Category Archives: Personal

home from work already. managed to stay an hour longer tho, cuz mgr forgot to send me home at 1:30 lol. i have nothing to do now, so i think i’m going to take a nap. going to see “one hour photo” tonight.

work was cool tho. me and the bartender bonded today, cuz it turns out he was in MPP too (he graduated high school in 93). so that turned into talking about dead teachers, which led into talking about the high school, and good teachers there and stuff. so it was kinda cool. it was dead, so i didn’t do too much. no over exertion today. this winter might not be as slow as the past, because of the casino construction. over 1000 construction workers will be a block away the entire winter, so we’re hoping that business will pick up. the casino is supposed to open new years eve. there might be plans in the works to renovate our restaurant too, build a 2nd floor and stuff. it wouldn’t start now, but probably in the spring. it’s always safe to wait and see if something actually ever gets finished in the falls before doing something like that – since the falls is notorious for starting things and never finishing them (like “the big fucking hole” aka aqua falls, across the street from us)

i finally got my diploma! and my computer art grade was changed! i don’t know why it doesn’t show up changed on knightweb though. so i did indeed graduate magna cum laude. go me.

my parents are going away for 6 days… six whole days!! lol i’m having a party.

looked up some info on niger, where nate will be going…wow it’s mighty bleak LOL. it’s not funny, it’s really interesting, and really scary. they have lions. LOL that’s not that important, but yeah…they grow onions. nate’s gonna be farming onions hah jk, he’s doing something with agriculture i guess tho…cia fact book…they have a whole 10sq miles of water…that’s like a pond (except it’s a river)…insane. scary. not thinking about it.

i worked more than 3 hours today!!!!!! stayed til i normally would get sent home! exciting! maybe i’ll get 20 hours this week!! not likely…lol nope, even if i never got sent home early i’d still only have 18 i think lol.

anyway…this is mean, but…these people came in with a baby today..probably close to a year old. the baby had this hideously disgusting tumor on it’s forehead. it was giant sized…a bit more than the size of a quarter, and then close to an inch deep. bright red, middle of the kid’s forehead. it’s sad really, because it was revolting. i saw it and almost gagged. now when your baby is born with this giant tumor on it’s head, get it removed. maybe the kids brains are growing on the outside of its head….

besides that things were pretty uneventful…it actually was sorta busy. i’m really tired now, for no real reason. i gotta run a few errands tonight and see what’s up with nate. fun wow.

oh yeah, apparently the buffalo terrorists were planning on attacking the niagara falls area…that makes me feel so good since i just spent the past 3 months in the falls. i guess it really really REALLY was a good idea to put my dad and the plant on alert recently lol.

i had to go wait around in cvs for 20 min or so just now so i occupied myself with the magazines. they make me laugh. every single one of the “woman” magazines (see also: cosmo, glamour etc) had “10 things men want in bed” on their cover as a lead story…every. single. magazine. lol. and of course that’s what is on the cover of every issue, so that makes 120 things men want in bed per year…lol seems they have alot of wants 😛 *shakes head* boys…

i’m thinking myself into a less and less good mood, so to avoid going any further into it i think i’m going to go to sleep in hopes that it’ll go away, and i’ll wake up in a better one. gah stupid head. i keep falling asleep reading anyway, so yeah. blah. so it’s only 9pm, so what. i’ll be up at like 4.

fun times in geneseo!! yes, you read that right, fun times in geneseo. nate and i got there around 8 and stopped at bill and leah’s first. their house is really friggen nice and big for a college house. i was impressed. stayed there for 10 min or so and then headed to amy’s. eric and his new roommate adam had been there for a while, there was a bunch of people i didn’t know. ate, had some beers, sat around on the porch and chilled for a few hours. headed to mia’s for pizza where me, nate, eric and sarah lost adam and amy and who ever else was going to come with us. never did see them after that LOL. but yeah, went back to the house, chilled for a while…i think nate and i left at 1:30. it never did rain, but driving home was cool cuz there was all kinds of lightning in the clouds the whole way home.

i was going to make nate walk home, cuz he didn’t like NIN’s “still” disc, but i forgave him.

but yeah, had a good time. a better time that most of my 4 years there lol. funny how that works. eric and sarah broke the couch swing thing that was on the porch, so we had to take a picture of sarah with her ass stuck in the frame of the couch. haha fatasses, jk 🙂 and oh yeah, pissed…lost my fight club pin AND my tool pin AGAIN. gone for good this time. blah.

so today…dunno what’s going on. i think nate said he was going to call me when he woke up, or something. i work at 5. i figure i’ll get out around 11 again. i had coors light again last night because we didn’t realize the blue was burried under all the ice. that is such a horrible beer. makes me feel like crap. blue doesn’t make me feel like crap. no more crappy coors light thanks.

just watched guns n roses *ahem* sorry i mean, the axl rose band, on the MTV awards. i’m hella not impressed. axl needs to work out, lose some weight, and get some cardio improvement so he can sing 1 line without getting out of breath. and i love robin finck – he always has interesting hair – but he’s no Slash…overall, disappointed and think it was way over hyped….geneseo’s concert this fall is Ben Folds…guess i won’t be going down for that one.

dave navarro did 2 ads for the Gap years ago during their “beyond easy” campaign. i did not know this. i want to find them. nothing on kazaa or winmx. found one site that did have one of them, but the files are all offline :(….but it’s funny because if i search yahoo for dave navarro gap ad, i get my own site as the 4th hit…some post about dave and lars ulrich’s nipple rings LOL.

oh, found the ad. dave navarro is god had it, i knew i should have looked there first. gah he is so hot.

update on the nice underwear situation. yet another pair, this time white lace, has found its way into my bedroom. lol. and victoria secret underwear is not worth the money. wore a pair for the first time that my aunt bought for me years ago and there already is a hole in them…don’t know where the hole came from, but wtf…u spend like 12$ a pair or some insane amount like that, wear them once, and get rid of them cuz they have holes? i’ll spend the 5$ on the 3 pack of little girl underwear thanks 🙂

watched the 2nd half of Romeo And Juliet (the modern one) on WB… i remember not liking it when i saw it in theatres, and i still don’t like it. can’t understand a word that is being said, they talk too fast. you have to slow down with shakespear, he’s too hard to understand (and i like shakespear). it was a bit overacted – especially claires danes, especially at the end…i didn’t like the camera work. didn’t like it. even tho you know what’s going to happen (who doesn’t?) you still sorta hope that for some reason Romeo will get the message at the end about the plan, and that everything will be happy lol. gah what’s wrong with me, i’m such a girl lately lol.

not a leo dicaprio fan at all. he’s not cute. his head is funny shaped, like ET. he had his moments in this movie, but overall…not cute. hip groovies tho 🙂

another very long boring shift at work all by myself. finally got to read my notes from monique about kicking my ass LOL. she was there when i got there, and i was like OH it’s YOU haha. good times good times. i had no one to leave a note for, since i’m the one who will be in at 10:30 am tomorrow :P. how un-fun. esp cuz the sabres have open practice tomorrow from 11-2 and i figured me and adr could go. but no of course i get scheduled on a monday for the first time in a month and a half…and it’s opening, and i know i’ll be getting sent home around 1:30…so not cool. i was gonna see if nate would switch days with me but i never got around to calling him while i was there. oh well. life goes on.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Korn frontman Jonathan Davis and band guitarist James “Munky” Shaffer are planning to embark on a “Queen Of The Damned” tour sometime next year. The duo plan to assemble a band that will perform the material Davis composed alongside Richard Gibbs of Oingo Boingo fame for the vampire Lestat character in “Queen Of The Damned”, the recent movie adaptation of author Anne Rice’s popular book series.
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! omg !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! how fantastic is that?!?!?!?!?!?!!?

hahah sorry.

had a good night out. nate and i went up to canada and pretended we were 19 again lol. spent some money at the casino, walked up clifton hill, to the diner down the street, then back down. played mini golf at the dinosaur place, but didn’t steal balls this time. they built up so much stuff there they moved the mini golf place behind rumors now. so it was different. walked around, walked back to the states and checked in on the live music at work. some chick…whatever haha. and home now. we had fun.

there was something else i was going to say but i forget. oh wait i remember. we were walking past the Hard Rock Club and i was looking inside, since it was open this time around…there is a big glowing picture of Bono on the wall. it was so nice. nate makes fun of me for liking bono, but it’s ok cuz i get to bitch about kylie all the time hehe.

hockey season hockey season!!! i have a feeling some people in this area will be spending alot of time at buffalo wild wings drinking cheap big beers and watching the sabres on big screens. oh yeah. and SOMEONE needs to sign their friggen contract. anyway.

i will be productive today i will be productive today i will be productive today i will be productive today i will be productive today. why is it so hard for me to actually get off my ass and do anything? i don’t get it. i don’t get why i choose to sit here and play solitare for hours instead of going through my clique submissions and updating the site, or fixing my resume, or printing my resume and addressing them to companies…none of this is hard, yet i still can’t get myself to do it. solitaire it is. but i’m going to try really hard today….

and for today’s big news story Terror arrests made in Buffalo,NY…kinda scary…guess my dad’s job had every right to put him on alert the past week.

looks like we’re all gonna get rained on tonight. bbq is still on despite the weather tho, which is good. cuz i wanna go down there. i know, shock, i WANT to go back to geneseo.

reading last night’s chat with jay gordon…apparently orgy has NOT broken up, they’re doing side projects and working on the new material to be released soon. the dvd is going to have live footage and backstage dressing room crap haha. lovely. some of the peoples questions are so retarded, it’s like…how old are you? oh right, 13 never mind.
grace> What’s your fav color Orgy ball?
jay> my own – au naturel
hahahah
jay> my tats are just blotches of ink as I seem to have been a doodling pad for up and coming tat artists – paige has some good ones – more seemy

good times. ok amanda is my motivation to update my resume. she finished hers, i spent the last half hour reading jay’s chat instead of taking a shower and now i really need food. so not gonna happen right now…hahah

i’m so hungry i’m eating an apple. i hate apples. ok i don’t HATE them but i hate eating them. once you get all the way around once and all the skin is gone it’s gross. and i’m not one of those people who can eat it right down to the core, so there is plenty of apple left on what i just threw out. it makes me gag to bite into the hard middle part. if it’s cut up, no problem, but biting in, no thanks. i have strong gag reflexes, not my fault.

so i finally updated my resume. word crashed twice while i was trying to do it. is that a sign? i had to restart for it to work again, but it’s finished. no longer have the motivation to find places to send them to, so not happening today. why is my computer making weird piano noises, oh, maybe it’s the song on my stereo. yah it is cuz it just changed and they stopped. “sister of night” by depeche mode is such a fantastic song. esp when sung with only a piano by martin gore.

i am finally going to do website updates tho. i have pictures from as far back as january to add places, and at least 50 clique submissions to go through. i’m definitely finding an auto updater to take care of the clique for me after this.

surprisingly our meeting was really fun. the kitchen staff is so hilarious, so they kept cracking jokes through the whole meeting (esp during the sexual harassment part)…marlow fell out of his chair when he was asking a question, rofl. it was good times. the meeting ended at 11, and we weren’t supposed to meet carolyn and kurt til 11:30 so nate and i walked around the park, and to our cars cuz he had my jacket and stuff. went back and found kurt and carolyn, had lunch, went back to my car to get my camera and back to the park and goat island to look at the falls and take pictures. they are currently being developed, expect them up in a few hours. after that went to nate’s house so he could change, cuz it actually got hot out today. but we couldn’t think of anything to do, so i left and we’re gonna do something later.

so i went to frisbees on the way home from grand island, got a u2 single (stuck in a moment) for a buck…then when i was heading home i was behind this van that had reflective blue duct tape on it…i don’t know why, because it wasn’t holding the van together. they just had blue tape along the bumper, and then on the one back window. there were 2 strips of tape vertically on the window so it looked like an 11. it wasn’t until i was directly behind it at a stop light did i realize the 2 strips were the world trade center, and they had cut out two airplanes out of the tape, both heading for the “towers”… i was like o.m.g. i wanted to take a picture but had used the last of my film lol. it was so….wrong lol.
*update* the WTC van lives on meadow drive LOL.

i’m really tired so i think i’m gonna nap. lol. i’m so lazy

omg hold everything!…i slept today!!!! i guess 3 weeks of not sleeping fiiiiiiinally caught up to me. fell asleep at the early hour of 12:30, woke up at 7:30 again cuz i had to pee like a race horse…tried to go back to sleep but was painfully hungry…and i’m talking painfully. ate, went back to sleep, and got up now, 11:30…FANTASTIC! had wacko dreams about my car being stolen, my mom being an asshole and not coming to pick me up at work, my old neighbors taking me to a spa to have my purse cleaned, and something else i don’t really remember. yaaaay!!

so now i think i should definitely wash my car, cuz it’s cold outside, and sunny, and doesn’t look like rain. work at 5. we’ll see how long they keep me tonight. while i don’t want to close, i want the hours…i’m so torn lol.

i got carded to buy a lotto ticket hahah. i knew i was going to, and then she asked for ID and i laughed and said i was 22. she said i don’t look 22 so she had to check anyway. lol. too funny. went to mcds for a happy meal, saw christa. and i saw someone else…hehe…jeff stockburger. haha he looks EXACTLY the same as he did 4 years ago. i swear he had on the same outfit and everything. i guess he’s one person who hasn’t gained any weight lol. hasn’t lost any either 😡 i’m so mean. i almost wanted to say hi to him but i don’t think he recognized me.

washed the car. that’s about as productive as i’m going to be. can’t get the bugs off so it still looks gross. oh well. maybe i’ll take a step and update my resume, and then find places to send them out saturday afternoon before going to geneseo…lol. i’m such a procrastinator. it’s what i do best.

my mom said i got mail from geneseo, so i got excited that maybe it was my diploma (it’s only been 4 months), but noooo it’s an invitation for a geneseo alumni reception in Buffalo with President Dahl…12$ a person…ok i didn’t participate in college things like that when i was there, why would i go to an alumni reception with people i don’t know, and the school president…i think not.

the roof the roof the roof is on fire, we don’t need no water let the muther fucker burn…burn muther fucker burn. lol sorry, it was tonight’s theme. i watched a fire start on the way to work. i was at the stop light at river and ward, and there was a bit of black smoke coming from the trees – it looked like pollution from a mac truck or something. in the time it took for me to get from the stop light, to the junk yard about 100 feet down the road, the little black smoked turned into alot of black smoke. big ass tire fire, right in front of my eyes. it was so bad, that i watched the towering smoke in my rear view mirror all the way to the falls (10 miles or so). exciting isn’t it?!

i actually worked more than 2 hours today!! i left at quarter to 11, because they were going to close at 11 instead of 12. starting monday normal closing time is being reduced to 11. it’s creepy being in the falls now, it’s such a ghost town. still no parking, but no one around anywhere either.

so tomorrow, waking up at 7:30 to go to the 9am meeting at work. carolyn and kurt are meeting me and nate there for lunch, and so carolyn can get her books. then, i dunno. no plans after that, we’ll see what’s up tomorrow i guess.

i’m home. after 3 and a half hours of work. this blows. fucking sept 11th and no one traveling. i feel bad for the ppl who work tomorrow. thank god it’s not me. all i know is i’m asking every stupid question i can think of about sexual harassment at the meeting on friday to make it go as long as possible. cuz i can’t afford to have 3 shifts a week and have them only be 3 hours long.

it’s so friggen hot again, i was glad to be at work in the refridgerator. but nooo i have to come home where it’s…..88 degrees in my room. ug.

called nate from work to see if he wanted to do anything now that my entire day is free. i guess we’re gonna go do something tonight. i’d go waste film in love canal or something but it’s way too friggen hot. tomorrow it’ll be nice and cool for if i really do go to buffalo central terminal to explore.

oh yeah, somehow this thing got started at work, where we leave notes for eachother every day. i think nate is the one that started it, and it picked up from there by other people. larry is collecting them all to sell on ebay LOL. they’re funny…like well written garbage about how lonely we all are. well nate left a note for me to see this morning that was pretty funny. his note, and monique’s note to him from yesterday prompted me to leave a note for monique telling her that her parents are going to need to call up kindly dr so-and-so for her dental records cuz there will be nothing left of her face when i get done with her (cuz she’s sniffin out my turf aka nate). i hope the managers don’t find it and think i’m really serious LOL. monique won’t be there to see it til saturday LOL. it’s all in good fun, but all the notes could be taken in such a wrong way we’d all get in trouble probably LOL. good times good times. i left the note for monique today, and then “a day in the life of a hard rock host” documenting my whole 3 hours at work today haha. we’re dorks.

why am i in such a friggen bad mood again? i swear to god it’s the heat. when i went crazy a few weeks ago it was super hot, and since then it’s been tolerable. now the past 2 days, friggen hot again and i feel awful. i have to move to siberia. end of story. i’m thinking all kinds of stupid shit, and just making myself get into a worse and worse mood. fucking a.

i guess i’ll take this time to do the requisite september 11th post, a day early. i’m a rebel.

it’s hard to believe it’s been a year already. it’s like time flew after the initial shock of the first day/week/month. has anything changed? i mean really? hate to say it, but it hasn’t. no progress has been made in any direction fighting terrorism, protecting ourselves, etc. we have a half assed really stupid homeland security plan, that will never work. nothing has changed. no one has changed. does that mean that the terrorists failed? if their point was to destroy us, make us change, see our evil ways, did it work? no, their plan failed miserably. so i guess we have won. bravo.

there is a sept 11th remembrance ceremony at the high school tomorrow night. the sign struck me as amusing…remembrance. do you think anyone has forgotten? i doubt it. i wonder how long this is going to go on for…1 year…5? 10? is every sept 11th from now on going to have ceremonies and tributes and reruns of the footage? are the kids of my generation going to grow up feeling like they too were there?

i don’t know what i’m saying now anymore than i did a year ago. things don’t make anymore sense now than they did then. perhaps they never will.

i find some really interesting things on the internet
Cunningham’s Sanitarium – a giant steel ball hyperbaric chamber

all these weird memories from my childhood. one time, i think in the adirondacks again, we went to some museum..or exhibit…something…that was all about tuberculosis, and sanitariums that were up in the mountains. grrr wake up mom so i can ask you about this one too. this is why i’m searching for “sanitarium” on the web and found the above link lol.

while i’m looking for pictures of sanitariums, i drifted in my search to TB posters, and wow i found some fantastic ones. this made my day. why do i like this crap? lol oh wow this site is amazing. it’s the works progress administration posters page. all kinds of public posters from the 30s through 50s. haha this is so great. propaganda rocks lol.
click to see some of the good ones
drunkard
let me do the talking
syphilis haha there are alot of syphilis ones
more stds
your blood is BAD
the cancer quack
censorship
fireworks
ok this one might be my fav johnny’s not dull
oh and my favourites, civil defense!!
omg this is fantastic keep mum
be patriotic!
careless matches aid the axes
crime i just think that one is so nice lol.
ok no this one might be my fav die
more syphilis
i like how all the posters about diseases say to consult a REPUTABLE physician lol
god there are SO many posters about syphilis LOL
lol i don’t get it gas and whiskey
oh man alaska
this is what you get…
i LOVE this one hahah
man these war ones get me every time shut up
silence
what about india?

i should be a historian. it’s too bad that if we went to war now we wouldn’t have cool propaganda like this…

right. my mom is funny.
mom: friends are visiting friday night
me: i’m going to geneseo saturday
mom: staying over night?
me: no, but dunno what time we’ll be home
mom: i dont like you driving all that way in the dark….who are you going with?
me: nate
mom: you can’t stay over night
me: haha i was waiting for that
mom: i don’t want to push anything on you
LOL what is she talking about?!?! lol

can’t fucking sleep. argggg. this is driving me nuts. and stupid kazaa won’t let me preview/play the breakfast club. i figured i’d watch some for a while, even tho theres an hr left to download…but nooooo. it won’t work. gah.

and i hate my friggen pjs. well the shorts are fine, they’re shorts. but the shirt… it’s one of those stupid spaghetti strap tank top deals. it’s not really my size to begin with (too big), but the first night of wearing it it’s fine. but then after that it’s all down hill as it continues to stretch and stretch. it’s like i might as well not wear it, cuz it’s always half falling off. it’s bugging the shit out of me.

it’s way too hot in here. i had my fan on for a while, but it has started to make this really irritating noise, so i can’t leave it on over night anymore. blaaaaah.

didn’t sleep til after 6. slept off an on til 11.

wow breakfast club is a really different movie when not on TBS lol. and it’s such a great one. i think it should be required viewing for all high school students. yep. got a bigass headache now tho, ug.

it is soooooo hot out. it’s 92 on our backyard thermometer. so i am in the basement. god i hate this keyboard. better than the one on my dad’s comp tho. anyway.

i went to the bank, and on the way home all the elementary kids had just gotten out of school. i realized, at the stop light, that there is a new crossing guard. yes i know i haven’t gone to that school in 16 years, but they’ve had the same crossing guard there since i attended that school. and now there is a new one. for some reason, that’s kinda sad. forget that so many of my teachers have died already, there is a new crossing guard!! lol.

that reminds me of kindergarten. *nostalgia* when i was in kindergarten i was 5 houses away from being eligible for the bus. the bus stop was on the corner 3 houses away, yet they expected a 5 year old to walk a mile to school. right. so my parents bitched and bitched and got me permission to take the bus to school. i was friends with all the 8th graders in the back of the bus. it was great. i remember 2 things about riding that bus to school every day. one is the 8th graders, and hanging out in the back of the bus with them. one time one of the boys had a knife, and all i remember is the one girl who really liked me yelling at him for almost cutting me with it, or something. the other thing i remember, is that our bus driver was black, and he slapped 5 with everyone who came on the bus. but i was too scared since he was a big scary stranger lol. but my very last ride on the bus, the last day of school, i finally did it. i was proud of myself.

so i’ve been sitting in the basement reading…trying to read…sorta distracted by my own thoughts, but reading none the less. kurt was right – vampire armand is completely homoerotic. unbelievable. haha. definitely taking a break from anne rice after i finish this book though. i shouldn’t have started it, but i did, so now i have to finish it. i think i have 2 left after this one. i need a break for lullaby, and to maybe re-read survivor. anyway…rambling. the point of this paragraph was, i haven’t spent this much time in the basement in years.

i forgot that i had a dart board. i forgot that my dad put sheets of tag board around it so we didn’t hit the unfinished walls with the darts. i forgot that we marked off strange places we hit with the darts (like the ceiling, or rebounding them off the heating ducts and through the hats, and onto the board…yes that explanation of one of the hits is written out on the wall). i forgot that i had written random song lyrics around the basement. i think i wrote 3, but i can only find 2. one is from smashing pumpkins “bullet with butterfly wings”, the other is from madonna’s “you’ll see”. i swear there is another one, but i don’t know where. me and ang did this, so that some day when we move out of this house, the people who buy it will discover fun things to read. lol. there are also bad memory invoking things like “i <3 sara” written by psycho, and some other things from that era of my life.

thinking about that stuff, him and the things he said to me when he broke up with me, makes me laugh while making me so pissed off at the same time. and it makes me laugh that ian said almost the same thing when i broke up with him. for example, i distinctly remember psycho saying in his final letter to me, that some day i’d be with some guy who beat me and i’d remember him and how good he was to me. now that in itself makes me laugh hysterically. pisses me off, but makes me laugh. it’s absurd. yeah, he treated me so well. then ian sent me a letter after i broke up with him, saying a very similar thing. that he treated me good, and some day i’d be with someone who didn’t treat me very well, and i’d remember him. haha. i never said ian didn’t treat me well. we never saw each other! i’m starting to not even consider my time with him to be a relationship. just as i’m starting to consider my time with psycho as having been molested. i sorta wish i felt more comfortable talking about that time of my life…i should be. it’s been forever. but i feel weird talking about it all. whatever.

i don’t know where any of this is coming from, cuz this was not what i was thinking about while i was reading. i think it’s from being in the basement. i need new basement memories. i should go back to reading, since i was having nice thoughts when i was reading. they were disturbing but nice. like i was thinking about how i’m so not feeling like myself…i feel so weird, and it’s all nate’s fault lol. i’m not used to wanting to be with someone like this. i need to stop all this lol, i need to not get any more attached to him. trying not to think about it, but it’s going to be so bad when he leaves.

i feel like i should delete this whole post. but i won’t. it’s my current state, i’ll just leave it.

went to dinner with the folks tonight. they got on my case about the job situation. but i was expecting that. talked about nate and the peace corps, and i dashed all my moms dreams by saying i didn’t think i’d ever see him again after he leaves. i think she was hoping we’d have something even when he got back. she was like, “he’s going to be a different person when he gets back”. so i say, “you think i’ll actually ever see him again?” she says, “you won’t?!” me, “probably not.” the look on her face was one of disappointment. but what can you do? kristen asked me what was going to happen when he leaves too. not thinking about it. it’s only come up in conversation between me and nate once. i say, life goes on. cuz it will.

no more depressing posts tonight. i promise. however it’s safe to say i’m very unhappy at the moment.

dinner was like a high school reunion of sorts. 2 other people i graduated with, besides my neighbor, work there (one of them is her (ex)boyfriend), then a kid who graduated the year before me came in with a girl. i recognize 2 other girls who work there from going to the high school, but i didn’t know them, and they were younger. surprisingly, carrie didn’t come strolling in. lol. it wouldn’t have surprised me.

for some reason i got this random memory in my head. i was really little, i was with my parents and their friends sue and jerry. and we went and toured some really fancy house in the albany area. and it was hotter than hell. so i asked my mom what it was, and it was called Olana. http://www.olana.org/ and amazingly enough, the pictures on the site are exactly how i remember it looking. i had to have been 5 or 6 years old when we went. i have no idea where that memory came from. that reminds me of this other place we went when i was a kid. it was an old abandoned camp in the adirondacks. we went on a tour of it. it’s now called Camp Topridge, and it was owned by the Post cereal company people. i have no idea how old i was, probably 7 or 8, and i only remember being really impressed with the fact they had a bowling alley. and it was outdoors. i asked my mom what this place was called too, so she asked me if i was writing my biography. when i think about things we did when i was a kid, we did the weirdest stuff. not weird, but weird to be dragging a 5 year old on tours of old houses, instead of going to disney world. but now i think it’s kinda cool. i’d like to go back and see some of these places again. mom said that the camp is now some elite private camp thing, so you can’t take tours anymore. Olana is still there, obviously. i’d like to go to Sharon Springs (it’s off the interstate on the way to albany)…Sharon Springs was a decaying town that used to be booming because it had sulfur springs. the entire town reeks of sulfur, but it was so cool cuz it was all decaying and half abandoned. i liked that stuff even as a kid. but i hated going there as a kid cuz it smelled so bad. i wonder what it looks like now. i want to go to Chitaqua again (that is so not spelled right)… i haven’t been there in years, we used to go all the time. my favourite part of being there was they have this scale mock up of the holy land. yeah don’t ask, but i always loved walking around in the holy land LOL. maybe some day i can drag nate down there with me. it’d give us something to do.

i need to find an infiltration organization in the area. fyi, infiltration is urban exploration – abandoned buildings and the like. need to find one. there’s gotta be one around here. whoever it is who runs infiltration.org is toronto based…but that doesn’t really help me. he had no luck getting into the buffalo psychiatric center. haha. i think i’m going to journey to the buffalo central terminal downtown wednesday to use up my film. gotta see if nate will go with me so he can save me when i injure myself, which i’m sure i will. haha. and i need someone to get arrested along with me for trespassing/breaking and entering…

leah is so funny. her away msg: Not here right now. But I have to advertise my happiness: Sara has a hot boyfriend!!!!!!!