Favourite Dreams

this section is dedicated to my most memorable or favourite dreams of the past

Trent Reznor: I enjoy my Trent Reznor dreams. The reason I became a Nine Inch Nails fan, as stupid as it may sound, is through a dream (of course, I wouldn’t become a fan purely because of that, it just inspired me to dig out “The Downward Spiral” which made me realize how much of a genius he is).

My first Trent dream: A little background is needed, because there is a small reason for having this dream. I have a friend who is very into drugs. She is a heroin addict, was recovered at the time (in her opinion anyway). I had gone home from college for the weekend, and gone to her house because we were going to do something, or go out somewhere. We were deciding what to do, and another friend called, inviting her to go do ecstasy with her. I was invited as well, but I don’t do drugs, and I didn’t wanna sit there with them while they waited for the dealer, like I had done a different time. She said she hoped I wasn’t mad that she was ditching me…no I wasn’t mad at all (sarcasm). I was quite upset about it, since I was only at home for 4 days, and she could do drugs anytime. This is the event that prompted the dream.

In the dream, my neighbors on the curve of my street were having a block party get together thing. It was in a warehouse, so I went there with my shopping cart full of food. Lisa (druggy friend, not her real name) and other people from our work were there, it had turned into a work picnic/party. I sat down with people, and we were talking. It was going to be my birthday soon, and I was going to have a party. I didn’t want to say whether or not there was going to be alcohol there or not, because I knew if there wasn’t, Lisa wouldn’t come. She kept asking me, and I said I didn’t want to say. She came right out and said, “well if you don’t tell me, I’m not going to come.” I got really pissed off, but to make it worse she was sitting with Bruce Willis, and they started talking shit about me. I was getting more and more pissed, and ended up storming out of the warehouse, and into my high school. I was wandering around my high school, wanting to cry, but not in front of anyone. So I kept going into the bathrooms so I could cry, but they were either being worked on by maintenance plumber people, or had tons of people in them. Then someone I supposedly knew came up to me and said, “We have to find Trent, he’s the only one who can help you. He’s the only one who can understand how you feel.” I fought him, I didn’t want to find Trent. He kept telling me over and over as we walked around the school looking for Trent, “He’s the only one who can help, he’s the only one who understands.” That line was continuous through the end of the dream, which is why I think it made such an impression on me in the morning. So we continued throughout the school, I continued to fight him, and he continued to repeat that line to me. Eventually we found Trent. He was sitting in a restaurant in the basement of my high school, in a corner booth, reading the newspaper and eating fruit. I didn’t want to talk to him, but this friend dragged me inside, continuing to repeat that line as I fought him. Trent noticed we were there right when we stepped in front of his table. He looked up at me and folded his newspaper. He was very shy, like he didn’t know what to do because I didn’t want to talk to him. That was it. It ended.

Orgy Dreams: I’ve had a bunch of Orgy dreams. I recently found a file where I had typed them up for someone’s website. I don’t really remember them anymore, but…here they are

I was at a show, that was like, in a basement or something, and they did the show. Then it was over, and I was hanging out and there were these big round tables, like at a wedding. Jay was standing near one, and talking to people. Paige was in the background doing whatever, talking or something. I went to Jay, who was being extremely nice to everyone (and he frequently changed sizes as well) and I hugged him, and then I kissed him. he shoved his tongue down my throat. I think that was it.

I was chillin on their tour bus, and then me and Jay were at my house in my bedroom just chillin on my bed. Well he had to go someplace for something so I was alone and some chick appeared there and I was being all bitchy waiting for Jay to come back. So finally Jay comes back and chick disappears, but Jay came back with some guy and some other chick. Well they all sat on my bed (a twin bed) and Jay sat on my pillows which is where I always sit. So I was like dude where am I gonna go. So I laid on my bed on this tiny strip of space left with my head in Jay’s lap. Then this other dude like, tickled me or something and then Jay like attacked me, and was tickling me. He was wearing that pink/red kiss the future shirt. I was like, grabbing onto him and trying to get him back and we ended up on the floor

By my house , where my Mcdonalds is, there are like 4 other fast food restaurants and a shopping plaza. So I was there in the parking lot of the plaza, with my mom, and we were walking towards the street. So yada yada, there’s Jay and Ryan…Jay walked right past me, and I was like woah, that’s Jay. But he had like really bright red streaks in the front of his hair, and had them spiked up. So then I saw Ryan near Taco Bell. So me and my mom went over to him and asked him if he could take a picture of me and my mom(?) so he said yeah sure, and I’m like WHAT THE FUCK , why is he taking a pic of us. So then I was like, can I take a pic of you, so I took a few pics of him and my mom. He was being typical crazy Ry, and was posing and shit for the camera. So then I dunno where Jay went, I didn’t really care. So then I dunno, but I appeared at an orgy concert. It started outside, and I guess it was kinda like a campus invasion thing, but they were on this small stage on a kinda hill thing, and it was grassy. Me and Melinda were there and we were far back in the crowd. Then suddenly a big opening up front appeared and I jumped right in. Well there was this huge chain link fence separating us from the stage. So then Amir, Ry and Paige were on stage and they were playing their guitars and they were like acoustic or something, and were all singing dowop to some chick standing on stage. It was super gay shitty and I was like WTF, then Jay came onstage and they started playing Blur’s Song2. I was like OOOH they are just the openers covering Blur. So then they turned into Orgy I guess, but then suddenly Mir and Paige put down their guitars and ran off the stage to the grass in front of where I was. Now the fence was only like, waist high. So Paige came over to me and was talking to me about how he’s got a son named Angel, and his wife picked the name out and how he had a problem calling his son by a girl’s name or something, but he got used to it. I was like wtf and I’m like well Paige is a girls name too. It was weird, and I was thinking, boy, Paige is drunk. So I dunno where Amir went, but I didn’t care. I guess then they were playing more…and then Paige came off the stage to talk to me again and was just chillin at the fence talking to me … so the show ended and we were inside again and like I dunno, I guess we were like, just hanging around and Paige came out again and was talking to me, or no wait, he was talking to someone else, and I went over to him to see if I could take a pic of us, and he was like, yeah only if you kiss me. so I was like hell yeah sure LOL so I kissed Paige, and he was all hugging me and shit and we got our pic taken, and I guess that was it

9-23-99 There was an Orgy show, at a big stadium, and I wanted to go to it. It was the night of the show, and I didn’t have tickets because it was sold out. So my history professor called me up on the phone and said that her family had a bunch of tickets they weren’t going to use. The problem was that the show was starting in 15 minutes so she didn’t think we would want them. But I was so excited, and I’d only be missing the openers. So me and my roommate took the tickets and headed to the stadium. Well it turned out it was on the water. It was like sea world, where there are seats and they end where the water is. So there were boats on the water and stuff, and Jay was walking on the boats near the edge of the water. We took front row seats, although our tickets were for someplace else. Then we were going to take pictures, and I had one of my dad’s big cameras with a self focus lens, and I didn’t know how to use it. We were behind big things of glass, and then we were inside a car at the side of the road. Jay was on the grass near the road, and he was singing Christmas songs. We kept trying to take pictures of him through the car window. And then I had the bright idea of actually getting out of the car, to sit on the curb and watch, but we couldn’t get the car door open. Then it was over.

more favourite dreams added when remembered

econoline crush

june 24, 2001 – Totally disturbing dream. It was very movie like. I was at school, it looked more like a high school than college. Bono was one of the professors. Danielle and I were in the dining hall getting food, it must have been the first day or something because we didn’t quite know what line to go in, etc. There were lots of people there looking around for what kind of food there was. Then Danielle was like, this place is retarded, you can only get like 1 food item in each line, so if you want a whole meal you have to go in all these different lines. I cut in line in front of a bunch of people to get in line with Danielle for some kind of noodles. Then cut to next scene. I was (or it was more like a camera) was looking at the building, and there was this giant tree outside, right up against the building, almost like ivy, but it definitely was a tree. At one point the tree had been some big monster. Well it came alive again and it had a face like the scary old tree character that used to be in McDonald’s play lands that talked, or those talking trees in Wizard of Oz. It had a face, and it started moving the branches. They were like big scary arms. Well the arms/branches moved in front of one of the windows it was next to (it was inbetween 2 sets of windows). Some kids saw it move and they got scared. Then it went back to playing dead. Cut to some other scene I don’t remember. Cut back to tree. The tree then moved its other arm/branches in front of the other window. Now lots of people were realizing that the monster tree was alive again. It was only moving a little bit and then back to its original position because it needed to gain strength. Then it had gotten some strength back, and it smacked its right arm/branch into the classroom window and shattered it all over the students inside. Now people were way scared of the tree again. So the people near the window on the other side of the classroom decided to push the glass out of the window so that the tree couldn’t smash that one too, but when they were pushing on it a bunch of kids fell out of the window with the glass and died. Cut to a city street. There was a woman walking across the street. She was lost, or some how out of place in the scene. She was black, and she was in a black neighborhood. Well she crossed the street and there were 2 younger black kids/men standing there. They sorta frightened her, and so she crossed back across the street again. She was looking for directions or something, and she felt threatened by the 2 kids so she didn’t want to ask them. Cut to the tree again causing mayhem. Cut back to the woman, shes crossing the street again, and there is an old man crossing. She holds out her hand to shake hands with him, so she could ask him directions, but he pulls out a gun and shoots her. So she staggers in the street, and she has 2 bullet holes in her shirt.

By now in the dream I’m kinda scared, it’s nightmare-ish, very disturbing, so I think “insert Trevor”. So I try to make Trevor Hurst get into the dream somehow to make it not scary anymore. But it doesn’t work and it cuts back to the woman in the street shot. No one is helping her, and she is bleeding. I keep thinking “insert Trevor” but it doesn’t work. Eventually my alarm went off.

October 30, 2001 – i was at an outdoor concert. i’m not sure where it was. but it was supposed to rain so they had moved the concert from its original location to a place that was outdoors, but where the stage was set up, the band wouldn’t get wet if it rained. it was an orgy concert. i decided that i wasn’t going to go up front for the concert, i was going to go on the balcony, which wasn’t a balcony but it was my front porch and it was only slightly elevated so that i could see over the crowd. so orgy was playing, and jay gordon saw me and smiled. then throughout the show he kept gesturing to me and making motions where it was obvious he knew me. so there was a point in the show inbetween songs and jay started talking, and said everyone should turn around and look at me, because i had provided the totally awesome picture of Kirk. so everyone looked at me and everyone started clapping so i kinda bowed. this entire time, the members of econoline crush are sitting on chairs on the side of the stage as if they were on a talk show. and so i kept looking over at them too, and they recognized me as well. i guess they were on after orgy. so orgy finished, and the concert workers said they were moving locations again since it wasn’t going to rain anymore. so EC was like, dude, just let us play here, why move again. and i was like yeah, last time they played here it was 100 degrees outside, let them perform on a stage that’s in the shade. So trevor looked over at me talking, and he’s like Hi there, Sara right? and i’m like yeah, woah you know my name. and so i was talking to trevor who was still sitting with the rest of the band discussing what they were going to do for their show. so I said, you can play an all acoustic set, that’d be alright with me. i smiled at them and trevor and johnny laughed. johnny had cut all his hair off, like it was a brush cut, and i was like nooo i loved your hair before!! it was like, i was a very important person that entire day at the concert, everyone knew me, and i felt like i had the ability to tell people what to do. so i told EC again, that it’d be ok with me if they just did a whole acoustic set. and so Trevor gets a guitar and he comes up on the front porch and sits on the bench. no one else is up there with me anymore. so he’s like, well what do you want us to play, and I said Razorblades and Bandaids, and he’s like hmm, ok. I’m like yeah if you remember how to play it, and then he took out a lyric sheet and was going to play it.

then i was still dreaming, but it was like i woke up, and danielle was telling me her dream. i was really annoyed because her talking to me was making me forget my dream. so i was like dude, i gotta type this up on my site cuz it was so great. so then i went to type it up on my site, and somehow it turned into a U2 concert also. So i was typing out how it was a U2 concert, and that the 4 of them were sitting on chairs like they were on a talk show too. Then i was at another concert, which i guess was the opener for this whole string of concerts. It was a band with 3 people, and the song was familiar but i didn’t know who it was. At first i thought it was offspring, then i thought it was eve 6, but then as the drummer distroyed his drum kit, the announcers said it was Gob (?). then it was supposed to be EC.

and now i forgot the whole 2nd part of the dream, crap. there was a big part with u2, and another part with EC…crap. crap crap.

october 10, 2001 – there was a concert in a book or cd store in geneseo. there were all kinds of bands playing, but no one was really there to see the show. econoline crush was playing, and no one knew who they were except me and my friends. sometimes i was the only one there that knew them, and sometimes my friends were there. so econoline was playing, and they were only playing songs off affliction, but they played 3 songs i didn’t know. so i asked them what the songs were, because they weren’t on my copy of affliction. dan said they were on affliction and i must have a different version. so i asked to see the copy of the cd he was holding. it was black and white artwork, but the pages were all photo copied as if it was a bootleg. so then dan took it and put it back on the shelf. so they finished playing, and took their equiptment away, and i went to talk to them. i saw johnny, so i went to talk to him, asked him how things had been going since i last saw them etc. it was like catching up with an old friend. then i went to talk to dan. he gave me a hug and kissed me on the head…he was taller than me, which isn’t true in real life. so i was talking to him, i asked him why they cancelled the other show i was supposed to go to but neither one of us could remember what the date of it was, so he didn’t remember why it was cancelled. i realized i was wearing my pajama shirt, it had this ugly floursecent colored sun on it, and i had it on inside out…so i was embarrased about that. so then i guess i decided to show them around the town. so me, dan, johnny, mark, danielle and adrienne all smooshed into my little car. i didn’t know where to take them, so i was feeling kinda embarassed that the town is so boring. i guess i decided to take them to main street. then we were in a farmer’s market, and it was really crowded. they enjoyed it though, and dan bought a bushel of tomatos. johnny was looking around, and me and mark decided to wait outside since there were so many people around. since i never really talk to mark in real life, in the dream i didn’t know what to talk to him about. so i just asked him how everything was going with him etc. then they were all finished, so we left. i guess i wanted to go back to my room to change, so we went to the dorm. danielle and i lived in a corridor style room like in Blake Hall, but it had 3 beds, and was a big room. i dont know where dan, johnny, and mark went, but they didn’t come to the room. then trevor showed up, peeked his head in the open door. so i was like hey trevor, how the hell did you find us here? because he hadn’t originially come with us. he said he had been following us. so i invited trevor in, and he looked really amazingly gorgeous, he had eyeliner on, and stuff.

November 19, 2001 – 1. it was trevor’s birthday, so a bunch of us girls went to see him. he lived near us, so we went to his house. but it was set up like a science class room – a lab table with sink in the front of the room near the boards, then desks facing the front. so trevor was behind the desk thing, and we were all sitting in the desks, or leaning on the lab table to talk (flirt) with him. he was surprised that we all remembered his birthday. then one of the girls had a big sign, as if we were going to a concert. it had this blonde woman on it who looked like farah faucett. trevor had left the room to get something, so i asked the girl wtf she had that sign. she said it was trevor’s girlfriend. and i was like, i thought he was dating that kelly person, and that kelly person didn’t look like that. she said no it was his new girlfriend. i still didn’t quite know why she had this sign with pictures of his girlfriend on it. so then trevor came back..with his girlfriend, who had brown hair, but apparantly it was the same person that was on the poster. his girlfriend was a singer too i guess, so we watched her music video, and i thought it sucked. but i befriended her, and was going to take her around town to show her the sites.
2. partly related to 1…..i had finally finished taking trevor’s girlfriend around and it was really late, but i went home. i lived in one giant room with 2 other girls and i had to share a bed with one of them. she was still awake because she was pissed i hadn’t come home yet. she thought i had been with trevor. but i said no i hadn’t been with him. so i got into bed, and the girl was the blond haired little girl that stuffed her bra from the movie Then and Now…she covered my eyes with her hand, because i guess there was stuff going on in the room that i wasn’t supposed to see. there were all these people coming in, and they were robbing us..no they weren’t robbing us, but they had robbed something and were putting the things in suitcases to make a break for it. then trevor’s girlfriend was one of them, and so i was like WTF trevor is going to be so mad when he finds out his girlfriend is a criminal.

april 13, 2002 – i was at an econoline crush concert. it was in like, a basement of someone’s house. they did the beginning of the set, which was supposedly only stuff from Purge. i was hanging around the back of the room, by a table. there was a notebook where i had drawn the word Peaches, and doodled around it. apparently it was a name of some band i liked. this girl asked me if peaches was one of the last bands i like. i was like no way i like, like 50 bands, just 3 that i like a real lot. then EC went on intermission, and i went outside to near where the bus was. they had taken out all their towels and pillows and folded them on the ground. so i was going through them, don’t know why, and i grabbed some pillows to take back inside so i could be comfortable laying on the ground watching the concert. so i went back inside, and trevor was walking around. ziggy was on stage playing drums, and another guy who was a new guy in the band was playing guitar. they were actually playing a song, and someone was singing but it wasn’t trevor. or he was a ventriliquist. then people started coming back in so i moved to the front. adr showed up and i was like, they got a new guy to replace dan. but then we realized the only 2 original memebers there were trevor and ziggy. but we couldn’t remember who was missing. finally we realized that johnny wasn’t there, and that’s why ziggy was playing drums. he had all kinds of weird gadgets on the drums to make them sound different, and he didn’t actually have real drums. it was just this electronic platform thing that looked like a keyboard that he’d hit with drumsticks.

u2

june 2001 – I was penpals with Bono from U2. We had been writing letters back and forth to each other. He said he was going to write me once a month while on tour. He sent me this one letter and he was telling me about this dream he had where he was looking for something and he couldn’t find it. I told him I had dreams like that where I couldn’t find where I was looking for. I was typing the letter and I realized that his dream is like the U2 song “I still havent found what I’m looking for” and I laughed.

june 24, 2001 – Totally disturbing dream. It was very movie like. I was at school, it looked more like a high school than college. Bono was one of the professors. Danielle and I were in the dining hall getting food, it must have been the first day or something because we didn’t quite know what line to go in, etc. There were lots of people there looking around for what kind of food there was. Then Danielle was like, this place is retarded, you can only get like 1 food item in each line, so if you want a whole meal you have to go in all these different lines. I cut in line in front of a bunch of people to get in line with Danielle for some kind of noodles. Then cut to next scene. I was (or it was more like a camera) was looking at the building, and there was this giant tree outside, right up against the building, almost like ivy, but it definitely was a tree. At one point the tree had been some big monster. Well it came alive again and it had a face like the scary old tree character that used to be in McDonald’s play lands that talked, or those talking trees in Wizard of Oz. It had a face, and it started moving the branches. They were like big scary arms. Well the arms/branches moved in front of one of the windows it was next to (it was inbetween 2 sets of windows). Some kids saw it move and they got scared. Then it went back to playing dead. Cut to some other scene I don’t remember. Cut back to tree. The tree then moved its other arm/branches in front of the other window. Now lots of people were realizing that the monster tree was alive again. It was only moving a little bit and then back to its original position because it needed to gain strength. Then it had gotten some strength back, and it smacked its right arm/branch into the classroom window and shattered it all over the students inside. Now people were way scared of the tree again. So the people near the window on the other side of the classroom decided to push the glass out of the window so that the tree couldn’t smash that one too, but when they were pushing on it a bunch of kids fell out of the window with the glass and died. Cut to a city street. There was a woman walking across the street. She was lost, or some how out of place in the scene. She was black, and she was in a black neighborhood. Well she crossed the street and there were 2 younger black kids/men standing there. They sorta frightened her, and so she crossed back across the street again. She was looking for directions or something, and she felt threatened by the 2 kids so she didn’t want to ask them. Cut to the tree again causing mayhem. Cut back to the woman, shes crossing the street again, and there is an old man crossing. She holds out her hand to shake hands with him, so she could ask him directions, but he pulls out a gun and shoots her. So she staggers in the street, and she has 2 bullet holes in her shirt.

By now in the dream I’m kinda scared, it’s nightmare-ish, very disturbing, so I think “insert Trevor”. So I try to make Trevor Hurst get into the dream somehow to make it not scary anymore. But it doesn’t work and it cuts back to the woman in the street shot. No one is helping her, and she is bleeding. I keep thinking “insert Trevor” but it doesn’t work. Eventually my alarm went off.

June 26, 2001 – Well I lived somewhere on the coast, near the ocean. I was going to school there, and I was friends with Bono from U2 but he was same age as me, and in college too. Apparantly we had some kind of relationship. We weren’t dating, but I guess we always wanted each other when we were drunk. And I guess we had slept together before. Anyway, we were at the beach, it was either dusk, or really cloudy, because it was kind of dark out. We were with a few friends. I don’t know if they were going to leave, or what, but I wanted them to stay. We all had exams to study for the next day, but I didn’t want to leave. So we went on this row boat, which was tied to the land, so we weren’t going anywhere, just floating on the water. We were talking about how we should go because we had to study, but didn’t feel like leaving. So we stayed on the boat, drinking I guess, because then I guess I wanted to leave with Bono someplace. Our friends wouldn’t let us go, because I guess they knew what always happened when we were drunk together, and they thought we were going to ruin our friendship and they didn’t want us to go. So we stayed on the boat, then this huge ocean liner came speeding up and was going to hit us. Since we were tied to the land, we couldn’t move out of the way so we were all knocked out of the boat.

July 29, 2001 – I was at a U2 concert and it was in like, a big gym. There was the floor, and then bleacher seats. Me and my friends had tickets, and we were in the bleachers. There were 2 stages, one at each end of the gym floor. So we were sitting there, then I was like, dude I’m gonna go on the floor. So I left them and went onto the floor which looked really packed, but I got up to the front and there was lots of room at the barrier. So I was like, ok then I’m standing at the barrier for U2. So they played a few songs, and then took an intermission. So I left barrier, and went back to my friends and told them I had been up front. I was going to go get something to eat and hoped that my spot was still there after I got back. So I went back up front and got my space, but U2 came out on the other stage to do the rest of the show. So I was like, wtf, i’m in the back now. But the entire time I was walking around I knew that they were going to play on the other stage. So I started walking to the other stage, and it looked even more packed then it did before but when I got up there, there was 10 feet of room between the barrier and where everyone was standing. So I’m like ok then, screw you guys i’m standing at the barrier. So I went up there and stood in front of Bono. Then there was this white trash mullet guy with his wife/girlfriend there and they started talking to Bono. Bono, between singing, was talking to them. Then Bono was like, does anyone have a camera? And I was like, yeah I do, cuz I had a disposable one in my purse. So Bono took my camera and took a picture of white trash guy and the girl.

August 30, 2001 – I was at a U2 concert. I was sometimes in the way back, and sometimes up front, and there really weren’t alot of people there. Supposedly I knew it was at Slane in Ireland, but it was in an arena, and Pam Anderson was there with me, among other people I’d gone with. don’t remember much of the concert, but at one point I went up to the front, which was a candy store counter, with the stage behind it, and I was watching the show with Adrienne. No one else was around except for the guy selling candy. Then Adrienne disappeared, and I was there by myself and Bono was doing his thing. Then he threw me a set of keys, this was part of the show, and I was supposed to know what to do with them. There were alot of keys on the ring. So then he’s doing his thing, and then looks at me and I throw the keys back to him, I guess that’s what I was supposed to do. Then I was in the way back again, and Pam Anderson was up onstage. She was part of something that was going on onstage. But I was jealous that she got to do it and not me. Then the whole stage changed, and all the guys in U2 were playing hockey on stage, and I think The Edge was in goal. But then I went up front again, and was watching them play hockey. They weren’t seriously playing, just shooting balls and stuff around the stage at The Edge. Then I became part of the clean up crew so I went onstage and was cleaning up the broken stuff, and the goals and pucks from the stage so U2 could come back out. I guess I thought I was going to be kicked back into the crowd, but I was like HELL NO I’m staying up here on stage, back stage and I’m going to meet U2. I also put one of the balls in my pocket, since it was U2’s hockey ball that they used. The head stage crew guy didn’t care that was back there, but U2 was no where in sight, so I never met them. I purposely had been standing in a place where I knew they’d have to walk by but never did.

September 9, 2001 – my mom had died. but no one knew. well me and my dad knew, and she had been burried, but i didn’t tell any of my friends or anything that she was dead. someone was talking about how awesome my mom is and i’m thinking, she’s dead, don’t you know. But no one knew she was dead, but Bono did. He came over to comfort me or something. Maybe someone brought him over to comfort me. So anyway, he started off sitting across from me, but then slowly he ended up next to me, and he had his arm around me and was kissing my head. I don’t think he ever said anything, I don’t think i did either. Then we were getting married. It wasn’t a big wedding or anything, I think just like at a courthouse thing. I’m there and I’m thinking, he’s old enough to be my dad. But I didn’t really care, it’s Bono! hello!

October 30, 2001 – i was at an outdoor concert. i’m not sure where it was. but it was supposed to rain so they had moved the concert from its original location to a place that was outdoors, but where the stage was set up, the band wouldn’t get wet if it rained. it was an orgy concert. i decided that i wasn’t going to go up front for the concert, i was going to go on the balcony, which wasn’t a balcony but it was my front porch and it was only slightly elevated so that i could see over the crowd. so orgy was playing, and jay gordon saw me and smiled. then throughout the show he kept gesturing to me and making motions where it was obvious he knew me. so there was a point in the show inbetween songs and jay started talking, and said everyone should turn around and look at me, because i had provided the totally awesome picture of Kirk. so everyone looked at me and everyone started clapping so i kinda bowed. this entire time, the members of econoline crush are sitting on chairs on the side of the stage as if they were on a talk show. and so i kept looking over at them too, and they recognized me as well. i guess they were on after orgy. so orgy finished, and the concert workers said they were moving locations again since it wasn’t going to rain anymore. so EC was like, dude, just let us play here, why move again. and i was like yeah, last time they played here it was 100 degrees outside, let them perform on a stage that’s in the shade. So trevor looked over at me talking, and he’s like Hi there, Sara right? and i’m like yeah, woah you know my name. and so i was talking to trevor who was still sitting with the rest of the band discussing what they were going to do for their show. so I said, you can play an all acoustic set, that’d be alright with me. i smiled at them and trevor and johnny laughed. johnny had cut all his hair off, like it was a brush cut, and i was like nooo i loved your hair before!! it was like, i was a very important person that entire day at the concert, everyone knew me, and i felt like i had the ability to tell people what to do. so i told EC again, that it’d be ok with me if they just did a whole acoustic set. and so Trevor gets a guitar and he comes up on the front porch and sits on the bench. no one else is up there with me anymore. so he’s like, well what do you want us to play, and I said Razorblades and Bandaids, and he’s like hmm, ok. I’m like yeah if you remember how to play it, and then he took out a lyric sheet and was going to play it.

then i was still dreaming, but it was like i woke up, and danielle was telling me her dream. i was really annoyed because her talking to me was making me forget my dream. so i was like dude, i gotta type this up on my site cuz it was so great. so then i went to type it up on my site, and somehow it turned into a U2 concert also. So i was typing out how it was a U2 concert, and that the 4 of them were sitting on chairs like they were on a talk show too. Then i was at another concert, which i guess was the opener for this whole string of concerts. It was a band with 3 people, and the song was familiar but i didn’t know who it was. At first i thought it was offspring, then i thought it was eve 6, but then as the drummer distroyed his drum kit, the announcers said it was Gob (?). then it was supposed to be EC.

and now i forgot the whole 2nd part of the dream, crap. there was a big part with u2, and another part with EC…crap. crap crap.

October 28, 2001 – me and bono and someone else were in my bathroom at home. I was filling up the bathtub, i guess to take a bath. i was sitting on the floor next to the tub, and bono was leaning against the counter, facing me. i don’t know what the other person was doing, i just know there was someone else there. then the tub wouldn’t fill up beyond a certain point, and i didn’t know what was going on. i thought maybe i didn’t plug it, but i did, because it wasn’t draining, it just wouldn’t fill up anymore.

October 25, 2001 – dream #1: something to do with bono. woke up sweating to death. i hate night sweats

dream #2: i guess me, carolyn, adrienne and danielle had done something that allowed us to get inside the arena for u2’s sound check. i guess u2 was playing a show there. so we were inside the arena, and the stage was all set up. we were in the back of the floor wandering around cuz nothing was going on yet. no one was there. i don’t know what happened next, i don’t think we ever saw the sound check. but i wanted to go towards the front, so i walked to the heart and was going to go backstage since no one was around. but then we were in the parking ramp with eric. we wanted to follow u2 to wherever they were going, cuz i guess they were leaving the arena. so i told them all to look for blue towncars with tinted windows cuz those were the cars u2 traveled in. there was no one else around us ever, and no cars, nothing. so then there was a blue towncar sitting there, waiting to leave the ramp. so eric, adrienne and danielle i think all went and got in the car…i guess some u2 members were in the car because me and carolyn couldn’t fit. but then there was a second blue towncar so me and carolyn got in that one. i guess there were u2 members in there too. it was strange tho because we were still by ourselfs, like everyone else was invisible and we knew they were there even tho we couldn’t see anyone. then we were all walking down stairs (me, carolyn, adrienne, danielle) to the outside of the parking ramp, i don’t know what happened to the cars. i think that we were suddenly standing outside the cars, not sitting inside them, and the cars left. so i wanted to follow the cars by foot, and that’s how we ended up on the stairs. i was sorta disappointed and sad that we had missed meeting u2. so i started down the stairs, and started singing “stay (faraway, so close)” and then carolyn, adrienne and danielle all started singing it too. so the 4 of us went down the stairs singing….then i was woken up by the tornado outside.

October 24, 2001 – again, i dreamed i was playing asshole with bono and edge. this time i knew how to play and they weren’t changing the rules on me. well they didn’t until the end. we were playing, and it was going good, and i had a whole bunch of cards i could get rid of all at once… i had 4 8s to play at once for a social, followed by 4 jacks for a social. then i only had 2 cards left, and apparantly once someone had two cards left, the asshole had to deal the cards out again. i didn’t understand what was going on at this point. edge must have been the asshole that round, because he started dealing the cards to us (there were four of us, i don’t know who the 4th person was) but he was dealing them so that each pile was being formed into a cross…

October 23, 2001 – i was playing asshole (the drinking game) with edge, and i think bono. there must have been other people there but i never saw them. since i still don’t know how to play asshole really, i was really confused. they kept changing the rules on me too, so i was getting even more confused. edge had put down 2 sixes, and it was my turn next and i was going to put down my 2 sixes to make a social but when i looked down someone had thrown down a whole bunch of cards. so i was like, wtf i said i was going to put my 6s down. edge was like no you can’t do that. and i was like why. i looked at the pile of cards and someone had put down 2 jacks and an ace, which apparantly meant i couldn’t do the 6s even tho i had SAID i was going to play my 6s for a social. Edge was like no you can’t play those cards. so i was getting really pissed off and grinding my teeth.

october 19, 2001 – i was someplace, i think on the roof of a big building. it was a fully furnished apartment, but it was on the roof. there was supposed to be a bunch of people there, maybe for a party or something, but the only 2 people there so far were me and dr kirsh my psych professor. so we’re talking, and apparantly he had interviewed u2 for some tv show..mtv or something…and it was before they had to do a concert later that night. so he was telling me about interviewing them, and how they were going to perform on the show. well mtv had planned for them to play 10 songs on this show, but bono was like, no we never do more than a 6 song warm up before a show. so the band refused to do more than 6 of their songs, but they said they’d do something else. turns out that u2 performed 2 songs that dr kirsh had written. so i’m sitting there amazed, while dr kirsh is telling me all of this. i’m like, wow, u must be super excited to have u2 performing 2 of your songs. dr kirsh said that yeah he was really excited about it, that edge learned the songs really quickly, and that they sounded great. so i was in awe of dr kirsh just because he had written some songs that were now being performed by u2. well then other people showed up to wherever we had been, so i couldn’t ask dr kirsh anything else about u2. then at a later part of the night, i went over to where dr kirsh and someone else was talking, and dr kirsh said to me that he had really enjoyed the conversation we had had earlier, and i agreed. it was strange, because it was almost as if i liked him or something.

October 12, 2001 – bono in drag, like an old woman, at an art gallery opening

october 3, 2001 – i was supposed to go present at some conference with 3 other people for some neuropsych thing we were working on. there were 3 girls and 1 guy, and the guy was Bono…so i was at my house with 2 friends packing for the trip. and i guess it was common knowledge that me and Bono had a thing going on with us, because my friend Danyell from work was picking out lingerie for me to pack since everyone knew me and Bono would be sharing a room at the hotel. the lingerie were so ugly though. i don’t know where they came from because i don’t own lingerie, but one was a long nightgown and it was purple and it had short sleeves, and a bunch of lace. it was really ugly, so i was like ok no. then she had this other one, which was exactly the same except shorter and blue. i’m like no i don’t want to wear lingerie. i didn’t understand how everyone knew about me and Bono sleeping together or whatever. and it was strange because i was my age, and he was his age, and he was in school with us, and it wasn’t even college, it was high school. so i had to drive to the high school to go to class because we were leaving for the conference right after school, and it was winter, there was lots of snow. so i was slipping and sliding all over the place while i walked. while i was in school my mom was supposed to drop off my luggage at my car for the conference. so after school i went to the car with my ex bestfriend angela, and my mom had left all my luggage out in the slushy snow next to my rear tires. so i was mad about that, and angela kept talking about Bono and i still didn’t know how everyone knew about me and him.

i got home from being away, apparantly at the conference. i decided i was going to go see my boyfriend, who worked at toys r us. apparantly Bono wasn’t my boyfriend. i had on my black zip up sweatshirt, and i was really hot so i went to unzip it, but then i realized i had no other clothes on under it, so i couldn’t. so i was going to go to toys r us which was at the summit mall, but i had to take my dad’s car, the miata. well it’s still all slippery and snowy, so i was trying to be really careful with the car, not to crash it. so i get to toys r us and i’m still really hot, so i keep wanting to unzip the sweatshirt, but can’t cuz i have nothing on. so i go into the store, and even inside the store there is snow and it’s all slippery. so i slide into this chain link fence that was put up inside the store. certain parts of the store were blocked off, because the store wasn’t doing alot of buisness and they wanted to make it smaller. then i went to find my boyfriend, who turned out to be Justin Timberlake from Nsync. so he was there working, and he hadn’t seen me in a while cuz i had been away. so i went over to him and he was happy to see me, and i tried to hug him and give him a kiss but he said he couldn’t because he was at work and wasn’t allowed to. but kept trying to anyway, and he kept telling me no he’d get in trouble. so finally i was like, ok see how it feels now? because apparantly i worked at ames and he’d always come to my store and try to be all affectionate to me when i was at work. i was just doing the same to him. so then i left, and i was so hot, so i figured once i got in the car where no one would really see me i could unzip my sweat shirt. so i found the car, and someone had parked next to it, but so close they almost side swiped the car. there wasnt enough space to even get the key into the lock. so i was like, what the hell am i going to do now, i can’t get in the car. so i pushed on the car that was next to mine,and it started to move, so i kept pushing the car until it was out of the way of the door, so i could leave.

November 25, 2001 – i was in a toy store xmas shopping and i had my baby with me. i guess the baby was around the age that it would start talking. i think it was a boy. so i’m walking through the aisles and talking to my baby, trying to get it to talk. i kept asking it to say “momma” and “daddy”…well it started saying “daddy” so i got all happy and excited and i called for my husband to come. he was in another aisle looking for gifts. so i yelled for him to get over here because our son was talking and i didn’t want him to miss it. so he did, and my husband was bono. so he took the baby and the baby kept saying daddy to him over and over. it was really cute

november 7, 2001 – i went to a party with Bono. we weren’t dating, but i was his date for the party. we were just close friends or something. anyway, there was this guy there who was an old high school friend of Bono’s. i really wanted to meet this man because u2 had written their song “out of control” about this guy (not true). so Bono introduced me to him, and I was all like, “ooh so you’re the guy? how do you feel about u2 playing that song live now?” and the man is like “at first i was kind of put off by it, but i like it, it’s good.” and then Bono interrupted and was like “yeah you can totally tell we didn’t design the set ourselves, so and so designed it. and i like how we changed the song to do it live?” and i’m like ok…and the man is like “yeah, so and so, haven’t you ever heard of the taliban?” and i’m like “of course i’ve heard of the taliban”

December 16, 2001 – i had to take my neuropsych final and we all had to go to someplace off campus to take it. it turns out the place we had to take it was a skybox on the 200 level of a big stadium. and of course, that night u2 was playing a concert there. so we were sitting at big round tables in the skybox, and people were entering the stadium for the show. i was super excited because even tho the skybox was high we had a good view of the stage. i figured out that i had 2 hours to do the exam before the show started. so we were working on the exam, and it was 4 people per table, we were talking, and had our notes out, like that was the normal procedure for our exams. then this girl from my class katie realized we were at a u2 concert, and since she had seen them in buffalo she was excited we were going to get to see them again. then she told me she had heard that for the show there tomorrow night, they were going to open up promenade seats (which apparently meant seats on the sides of the floor) tomorrow afternoon, and wanted to know if i wanted to go. so i said of course i’d go. so we were working on the exam, and our proff came over and saw all our notes out. she was like, you’re cheating. and i was like no I’m not, but then i realized that we weren’t supposed to have our notes out. we weren’t even using them, but it did look like we were cheating. she’s like, well why are all your notes out then. and i’m like, they aren’t notes for this class, they are for english, see…and i pointed to a word that would have never been part of our neuropsych notes. but she didn’t believe me, and was going to take points off my exam. or she said she could take 30 points off my paper. well i asked her what i got on my paper and she said a 40, so that’d leave me with a 10. so i kept trying to tell her i wasn’t cheating. then i was someplace else, and it was the next day and i was trying to find katie to get the seats for the show that night. i ran into my professor and asked her for my test and paper, and i had gotten a 90 on the paper.

there was also some part where we were all on an airplane and i realized it was Air Elevation, U2’s plane…

december 14, 2001 – a high school, or elementary school, was going to be showing the U2 elevation tour dvd on a big screen as a 1 year anniversary celebration of when U2 played at the school. it was open to the public, and anyone could go to it for a dollar. so i went, and i went by myself. the gym of the school was HUGE and it was separated off in sections, like a regular concert with seating. but this was general admission, first come first serve. so i was a section back from the front, and i keep seeing all kinds of people i knew from high school. then i realized joe and rick were standing right behind me but they hadn’t said anything. then they saw me and so i was talking to them, and the show started. they were shocked that i wasn’t really paying attention, i kept looking at people in the crowd to see if i knew more people. i told them i didn’t really like the song that was on screen so it was ok that i wasn’t paying attention. then i was in the back of the gym and it was back to being more like a school gym, with mats on the walls. and i’m sitting on the floor with adrienne and danielle and eric, who had all appeared at the show. i was looking into the crowd and there was like no one there. there was all kinds of space, and then i saw the stage. it was the heart shaped stage from the elevation tour. so i thought that was weird, because i didn’t know each venue got to make and keep their own heart stage. it wasn’t right though, it was really small, and it was really rickety like if you ran on it or jumped around it would collapse. Then bono was at the tip of the heart doing his thing, and i started thinking wow it really looks like he’s right there, this an amazing dvd. but then it really was u2, and they really were there. then everything stopped and people started leaving. they hadn’t finished playing the dvd, they just stopped it after 5 songs. i was really confused, and we didn’t know if it was an intermission or if it was over. so we went outside and everyone was getting in their cars and leaving, so we assumed it was over. but i was still really confused why they didnt play the whole dvd, and i said i was pissed because the 2nd half is better than the first half.

December 12, 2001 – i was at a convenience store with bono and someone else. marilyn manson was there too. i don’t know what was going on, but i guess marilyn was trying to make me into a devil or something. he was trying to convert us or SOMETHING. but i was getting really irritated at him, and he was getting irritated at me. so marilyn left the store, and i got really pissed off. so i ripped one of the glass freezer doors off of the freezer in the store, and ran out of the store after marilyn. i screamed at him that i was going to break the glass over his head. marilyn turns around, and is like yeah right. so i try to swing the glass door over my head onto him, and he just pushes it away and grabs my shoulders. then there was this deafining horrendous piercing sound in my ears, i guess as he was changing me into a devil. then bono hit him with something, which made him let go of my shoulders so the “changing” stopped, and we got away.

January 11, 2002 – i was bono, and i was in berlin after the wall came down, and i wanted to go to this cemetery in east berlin to look at the graves, and write things on them (?!?) so i kneeled down by this one grave, and was reading it, and was about to carve something into it when people started walking by. so i stopped because i didn’t want to get caught. i went back later to the same grave, and started carving a sentence into it (which i now forget, but it was something to do with love) and before i could do the last word, people started coming by. so i was trying to hide the screwdriver i was using, until the people went away but they were having a picnic next to the headstone. so i got up to look at the other graves, and come back to that one later but too many people were around.

February 9, 2002 – i was part of the superbowl halftime show with u2. it wasn’t like the real performance, cuz the stage was a circle not a heart, and not hollow. me adrienne and 2 other of my friends were running around the circle stage, cuz apparently this was part of the show. then at the end, we were in line for a meet and greet with u2. there were these square glass shelves separating all the people in line from u2 and the body guards and workers etc. my mom’s godson paul was one of the people working behind the glass shelves. the shelves came up to my shoulders, and this was so no one could attack u2. paul was handing out tshirts to everyone in line, for u2 to sign. then danielle was there, and she went over to paul and hugged him and wouldn’t let go. so paul gave me a shirt, and i went to talk to larry. larry didn’t look like larry really, but it was larry. so i give him the shirt, and he signs it. then i realize i have a camera so i’m like, i dont know if i’m allowed to take a picture but i am anyway. so larry looks up and sees my camera and smiles. so i’m thinking, the u2 girls are gonna love this pic of larry smiling. so then i go onto the next one, and it turns out to be Johnny from econoline crush. but apparently he was supposed to be in u2, and everyone knew this. so i’m like hi, larry still has my shirt. so then larry gives the shirt to johnny, and he asks for my name. and i’m like sara. and so johnny goes, hey bono, we got another sara. and bono (who actually was bono and looked like bono) said oh, with an h or without (something like that). and so i’m staring at bono and i’m like no H. and he’s like, oh, sometimes i just wanna keep putting letters on that name forever. so i was like ??? but i was just like, it’s bono, omg, i’m going to talk to bono next. so then johnny signs my shirt and he’s just staring at me.

February 8, 2002 – U2 was playing in buffalo at the football stadium. i had been telling people about how i didn’t have tickets, so i was upset, but i wasn’t going to bother trying to find any cuz it was going to be on tv. so it was the day of the show, and somehow i was there. i was sitting in one of the middle levels, on adam’s side of the stage. so i’m sitting around and talking to a person that was next to me. then suddenly we were on the floor, a few rows from the front, and we had seats near he aisle. the opener came on and it was kid rock. but he wasn’t playing normal kid rock songs. the person behind me was saying that she really didn’t enjoy this kind of music, and i had figured as much for some reason. then lindsay was behind me i realized, and there were other school age kids around, and they had to do some project where they needed a copy of the openers set list. people had been handing the setlist out to everyone, but they were all different. and then the songs that were actually being played were not the same as the ones on the setlist. then brian may came onstage and played 2 queen songs, and one imported freddie mercury’s voice to play while brian was playing keyboards. so the opener finished, and then i was back home watching it on tv. my dad came home and wanted me to do something with my car, look under it or something. and i was like nope, my concert starts in 4 minutes. then i must have had the wrong channel on because i missed the very beginning, and turned to it in the middle of the song. bono had on regular dorky clear glass glasses on instead of his usual tinted ones, so that was weird. then i was at a water park, but it was a beach. and it had pure white sand, and everyone was in white bathing suits. so i went in the pool and was swimming, then i got out to walk around. i guess i was in this other pool and i saw people giving kids water to drink out of the pool. that confused me cuz usually pools have tons of chlorine in them. i was walking back to the first pool, and there was an announcment about how these pools have a new method where they dont use chlorine, but that meant that body fluids in the pool would stay in there, or something, so that people needed to be careful about cutting themselves etc. there was a kiddie pool next to the big pool and it had been evacuated cuz the water was all brown. then i was home again watching tv again, and it was a show about U2 at an amusement park. they were showing camera footage of u2 on rollercoasters. they were showing this one coaster, it was red, and larry and bono were on it. larry looked like joshua tree era but bono looked like recent times, and bono was screaming but larry wasn’t. then i realized i was on the rollercoaster. so i’m shouting MOM I’M ON TV! and she’s like what? and I’m like yeah I’m on TV! so she looks, and they’re showing the footage, and sure enough I had been on the roller coaster at the same time, with all the neighborhood girls. but we were kids, so the footage was really old. i looked like i was 5. and since a bunch of 3-5 year olds were on this coaster with u2 it must have been a baby ride. then they showed footage of u2 on this water ride. there were a bunch of rubber rafts connected to eachother, that then went through a log ride type set up. but when the ride was going down the first hill, bono’s raft malfunction and became unattached from the rest, so he went flying over the hills on his own (all the rafts were supposed to detach after the last hill to go speeding off to the end). so it was really scary because he could have gotten really hurt cuz it malfunctioned.

march 2, 2002 – i was watching a parade, and i was i front of the crowd watching it. a float came by and U2 was on it. bono was playing bag pipes. the others were standing there holding bag pipes but not playing them. then the parade stopped to wait for something, so the float was right in front of me. i was super close to it, i could lean on it. so i was like yeah u2 is right in front of me! so bono was sitting there writing in a notebook, and he kept looking up at me, but it was like he was really shy or embarassed. then adam was next to bono and he started talking to me. he kept talking and talking (i dunno about what), and bono would laugh, and look at me. then i started wondering why the parade wasn’t moving yet. but then bono asked me for my email address. so i got onto the float, which turned into something more like a tour bus. so he gave me the notebook so i could write in it, and he had Sara PhD on the notebook and then space for my email. I guess i had a phd in something he was interested in (not psych) and wanted to talk to me more. so i wrote down my email address, but it was really illegable. so i was like ok i gotta write it again because you’ll never be able to read it. so adam was laughing at me i guess because i had bad handwriting. so i wrote my email address down again, even tho i couldn’t remember what it was, and gave it back to bono. then bono called edge and larry over to talk to me.

Anger/Violence

November 4, 2000 – I don’t remember much of this dream, well at least the parts that make it flow together. It’s very choppy in my mind, so sorry if it makes less sense than normal. In this dream I was extremely violent and homicidal. I was someplace, a house or something, and wanted to fight everyone, or kill someone, or something. I was fighting with someone, I don’t know who, and they threw me over their shoulder like some kind of karate move, and then did some other kind of move where they threw me. The entire dream I was incredibly pissed off and angry, wanting to be violent. Anyway, someone said that I had lost the fight, but I remember I was doing quite well so I wanted to see an instant replay. But instead of an instant replay it was more like a re-enactment. This time since I knew when the girl was going to do those throwing moves on me, I tried real hard so she wouldn’t be able to throw me and she couldn’t. Then this girl I worked with this summer was there, and I wanted to kill her too. So I grabbed this glass as she tried to calm me down, and was going to smash it against the table, but she told me it was plastic. So I tried to find another glass, which there were glasses all over this coffee table. I was sitting on the floor next to the table, and she was across from me. I was holding the glass, and really wanted to smash it so I could throw it at someone. But I didn’t. Then I was at a Sabres game, up in the 300 level. I was still severely pissed off and homicidal, and I wouldn’t talk to anyone. There was something about me wanting to leave and go to sleep, but I don’t know what that was about. So I guess it was the 3rd period of the game, and they took a 5 minute break which confused me. Then I thought it must be going into overtime, that’s why they’re taking the break. But it wasn’t overtime. Then all the ushers working at the arena told everyone to come down to a lower level of seats for the end of the game, because lots of people had left and there were lots of open seats. So everyone went down to the 200 level and I got a seat in the first row. But there was this big wall in front of us, blocking our view, and I thought, “why the hell would anyone want 200 level seats if you can’t even see.” So I stood up to look over the wall, and the players were coming back on the ice after that 5 minute break. Then someone scored, and it was either Varada or Tsyplakov, I couldn’t tell if it was a 25 or 29 who scored. Then we were leaving, and I was feeling in a better mood, but only slightly. I had to go to the bathroom, and then my mom was there, and we went to find a bathroom. She went in first, and I waited outside because I thought it was only a 1 stall thing. Then Danielle and her mom were there, and finally I went into the bathroom. Then I was Michael Stipe from REM, and I had a dress on. It was like an overall type dress, it had straps, and I couldn’t get the straps back on over my shoulders. So I’m struggling with the straps as I’m talking about how I’m dating Courtney Love, and it doesn’t really matter to me (as Michael Stipe) if we get back together or break up. So I can’t get the straps over my shoulders so I decide to leave the top of the dress off, because I had another shirt on underneath, and go back out into the hall. So I’m feeling even better, and I’m not Michael Stipe anymore, and I’m talking to Danielle and her mom. We were playing with these magic wand things, like the ones that have the glitter in them that slowly fall down to the other end. But these had 7 colored disks in them, they were called hypnotic sticks or something, and the purpose was to get all the disks to be equal distance apart from each other, and it was supposed to cure headaches or something. We were playing with them because Danielle’s mom had a headache, with weirdo symptoms. That was about the end of the dream, but through the entire thing, I was in a totally bad homicidal mood, and everyone thought I was delusional and psychotic. People could tell I had “become” Michael Stipe in the bathroom, and when I left the bathroom I was normal again and they could tell. I think people were pitying me because I was so psychotic.

November 21, 2000 – I went to pick up Emily to hang out one day, and we decided to go to Denny’s. So we went to the Denny’s on Nash Rd (there is no Denny’s no Nash Rd) and went inside, and we were waiting forever for someone to seat us. Then Emily realized that it was like a Ponderosa, and you had to pay for your food first, at a cashier near the door, then go sit down. Well I was pissed, because I didn’t like Denny’s that way. I went to order, and since I wasn’t prepared for that, I had to look at a menu and was holding up the line. So I was like, no, screw this, I want to be seated. So the lady was like “oh, you want to order when you’re seated, ok” and they took us to a table. Well we sat there, I had a menu, but no one came to take my order. So I was getting really pissed. Then they brought Emily her food, some kind of 7 cheese nacho thing, and I was like, “HELLO, NO ONE HAS TAKEN MY ORDER!” And the waitress was like, “oh, I’m sorry.” But by then I was so pissed off, I was like no, screw this, we’re leaving and not paying for that. So we left, and I was thinking about how I need to go file a complaint for how shitty the service was, and how shitty it was that they changed stuff around.

November 19, 2000 – The other one, I can’t remember the beginning, but my parents came over to wherever I was, they had just come out of a carnival type tent thing. My dad had spiraly horns coming out of his hips. They were like the horns in the pictures of circus freaks that have them coming out of their foreheads. I looked at my dad with the horns, and thought about how I used to look at pictures of circus freaks with horns, and now my dad *is* a freak! Then my mom gave me 20$ to go in the tent, and pretend that I was a telepather, because the fortune teller lady, or whoever was in the tent was really good. I wasn’t sure what telepather meant, but I guess it was that I could do mental telepathy. But then I thought, isn’t that what the person in the tent is supposed to do? So I went in the tent, and it was huge. I paid 18$ for this ticket, to go see this woman do whatever she did. So I waited, and only a few people were there, but other people kept getting called before me. So I got really pissed and I went up to the ticket person and demanded my money back, because I had been waiting for 2 hours to be called and wasn’t. So she gave me 18$ back, and I looked at it and she had given me an extra 20, but I left without saying anything. Then I looked at the money again, and I had a 20$, 50$, 34$ bill. I got pissed off because she had given me fake money. So I was really mad, and went back and demanded my real money, and bitched them out.

December 16 – I was at the beach, in NT (there are no beaches), so I guess I was down by the river. I wanted to go find something, I can’t remember what, so I was walking down along the side of the rail road tracks. There was lots of people around, because it was summer. So I turned down this other path to get to where I was going, but there was a crane and it was doing weird things, so I turned around to go back because I didn’t want to get crushed under it or anything. So I was walking back, and I had my headphones on, and this weird guy carrying a branch of a tree came up to me and asked me if I was homophobic. I said no, and he said good, then I wouldn’t tell anyone. I kept walking and he was walking next to me, and he asked me if I like getting whipped, and then he hit me with the tree branch. I was like, what the hell. He kept doing it, so I started running, and he ran after me and was hitting me with the branch. So I ran back to the beach and I was screaming for someone to help me, and there were 3 girls from my high school there. They all looked at me screaming and started laughing at me. No one would help me. So this weird guy is beating me with the tree, and I’m screaming for help, no one is helping me in classic social psych fashion. The one girl Leslie keeps laughing at me, so I got really pissed, and I punched her. Then weird guy had a knife and he stabbed me in the back of the shoulder, Leslie was still laughing at me, so while I was getting stabbed, I was punching her, and I grabbed the weird guys knife and I stabbed her in the eye. Then weird guy got me away from her, and kept beating me up and stabbing me, but finally some guy was gonna help, and he started walking over. Apparently weird guy knew him, because he got scared, so I grabbed his wrist of the hand holding the knife, and held it against the ground. The guy came, and I got away, I guess. Then, I was in high school, in a class with Danielle. Everyone was talking about what happened, and was stretching the truth so bad. Someone came up to me and asked me why I stabbed this girl Stacy in the eye, and I got really pissed off because that wasn’t what happened. No one seemed to care that I had been stabbed, only that I had stabbed Leslie and stuff. So someone came in the room and asked Danielle if it was true that she stabbed someone, and I got really pissed off even more because Danielle had nothing to do with it. So I went crazy, and I pushed them out of the room and started screaming at them to shut the fuck up, they didn’t know anything that happened, and to fucking leave us alone. Then this girl Vanessa came into the room and started talking shit about what happened, so I did the same thing to her. Then a teacher, Mr Zayatz realized that I was having problems, and that the whole situation was causing trouble in the school. So he brought his class into our classroom to have a discussion or whatever. Then Vanessa came back with all kinds of McDonald’s french fries. She started yelling at me, and threw fries at me. At this point I was trying not to care anymore, and so I told her I hoped she enjoyed spending all that money on the french fries. But then I grabbed some and threw them at her. I guess Mr Zayatz thought it would be a good idea for us to get our frustrations out by throwing food. So only the people on my side of the room got to throw fries at everyone else. Then Vanessa had runts (candies) and we started throwing those, but I couldn’t throw them far enough to the other side of the room where Dr Cylke was sitting with other students. After we used all the food, we watched some video. I guess it was to clear things up about what happened. Still no one cared that I was the victim and had been attacked. So then it was after school and I had to leave, I decided to apologize to one of the people I had told off. Then since the meeting took so long, my mom left and I had no ride home. So Adrienne came to get me, and we were walking down the main staircase, and when you got to the bottom it was an elevator. If the elevator wasn’t at that floor, there were no bottom steps, so I fell down about 5 feet. I was like, what the hell, why aren’t there any steps. And she said, because the elevator wasn’t there. Then my ex friend Angela was coming down the steps with us so we warned her about the no steps being there. Then the lobby was all weird, it had black and white floor tile, and was all wavy and really big. Then there were these little devil things, running around. And I thought, this is a dream, there are no devils in my school. So I’m trying to tell them they don’t exist because I’m only dreaming, and then we realize they aren’t devils, but they’re Blink 182. They start chasing us, so we get into the elevator that finally arrived on that floor. Finally we leave and we go to Adrienne’s car, but now it was the mall, and we were stuck in mall traffic. Then my mom called, and I had the portable phone from our house and it still worked. She was at the Starter outlet at the mall, and was talking to me, but then stopped. But I could hear music so I knew she was there. But apparently I had never told my parents about getting stabbed, and I was worried they’d find out. That was about the end of the dream, except that there was a horse drawn carriage in front of us in the mall parking lot.

January 31, 2002 – i think it started that i was watching this on tv. there was some serial murderer guy, and he killed this person on this show or whatever. then he went to another person and cut their head off. but not at the neck. he carved all the way around the skull, forehead level, so that the brain showed at the top. so that guy was dead. then the murderer went into another room where there was this girl with all kinds of IVs in her, giving her blood i think. at this point i was there in the room watching. the murderer ripped the IVs out of her and started whipping her with them. someone else was there watching this with me. we were like woah, this is brutal. so he’s whipping her with the IVs and blood is going everywhere, from the IVs and from the girl. he kills her, and leaves. we were covered in blood, and i thought, there’s no way that NIN’s “Broken” movie is more brutal than this.

Drugs

November 14, 2000 – I was in high school and was sitting by two of my ex-friends. I can’t remember what we were talking about, and I think we were eating, but one of them mentioned drugs and I asked what kind of drugs she wanted. She was like You sell drugs?, and I said no, but I know tons of people who do, and depending on what kind of drugs she wanted, I could get some for her. Then we were at my house, and definitely eating at this point. I had gone upstairs to look at some website I had created, and it was about some old man who had 2 wives. There was something wrong with the site though, and it had turned into some Barbara Streisand site at the bottom half of the page, I guess because this old man had married her too. Then I went back downstairs, and they told me Rob Ray from the Buffalo Sabres had called for me, because he wanted to know if I wanted to be the rooter for the next game, and possibly all the rest of the games. Apparently a rooter was a person who came out right before the team did and got the crowd all excited and stuff. I wondered why the hell he would want me to do it, because I don’t like getting all excited, and I’d be highly embarrassed and rather inhibited. And I wondered why he asked me, but apparently it was because of some kind of relationship I had with some other guy on the team (not sure who). So they gave me Rob’s number and I went back upstairs to call him, but was really nervous, so I was rehearsing what I was going to say to him. I was going to say “Hi Rob, it’s Sara. How’s the shoulder?” but I never called him because the alarm went off.

January 12 – Danielle came back from Florida, and we had to go to this school assembly/concert/parade thing. So we’re sitting in seats, and someone down the row lights up a joint. He’s like, this is good shit, and he offers it down the row, but the only one who wants any is Danielle. And she’s like, I’ll take it. So she takes the joint and takes a drag off it, and I’m like what the hell are you doing. And she said, I have no idea. And I’m like what the fuck are you doing, you don’t do drugs. And she’s like, yeah I do. And I was severely pissed off at her, cuz I’m like what the hell is wrong with her. So I don’t say anything, but I’m just really mad, and she’s sitting there getting high. So then like suddenly, I grab the joint and throw it onto the road where the parade is going on. And she’s like why the hell did you do that. And I’m like, u shouldn’t be doing drugs. And then like school officials smell the pot, and they send out these drug guard ppl to find out where it’s coming from and who did it. So then like we’re trying not to be like, obvious, that it was her smoking and me who threw the joint into the parade. So then we’re in our dorm room, or well I am, and she left me a note about how it’s ok that she does drugs, even tho she’s a vet. And the note was done all in pictures, so there’s a drawing of her in the vet clinic only smoking cigarettes, and then one of her outside pumping gas in her car smoking a joint. And it was supposed to explain to me why it’s all right that she does drugs now, as long as she does them outside of work. So then later, the principal, Mr Ruggerio, is interviewing everyone in the school by 2’s about the parade and the drugs, and who was responsible for having the drugs there. So like Eric and someone go to talk to them, and we’re getting nervous cuz Eric knew it was me who threw it, and stuff. So Mr Ruggerio comes to get us, and then tells us to sit in this lobby place, and it has big windows looking out at the valley in Geneseo. So we’re waiting for him cuz he had to go to his office and do something and he was supposed to come back for us. Then an airplane flies by the glass windows, and it’s making these terrible noises and sparks are coming out of them and I’m like omg the plane is gonna crash right into the building. But then it suddenly changes directions, flies upside down, and then lands on a runway of the little Geneseo airport in the valley. So I’m like that was close, but we’re still waiting for Mr Ruggerio to come get us but we’ve been waiting forever, and we see more airplanes and they’re all flying up side down….then we’re like screw this, we’re going to find him and get this over with, so we go down a hall to find his office, but since we were the good kids in school we didn’t know which one was his, but we pass Mr Belbas and Mrs Kormashe’s offices.

october 5, 2001 – i had some friend who was a drug addict, and we were in geneseo and i always went with her to this house near wegmans to buy drugs. it was a REALLY cheap place. so i started using drugs with her when we went to the house, because you paid for them and then were supposed to do them there. so we smoked pot and crack alot. then i started going to get drugs by myself, and the first time i went i was really nervous, because the time before, the cops had shown up. we didn’t get in trouble, i don’t know why, but now i was really scared. so i went in the house, and there were tons of people there and there usually wasnt. so i got one of the menus and was looking for what kind of drugs i wanted to get. i only had $5 so i decided i’d get one joint, and 3 crack. that was 5$. so the woman, who was really fat, came over to me and i very nervously told her what i wanted. she said something about if i knew the police thought i was a sweet girl. and i was like yah i know they do. and the woman was like, that’s a good thing because if they show up they won’t arrest you. so then i was really even more paranoid about getting in trouble. so she took my $5 and was giving me change, for some reason, and gave me 25$ back. I guess she was all high herself because she didn’t realize i didn’t need change. but i took the money anyway. so then she kept going on about how she likes to get people in and out of the house in a hurry so the police don’t get suspicious, but this whole time she’s going on an on about it instead of going to get me my drugs. so i was getting irritated and was like HURRY UP! I guess she knew i was going to take the drugs to go, because she finally went and got them, and brought them back to me. she gave me a baggie of white powder, which i guess was the crack, even tho i thought crack came in rock form…i guess she gave me cocaine or something, and then she gave me an ice cream cone, and inside the bottom of the cone was the pot. that was a disguise so that no one would be suspicious of me when i leave. so i took the drugs, and she gave me more change! so i left and went to my car. well i had parked in a spot near the burger king cardboard dumpster and had left my window open. so when i got to my car i had all kinds of carboard sandwich wrappers, and fry boxes in my car. so i was really pissed, i just wanted to go to my room and get high, but no i had to get all this cardboard out of my car. meanwhile i’m trying to keep the ice cream from melting. so i finally got all the cardboard out, and went home. i lived in a department store. i lived in the dressing rooms. apparantly this was a common practice though, because i had lots of friends living in different dressing rooms of the store. so i’m walking around, and i see these 2 undercover police busting one of my friends for drugs in her dressing room. so i’m freaking out now, and i’m trying to eat the rest of the ice cream so i can get the drugs out and hide them, meanwhile i’m wandering through the store to try and hide from the police and to warn my friends that police were there looking for drugs. so i got to my dressing rooms and was looking for someplace to hide my ice cream cone, but couldn’t find one. so then i just stuck my hands in the ice cream to get out my drugs, and i put them in my mouth. then these 2 men came up to me, and they were apparantly my history teachers, and the whole thing was a hoax. they had realized i was a drug addict, and wanted to help by scaring me. the police hadn’t been real, and hadn’t been busting others for drugs.

November 28, 2001 – I guess i was at my house, I don’t remember anymore. I had hid some joints in my basement, so my parents wouldn’t find them. So I smoked one, and then i went online to talk to carolyn about it. I didn’t feel high, so I was really upset. then my mom was around and i really wanted to get high. so i was going to try to go back in the basement to get my other drugs without her knowing. so I went downstairs, and I shot up with some heroin. I went back upstairs to talk to carolyn. I still didn’t feel high though. then my dad came home, and i dont know why, but i felt like i needed to go retreive all my drugs because I was scared they’d find them. so i went back downstairs, and i took a bottle of aspirin with me. i took it so that when i went to find my other joint, and my E pills they would see that i was holding aspirin and think that’s what i had gone downstairs to get. so i was holding 4 tablets of E, the joint, and the aspirin and my mom started yelling at me about something. then my dad started yelling at me. i was yelling back at them, and my mom kept yelling at me. i really needed to do the rest of my drugs. i guess my dad told her to stop yelling at me and i managed to get upstairs. so i was back talking to carolyn, and i still didn’t feel high. so i did the 4 tabs of E. then i was going to smoke the joint but i got scared that i had taken way too many drugs.

November 20, 2001 – my mom and i ran this day camp type program for troubled kids. they came to this building we owned and we had activities and different stuff for them to do to keep them out of trouble. well this business was just a front. we were italian, and we were in the mafia. and the day camp was a front for our drug dealing. we were the biggest dealers in the area. we specialized in cocaine. so we were working in the day came when one of our shipments arrived. this chinese man came by with two big boxes. so i took him in back to the walk in freezer. he put the boxes on the shelves with the other boxes of food. then a group of other mafia guys walked in and demanded to know what the day camp was a front for. well the chinese guy started going on and on about how if they guys would leave he would find the golden pussy. and he didn’t know much english, so he kept saying over and over to the men that he’d find the golden pussy. the guys were like, really? the golden pussy? and the chinese man was like, yes, the gooooooolden pussy. so apparantly everyone thought the day camp was a front for a whore house. so the mafia guys leave with the chinese man. all the kids from the day camp leave, and adrienne was there. i guess she worked in the camp for us. so once everyone was gone, we ran back into the freezer to get high, because we were both cocaine addicts. so we opened up the boxes and each box was filled with tons of little baggies of cocaine. so we did some cocaine, and then i went to my house. my grandparents lived with us. they were in the mafia too i guess. my grandpa had made spaghetti, and put the dirty dishes back into the cupboard without washing them, again. he did it every time he made spaghetti. there was sauce all over the cupboard, and it was disgusting. since i was high, i started yelling at him about how he can’t do that because then i have to clean the cupboard. he didn’t understand what the big deal was, so i yelled at him to get up and look in the cupboard, and then he saw that there was sauce all over the place. and he was like oooh, yeah i’m sorry, i won’t do it anymore. well i was highly irritated and i didn’t feel high anymore, so i was mad. i went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror and my pupils were small, but not totally small. so i wanted to go back to the day camp to get some more drugs.

Orgy (the band)

I was at a show, that was like, in a basement or something, and they did the show. Then it was over, and I was hanging out and there were these big round tables, like at a wedding. Jay was standing near one, and talking to people. Paige was in the background doing whatever, talking or something. I went to Jay, who was being extremely nice to everyone (and he frequently changed sizes as well) and I hugged him, and then I kissed him. he shoved his tongue down my throat. I think that was it.

I was chillin on their tour bus, and then me and Jay were at my house in my bedroom just chillin on my bed. Well he had to go someplace for something so I was alone and some chick appeared there and I was being all bitchy waiting for Jay to come back. So finally Jay comes back and chick disappears, but Jay came back with some guy and some other chick. Well they all sat on my bed (a twin bed) and Jay sat on my pillows which is where I always sit. So I was like dude where am I gonna go. So I laid on my bed on this tiny strip of space left with my head in Jay’s lap. Then this other dude like, tickled me or something and then Jay like attacked me, and was tickling me. He was wearing that pink/red kiss the future shirt. I was like, grabbing onto him and trying to get him back and we ended up on the floor

By my house , where my Mcdonalds is, there are like 4 other fast food restaurants and a shopping plaza. So I was there in the parking lot of the plaza, with my mom, and we were walking towards the street. So yada yada, there’s Jay and Ryan…Jay walked right past me, and I was like woah, that’s Jay. But he had like really bright red streaks in the front of his hair, and had them spiked up. So then I saw Ryan near Taco Bell. So me and my mom went over to him and asked him if he could take a picture of me and my mom(?) so he said yeah sure, and I’m like WHAT THE FUCK , why is he taking a pic of us. So then I was like, can I take a pic of you, so I took a few pics of him and my mom. He was being typical crazy Ry, and was posing and shit for the camera. So then I dunno where Jay went, I didn’t really care. So then I dunno, but I appeared at an orgy concert. It started outside, and I guess it was kinda like a campus invasion thing, but they were on this small stage on a kinda hill thing, and it was grassy. Me and Melinda were there and we were far back in the crowd. Then suddenly a big opening up front appeared and I jumped right in. Well there was this huge chain link fence separating us from the stage. So then Amir, Ry and Paige were on stage and they were playing their guitars and they were like acoustic or something, and were all singing dowop to some chick standing on stage. It was super gay shitty and I was like WTF, then Jay came onstage and they started playing Blur’s Song2. I was like OOOH they are just the openers covering Blur. So then they turned into Orgy I guess, but then suddenly Mir and Paige put down their guitars and ran off the stage to the grass in front of where I was. Now the fence was only like, waist high. So Paige came over to me and was talking to me about how he’s got a son named Angel, and his wife picked the name out and how he had a problem calling his son by a girl’s name or something, but he got used to it. I was like wtf and I’m like well Paige is a girls name too. It was weird, and I was thinking, boy, Paige is drunk. So I dunno where Amir went, but I didn’t care. I guess then they were playing more…and then Paige came off the stage to talk to me again and was just chillin at the fence talking to me … so the show ended and we were inside again and like I dunno, I guess we were like, just hanging around and Paige came out again and was talking to me, or no wait, he was talking to someone else, and I went over to him to see if I could take a pic of us, and he was like, yeah only if you kiss me. so I was like hell yeah sure LOL so I kissed Paige, and he was all hugging me and shit and we got our pic taken, and I guess that was it

9-23-99 There was an Orgy show, at a big stadium, and I wanted to go to it. It was the night of the show, and I didn’t have tickets because it was sold out. So my history professor called me up on the phone and said that her family had a bunch of tickets they weren’t going to use. The problem was that the show was starting in 15 minutes so she didn’t think we would want them. But I was so excited, and I’d only be missing the openers. So me and my roommate took the tickets and headed to the stadium. Well it turned out it was on the water. It was like sea world, where there are seats and they end where the water is. So there were boats on the water and stuff, and Jay was walking on the boats near the edge of the water. We took front row seats, although our tickets were for someplace else. Then we were going to take pictures, and I had one of my dad’s big cameras with a self focus lens, and I didn’t know how to use it. We were behind big things of glass, and then we were inside a car at the side of the road. Jay was on the grass near the road, and he was singing Christmas songs. We kept trying to take pictures of him through the car window. And then I had the bright idea of actually getting out of the car, to sit on the curb and watch, but we couldn’t get the car door open. Then it was over.

January 25, 2001- 2 Orgy dreams, both I was woken up from rather rudely, first by the phone at 3am, and then my alarm.

#1 Shit, now I can’t remember this one either. Damn it. Paige was in it. It was something to do with Paige, and then the phone rang, and I was pissed.

#2 Danielle and I were going to an orgy concert, and it was being held in the Ripley’s Believe it or Not museum. We were inside, and Bobby (who was not really Bobby) was walking around, with the other guys. I was taking pictures. There was a plaster statue of Jay, kneeling down singing, but he was bald with only a tuft of hair on his head, kinda like Hare Krishnas. So then we got inside where the show was going to be, and it was like a dining room… or a rec room in some kind of like, fire hall. We had to watch the show on a TV, because they were on Rosie. So we watched, but then they were back in the room because they had to go on trial. We were sitting in the front row of chairs in this “court”, and Bobby was sitting at the end, looking sad and angry about having to go on trial. Then Paige came and sat down, and he was talking to us about why they were on trial. I don’t remember what he said, but it was something to do with how they played a show in Minnesota, and they have such closed minds there. Then Jay came in, and he had to sit at this table that was against the wall, I guess because he was the singer, he had to represent the band. Bobby was really a little girl, Paige and Jay were normal, and Amir and Ryan weren’t really in the dream. Before court started, Danielle and I were back in my basement, because she wanted to see the pictures I took at the show (so apparently it was a different day that the trial was going on). So I had to turn on the computer. I had laundry in the washer, but for some reason Danielle had to do something to the washer, and she turned the dial and now the wash was going to be in there for another 14 minutes. I was actually washing Orgy. That is what I said was in there. So I showed her the pictures, as if she had never been there, telling her who they were, and about the Hare Krishna Jay statue thing. Then it was the trial again, and they were just about to start when I was woken up by my alarm.

February 14, 2001 – It was my birthday. There was some part of this dream about Orgy. But then it was my birthday and I was having a party, a pool party. It started really early in the morning, and Danielle and I went swimming because it was really hot. Then for some reason we went out to the front of my house, by the mailbox, and Ryan from Orgy drove by. I guess I had invited them to my party but they didn’t know where it was. Maybe that’s why we went in front. But we looked all gross because we had been swimming, but I guess everyone thought we looked fabulous. So then we went back to the backyard, and with everyone else. The pool was on my deck and it was more like the size of a hot tub. My parents were there too. So people kept arriving, and we had cake. Then someone came and asked if I was me, and I said yes. So they left, and a little while later this boy from high school showed up with a hot wheels toy for me. Then someone was talking about Denis Hamel from the Sabres, and about how he wasn’t doing good because his mom had diabetes and he wouldn’t accept the fact she was going to die. Then he arrived, and was talking to everyone. He looked different though, like an India Indian. So my mom brought him cake, but she didn’t know who he was or why he had an accent. He dropped some cake on his pants.

March 1st, 2001- dream about ryan shuck from orgy. I met him in a bar, and we were sitting at the end of the bar and I was asking him really stupid questions. I knew the questions were stupid, like “so, you like to play guitar?” but I couldn’t stop. It apparently didn’t matter because he wanted me. So then he went to talk to some people but I didn’t want him to forget that I was there, so I sorta followed him around, not really, but just kept an eye on where he was. He always kept looking for me in the crowd so he wouldn’t lose me either, and he’d come up to me and talk and kiss me. Then he started a conga line, and was dancing around. Then I left the bar, because he had left, and I had to go find him, and I was driving a tractor.

April 18, 2001 – My ex boyfriend had broken up with his girlfriend, and we had gotten back together. We lived in some town in the south I think, because it was hot. And it was by a river. So we had gone someplace else out of town, and we got back in town and our friend Bobby from Orgy had been arrested. We saw the arrest sheet(?) that had been made up for him, and the main offense he was arrested for was, I forget what it actually said, but it was like, for talking back to someone. But then he resisted arrest, and then was violent to the police officers, and then there was some driving law he broke, and all these other laws, but he was only arrested because he talked back to someone. So we were upset and trying to think of how to get him out of jail. Then we had to go somewhere in a school bus. So we got on the bus, and it was really full, and it was all little kids. So we took one of the last empty seats, and these two little girls in front of us turned around to talk to us. Then there was some part where people were talking about how he pronounced his name. And they said that he pronounced it a certain way, not the way I did, which meant all this time I’d been saying it wrong. But I was like, no I’m not wrong, I asked him how he said his name the first time we met. But apparantly he did say his name the other way, so I felt like a retard for saying his name wrong all this time.

July 10, 2001 – Dave Navarro was living at my house. Not sure why, he wasn’t a relative or anything. We were going to have visitors, friends of my parents, one night, and they were making Dave give up his bed for them. So since he was giving up his bed, he was going to have to share mine with me. Well I was going out that night with Danielle. So I left, and we went someplace, and I kept telling everyone that when I got home I’d be sleeping with Dave Navarro. Then Danielle and I remembered that we had tickets to an Orgy concert. We totally forgot that it was that night. So then we were rushing around to get ready for the show. But we had to go to McDonalds, because I had to work, or pick something up. So I was half dressed for the concert, in my vinyl pants, no shoes, and my hair wasn’t done. I was eating, and I was taking a long time, so Danielle and her brother showed up to get me (even tho I went to McDs with Danielle). They had her mom’s car, but it was red not black, and I had to drive. Then I realized I had no shoes, so I had to go back to my house. Now it’s 7 pm and doors were at 7 so I realized we were going to be late and we weren’t going to be up front. I also kept saying I wasn’t ready yet, that I needed to do my hair and makeup for the show.

August 2001 – i dreamed that i was sleeping, but heard orgy’s opticon playing and it woke me up (in the dream). I realized that the sound was coming from my mom watching tv, and that orgy was on some morning show. so i turned my tv on to find it, so i could watch. they were doing a different song then, something unreleased, but i knew what it was, and it wasn’t sonic. so i’m watching, and they look totally different. jay has really long hair, down to his butt, and its in braids. and he’s even taller than he is in real life. paige had long hair too, only shoulder length though, and half of it was pulled up onto the top of his head, like in the 80s. ryan looked the same, and i didn’t notice the others. i only notcied ryan because they did a huge close up of his head.

October 30, 2001 – i was at an outdoor concert. i’m not sure where it was. but it was supposed to rain so they had moved the concert from its original location to a place that was outdoors, but where the stage was set up, the band wouldn’t get wet if it rained. it was an orgy concert. i decided that i wasn’t going to go up front for the concert, i was going to go on the balcony, which wasn’t a balcony but it was my front porch and it was only slightly elevated so that i could see over the crowd. so orgy was playing, and jay gordon saw me and smiled. then throughout the show he kept gesturing to me and making motions where it was obvious he knew me. so there was a point in the show inbetween songs and jay started talking, and said everyone should turn around and look at me, because i had provided the totally awesome picture of Kirk. so everyone looked at me and everyone started clapping so i kinda bowed. this entire time, the members of econoline crush are sitting on chairs on the side of the stage as if they were on a talk show. and so i kept looking over at them too, and they recognized me as well. i guess they were on after orgy. so orgy finished, and the concert workers said they were moving locations again since it wasn’t going to rain anymore. so EC was like, dude, just let us play here, why move again. and i was like yeah, last time they played here it was 100 degrees outside, let them perform on a stage that’s in the shade. So trevor looked over at me talking, and he’s like Hi there, Sara right? and i’m like yeah, woah you know my name. and so i was talking to trevor who was still sitting with the rest of the band discussing what they were going to do for their show. so I said, you can play an all acoustic set, that’d be alright with me. i smiled at them and trevor and johnny laughed. johnny had cut all his hair off, like it was a brush cut, and i was like nooo i loved your hair before!! it was like, i was a very important person that entire day at the concert, everyone knew me, and i felt like i had the ability to tell people what to do. so i told EC again, that it’d be ok with me if they just did a whole acoustic set. and so Trevor gets a guitar and he comes up on the front porch and sits on the bench. no one else is up there with me anymore. so he’s like, well what do you want us to play, and I said Razorblades and Bandaids, and he’s like hmm, ok. I’m like yeah if you remember how to play it, and then he took out a lyric sheet and was going to play it.

then i was still dreaming, but it was like i woke up, and danielle was telling me her dream. i was really annoyed because her talking to me was making me forget my dream. so i was like dude, i gotta type this up on my site cuz it was so great. so then i went to type it up on my site, and somehow it turned into a U2 concert also. So i was typing out how it was a U2 concert, and that the 4 of them were sitting on chairs like they were on a talk show too. Then i was at another concert, which i guess was the opener for this whole string of concerts. It was a band with 3 people, and the song was familiar but i didn’t know who it was. At first i thought it was offspring, then i thought it was eve 6, but then as the drummer distroyed his drum kit, the announcers said it was Gob (?). then it was supposed to be EC.

and now i forgot the whole 2nd part of the dream, crap. there was a big part with u2, and another part with EC…crap. crap crap.

march 30, 2002 – i had all of the orgy boy’s screen names. we were at a party and I was IMming Jay and talking to him. I think i was supposed to be amir. then jay started getting all self pitying, about how he was lonely, and no one liked him. so i was like, cut the crap i’m really sick of you talking about how much you suck all the time

may 2, 2002 – i was at an orgy show with danielle, who was also my old best friend angela. the backstage was like a labrynth, so it was really weird. there were lots of hallways, and stuff. and the stage was someone’s back porch so we didn’t understand why the whole backstage part was so crazy. so we were hanging out in this big area right before the stage entrance, and we were talking to this woman who is the one who got us backstage. she worked for orgy, tour manager or something. i guess we knew her, that’s how she got us in. so we were waiting for orgy to come from their dressing rooms so we could talk to them. so i think paige came out and walked by and waved, then ryan came over. he put his arm around me, and was talking to me, and i put mine around his. he wasn’t any taller than me, so we were at eye level with eachother. i guess we actually knew the band too, because it wasn’t weird or anything. so i was talking to ryan, then they had to go on stage. so we walked onto this porch through the sliding glass door (the band went on from a side entrance). there were all kinds of people there to see the band. so there were a bunch of ppl hanging around this back area of the stage, because they all had passes, and we didn’t. but we figured, whatever, we know the tour manager, we know the band, we’re staying here. so there were 2 like 14 year old girls sitting there in plastic lawn chairs glaring at us, because we were going to stay there. they commented something like “oh 24 year old girls think they can do anything”. so we were like whatever. so the band came out, and jay saw us and waved. he was real light on the make up. so then he was motioning to us to come on stage, and we were like what?!?! then i saw that everyone had backed up and made this space at the barrier for us. so i ran and jumped off the stage, and into the hole in the crowd. for some reason, i guess she was scared, danielle/angela didn’t, and so she stayed on stage. but she was in front of the stage, not in back anymore. and i don’t know where orgy went. but there was some asshole in the crowd who kept walking back and forth, and making the entire crowd move back and forth over and over again. well his friends tried to make him stop, but he wouldn’t, so he got kicked out. and the whole thing pissed off Orgy who decided they weren’t going to play. but there was this big screen that came down and was playing orgy videos. so no one realized they weren’t actually playing anymore. then everyone started to disappear, so i was like what’s going on? to danielle/angela. and we figured out that they weren’t playing anymore and stuff. so we went back stage again to walk around and find the band. we found the tour manager and she was crying, cuz she was pissed off about the whole thing and told us that the band was pissed off at the kid who kept making the crowd move. so then we were walking around trying to find the band, but since it was all a bunch of hallways we got lost. i don’t know what happened to danielle, but i was walking down a staircase, and i heard someone say something about snakes. so i looked above me and there were snakes everywhere. but they were actually lizards. and where i was, was some part of a fear factor type game, to walk up the stairs with all these snakes/lizards on both sides of you. so there was this guy at the top of the stairs, who i guess was trying to help me. so he killed one of the snake/lizards which was a signal to all the other snake/lizards to go attack that guy… that would draw all the snake/lizards to him, so i could sucessfully go up the stairs. but they were all moving so slow, i was still scared to use the stairs. so i went back down, and out an emergency exit, and ended up in this ghetto ass shady looking street. there was someone there i was scared was going to attack me, so i went into a record store.

marilyn manson

December 15, 2001 – i lived in a really big, beautiful house with danielle. it had great big windows with a really great view of…something. there had been a concert, that was a festival type with lots of bands. marilyn manson had played it, and so had destiny’s child. eric had gone and was telling me about manson’s show, and how good it was. which i thought was weird cuz eric doesnt like manson. then he also said how great destiny’s child was, which confused me even more. then i was on the computer and i was reading Ian’s live journal, and he had gone to the concert too. he was talking about how great destiny’s child was, and how he was a fan now. and that was REALLY even more confusing cuz he likes death metal music. well manson was playing another show in the area, and i was talking to steph who said she was going. me and danielle had nothing to do and it wasn’t sold out so we decided we were going to go too, spur of the moment. so then i went downstairs and danielle was waiting by the window for someone to arrive. so i asked her what she was doing. she said she was waiting for manson to get there cuz they were going out someplace. so that confused me because danielle never liked manson before. she kept going on about how she was waiting for him and they were going to go someplace, and i kept being confused.
so then i left to go to the concert, and it was my house. and the concert was in my nextdoor neighbors driveway. and manson is there and only like 20 people went to the show. and i thought that was expected since we lived in the middle of no where, and no one even knew who manson was. so i was sitting on my porch watching manson, and he wasn’t even performing because he was so disappointed there was no one there. so he was just standing with the people who were there telling them stories. then he saw me and he came over and got me and we went to the tour bus. it was all red inside. apparently i was drunk because i could barely get up the 3 steps onto the bus. and apparently we knew eachother and perhaps were dating, because he asked me if i was going to go with them to the next tour stop and i said yes. so i walked to the back of the bus, and the bus was HUGE. there was a computer in the back, and so i went on it to do something, and didn’t realize i was online. so carolyn immed me, and she was pissed because she knew i was on mansons bus, and she hates him. and i guess the fact that i was on the bus did mean that we were dating, so she was even more pissed. i guess that we hadn’t been dating before, but had gone out a few times, but now that i was on the bus it was like, an official thing.
then i was at my middle school, sitting on the back lawn with the rest of the school – but it was high school kids. it was some kind of assembly. and i was sitting by this girl i hate named eileen, and this kid who is bald. eileen had a tool shirt on, and the bald kid apparently was manson in disguise. no one was supposed to know manson was in high school, so he disguised himself as this fat bald football player kid. and no one was allowed to know i was dating manson. so he kept touching my shoulder and that was like, the secret symbol of our affection. then there was this guy swinging in the sky. he was swinging back and forth, really high in the sky, like a pendulum. but you couldnt see anything attached to him, or what he was swinging from. he was swinging by a huge pine tree and he grabbed the top and cut the tip of the tree off as a christmas tree for his son. so he kept swinging back and forth holding onto a christmas tree. then he fell, and he landed on the tree and bounced so he was ok. then he gave the tree to his son who was in the assembly. then we all realized he had been swinging on all the high tension electric wires that were strung across our sports fields. i wondered how he got onto the wire, and figured he must have climbed all the way up the tower things.

December 12, 2001 – i was at a convenience store with bono and someone else. marilyn manson was there too. i don’t know what was going on, but i guess marilyn was trying to make me into a devil or something. he was trying to convert us or SOMETHING. but i was getting really irritated at him, and he was getting irritated at me. so marilyn left the store, and i got really pissed off. so i ripped one of the glass freezer doors off of the freezer in the store, and ran out of the store after marilyn. i screamed at him that i was going to break the glass over his head. marilyn turns around, and is like yeah right. so i try to swing the glass door over my head onto him, and he just pushes it away and grabs my shoulders. then there was this deafining horrendous piercing sound in my ears, i guess as he was changing me into a devil. then bono hit him with something, which made him let go of my shoulders so the “changing” stopped, and we got away.

january 16, 2002 – i lived in a house with danielle, and apparently, nsync. i guess we had a third floor, and leah lived there. so me and danielle and leah were drinking upstairs. i went downstairs to get more alcohol and justin and jc were on the couch. they looked at me and they were like, we’re concerned you guys are alcoholics. and i’m like, what are you talking about? we haven’t drank at all in the 6 days we’ve been back. i guess we were all in college and had gotten back from break. i told them that they could join all of us if they wanted to. and they asked who was there, because they didnt know we were having a party. and i was like, it’s just me danielle and leah. then they were like, who’s leah? and i’m like uh..she lives upstairs. they were like oh. so i went back upstairs and i got this great idea i had to tell danielle. so i was like, danielle i have the best idea. and i thought it was so funny i was cracking up laughing. she’s like what? and so i told her i wanted to write a fan fiction about nsync to put on fanfiction.net, because it would be really funny since they all have disclaimers that say stuff like “i don’t know nsync etc” but mine could say “i live with nsync.”….and apparently jennifer lopez lived with us at one point when she was dating justin, but she left when they broke up. so then i guess we were having a party, or something, because someone showed up at our house. justin and jc had joined us, and i let this guy in who didn’t believe we lived with nsync. so i was like, totally, we are the ones who got justin and britney together. so then our party was transformed to be at a bar or something…more like a diner with a lunch counter. but it was dark inside and we were having a party. so i went up to the counter to get a drink, and there was a woman sitting on one of the stools. so i was standing next to her, and my parents were on the other side of her, waiting to get drinks. well the woman looked at me and she was like “oh you’re so pretty pretty pretty pretty.” and i got freaked out. my mom i think, was like, that woman likes you. so i moved away from her to the other side of my parents.

i was a police woman, or at least an investigator, and i was doing forensics. my partner was that woman from the bar that thought i was pretty. we had to do all these crime scene investigations together, because i guess we were on a case about a serial killer.

i was playing a 2 on 2 basketball game with michael jordan who had been at my party with nsync. it was me and jordan against kobe bryant and someone else. jordan and i were losing really badly. i was getting pissed, because yeah i suck at basketball but jordan certainly doesn’t. everytime he threw the ball he was way off, and i was no better. so kobe won.

then i was doing something with marilyn manson. he had been at the party, and he liked me. i guess i was doing a video for him or something. but then he gave me this present, but i didn’t want to open it while everyone was there. so then me, marilyn, eric, and some other people were sitting around this tiny room with a bed, cuz we were having a sleepover or something. so we were all smooshed on this bed, and we decided to play this game. i don’t know the name of it, but it involved everyone doing whatever they wanted to me. not sexually or anything, but it was like, i went to the first person and they posed me or whatever, then the 2nd person, than the 3rd etc. and i guess this was supposed to be superfun. then in the morning, i had gotten sorta irritated at the whole thing, and decided to go home. so i went back to the house i shared with nsync, and went to my room. well there was a door in my room that connected to the house next door, so we must have lived in town houses. well the door was open, and i was mad because we had made an agreement that we wouldn’t use the door. in the room the door opened to, dani lived there. and her dad was there packing up her stuff because i guess she didn’t want to live there anymore. so i shut the door so i could go to sleep because i was really tired. but i went to the bathroom and looked at my face, and i had broken out in a rash or i had chicken pox or something. so then i got really pissed at marilyn because i had gotten this disease or whatever from his house. then adrienne came over, with a whole bunch of gifts from marilyn that i had forgotten at his house. so we started opening them and he had bought me all kinds of stuff, and a bunch of cheezy gold jewelry. i guess marilyn was really in love with me, because then he went to the plaza and was standing around the parkinglot waiting for me, because he knew i always walked home from school that way. apparently i was in high school, and so me and a few friends where walking through the parking lot and i saw marilyn. i guess i hadn’t seen him since the sleepover or whatever, and he knew i had been pissed at him so he was trying to appologize. so i said something like, just because of the way me and my friends are you expect me to forgive you. then my friends got pissed at me, because i was stereotyping them as “freaks” just like everyone else did by the comment i made. so i was like no that’s not what i meant. i had a tool shirt on.

Trent Reznor

My first Trent dream: A little background is needed, because there is a small reason for having this dream. I have a friend who is very into drugs. She is a heroin addict, was recovered at the time (in her opinion anyway). I had gone home from college for the weekend, and gone to her house because we were going to do something, or go out somewhere. We were deciding what to do, and another friend called, inviting her to go do ecstasy with her. I was invited as well, but I don’t do drugs, and I didn’t wanna sit there with them while they waited for the dealer, like I had done a different time. She said she hoped I wasn’t mad that she was ditching me…no I wasn’t mad at all (sarcasm). I was quite upset about it, since I was only at home for 4 days, and she could do drugs anytime. This is the event that prompted the dream.

In the dream, my neighbors on the curve of my street were having a block party get together thing. It was in a warehouse, so I went there with my shopping cart full of food. Lisa (druggy friend, not her real name) and other people from our work were there, it had turned into a work picnic/party. I sat down with people, and we were talking. It was going to be my birthday soon, and I was going to have a party. I didn’t want to say whether or not there was going to be alcohol there or not, because I knew if there wasn’t, Lisa wouldn’t come. She kept asking me, and I said I didn’t want to say. She came right out and said, “well if you don’t tell me, I’m not going to come.” I got really pissed off, but to make it worse she was sitting with Bruce Willis, and they started talking shit about me. I was getting more and more pissed, and ended up storming out of the warehouse, and into my high school. I was wandering around my high school, wanting to cry, but not in front of anyone. So I kept going into the bathrooms so I could cry, but they were either being worked on by maintenance plumber people, or had tons of people in them. Then someone I supposedly knew came up to me and said, “We have to find Trent, he’s the only one who can help you. He’s the only one who can understand how you feel.” I fought him, I didn’t want to find Trent. He kept telling me over and over as we walked around the school looking for Trent, “He’s the only one who can help, he’s the only one who understands.” That line was continuous through the end of the dream, which is why I think it made such an impression on me in the morning. So we continued throughout the school, I continued to fight him, and he continued to repeat that line to me. Eventually we found Trent. He was sitting in a restaurant in the basement of my high school, in a corner booth, reading the newspaper and eating fruit. I didn’t want to talk to him, but this friend dragged me inside, continuing to repeat that line as I fought him. Trent noticed we were there right when we stepped in front of his table. He looked up at me and folded his newspaper. He was very shy, like he didn’t know what to do because I didn’t want to talk to him. That was it. It ended.

February 10, 2001 – I was at home and Trent Reznor was doing a concert in my driveway. There was no stage, no band, just him. I was the only one there and was sitting inside a car parked in my drive way watching him. He was going all out like a typical show. I was sitting there watching him, and it was amazing, but I kept wondering how he could go all out when there was no one watching. I guess he didn’t realize I was there either. I didn’t think I’d be able to get all hyped up and stuff if I was just alone practicing. So he kept performing in my drive way, and I was wondering what people driving by thought of seeing a guy going crazy in my drive way. So then he started doing the Tapeworm song “Vacant” that A Perfect Circle has done live. It was different, harder than APC’s version. Then he started to cry, and sat down on the cement crying. I got out of the car and walked over to him and hugged him. He held onto me and just cried into my shoulder.

March 2001 – this dream, trent reznor was sleeping in danielle’s loft above my bed instead of her. “the fragile” (the song) was playing, and suddenly I realize who he was talking about in the song, and totally understood where he was coming from, all this stuff. so I get up and stand on the bed and I’m looking at him, and I think I was crying because I understood his sadness or something. So I’m standing on my bed, looking at him sleeping in the loft and I just touched his face, to like, let him knew I understood.

june 28, 2001 – I was dating Trent Reznor. he lived in my town (hah right) and i was still in high school. he was significantly older than me, maybe 10 years, in the dream (hes 15 years older in real life). Apparantly my parents didn’t care that i spent my nights at his house, which was a few streets away on Remington. So at night I’d go over to his place and spend the night there. He was always really nice to me and stuff. Then for some reason we decided we wanted to be cocaine addicts. So we caleld up some guy who was a dealer to come bring us some cocaine. Well the guy showed up and we were in the street and i had cup full of liquid cocaine, and I asked the guy if he wanted to try some. Then Trent was like, what the hell are you doing, we’re in the middle of the street. So I was like oops, and we all went inside. So the guy gave us the cocaine and left. So then me and Trent were coke addicts, and whenever he got high he was a real big asshole to me. I didn’t want us to be coke addicts anymore because I didn’t like when Trent was a jerk.

March 18, 2002 – i was with some friends in some room. it was me, eric, danielle, mary, a few others, and trent reznor. we were all sitting in an informal circle, and throwing a ball around to eachother. i guess we were playing a game, you had to catch the ball, but ppl were dropping it all the time. then there was a rule you could drop it 14 times, and then you were out. the whole time i kept trying to do stuff that would make trent pay attention to me, or get closer to him. he wasn’t ignoring me, but wasn’t really paying attention either. it was really hot in there, so i went and layed on the floor by the open back door. it was right near the chair he was sitting in. then danielle was showing everyone some bio project she did. trent was flipping through the pages, so i went over to him and looked at it with him. it was about some bacterial parasite kind of thing. and then he was touching me, and i was like what’s going on. and he had this smirk on his face. i guess he was pretending he was putting the bacteria on me. so then we sorta started fake fighting, but it was all flirty. then we were in the mall and he was chasing me. we weren’t running, but i was ahead of him and kept looking back at him, and he was all smiling. i kept thinking it was like the video with david bowie, when trent was chasing him. so then he caught up to me, and said something about how he was really into me, even tho it didn’t seem like it, and that we should get married.

somewhere else in this dream we were all talking about poetry, and some people were reading theirs. i wanted trent to read some of his but he didnt. and then he said something about how his poetry isn’t like everyone elses.

April 26, 2002 – something about a song from phantom of the opera playing, and not realizing what it was until danielle said “oh it’s from phantom”….then a whole bunch about trent reznor, including a new tv interview with him and he was smoking. so i thought, hmm that’s weird i’ve never heard anything about him being a smoker before, but whatever, i can deal with it.

June 26, 2002 – i had gotten the new nin record, which was sort of a covers album/tapeworm preview. it had a bunch of covers that i didn’t know, and 2 tapeworm songs. so eric came over and i was playing the tapeworm tracks for him. then we watched an interview on tv with trent and danny lohner, i guess about tapeworm. danny was doing all the talking, and trent seemed wasted out of his mind on something. trent had blue eyeshadow and red/purple eyeliner on, and blue eyeshadow over his top lip. he started rambling about something but danny made him shut up.
then i was in the yard of this really old rundown house in what seemed to be an area like the garden district of new orleans. there was a tour going by, but it was totally weird. the guide was an old woman, who went inside the house and told one of the men in the tour – a fat business man – to climb up the ladder and go through the window to find her. so he did, and when he got to the top of the ladder the entire thing broke and he fell to the ground. then i realized i was on the set of the new nin video. the theme was a haunted house of sorts. the entire house was falling apart, which was part of the video. i was in the video. i had to go upstairs to where the band was, trying not to make the house fall apart. the story was about a little girl who died and posessed the house. what i had to do was lay on this folding table, as the girl all grown up, but still dead. then people in nin were coming up to me and putting things on me, almost like a funeral. trent came and put a bible against my arm. danny lohner put something else on me. john landis was directing the video. there was something with this rocking chair with candles on it, and simulated lightning to make everything all spooky. well i guess the shoot finished, cuz i could get up from the table. a grand piano appeared, and i freaked out. i was like trent please you have to play something for me, you have to. and i was being all hyper and semi-annoying. he refused to play anything. he said something that i forget now, but it was like, he wasn’t sure how legitmate i was (it so wasnt legitimate that he said, totally can’t remember tho). i replied that i thought i was pretty legitimate. so i went over to where he was, he was cleaning and rotating the wine and alcohol that was being stored in a wine rack against the wall. he was wearing black pants and a purple dress shirt. he was like, take that scalpal over there and throw it, how it lands maybe i’ll play. i said i wouldn’t do it, because the last time i threw a scalpal it landed in my foot. so he was like, is it better now? and i said yeah, it had been 7th grade, it had all healed. then i remember that the same time i did that, i had sliced my hand open too. he asked if that was better too, but i didn’t hear him, so he said it again. so i said yeah, it was all better to, no scars even. then he handed me a big glass of alcohol as he walked away from me. it was cognac. so i was like, what is this, is it going to taste bad, cuz i’ve never had it before. he was going towards the piano. i was really being hyper and not myself, but he seemed not to be annoyed with it anymore but sort of charmed.
*woke up*
carolyn was staying with me because my parents had gone away. trent came over too. he still didn’t really know how to take me and how i acted with him, but he was warming to me. carolyn and i were talking about different kinds of hair products to use and how if i could try them all for free, i’d buy something if it ended up working. (i think there was more here that i don’t remember now) then carolyn was actually danielle, and one morning when we had got up, and i went downstairs to see where they were. they were sitting on the deck together holding hands. but when danielle saw me, she stopped and hoped i hadn’t seen. but i had, and i was pissed as hell, because obviously she knew how much i liked trent and everyone always liked her. so i was like, i’m going to fucking kill her. we all got up to go wherever it was we were going to go to. trent started talking to me about how he couldn’t wait to go back to new orleans in the winter. i guess he had a summer home up north, and stayed down there during the winter. i had a gun, and i was going to shoot danielle in the back. we got into trent’s car, which was a rusted turquoise cavalier. i was like um, where’s the porche? i figured he left that in new orleans. we left, and were driving someplace. i never killed danielle. we were talking about getting special access to concerts, backstage and stuff, if you were a member of some group. trent was a member, so he could do all that. so i was like, well then now you can get me in. i was going to say “since we’re friends now” but i still wasn’t sure how we stood, so i didn’t. he was sorta wishy washy about it, and was like well i’m not sure i can. but i can recommend you join the group. i guess it was invite only. so he was going to do that for me.
*woke up*
carolyn was visiting, because my parents had gone away. we were in my room, which was a mess. full of pieces of crap i had bought because trent had seemed to show an interest in them. we were waiting for trent to finish getting ready. he was in the bathroom curling his hair with a curling iron. then my cat came in, but she had turned into a hamster and was freaking out. so we were trying to catch her, and put her in a cage til she stopped freaking out. but she’d escape from the cage, and freak out more. then she turned back into a cat. trent was finally done in the bathroom.
*woke up*
i was going to see trent someplace. i had to go through canada to get to wherever he was. it was snowing, but it was a wet slushy snow. traffic was slow going, because you had to clear your own way with a shovel. so people were mostly just walking, not driving. trent called me on my cellphone to see how i was doing, and i told him the situation. that it was ok, just slow, but if it got any colder the snow would turn to ice and then it’d be dangerous to keep going. it was warm though, because i had a no sleeve shirt on as i was shoveling. i told him that the snow was disgusting because it was green. then this tv reporter showed up to do a story on the weather, and was helping shovel…..then danielle and i had gone to visit trent in new orleans. he picked us up from the street car stop, and we were walking back to his house. i was walking in front of the two of them, slightly annoyed remembering the past when i had caught them holding hands. then danielle started singing nelly furtado’s “Fly like a bird” and i was like omg stop! but then trent came up and walked with me, and took my hand. i guess we were a couple. he said “i love you honey” and i was a bit shocked, but told him that i loved him.

June 16, 2002 – i was in a mall with the people i went to new orleans with. our hotel room was in the mall. i had taken a shower, and so i was wet and had no makeup on, but i was hungry so i went with some old man to get a bagel from one of the food court stores. we walked to the bagel place and there was a big line. so we were standing in line, and people were making a big fuss up front because trent reznor was there. so i was like OMG i finally see trent in new orleans and i look like shit. so i was just staring at him, and the person i was with was telling me to talk to him. but i was like, no i can’t, i look terrible. so i just watched trent walk by with some old man he was with. and trent looked so cute, his hair was kinda short, and he looked really young. and he had eyeliner on, so his eyes were really dark. so then i was like, i’m not leaving new orleans til i get to talk to him, if i have to hang out in front of his house all day long, he has to leave to get dinner sometime. (figuring that he’d have to go back to the food court for more food).

July 3, 2002 – it was valentines day, and my boyfriend was coming over to take me out. it was trent. i guess it was prom too, and we were teenagers. so we went to prom, which was outdoors someplace. he wanted to go walk in the woods, but i didn’t want to. so instead we went over to this higher part to look down upon the forest. the forest was all creepy because it was covered in fog. because it was all creepy we decided to go walk in the forest anyway. then it turned into me being at a mall with carolyn and other friends, and we went to the lower level. then i realized that the mall had been built over where the forest was. so i was really sad, because i had gone there to reminise about the good old days and it had been paved over, and a mall was built. there was a casino in the mall too, which had been built on some other important thing of my past.

Hockey dreams

October 30, 2000 – I guess there had been a Sabres game, and I was trying to find out who won. It was against some Canadian team, I think Montreal. So I was wandering around my neighborhood looking for someone with the TV on so I could find out the score. I ended up walking down Nash Rd and kept seeing a bunch of girls from high school, who I hate, driving around. So I went down into Wurlitzer Park and started walking up some one’s porch steps. It was an old lady’s house, and she saw me coming and warned me not to come any closer. I guess she thought I was a robber. She was an overly paranoid lady, because she had electrified her porch railings, and so I grabbed one while I was going up the steps and got electrocuted. She said she warned me that it was an electrified railing, but she never did. So I’m standing there getting electrocuted, because I couldn’t let go. So I let go finally, and then she felt bad, and took me inside, I guess she trusted I wasn’t going to rob her. I told her I wanted to see the score of the game, and she said sure, and made me put on her husband’s Sabres baseball hat. It said Stu Barnes on it. The Sabres lost (I hope this isn’t a psychic dream, because we play Montreal on Friday haha), by one goal. The old lady still felt bad for electrocuting me, so she invited me for dinner. But I was still pissed that there was no warning sign about the electrified railing, and I didn’t want to stay but she had already set a place for me. She had 2 grandsons there too, who were running around. Well I had to go to the bathroom, so I asked if I could and she said sure, and showed me where to go. It was in a drawer in a cabinet in the dining room. Well first of all, I didn’t want to pee in a drawer of a cabinet. Secondly, it was in the dining room and there was no door or anything so they wouldn’t see me, and the 2 boys kept running around. So I didn’t go to the bathroom. That was about it.

November 14, 2000 – I was in high school and was sitting by two of my ex-friends. I can’t remember what we were talking about, and I think we were eating, but one of them mentioned drugs and I asked what kind of drugs she wanted. She was like You sell drugs?, and I said no, but I know tons of people who do, and depending on what kind of drugs she wanted, I could get some for her. Then we were at my house, and definitely eating at this point. I had gone upstairs to look at some website I had created, and it was about some old man who had 2 wives. There was something wrong with the site though, and it had turned into some Barbara Streisand site at the bottom half of the page, I guess because this old man had married her too. Then I went back downstairs, and they told me Rob Ray from the Buffalo Sabres had called for me, because he wanted to know if I wanted to be the rooter for the next game, and possibly all the rest of the games. Apparently a rooter was a person who came out right before the team did and got the crowd all excited and stuff. I wondered why the hell he would want me to do it, because I don’t like getting all excited, and I’d be highly embarrassed and rather inhibited. And I wondered why he asked me, but apparently it was because of some kind of relationship I had with some other guy on the team (not sure who). So they gave me Rob’s number and I went back upstairs to call him, but was really nervous, so I was rehearsing what I was going to say to him. I was going to say “Hi Rob, it’s Sara. How’s the shoulder?” but I never called him because the alarm went off.

January 29, 2001- Hockey dream. It was the last game of the Stanley Cup Finals. I was actually on the team, and it must have been in overtime, because I scored the game winning goal. So all my line mates came over to hug me and stuff, and then Adrienne didn’t realize we had won right away, and then she did so she was all happy and laughing as everyone from the team surrounded me on the ice. Apparently the game took place inside a mall, because then we were all walking around the mall all happy, and store workers were congratulating us. At one point, we were in front of Spencers, and someone came over to give Eric the Stanley Cup. He didn’t want to carry it, and then he thought someone was going to steal it. So I was like, “how are you not gonna notice someone stealing the Stanley Cup.” and then he was whining about how heavy it was, and that he needed to put it down. So Mary found a box, and he put it in a box and then carried the box. Then a bunch of players from the Sabres were on a talk show kind of thing, and it was Vaclav Varada and Alexei Zhitnik and someone else I can’t remember, who were on the show and kids were asking them questions. It was so hilarious. Someone asked Alex a question, can’t remember what it was, but he kept saying all these really hilarious things and one time said something like “over the past 3 years I only had 30 shots on goal.” But it was so hilarious, I was watching the show and laughing to death.

January 23, 2001- Adrienne, Danielle and I had tickets to a bunch of hockey games. The only thing though, was that they were held in my basement. They practiced in my basement, and the games were there. So we were getting ready for the game, and our seats were in my dad’s back room in the basement off to the side. From inside the room we couldn’t see the ice. We also had to sit on these really high chairs, they looked like pinball machines. It was time for the game, and the players were walking down the stairs to my basement, and one of them was this kid from high school who we used to call “Free Willy”. He was talking in an accent like he was Russian, and I was standing by the steps watching him. I started kind of yelling at him, and I was like “what do you think you’re doing. you know you’re not on the team. pretending to be russian isn’t going to get you on the team.” So he got all sad.

February 14, 2001 – It was my birthday. There was some part of this dream about Orgy. But then it was my birthday and I was having a party, a pool party. It started really early in the morning, and Danielle and I went swimming because it was really hot. Then for some reason we went out to the front of my house, by the mailbox, and Ryan from Orgy drove by. I guess I had invited them to my party but they didn’t know where it was. Maybe that’s why we went in front. But we looked all gross because we had been swimming, but I guess everyone thought we looked fabulous. So then we went back to the backyard, and with everyone else. The pool was on my deck and it was more like the size of a hot tub. My parents were there too. So people kept arriving, and we had cake. Then someone came and asked if I was me, and I said yes. So they left, and a little while later this boy from high school showed up with a hot wheels toy for me. Then someone was talking about Denis Hamel from the Sabres, and about how he wasn’t doing good because his mom had diabetes and he wouldn’t accept the fact she was going to die. Then he arrived, and was talking to everyone. He looked different though, like an India Indian. So my mom brought him cake, but she didn’t know who he was or why he had an accent. He dropped some cake on his pants.

April 11, 2001 – Sabres beat the Flyers in the first game of their play off series. Sabres scored 6 powerplay goals, including one from Rhett Warrener…

Squirrels: This is the category of my most recent reoccurring dreams. I’ve had these dreams over the 2 weeks in October 2000. The first dream, as explained on the “October” page, I was walking across campus when a squirrel bit my foot and wouldn’t let go. The second dream was in my house, a squirrel came in and bit my foot and wouldn’t let go. The third one, a squirrel was in my house, and ran at me, but I jumped before it could grab my foot, so I avoided being bitten that time. I have no idea what these dreams mean, or why I’ve been dreaming them, but I’m starting to acquire a phobia of squirrels!!

October 25, 2000 – Another squirrel dream. I was only taking a nap and I didn’t think I was actually asleep, but…I was in my school’s art building, but it was also where I lived, and I had to go down the hall to show someone something, and we were on the way back to my room when my bracelet fell apart. It was a really shitty bracelet, and it broke all the time. So I was holding the pieces but then dropped a few, which broke when they hit the floor because it was so shitty. I was getting pissed, and went back into my room when the walkman I was apparently holding broke in half and half of it fell on the floor. So I was really pissed at how shitty everything I had was, threw it all on my desk and left to go to the park. I went to a state park kind of place, with trails and stuff. I guess I had to go there to get something from some particular part of the park. So I was on the trail, and I saw a kid slide down another part of it because it was really slippery. So I’m walking and am about to go down a little hill, and so I sit down and decide to slide down it like the other kid. Then I realized it was really dirty, and decided not to, but since it was so slippery, I couldn’t stand up to walk down. So I decided to try to turn around and go back and use a different trail to get to where I needed to be. So I was still sitting down, and turning to go back, and the trail had shrunk and gotten really skinny, so I didn’t have much room for my feet, and didn’t want to fall into the water that was there. It was a pond, and I looked into the pond and there were stone steps going into the pond, almost like an inverted lego pyramid. Then I saw a fish in the water and thought there wasn’t any fish in the park because it was polluted. But then it turned into a squirrel, and it started swimming really fast, and jumped out of the water and landed on my thigh. I cringed in the dream, and made some kind of scared scream/noise, and I think I cringed in my sleep as well. It was really stressful and scary. I thought when the squirrel jumped out of the water that it was going to go for my neck like a vampire, so I squinched my head down to try to make my neck smaller so it wouldn’t bite it. Then I thought it might have rabies, which made it worse, but then the squirrel jumped off me and ran away.

October 2000 – I was walking on campus one day, and these squirrels were running around. One came up to me and bit my foot, and I couldn’t get it off. I kept kicking at it with my other foot, but it wouldn’t let go. I was doing all I could to get the squirrel to let go of my foot. So I went to the health center, and told them a squirrel bit me again and I couldn’t get it off. I had said “again”, so apparently it wasn’t the first time I had been bitten by a squirrel.

February 8, 2001 – Squirrels again. They didn’t bite me this time. We had a bunch of squirrels living in our back yard at home and we wanted to be friends with them so we kept trying to feed them. There was one squirrel who was really mean and would come sit on the windowsill and hiss at us if we tried to feed it. So we hired this animal tamer lady, I guess, to come and tame the squirrel.