Category Archives: Personal

i don’t understand my insomnia. i’m so exhausted right now, and i could go lay down on my bed and fall asleep. yet if it was midnight, and i was in my pjs trying to go to sleep for the night, i would lay there for hours. even if i was the same amount of tired. i don’t get it. didn’t sleep much last night. went to be really early (for me), layed there til around 2 anyway. woke up a bunch of times, woke up at 8:30 painfully hungry, and managed to sorta doze off a few times before my alarm went off at 10. i’m so tired, i want to take a nap, but i need to stop myself. i have tomorrow off and i’d like to sleep past 7.

it’s september. what’s with the hot weather again? time for it to be a comfortable 70 every day, and in the 50s at night so i can sleep. but no it’s gotta go and be 90. arg. at least i got to stay at work, in AC, all day. mom came at 5:30 and we had dinner there. i finally got to have one of the pina coladas i’ve been craving since july. it didn’t disappoint. except for the alcohol content, but that’s ok since i had to drive home anyway.

i need to start taking vitamins or something. i have so many bruises and i don’t know what they’re from. and i’m still in mega pain from moving boxes on friday.

 

motley crue is so friggen rad. “looks that kill” has got to be the quintessential 80s hair metal video. can’t go wrong with boys in makeup and weird leather outfits – and don’t forget the flying pentagrams.

joe’s bday was a good time. we got there around 9:30 and joe was already trashed lol. nate got to meet the crew, and he remembered meeting mary at RIT years ago. lol. it’s just weird. but anyway, ended up seeing carrie there AGAIN. why do i have to keep seeing her, i hate her! and again, she looks awful and has an ugly boyfriend haha. but yeah, hung out there til 12 ish i think, went to dennys, back here for like 10 min, then took nate back home. i never paid our tab at chilis. LOL i was thinking the whole time we could probably walk out without anyone noticing we hadn’t paid for our 4 beers. but then i really did forget to pay until we were walking out the door, and by then i was like haha cool we didn’t pay!! i wonder who ended up picking up our tab. midnight bowling starts tonight, and joe invited me but i dunno if i’m gonna go. i have to work at 11:30 again tomorrow and i didn’t sleep last night, i’m not thinking getting home at 4 and then going to work is gonna be a good idea.

 

tired. i managed to stay my full shift (well until 5:30 which is normal cuz thats when the nite ppl get in). it was way dead at first, but picked up around 2 and we actually waited on tables for 15 min or so, but then pretty much died again. but it was steady, and busier than the past few days. i guess last night, the tragically hip tribute band, drew alot of people and it was a good time. so that’s good. next friday, i don’t work, but it’s some woman’s cd release party, and the 2 weeks after that are bands that i have no idea what they sound like. they should get a u2 tribute band some night hehe.

no plans tonight. i am so sore all over from the manual labor at work yesterday. did i mention i had to move tons of boxes? yeah, i had to move the truck delivery from one side of the store to the other…i wanted the extra hour so i did it. now i’m in pain. no big deal, it’ll go away.

 

something kinda weird. it sorta freaks me out that there are pictures of me on the other side of the world. and i’ll never see them. today this asian guy wanted to take a picture of me and kristen, so we were like fine. then he wanted pictures of him with both of us…so he now has 2 pictures of me, and i’ll never see them. he’ll probably go back to his country and be like, yeah i got with 2 american chicks wanna see?!? lol. i remember danielle telling me about how some asian guy took her picture at the grand canyon so he could go back and show his class what an american girl looked like LOL. there are pictures of me in hungary too, from the hungarian guys who were in love with us hosts the one day…strange.

i’m so tired i want to go to sleep now, but if i sleep now i won’t later, and blah. i am so bored. i need to redesign my site, this design has been up over a month, but i have no inspiration…

 

simple trip to the grocery store to buy easy mac, not so simple.
1. i can’t use my car at night without there being a spider in/on it. i can’t wait til winter.
2. get in line behind this lady who has more than 15 items in the express lane, and she turns to me and goes “can i borrow some money?” i’m like WHAT?! she’s like, “i’m not sure if my credit card will work.” so i say “no i have no money.” so she says, “i’m going to be really embarassed if my card doesn’t work.” i ignore her. so she’s getting checked out and she starts talking to the cashier, and is saying something about how she has some look…and i couldn’t really hear her, but she was saying some crap about how people have powers, and that the cashier had wisdom, and she herself had prophecy. so i’m like ROFLing in my head. the lady keeps talking to her, then she goes to me and goes “Did you go to NT high school?” so i’m like yeah, so she asks me if i knew her son. i knew who he was cuz he was a record breaking wrestler, but older than me so i had never spoken to him. then i got the impression that she knew the cashier, cuz she asked the girl about her husband (the girl could not have been older than me), and then told her she loved her. LOL. well she realized i only had one item, so she was like “i should have let you go ahead of me. but oh wait, i need you to borrow money from.” i was like ooooooook then, just cash me out cuz i’m starving and i need some easy mac.

so it took me like, a half hour to go buy friggen easy mac. i bought the store brand even tho i knew i should just spend the extra 50 cents and get kraft. i learned the hard way that the wegmans brand sucked, but i figured i’d try tops brand. it tasted ok, but i needed more water so the cheese was like glue immediately – it didn’t even have to sit for a while to turn into glue. but ahhh yum the nice mush taste of easy mac. definitely an acquired taste i think. 🙂

morning. i had a really good night last night. it goes along with my whole opinion that everything in my life has changed in good ways. adr came over around 7 cuz she needed to get out of the house. she brought over cosmo, and i was like “i can’t believe i’m reading this” the whole time. it’s a funny mag tho. so we just sat around in my room and talked for hours. found out about some stuff i had only inferred through my amazing people reading skills. it was good. makes me feel good when ppl talk to me about stuff. gah i should be a clinican…lol.

so now i need to jump in the shower and get ready for work, since now i’m running extremely late.

 

*sigh* i worked for an hour and 45 min today. i actually punched out after an hour, but mgr found something for me to do for another 45 min. scheduled for 3 days and a 9am meeting on friday next week. need a 2nd job.

i really think my monitor is dying. ug. dont want to have to spend the money for a new one. it’s only 4 years old.

i have a massive headache, so i need to go nap before going to joe’s birthday thing tonight.

and omg my mom bought something for nate. lol. i swear she likes him more than i do.

 

GAH horrible news. rumor has it orgy broke up. not really surprising, but bad none the less…UG…i dunno how true it is, it was in steph’s journal, and she didn’t say where she found out from…their site still says they’re working on new material…arg. i hope it’s not true, but not holding my breath. arg.

last night was alot of fun. again, repeating myself, it’s so weird to have friends who want to double date. lol. it’s just so not me it’s weird. but it was fun.

the only place who had open bowling last night was in friggen lewiston, so nate and i had to meet mike and kristen in the falls and then follow them to lewiston since mike knew where it was. the place was so old school it was crazy. makes the lanes where we go midnight bowling look stellar in comparison. let me just say i’ve never bowled so good in my life. 3 games, broke 100 every game. mike knew what he was doing, the 3 of us didn’t, and i beat nate and kristen. it was super. lol. so anyway, yeah, drank and bowled, and then went to the lewiston brew house or something down the street. drank more, played pool. nate is a hustler LOL. someone learned how to play pool during college lol. played darts, i broke 2 of them. lol. good times good times. killed my liver, did not do so well when i got home. i’ve never been sick off just beer before, but that’s changed LOL. i think it was the fact we were drinking coors light (BARF) at the bowling alley. yep, that’s what i’m going to blame it on. i was fine in the car (talked about stupid stuff like hip groovies, which nate knew nothing about haha), which is unusual, and was fine in the house til i decided to lay down, and the room just wouldn’t stop spinning even tho i was on the floor. but i wasn’t super sick, so that was good. would have been fine had i stayed up for a while.

of course, i woke up at 7. my mom’s friend calls every day at quarter to 7 or so, and i forgot to turn the ringer off on my phone. the garbage men also were their usual loud selves at the same time. got up at 8 and had some yogurt, went back to bed but didn’t really fall back asleep. i’d almost fall asleep then think of something (anything) and it would make my heart beat really fast and wake me up. now that this fast pulse has been brought to my attention i notice it all the time, and it keeps me awake. i hate it.

i really need to wash my car, but i doubt it’ll do it today. don’t feel up to it LOL. i’m not hung over, seriously, i’m not. i’m just tired.

and oh yeah. i figured something out. for those of you “in the know” about something that happened last week, i’ve figured out why i was sorta freaking out about it. reality is that i wasn’t freaking out, but i felt like i should be, so i made myself freak out. i felt like i wasn’t being myself if i didn’t freak out. i freaked out to feel more like myself again, and tried to use reasoning that was in line with how i would be thinking if i was acting like myself. if i had actually been freaking out, i would have been throwing up, and reverting to my usual way of dealing with things, which is to avoid them LOL. and i didn’t. which means the freaking out was all fake, to make myself feel more like myself again. it didn’t really work. LOL. worried and obsessing, still real, but freaking out…i wasn’t really freaking out. ignore this paragraph LOL. it makes no sense. it makes sense in my head, but obviously i can’t state it in words very well. i appologize. and if you’re not “in the know” don’t ask cuz i’m not going to tell you.

 

i think my mom washed my car. isn’t that fantastic?

my mom absolutely ADORES nate. he pulled up in the audi on tuesday, and she just looks at me and goes “he’s so cute”. then when he left after she talked his ear off for an hour, she comes back downstairs and is like, “he drives a standard shift car?! that’s great cuz if you get drunk he can drive your car!” then she mentioned that again yesterday morning lol. she also mentioned that we both have “dr whiteman smiles” (cuz we went to the same orthodontist), and i’m like ?!?! yeah we have straight teeth now. she’s like no, it’s the same smile, it’s like he did the same thing on every kid he saw, and gave everyone the same kind of smile. yeah, she’s insane sometimes. but this is a good thing, that she likes him. cuz i get more freedom that way haha.

i think my parents are going to vegas in october. they’re going to wisconsin in october for sure, but when i was getting cereal there was a paper plate in the cupboard that had written on it “Vegas october 20-23, monte carlo”…don’t know why it was written on a paper plate or why it was in the junk food cupboard, but it was there…if they are going, that’s 2 whole weekends home alone in 1 month. i hate being home alone lol.

 

ok someone help me out. was i dreaming the other day? i went to hotmail and it was a completely different design to sign in (and it was really awful). but it was only for that day, and since has been back to the normal sign in page. so now did i dream that? or did they really change it for a short time?

and someone needs to figure out why i can’t access my host using wsftp anymore. smart ftp, which is crap, connects. wsftp doesn’t. uninstalled, reinstalled, upgraded… no luck, it suddenly does not work. and it’s not just my host, i can’t access any ftp site with it anymore. wtf. i don’t want to have to use smart ftp cuz it’s so stupid.

watching fight club. i don’t get a really important part i just realized. beginning of the movie, jack says it all has to do with a girl named marla singer. i don’t get how any of what happens in the movie has to do with marla…well maybe i figured it out…can’t cry with another tourist present, can’t sleep, tyler…eh i wouldn’t say it’s all cuz of her tho…dunno. nm.

my shoulder is all kinds of sore from last night. i’m such a weakling.

i’m wondering if my desire for a red “leather” jacket is unconsciously due to tyler durden.

work was sooooooo boring. it sucks not having anyone to talk to. blah. there was a wedding party at the bar the ENTIRE day. besides that, nothing much happened. i forgot to mention, nate informed me that gay porn stars were in the restaurant on monday. lol. seriously. edmund recognized them from being in like Frat Boy Party or something… but nothing fun like that happened today.

i’m really tired. not going bowling until later, if at all. i think nate has an issue with the plans, so i’m waiting for him to call me back. dunno what’s going on. i need food desperately.

update on the neverland thing. yep. sandy was in neverland. she was in NYC to see MJ at the MTV awards and whatever…talked to him at the hotel and in the car (see also: stalker), and MJ invited her and her friend to Neverland for the weekend. o.m.g. i dunno how she does this lol.

it’s not raining out yet, but it’s supposed to. no washing the car today. nate called last night at like quarter to 11, and i guess we’re going to do something today. i really hate that there is nothing to do around here. i might suggest going to the art gallery or something, cuz he said he needed to do something intellectual cuz his brain was turning to mush. or maybe i’ll suggest driving to toronto – we have all day.

and i only slept 4 hours last night.

 

simpsons is such a funny show.

anyway. i don’t really have anything else to say. did nothing aaaalllll day long. tried to sleep, didn’t work that great. went to the mall with nate cuz he needed birthday gifts, but didn’t buy anything. leather limited has a red leather coat – but it’s real leather and real expensive lol. went to andersons for ice cream, and set the alarm off on the audi. he couldn’t figure out how to turn it off LOL. so it looked like we were stealing the car. came back here, and my mom talked his ear off for an hour LOL.

i guess we are going out with kristen and mike tomorrow when i get out of work. kristen wanted to go bowling, so i guess that’s what we’re going to do. the 3 of them are off tomorrow so they better figure it all out and just tell me what to do lol. should be a good time, must remember to wear socks LOL.

lazy day…went to bed at 11 LOL woke up at 9. came on the comp, went back and laid in bed for 2 hours. then i saw amanda was finally online and i really needed to talk to her so i have been sitting here ever since. i should probably go eat breakfast and stuff. i was starving so i’ve been eating half stale goldfish crackers. haha

 

i just want to say i have the best friends in the world, and this new found ability to talk to them is really great. and it’s amazing who i’ve discovered i can talk to…so whether or not your advice is making me cry or feel better right now, i really appreciate your input and i thank you.

i worked 11- 6 today. 10 and a half hours later i got to leave. so dead. mgr asked me if i’d do a swing shift, and leave around 8 or so. i figured why not, i had nothing else to do and i only had 16 hours before today. 8 came and went and i was still there and we were still on a 45 min wait. ug. i’m so dead. i hurt so bad all over. blah. but i had a good time. worked with good people all day. i like working with the guys, we always have a good time. thank god i work close tomorrow, cuz i couldn’t handle getting up tomorrow morning to go in at 11.

anyway. the 5 day old leftover chicken fingers from tully’s that i ate last night didn’t really agree with me when this morning came around. i didn’t think i’d make it through my own shift, let alone the swing, but i drank a bunch of ginger ale and felt better.

my chucky p street team stuff for lullaby came in the mail today. stickers, postcards and pins!! yay pins!!! i’ll have to go depost them at record theatre on monday. mike and kristen want to go out with me and nate sometime next week, but dunno when. i think they wanted to do it on wednesday. it’s so weird #1 having a boyfriend, since it’s been a long time, and #2 having friends who want to double date lol. that’s never happened to me before. friday is joe’s birthday stuff, and he invited nate and i to join him and his crew out drinking. so that’ll be cool.

i got out of work at 8:30 and went to nate’s. he’s so good to me. he answered the door with spiked hair, black mesh shirt and silver pants. 😀 <——that was me. i just about died. he looked so hot lol. watched monsters ball. good movie – very depressing, somewhat uplifting at the end – but puff daddy?!?!? just about ruined the credibility of the movie. he was so not good. don’t quit your day job puff. but the rest of the movie was good. and i guess i’ll say this to make carolyn’s day, but billy bob did a good job in the movie hahah. he’s still hideous, but good actor.

i work swing today, 12 til whenever. i hope we’re still dead cuz then i’ll get out around 8 or so again. me and kate are both betting that the crazy girl calls in tonight, which would suck. cuz katewould have to close by herself again and i’d have to stay later probably. supposed to go out with nate again tonight when i get out of work.

 

i got out of work at 5:30 LOL. that’s what i call a good swing shift. i wasn’t expecting to get out so early so now i’m home and need to find some food before going out later. work was boring…few customers, didn’t do much. 3 people tried to bring dogs in today. and this woman came in yesterday and today who is Mrs. Patriotism 2002. she was wearing basically the same thing yesterday and today – red and white striped pants, white sequin tank top, and this cape/shawl thing that was blue denim with red fringe all around it, and red and white stars, complete with rhinestone american flag earrings, and her clear high heel plastic sandals. yes she was from the south. and she went straight for the HRC flag shirts lol. i’d be embarassed if i were her kids. it was unbelievable.

i’m only scheduled 4 days next week…and wednesday i’m the only one working all day long. gah that’s gonna suck hardcore. then i have ANOTHER swing shift on friday – 3rd week in a row, but if it’s anything like the one today, all good. time to find a new job.

 

went to the movies tonight. yes i know, shock of shocks. due to the plethora of bad movies out right now we saw Signs. i thought the previews i saw at the theatre a few months ago looked retarded, but then i heard it was pretty good….so yeah. it ended up being decent. rory culkin is just like macauly. the movie was decently scary, and funny at parts as well. but we both thought the “message” was way too forced. and i don’t have a headache!

so i’m gonna be a dork and go to bed now lol.