Category Archives: Personal

i am so good at not having feelings it’s kinda scary. i’ve pretty much irradicated the “crush”. it didn’t even occur to me to wonder if he was going to be at work today until halfway through my shift when i saw on the list that he came in at 5. then when he came in (again i got sent home as he walked in the door practically), there was only a slight moment of uh..whatever you want to call it…noticing him, i guess.

anyway. work was slow. everyone was getting sent home. the really hot kid was serving today, and it bugs the hell out of me that i can’t figureout who he reminds me of. he was wearing glasses today. oh and he has a tongue ring lol he could possibly be one of the hottest people i’ve ever met lol. besides that nothing real eventful happened today. this guy came in with an Elevation tour shirt on, so i was like hey i like your shirt. talked to him for a few minutes – he was british, and hadn’t seen any of the elevation shows but had seen u2 3 times, once during the lovetown tour (joshua tree era). so that was cool. there is a mandatory host meeting on friday morning at 9:30…yeah i have off friday, and now i have to get my ass up at 8 to get to work for the meeting. arg. so not showering or anything (even tho i was bad and realized that work-boy would have to be there too, so i should look nice, i’m ignoring that thought lol).

this week brings the *greatest* week of the entire summer – Canal Fest. lol can you understand my sarcasm? lol. the parade is tomorrow so i’ll probably end up going for that…maybe this year i’ll actually venture into the beer tent. hahahaha. i actually would like to take some black and white nitetime shots of the insanity, but i still have a roll of color film in my camera…

went downtown with eric and adrienne tonight. went to an irish pub bar near chippewa. they had a live band playing, cheap cover charge, so it was cool. it wasn’t all clubby and blah. ran into jon (joe’s friend), so talked to him for a bit which was cool since i haven’t seen him in a long long time. we had a good time.

i feel kinda weird. i mean i’m sick, and can barely breathe. i’m hoping this doesn’t turn into bronchitis again like 2 years ago when i was on my death bed for 2 months (but still went to work every day even tho i couldn’t breathe or talk). but then i feel mentally weird too. i’m just really tired of everything. i’m tired of this area. i need a change. i’m sure i’ll get over this by like, tomorrow, but…i dunno. i’m just not all that happy i guess. i think that ties into why the song hit me at the concert last night. but not sure, since i swear he sings different lyrics live than any of the ones i’ve found….whatever.

and i pretty much have no voice… sick, concert, yelling at work so i could be heard, yelling at the bar and in the car so i could be heard.. not happy throat.

wow i really feel like shit. i’m not sure i could possibly be more tired without being dead. and i slept ok last night too (after i got up at 3 am to try to find cough medicine in the dark – since i couldn’t breath laying down without coughing). if i didn’t call in wednesday, and if i wasn’t closing tonight, i might have called in today. my head is pounding despite taking excedrine, coughing is driving me nuts. but at least i’ll have stronger abs when this is over. blah. so tired…

eric and i were talking today, and something came up that seems pretty appropriate.
eric: feelings suck
me: yeah, that’s why i pretend i don’t have any
and that’s what i’m going back to now. forget this “crush” bullshit because it’s only going to turn out the same way it always does, and it’s never been a good way. the way i see it, there’s 2 outcomes. 1 – it’s going to end up the same way things did with tim. even if i started hanging out with work-boy, i know i’d fall for him, and nothing would ever happen except me feeling like shit about it, and being in emotional pain anytime i’d have to see him. 2 – i keep thinking that i have a crush on him, and he continues to not really realize i’m alive, leading to the whole pain bit for me again. i don’t really want to deal with the way i get when i like someone and nothing is happening. in my experience it is never worth it. so from this point on, i don’t have a crush on him, and i’m not going to go out of my way to try to make anything happen.

so work today was interesting i guess. 3 mentally retarded people got lost LOL (i can laff cuz i’m going to hell anyway)…well they might not have been lost, but they dissapeared and the group couldn’t find them…they were missing for like 3 hours. state park police and the city police were searching for them. haha. the “chuck norris wanna-be” security guard from the buffalo orgy show, and static x at waterstreet came in tonight. i wanted to ask him if he did concert security, but i’m almost positive it was him. lol. what else…talked to one of the bartenders who used to live on wurlitzer drive. he lived near this bitchy girl from highschool and he said her mom was one of those neighbors who was always spying on them, and then telling his mother what he was doing bad haha. then he asked if i knew this kid john, and i’m like yeah i live across the street from him. so it was cool to talk to him, since he is really intimidating. hahah. pretty much everyone intimidates me there. we’ve also gotten a whole bunch of new videos to play…they played “falling away from me” today, and “it’s been a while” besides the other new vids. more good stuff than bad. haha anyway, i got to go home at 10 instead of when we closed, which was nice since i’m dying. i drank some cough meds before, but they’ve worn off now. i was choking on the way home.

on the way home i saw a shooting star. i was going 70, and it was bright enough to catch my attention. it was pretty cool. too bad i don’t believe in signs, and omens, or i could interpret that as a good thing.

random: listening to korn makes me really paranoid. haha.

alright, this “crush” as everyone keeps calling it is getting out of hand. i saw him for not even 5 minutes today (he came in, i got to leave) and i’m like gah your so cute. i had an excuse to touch him, and the fact that i noticed that, and actually touched him is super bad hahah. ug. i hate this.

anyway. work was fine. pretty slow for most of the day, given it was a beautiful saturday afternoon. there were 5 hosts on?!?!? so needless to say, we were cut left and right. i had the choice to leave early twice but i wanted to stay for 2 reasons. i managed to stay til 5:30. good enough i guess. i am so tired. i have off tues and friday again next week. i haven’t worked a friday yet lol. i close thurs, sat and sun. saturday is gonna suck. i hate having to stay til 1. *ahem* and i do not get to work with a certain someone *ahem* cuz yes, i checked *ahem*

i’m about to drop dead of starvation, so need some grub NOW

if i had a genie to grant me wishes right now, my first wish would be to be healthy. whatever i had yesterday turned itself into a major sore throat. it feels swollen almost shut, and now i’m coughing too. besides my killer headache. ug. i have to work at 5, i feel like dying cuz i’m so tired.

so yesterday. after i got out of bed, sat around for a bit. had dinner, went to walmart. carolyn and i got free candy and pop for filling out credit card applications hehe. she bought dirty dancing on dvd, so we watched the extra stuff, and picked random scenes of the movie. we watched the bonus material on se7en too. i forgot how amazingly pitiful brad pitt sounds at the end of that movie. it’s great. i have to watch the whole thing again sometime soon. and the depeche mode dvd haha. we watched the hidden track on the dvd, of martin gore singing in the dressing room while putting on makeup…he’s not wearing any pants haha.

i am not at work. why? because i’m sick. i had to call in. 5 years i worked at mcds and called in once. i work a week and a half at hard rock and already have to call in. i talked to james, he seemed pissed off. i’m so not lying tho. i didn’t fall asleep til sometime after 4. between 4 and 6am someone decided to make cotton candy out of my intestines, and swirl them around with a big stick. not happy. took medicine in hopes i’d be better by the time i had to go to work. no luck. ug. so i went back to bed to try to sleep between being hunched over in pain. my mom just came to wake me up and see if i was ok, which i am sorta. better than before. she went to a bakery with carolyn. i guess i’m going to try to get dressed and stuff now. blah.

on a better note. there is more evidence that tapeworm will get done this year. 7 or so more pictures on the tapeworm site of trent and the boys working in the studio. and yes, it is josh from APC haha. and sepultura is covering u2’s “bullet the blue sky”….

carolyn is here. when danielle and i went to pick her up at 10:30, the rainbow bridge was backed up completely across the bridge back into the US. when we were at the bridge at 11:00 to go back to the states…no cars. haha. it’s like they magically disappeared. anyway. i’m going to try to win tickets and backstage passes for me and carolyn to see rob zombie at showplace tomorrow night. lol. last time i tried this i did win. i work 11-6 tomorrow, which gives me enough time to get home, change, and go to showplace. if i don’t win, no big deal, i know even less rob zombie songs than i know david bowie songs hahaha. but if we do go, it’ll be carolyn’s 2nd time seeing rob zombie. hah. yeah, i guess she’s going home thurs morning before i go to work. i work at 12 on thursday. i think haha.

i was gonna make carolyn help me wash the car, but it rained and i dunno if it’s going to rain more. dunno we’ll see. need food now. and whatever we do, we have to leave 12-1 open to win the tix

new korn video for “Thoughtless” – very strange, very cool. the kid who got picked on was hot.
tool video for “parabola” – insane, as always.

i switched shifts with rachel at work on thursday, so now i work 5-close instead of the swing shift (which is fantastic, cuz i hate the swing shift)…sad thing is i can’t remember who rachel is haha. i know i worked with her once, but no idea what she looks like at the moment.

ok i need to get to bed. worked late tonight, early tomorrow morning. i finally got tested, and got my pin for “passing” lol. i just wanted the damn pin, since i’m a pin junkie (see also: mcds visor). work was fine i guess. i hate night shifts tho, because it dies around 10 and the last 2/3 hrs draggggggg. there is this guy who works there who i love. i probably shouldn’t so i’ll have to stop myself. but i’m super intimidated by him, even tho he’s sorta been talking to me the past 2 days. i got to wear his watch yesterday, and it was the nicest watch ever (cuz i don’t have a watch fetish or anything either lol). he’s got great hair haha. ok STOP now! oh, and i decided that girl gymnasts are the most annoying people ever!

carolyn might be visiting the next few days. but i have no idea. parents are finally home. i guess they had a good time. who knows since they were sleeping when i got home.

i got out of work early today! left at 4:30 instead of 6. it was pretty slow, we were really only waiting for tables because they couldn’t clean them off fast enough.

carolyn is coming to visit either tonight at 11, or tomorrow at 10am. i’d rather have her come tonight, so i can sleep in tomorrow hahaha. i’m gonna make her help me wash my car tomorrow :). i can barely see out of my windshield cuz there are so many bugs on it.

i tried to steal someones car today. when i left work, i went to where i parked, put my key in the lock…..it wouldn’t turn. i’m like wtf. yeah it wasn’t my car LOL. it was the same color, but a corolla not a prizm. i was like, that’s not the same symbol that’s on my steering wheel hahah. that’s why the door wouldn’t unlock hehe.

i appologize for the extreme boringness of my blog lately. now that i work, that’s all i have to talk about lol. i have a new layout almost finished. i don’t feel like finishing it, because i’m still so inlove with that trent pic i dont want to change my site yet….

yay mtv2!! if all is right, i’m currently taping the u2 video timeline. of course i don’t understand how to work our new vcr, cuz it’s retarded, and i’m not sure how it all works with the digital cable. i do know that i can’t change the channel while it’s taping. which is gay.

anyway. i guess i’m not going to vanilla ice on friday. eric is going out with his sister and her friends for her birthday instead. i can’t go by myself..1) i only go to shows by myself if they’re bands i really like and cannot miss, 2) have no idea how to get to the venue. i don’t know my way around rochester. blah

i’m using my dad’s laptop again. i hate laptops. i cannot type on them to save my life.

i have to go to work in an hour. my head is killing me. i went out with eric to target, frizbees etc. found something for carolyn, and found u2 promo of summer rain. love frizbees.

everything was all hazy and weird outside when i was at work. i was praying for it not to rain since all the windows in the house were wide open. turns out it’s hazy because of smoke from fires in quebec. who knew. there is like, a smoke advisory or something. weird.

work was long – i worked the swing shift. but it was good. i talked to this girl who was just hired for the retail section. she said they’re super anal about how you fold everything. good thing they didn’t hire me to do that haha. they prolly decided not to hire me for retail when i said how much working at toys r us sucked haha. but anyway, she was cool – just graduated from UB with dead end major as well, also works at leather limited at the blvd mall. she said there’s big sales on leather pants there, so if anyone wants a pair… haha. there’s a shirt at work i must buy – black wifebeater, all glitterized on the front. i gotta find out how much it costs, so i can get my discount. oh, and i did get paid this week. haha i had no idea if it was a pay week, or if i was gonna get a check. 50 bucks for 1 day of work. i actually made 59.99$ before taxes… can’t you just give me the friggen penny??!?!? add on 1 minute to my hours haha.

anyway. last night…what did i do yesterday? well after i fixed what i did to destroy my website, i redesigned pc.com and added icenine.org to the design. ended up going with adrienne, her mom and sister, to the butterfly conservatory in canada. i had never gone before, so it was cool. danielle would hate it. butterflys all over the place, they sometimes land on you and stuff. and they fly way too close to my head. then i went with adrienne to get her car inspected so she could come home with me and cook on the grill for me again haha. we just sat around, watched tv after that. eric came over, then he called danielle. kellee and danielle ended up coming to my house to get us to go out kareoke. but i didn’t go with them, didn’t feel like it, and didn’t want to be out late since i had to work today. i’m a wuss. whatever. shut up.

the u2 video collection is going to be on mtv2 tomorrow afternoon. must remember to tape it. the much music special with trent is going to be on tomorrow too. good thing i don’t get that channel or i’d have a taping conflict. good thing i have friends in canada to tape it for me hahaha.

yeah, SO didn’t sleep last night. my room was a nice cool temp since it was cool outside. then went back up and i was roasting again for some reason. i was all high strung since i was home alone, my heart rate was way too fast and i could hear it beating so that was keeping me up. i turned my fan back on and it drowned out the noise of my heart beat, and i figured i’d get to sleep. i was about to fall asleep when some asshole lit those machine gun fireworks in front of my house at like 2:30am. heart beat back up again. fell asleep sometime after 4. ziggy came in to scratch my furniture and wake me up at 5:30. ug. kicked her out of my room – all night she didn’t bother me, i thought i was doing good. so kicked her out, went back to sleep, and now i’m up to get tool tickets in 22 minutes. but when i left my room, my parents bedroom door was open (i had shut it last night) and the cupboard at the top of the stairs was wide open. yeah, cuz that didn’t freak me out. dunno how ziggy would have opened it, it is warped so it’s shut reaaaally good. ug. so far no one has come to murder me.

so it’s beautiful out right now, 61, high of 73 or something. i keep forgetting it’s still a weekday though.

got tool tix. did i mention how i hate ticketmaster? signed up for an account, so i can do quick billing. when i go to buy the tickets, it wont accept that info right now, must enter it manually. gee thanks for that convenience. so i lost the first pair of tix i was given, and got ones a section back… whatever.

got the new domain working. i found out i can upgrade my host account to a multi domain account (for the same i’m paying now), and get subdomains, ftp accounts, preinstalled cgi (not like i need it) etc. why did i not know this before?!?! makes hosting a hell of alot easier. i’d get only 15 email addys instead of 150 but does that really matter? lol. to do that though, i have to cancel this host account, resign up for the multi domain one…which means reuploading everything….and do i want to do that? i’ll have to think about it, and notify everyone who i host.

but anyway, the 2nd domain is………..icenine.org……the way it is set up now, it’s more or less a redirect, and it takes u to pc.com. we’ll see what happens if i get the new account. all email addys work with the new domain too…. isn’t that super? i’m just really thrilled beyond belief at this hahaha.