right and i should go see someone. i’m scaring myself again. i’ve never been this way before. i don’t want any of my new friends to think that i’m completely psycho because i’m not. i don’t understand any of this. what is a therapist going to do for me except suggest i go on drugs…been there, done that, trying to stop that. and we all know how jaded i’ve gotten with the field of psychology.

tom told me to stand up for myself. i’ve tried that. and i fail miserably every time.

i don’t know what to do anymore.