Category Archives: Personal

there are still some people missing from the belt poll… like carolyn cuz she wont be back til today, mary who doesn’t go online on the weekends, and joe. those are the only 3 ppl i can think of who have yet to chime in. SO CHIME ALREADY!! i asked a few people at work…lisa leaves the belt in, mike leaves it in unless he’s doing a strip show for someone. hahaha.

work was fine, we were busy. we had tons of reservations including a party of 10 at 11pm and 24 at 11:30. we close at 12. it was niagara falls homecoming so it was all high school kids coming in after the dance. eric and adr showed up around 11, and got some drinks, then mgr said i could go. so i joined them and made fun of the kids with them and nate, and then we headed to the bar after. nate showed up when he got out. eric and nate played more bubble boy hockey (nate redeemed himself last night). good times.

so i gotta go to work now. then taking nate out to dinner. going to take him to buca di beppos. eric said not to show him THE postcard. lol. should be an early night though, nate starts his new REAL job tomorrow.

 

work was…whatever. steady, then we got this huge party that was super annoying and kept wanting to add tables to their giant L shaped table. annoying. and they didn’t tip good. i ran out of there at 4:30. mgr was prolly annoyed, but i really had to pee so i figured i’d just go pee and leave. and i did. went and picked up nate, and came home to change for dinner.

i took him out to bucas and he was impressed. i made fun of him for liking the olive garden. but yeah, he said it was really good and would recommend it, so i’m glad i chose a good place to take him. we had wine, just one glass each, and we were both like…way too tipsy lol. i’m still all tipsy. but had a good meal, all good.

now i’m home for the rest of the night. i need to recover from my wine. lol. i work monday, wed, thurs. parents leave thurs woo hoo. nate’s gonna be no fun all week, cuz of his new job. he keeps saying how much he hates set schedules like the 9-5 he’ll have, and he hates getting up and hates desk work and how he’ll be so tired etc. i don’t think i’m going to end up having an actual party anymore. i’m off all weekend tho, which is so fantastic. lol.

someone’s car alarm is going off. turn it off already.

went to goodbar again. eric and adr came this time, met up with nate’s friends there. almost ran over one of the mtv people. but they were leaving when we got there. headed down the street to some other bar where nate and eric played bubble boy hockey. oh yeah, at goodbar me and nate played doubles pool with strangers. ok well really nate played, i attempted to hit balls around every other turn, but yeah. haha. went to dennys, the usual, then nate came back here for a while. and now bed.

AAAAARRRGGGGG someone tell me why i’m paying 210$ a month for health insurance when…..1) i don’t ever go to the doctor….2) it’s only health insurance, and not dental as well…..and….3) i apparently don’t have prescription coverage….?!?!? dropped my meds off at the pharm this morning to be filled, and just went to pick them up. my old insurance card finally expired so they wanted my new one….which doesn’t state anything about prescriptions on it. super. so the lady tried to call the company but it’s closed now or something, so i have to call tomorrow. then she said that if my insurance is really through blue cross/blue shield, that they dropped eckerd from their pharm listings or something, so that even if i have it i’m apparently NOT covered at that store. wtf. super. so i paid for it, cuz i can’t stop taking it cold turkey….25$….if i don’t have prescription coverage i’m calling the dr to get me off the meds. not paying for that shit. it doesn’t even work anyway.

*sigh* so anyway. work was boring. i spent the entire day doodling and coloring the rotation sheet. kristen came in at 4 and was like, wow you must have been bored. but i managed to stay my whole shift, pick up some hours. nate quit hard rock today because he got another job (cuz he lied lol) so next week i’ll get his hours. and i told mgr about the employment agency stuff, so they know i’ll hopefully be leaving, or cutting down to maybe a weekend shift a week.

up for tonight…going out with nate and his friend mike i guess. no idea when, of course. boys – less than punctual.

first the jim carrey movie, now mtv. i’m gonna be a star!

had a good night. went out with nate and all his guy friends to mr goodbar again. thursdays are college nite so there were people there this time. his friends are cool. went outside on the sidewalk patio for awhile, and a camera crew shows up….mtv….taping “fraternity life”…lol. so of course they got attacked with “mtv sucks” “I hate carson daly” etc…and people (including nate’s friends) trying to get taped…haha. the mtv guy did end up “filming us” (who knows if it was actually taping or not tho, since we didn’t have to sign wavers for them to use our image on tv). the 2 kids they were actually filming for the show…the frat pledges…the one is this super italian looking kid, perfect mtv image…the other kid was sorta dorky. we didn’t really know what was going on, cuz they were filming when they showed up. then they just stood there in front of the bar until we left not really doing anything. then a 2nd camera crew showed up, and they were all just chillin not doing anything.

one of nate’s friends looked super familiar but i didn’t know why. then he said to me that i looked familar to him but we couldn’t figureout why…the kid is from grand island as well and i didn’t know anyone from the island until now…but it was weird. it wasn’t just me thinking i met him sometime before.

anyway, left his friends at the bar and came back here for a while. dunno what’s going on tomorrow. but i’m tired now and need sleep.

 

on rainy days, we go swimming out, on rainy days swimming in the sound…. – u2

so the hurricane leftovers are here. it’s supposed to rain all day. i guess that means my suggestion to go break and enter today isn’t going to happen. oh well. actually, it might produce some really nice pictures, but i don’t feel like getting rained on. it’s too cold.

woke up at 10, and it was still dark so i thought it was 7 or something. decided to get up and do laundry. i don’t know why it is, that i feel the need to do laundry alot when i just wake up. lol. this isn’t the first time that i’ve done that. so i washed my sheets, and the sheet that is on the futon in the basement. they’re in the dryer now. exciting.

the plan for today: eric is on his way home, so i guess we’re gonna do the normal store thing this afternoon. get rained on. a normal eric and sara excursion. it seems to rain alot when we do this sort of thing. then tonight, i figure get my crew together, and see if nate’s friends had anything planned. i’m going to predict we end up all at a bar again. fine by me.

rofl my computer just scared me. i forgot i put an alert on amanda’s screenname for when she comes un away. and it’s ozzy saying “we did a great job with that gravy” lol. love ozzy.

 

has anyone else (eric) noticed that the music in the commercial for ABC’s new show “hack” sounds like a soft rock version of white zombie’s “more human than human”?

is it an insult to be compared to a praying mantis? lol.

so…still trying not to cry. i was doing pretty good this morning, and i thought today would end up ok. but for no reason, i want to cry again. almost cried at the job place, almost cried in the car, almost crying now. MAKE IT GO AWAY! heh i should listen to korn.

anyway. the job thing. had to take tests and stuff…like excel test, word test, and then data entry tests…i havent used excel in years. actually, i’ve never used excel. i used the spreadsheet program that came with microsoft works, when i needed to use one (which was never, but i did know how to use it)…i had to skip all the questions that were about creating formulas to do stuff with the data lol. and i still got an above average score. LOL how does that work?! i thought i basically failed that test. then the word test, they had me attempt do to all kinds of weird stuff that 1. i don’t know how to do 2. don’t know why you’d ever want to do them. and the way the tests were set up, you only got 2 chances to do something…the monitor was blurry and the mouse sucked, so if u accidentally clicked on something, that was a wrong answer. so i thought i did really poorly on that too even tho i use word all the time… hello, i was just in college for 4 years, i know how to use word. but i did REALLY good on that test somehow lol. and then for the data entry they look for a speed of 5000 or something, and i got 9500 LOL. so…they said that i’ll probably get placed in a bank in amherst doing computer stuff – fixing problems with ppls accounts and stuff, calling people about mistakes or whatever. it’s temp to full time, but even if they don’t hire me, it’s long time temp so i’d still be there at least a few months once i get a position. too bad i’m not doing teller work in amherst…since we all know the sabres live out there 🙂 but whatever. we’ll see. i guess the hours are 10-7. whatever.

while i keep saying that all i want is to sit in a cubicle in front of a computer (yes, how sad is that), i’m going to miss the social atmosphere of working in my past jobs with people my age. i love hard rock. i love talking to the ppl who work there, and seeing the tourists, and all that. i loved mcds, and the relationships i had with the morning girls there. so now i’m not sure if sitting in a cubicle is going to be good for me. but oh well. maybe something will work out so that i can keep 1 day a week at hard rock or something…i’m looking too far in advance, need to stay in the present. live for the now. fuck the future.

oh yeah, on my way home i passed 2 electronic pianos on the curb waiting to be taken to the dump…2…electric…pianos. in different parts of town. isn’t that weird?

 

crying again. can’t help it.

bluephisto: it’s limbo, not hell that kills you

that only makes sense to me, but it made me feel better.

 

i was organizing my archives again, categorizing them and stuff. a few things..
– i think some posts are missing. cuz sometimes, things make no sense. like i reference an earlier post, that doesn’t exist. but i don’t know for sure, or how to fix it
– i met nate on july 22nd. sometimes i think i’m too attached to him, too quickly, for my own good. but i knew this would happen. it happened the moment i shook his hand at work his first day. i mean, go look at that day’s posts…it’s talking about how fantastic he is. hey, at least that continues to prove i’m a good judge of character. carolyn is proud of me for doing this whole relationship thing, risking my own personal pain, even tho i know there is no future, since he’s leaving…
– i still laugh about eric telling me that i WILL wait a week to go out with nate the first time, and that i will NOT get impatient and lose interest. thank you dear, i appreciate your help!

 

the onion smell has been replaced with a pancake smell which has been replaced with a something is burning smell. but at least the onion smell is gone.

i started reading the godfather last night, and i’m impressed with how good a job the movie did sticking to the book so far. and it makes me even more impressed with the actors who were in it.

i feel sorta better. not 100%. not even 50 probably, but better. almost cried at dinner, but was laughing too so that’s good. now i’m trying to look forward to tomorrow.

i dunno if i’m going to do more flash lessons tonight or not. my head sorta hurts, so i might skip my lesson tonight. lol

and why are there no sites filled with osbournes waves?

 

ok now my room just smells. went downstairs and watched part of the west wing, cuz my parents had it on. then nate called, talked to him for a bit. had some ice cream, came back up here, and it smells. i don’t even know of what, but i don’t like it and it needs to go away. have to find febreeze and just cover everything.

i’m in a better mood. it was slowly getting better since dinner, and now i’m feeling like 75% better now. tomorrow should be good. nate said he has no money, so tomorrow we have to do something lame. i told him i didn’t care what we did, we could sit here all day for all i cared…so he mentioned having a nose picking contest or something lol. he said he’d hose me, and i told him that’s an honor he could feel free to enjoy, and i’ll just lose with grace. haha. my mom reminded me that the corn maze is open down the street, so if that’s not 7$ like the geneseo one was, maybe we’ll tackle that beast tomorrow. i don’t really care what we do.

current mood: better

ok when i typed better, i totally heard it in my head as lestat says it in queen of the damned. me and carolyn mention all the time about how we can’t read or say certain words without associating them with hedwig… like “optimistic” and “basically”…for example. and now i have a qotd one haha.

mood was ok, went not ok again. on the verge of tears again. go away.

so the job fair. as i expected, a complete and utter waste of time. it was a waste of gas to drive there, a waste of 5.25 to park, and a waste of time. i walked in and who was standing there? nate. and his friend. so that was a nice surprise, even tho i was hoping to run into him there. not going to go into any more details about how depressing and awful it was, but it was the general consensus that it sucked.

is it weird that i hope to run into my boyfriend places? i’m sorry. not gonna start.

anyway. nothing to do the rest of today, or tomorrow. work thurs, going out with nate thurs night. need something to keep myself occupied with. i’m going to go cry now.

ty’s giving me a job doing web design. i guess that’ll keep me occupied for tonight.

 

i have an appointment at a job agency tomorrow. that was fast. they ask me how much i want to make…well, enough to pay the bills. i don’t feel right saying like 10$ an hour, which i think is the least i deserve as a college grad. but whatever. i said i make 7 now and want more than that.

 

the mood is gone slightly. i’m not crying anymore. i made ty’s company’s site demo, and he wants me to do flash – so i occupied myself by teaching it to…myself. i got through the guided lessons, and tomorrow i’ll tackle the tutorials. the tutorial to make a movie said it takes 3 hours lol. so when i get back from my job appt thing, that’s what i’ll be doing the rest of the day and night.

adrienne came by for a bit to give me the money for the sabres tix. ended up talking a bit, and watching the osbournes. the canadian airings on CTV are unbleeped! so now it gives me a reason to watch them on tv again haha. except i missed the first 2 eps now.

starving, and trying not to think too much so that tomorrow will be better than today. don’t want to spend another day crying with no reason.

forgot to mention in my upset-ness before but…people should not be allowed to drive chevy suburbans without a permit. u should have to present all kinds of documents saying why you need to drive a tank. took me 10 minutes to get out of the parking garage after nate dropped me off in front because i had to drive the entire way through the ramp behind one going about 1 mph. standard shift cars don’t go 1 mph, they stall. and who on earth needs a suburban?!?!? this was some soccer mom. she doesn’t need a suburban. ug. pissed me off. something else on the way home pissed me off too but i forgot what it was. i made the mistake of going down elmwood to get home, cuz i was gonna stop at frisbees…took me almost an hour to get home that way, and by the time i got to frisbees i was so pissed off i didn’t stop.

a case of the mondays…what is this the 3rd week i’ve gotten myself into a funk on a monday? this time it’s about jobs, or lack of. 169 matches came up for my search, none that i was qualified for, or wanted to lower myself to do (like be a secretary…) i applied at INS for immigration inspector. right, like i’ll get that. once they look at me and see there’s no way i could restrain some illegal alien running across the border, they’ll dismiss me. but whatever. they get to carry guns. lol. the buffalo job fair thing is tomorrow, parents making me go. just looking at the list of employers in the newspaper, who are going to be there, i can tell it’ll be less than fruitful.

anyway i’m being haunted by “paradise by the dashboard light” again. it won’t get out of my head. they’ve been playing it alot at work lately, it was in my head all night as i was trying to fall asleep, and then just now when i got out of the shower it popped back in. make it stop. yeah it’s a funny song, but come on. anytime it wants to leave my head, that’d be great.

 

such a fucking bad mood. i just want to curl up in my bed and cry and sleep. for no reason. been on the verge of tears for the past hour, for no reason – i was playing free cell and solitare as my resume printed. at least work will be a somewhat pleasant distraction from whatever is making me feel this way. since this time, i have no clue what it is. last week i knew, week before, same thing… this time, dunno. arg.

there’s an article on sabres.com about the new nets and glass around the ice to prevent injury etc. says something about how with the new partitioned glass gives more, so players won’t get hurt and how it’s noiser, making the game more exciting for ppl sitting along the boards. i must say i noticed this. we were 2nd row, end ice on the bench side. we had quite a few people checked into the glass right in front of us, and wow does the glass move lol. and it was exciting lol. so the article is correct.

that reminds me. i did get the sabres tix today. for me and adr for the leafs game in november, and for adr and her brother the islanders game in october. this might be the only game i can afford to go to. fucking 8$ service fee per ticket…

 

work was a typical monday it seemed. really slow at first, got hit around 7:30, cleared up again the rest of the night. spent lots of time talking to retail girl and helping her box glasses and wrap candy filled shot glasses in green netting. as for improving my mood, i was ok. almost started to cry during, of all songs, marc antony’s “you sang to me” for no reason…it was bad. but overall i was ok. not as ok now that i’m back home but whatever. i’m going to hope this is all due to hormones (hoping for more than one reason lol)…

it reeks like onions in my entire house, which means i’m going to smell like onions even after i shower tomorrow morning. despite the fact that i hate mexican food, i can’t stand don pablos cuz you leave smelling like onions – and it just won’t go away. last time i was there (sophomore year) i had to febreeze my clothes 5 times even after washing them, to get the smell out.

i have nothing else to say. i think i’m going to go to bed and cry for a while so that i feel better. yeah. sounds like a plan.

 

a better post. i love this weather. it’s so delightfully cool outside. i just wish i had new clothes…well i could if i only liked anything for sale :-/

last night was uneventful. dyed my hair, it’s very red now. adr came over and we chilled here all night. didn’t feel like going to band night at work, cuz i would have had to do my hair and get dressed lol. me=lazy.

sabres game today. prolly leaving here around 4, to pick everyone up and get downtown early. cuz of the movie thing. 🙂 still don’t know the deal on the 4th ticket…

i just got called into work. haha. why couldn’t they have called me in for tomorrow? i’d go tomorrow, can’t go tonight. grr…

anyway, did the site updates finally. added about 15 pictures from the past 9 months, that i’ve been too lazy to add before. i pick and chose from more pics…figured i didn’t need 8 of the basically same picture of me and heather from january lol. i’m still waiting for leah’s black and white whore pics from the end of the year, and her pics of me and nate from last weekend.

 

i have these neighbors…2 girls 2 boys. they were my childhood playmates, but we all grew up and drifted. it’s only normal. the oldest girl had a sorta different circle of friends than i did (besides being in different grades)…she was miss popularity (but not a bitchy cheerleader thank god), and i was normal. as the oldest she led the way for her sister to be in that kind of social circle as well. now the oldest boy (about 14 ish now) has gone on to football, and popularity i’m sure. he was a cute kid, not so much anymore (fat neck lol)…the youngest one, i have no idea how old he is, i’m gonna guess 11 or 12…i don’t know his social status, but i almost want him to turn out to be sorta skater/punk-rock/goth…i think it would be so funny, and throw a big wrench into their way of thinking. i dunno why i wish this, it just occured to me the other day that i’d like to see it happen. for him to be like, the black sheep of the family. i’m weird, i know. he’s such a cute little boy, it’d just be fantastic lol. ignore me lol.