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ug boy at work wants me to go out with him monday night when he gets out of work at 2am….riiiiiight. i sleep at 2 am when i’m not at the casino thanks. and i don’t like you. i just sorta ignored him when he brought it up. it wasn’t an out right question that i had to say no to… it was a “what are you doing on monday?” me: “sleeping” him “cuz i’m looking for someone to go to the bar with me when i get out.” and i just avoided the whole thing. ug.

nothing else to say. anyone know of a good punk band? i know that’s an oxymoron or something but… lol

 

david bowie is god. seriously.
“I miss your kissin’ and I miss your head
And a letter in your writing doesn’t mean you’re not dead
Run outside in the desert heat
Make your dress all wet and send it to me”

haha. i remember him doing this song at the show. i wanna see him again. anyway…i went to the library cuz i was tired of trying to find all the songs from o brother where art thou to download. and brilliant me figured the library would have it and i could copy it!! i don’t know why i didn’t think of this before lol. so then david bowie’s heathen was staring at me on the racks so i got that too…since i never managed to find all the songs to that either back in august. ug i’m dreading having to listen to o brother to make sure it worked. it’s for nate. he mentioned when we first started dating that he liked hillbilly music LOL. it’s the only thing i could think of that i knew i could find to send him. it is hillbilly music right? i’m pretty sure it is haha.

god david bowie is so bizzare lol. and that should read God, David Bowie, is so bizzare haha. i wish the library would have had best of bowie for me to copy…haha

 

k so i need songs to send to nate. put suggestions in the comments. cyndi: try to control yourself :)…my intentions were to send him cds every few months to keep him updated on new music…but i have a feeling this is gonna turn into a bunch of songs sara likes and nate won’t haha. already, i keep thinking of more songs that i like to put on them.

we have yet another new vh1 channel…vh1 soul. every time i turn on the tv, that jennifer lopez video is on. and i’m not exaggerating…every.single.time.

ug why do i like that damn justin timberlake song so much.

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hey guess what. winter is really here. cold AND snow. lots of it. well not LOTS in the buffalo sense of the word “lots”…like 4 inches in a few hours, plus lots of blowing and drifting. which is really nothing. 20mph on the robert moses was definitely overkill. so i had to pass them

i shadowed for 2 hours, then they opened the 2nd bacc game, sat there for a while, did an hour of pai gow and went home an hour early. got to see our new cafeteria, it’s super nice. they’re gonna have real, good food actually. rock!

tomorrow is my first floor day alone. we’ll see how things go. hopefully the weather and football makes a slow night.

i’m sorta confused about…things. but don’t ask haha

oh yeah. i forgot to mention. i have a new decoration for my apt, curtesy (how do you spell that?) of james and the battery warehouse factory place we were at today. this rad danger, sound horn sign. i gotta clean it up a bit. i think it’ll go in my room, cuz my room is a complete disaster hah.

 

i snagged myself the last u2 2004 calendar at media play. score! i don’t know why anyone buys calendars before the new year. cuz the calendar was 3.50 instead of 13$. i absolutely DESPISE how u2 sets their calendars up tho. it’s the most annoying thing ever. oh well. i have my very own little black book planner that i’ll use for dates and stuff, since i can’t read the u2 calendar.

and tho i may seem down at times, and not happy…i realized in the media play parking lot that i’m actually quite happy with my life right now, and quite happy with who i am at the moment. i have really cool friends (even if they piss me off), and a cool job, and am increasingly more involved with really cool things. so life is good.

i might be appearing in a magazine based in toronto. more details to follow.

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i think there were things i wanted to say but i can’t remember. i work 6-2 today. i get all screwed up when i have 6-2 because i had to sleep til 2 today to recover from going to bed at 5…but now when i get home at 2am today/tomorrow i won’t be tired yet. lol. oh well.

everyone at work is fascinated with how much money i make. 3 people have asked me this week. they’re all surprised at how much i don’t make LOL. i don’t know why, i don’t do anything, but they all assume i’d be making more. the first guy who asked me intimidates the hell out of me cuz he was snippy with me on opening day, so i got all flustered and didn’t think to ask how much he makes…but i asked the pit boss yesterday when he asked me. it was the guy who cured my headaches. i was like, i’m not supposed to tell what i make. he was like, come on, it’s me you’re talking to – as if we’re super good friends or something lol. but yeah. i now know how much the floor supervisors and pit bosses make…i just need to find out how much my supervisors make. the guy last night came from vegas, and was telling me how much people make out there. yeah, like 3 times what we make here. his brother is a shift manager at monte carlo and makes 150,000!!!!

work is so weird. i don’t know why…it’s like…some people are just really super friendly, and i’ll have to say like 1 word to them and then they say hi and make comments to me all the time. like security people…i’ll be sitting in the caff and one will walk by and say hi and use my name, or make some comment about how i look so tired blah blah blah. and it’s just strange. other people do it to. i know i’m wearing a giant nametag, but i wouldn’t think to do that to other people haha. and people complain to me all the time about everyone else. like how much the dealers were sucking that night, how the other floor supervisors don’t do as much work as whoever, how the waitresses in the buffet don’t even thank you when you bus their tables for them lol. i’m like GREAT what do you want ME to do about it?!?! i’m a lowly pit clerk who does not much of anything.

the new sum41 video that makes fun of “the” bands is highly amusing.

anyway.

 

whoever is using my address and sending me magazine subscriptions really needs to stop. first, this summer, it was financial times and the hollywood reporter (or something)…financial times finally said my free trial was up, and stopped sending them to me. i still get the hollywood one. and within the last week i now also get time, entertainment weekly, and outside magazine. STOP IT.

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the weirdest phenomenon is going on right now. it is really friggen cold. and i’m driving home and i see all these bizzare verticle streaks in the sky. coming from ground straight up into the sky. they weren’t northern lights-ish, it was just…concentrated beams of light into the sky…sorta like the luxor in vegas has the spotlight that goes straight up. so i decided to try to figure out what they were….

apparently, it is so friggen cold out, that something is happening to the air, and that every bright light is producing this intense vertical streak of light. parking lot lights, lights on buildings….it’s incredible…and incredibly weird.

i was going to grab the camera and take some pictures, cuz i doubt it’s something i’ll see again….. but it’s just really too damn cold. it hurts to breathe, and it makes you cough it’s so cold.

has anyone ever bought stuff off cafepress before? anyone know about the quality of the stuff? i bought a few things yesterday and i was wondering. i guess i’ll find out. it could be a good thing to use to raise money for the terminal. they offer lots of different kinds of products, and it’s not like we’d have to spend the money to produce them right off the bat. there’s no inventory and stuff, so we wouldn’t get stuck with 100s of crappy things no one will buy. we’ll see.

 

it’s 5 degrees out. you know what’s the best thing to do when it’s 5 out? go urbexing!

brian called and got me out of bed around 130 cuz he was going to stop by while he was in the falls. so him and james came over, and we chilled here for a while, then went out to take pictures of a place in the falls. really great place, the sun was out, so it had a neat glow…or maybe it was all the toxins…but yeah. haven’t been at a site in a long time, so it was nice. even if i thought my hands and feet were going to fall off.

we might go back out to flinkote tomorrow or monday. we’ll see. it’s supposed to be warmer then. haha

i floor on my own tomorrow for the first time. i ended up shadowing most of the night last night. the 10pm bacc crew took us out, and we were sent to muck chips in roulette. instead of standing there and doing nothing, i asked to shadow again, so i stood there and did nothing too. haha. i did the roll, which was way better this time. so hopefully it’ll go smoothly for me on my own tomorrow. then i floor next fri and sat.

and holy cow i got the biggest pay check ever yesterday. *drools* i feel as if i can go and get a complete new bedroom set.

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holy crap. i cannot believe what i just saw on tv. there is an informercial on for an internet dating site for “married people seeking affairs”. NO LIE. their slogan is “when monogamy becomes monotony”. i seriously can’t believe this is on tv, and that there is a company that specializes in finding people other people to have affairs with.

and for the record. i’m still pissed off.

but i did remember that my dad got a dvd burner for xmas, and leighanne reminded me of the walking sex tape. so after my test i went over to the parents to encode the inxs rocks the rockies concert and burn onto dvd. it’s a super hugely long process cuz the software that came with it doesn’t work right, and we have to encode the files twice before the burn. so it’s still encoding, and my dad is going to burn it for me. unless i go over tomorrow afternoon and do it. we’ll see. it’s gonna be shit quality cuz the tape was watched so many times…plus right before i started recording it, the vcr ate the tape. i almost died, cuz i thought i had ruined it, but i managed to reel the tape back in and there were no errors…thank god haha

hmm michael hutchence

 

it’s 0 degrees out.

 

 

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detox lasted 36 hours. i had to give in around midnight because i got the most unbelivably bad headache last night…from sitting here too long, staring at the screen while playing yahtzee, monopoly, sorry, and boggle on games.com. it was so bad. i went to sleep in hopes to just sleep it off but i wanted to cry and throw up. i tried accupressure, and guided meditation (imagine your pain as a white ball of healing light…you’re standing at the entrance to your cave…step into your cave…in your cave you find…your power animal…) so i took drugs. ug. i slept so oddly too. i woke up at 4:30 and then couldn’t fall back asleep for 3 or so hours. i thought the headache was gone, but i got up to go to the bathroom and there was still headache residue there…then when i went back to bed and didn’t sleep it began to reorganize and gain strength as if it was Hitler’s army…managed to fall back asleep sometime after my mom left, slept til she called and woke me up at 11:30. it seems to have retreated for now, but i’m sure if i’m not careful it’ll come back.

as i said, i slept really oddly. i had a weird out of body experience…well…it wasn’t really out of body. i wasn’t floating over myself or any of that…it was more like, my essence, or soul or whatever you want to call it shrank so that i was this flat thing in the shell of my body. it was really strange. it was probably just some odd dream, but still…it was weird.

so to do today:
– barnes and nobles
– bank to get money and pay credit card
– file cabinet
– grad school crap
– request geneseo transcripts
– get letters from schneider, allen and kallio
– resend GRE scores or find out how to transfer between departments
– career objectives
– essay
– mail nate’s postcard

 

finally was able to buy what i need at barnes and nobles. and an impulse purchase or 2…blah haha. got nate the grass and sushi kits, got myself a bonsai tree kit, blood and gold, and the biggest impulse purchase – this whole magazine about u2 by NME…it’s every interview they’ve done with NME, and pics from NME’s archives and crap. ug. stupid u2 making me spend money lol. there this one fab picture i might use for a layout. i’ve had such the urge to grow things recently…over the past few weeks i wanted a chia pet, sea monkeys and the bonsai tree. i can’t grow the tree until spring though blah. and i’m sure it’ll die. my ex friend andrea made a big deal out of getting a bonsai tree in middle school, it got spider mites and died lol.

i guess i’m the only person who finds the similarity between the niger and niagara falls picture interesting lol. LOOK AT IT…it’s like, the same picture, from the same perspective…same rock formations. one is just in the desert and one has water on it lol. which reminds me… i mailed nate’s postcard of grand island…70 freaking cents. isn’t postcard rate in the US like 20 cents? it’s so not worth it to send a crappy postcard that gives you no room to write on, cuz i think my 3 page letter i sent was 70 cents too.

if anyone still needs to get me a christmas gift, someone is selling “blood and glitter” history of glam rock book on ebay for about 8 bucks. i’d give you the link but i’m lazy. half.com’s got it for 25$

 

i fucking hate that 70s show. every episode makes me fucking cry. IT’S A STUPID SHOW. good thing i can only watch tv 2 nights a week

an aside: people in this gel commercial are having a 3some on my tv wtf…

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0 jackson songs tonight. the crappy band with the girl singer played tonight, and they were hideously loud. they did a really bad cover of depeche mode’s “just can’t get enough”…yeah. sucks. now that i’m home at 2:30 i am wide awake and have nothing to do. and i’m freezing…the casino is so cold. i sit in the restaurant balcony during my break cuz it seems to be the only place with heat in the entire building. ug.

so finally 2 days off. dunno what i’m gonna do with myself. tomorrow (er today) is dedicated to detoxing myself…i’ve been taking way too many pain killers, need to stop. so hopefully i can get through tomorrow without taking anything.

 

the ground is covered in wonderful snowman making snow. it snowed about an inch and a half last night and hasn’t stopped all day. lovely lovely.

so i went to see the wardrobe people about a bigger uniform, but the guy lied and turns out they didn’t have any bigger pants for me to try. so he’s ordering 2 bigger pairs for me. i said my sleeves were too short on my shirt, but he said there’s nothing they can do except give me a bigger shirt, and i was like ok whatever. i’ll go bug them for bigger shirts at a later date. rumor has it that they’re going to install a gas pump in our parking lot so we can all get cheap indian rez gas without going to the rez. that’ll be nice. and it turns out, we got paid for christmas! i was wondering why i got paid so much for only working 9 hours lol.

since i was in the falls i went to buy postcards to send to nate, since we don’t have any of the casino yet. i got a grand island postcard. who the hell wants a postcard of grand island?!?! lol but i laughed when i saw it so i had to get it. it’s a picture of the bridge lol. sure it’s a nice picture…but still haha

visited mom at the store, and then went to the toy store next door. they have all kinds of old toys and i wanted to see if they had golden girls..they had one, for 25$!!! yeah right. but it’s a cool store. run by exactly the kind of person you’d expect to collect and resell old toys.

i took a risk and listened to The Fragile on my travels today. didn’t cry. yay. somewhat damaged is such a friggen great song. esp the end. i want to make nate a cd of songs i remember him liking, and shit from the radio to keep him in touch with the rest of the world. but i don’t know if i still have my old portable cd player that ate batteries like you wouldn’t believe to send along too. i know he didn’t take a cd player of his own. that’s the first step in this latest idea, cuz with no cd player, cds won’t be of much use to him. i should write down the songs i kept thinking of though, incase i do manage to get this project done.

 

 

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jackson song count last night: 1 “the love you save”. the band was louder than it had been, and lots of ppl last night made it hard to hear the music on the radio.

i feel like shit. i feel like i’m hungover without having had the pleasure of first being drunk. blah. i got a wicked headache at work last night and forgot to bring any excedrin with me. one of the sups had an excedrin quick tab that she let me have, but you need 2 for them to really work. i haven’t been able to shake the headache yet, and then today i woke up with a new head pain, like drilling in my temples…I HATE MY HEAD! mom got the name of my neighbors neurologist who actually schedules MRIs and stuff, so i’m going to go see her sometime soon. cuz i’m dying. one of the women at work told me about how her daughter was complaining about having headaches every day, and they kept telling her it was depression and stress. then her brain exploded (er felt like it did) and it turns out she had a blood clot. all i want is a damn MRI so if it turns out negative i can at least feel better knowing that my brain doesnt have a giant inoperable infiltrating tumor inside. thanks.

so anyway…work was fine. it was busy, but not for me. i was the breaker so i wandered around with no responsibility sending people on break. it made the time go alot faster than sitting in a pit with nothing to do. i had an hour to do nothing before i could start the 40 min breaks so i hung out in one pit and talked to michael and 2 sups. apparently me and michael are going to have to fight for a supervisor position once they start firing the stupid people LOL. so then me and him were talking about how at least one of us should have been hired up front to be a sup. not fair. i keep forgetting to mention that gay nate has been at the casino 2 nights in a row. i haven’t really talked to him since i went to the continental with him in june. he was so drunk last night haha. but it was nice to see what he’s been up to. i assume he’s not still dating the girl in toronto that he had met at a rave and had the whole “love at first sight” thing, and he knows nothing about my nate, i’ll have to ask him if he shows up tonight.

i work at 6 today, i thought i worked at 8. my bad. so by the time i shower and everything and leave for work, i’ll have spent a whole 4 hours at home lol. these shifts, and having 6 days in a row, make me feel like i live at the casino.

things to do in the next few days:
– find out if darleen is working at barnes and nobles so i can get my book and nate’s gifts (still)
– find out grad school reference letter stuff
– start writing grad school essays – get help from education majors haha
– actually put stuff in my file cabinet instead of on my floor
– find the key to said file cabinet
– go to wardrobe people at work to get a bigger uniform
– write my headache history

dude i keep dreaming about college…had a dream about going to another psych conference last night. a few nights ago dreamed about my professors…

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there is this weird security guard at work who apparently thinks i’m his friend. i don’t know his name but he knows mine, from one interaction where he handed me a piece of paper on thursday night. now everytime he sees me he boisterously says hi to me, by name. last night in the cafeteria he did, then he had to give me something in the pit last night and decided to ask me how old i was and tell me how good of an experience this is for me, seeing all these different kinds of people at such a young age. why do i only attract weirdos?

my computer is making very weird annoying noises.

jackson song count from last night: 2 that i could hear. “don’t stop til you get enough” and “shake your body down to the ground”. i swear they don’t play anything past 1980. well, unless “everybody’s kung fu fighting” is past 1980…haha. yay for the kung fu hamster. they have hamster keychains now, but of course, no kung fu.

the gourmet cafeteria had prime rib and lobster tails last night. i ate rice. that was gross.

i think i work at 8 tonight. i have some 6-2 shifts next week so that’ll be nice. for some reason my check wasn’t direct deposited this week, even tho it was last week, so now i have to go to the bank. blah.

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hi.

work was more active yesterday. well not in the customer department, but me…i had to run 2 pits yesterday, so it gave me stuff to do the whole night. there weren’t large hour long chunks of time where i didn’t do anything. i pretty much had rating cards to enter all night. so that was good. but then at 2am when the replacements came in they took both my pits so then i had nothing to do but wander around and go see if i could sneak some more food haha. we have a gourmet cafeteria. last night they had clams…lol. so i ate a baked potato, bread, cereal, an apple, and ice cream lol.

i think all work plays over the speaker system is the saturday night fever soundtrack, with a few abba tunes, a few random other 70s tunes and a bunch of obscure jackson 5 songs. the jackson 5 song list is now up to…5 songs i think. new years day they played “never can say good bye”, “ben”?!?!?!, and “sugar daddy”…last night they played “mama’s pearl” and “dancing machine”. we’ll see what tonight brings lol. i barely recognized mama’s pearl…i haven’t heard it in ages.

stupid nate postcard made me dream really nice nate dreams. blah.

and oh yeah. congrats to leah and bill who finally got officially engaged!!

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