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i can’t see. so if i typo, that’s why. i feel like my dad when he doesn’t have reading glasses.

we did go to the casino for dinner last night. it was really good, even my parents thought so. and they were impressed with how beautiful the casino is. so we ate, and walked around the floor. mom wanted to play some of the progressive nickle slots so we tried to play the james dean ones. it was comical. because i can’t touch the machines, and my mom is a moron…she didn’t know what face up meant, to put the dollar into the slot. so she’s putting it every which way and it keeps spitting back out at her. so we change machines, and it keeps spitting the money back. then my dad comes and we’re trying to get the machine to take the money lol. had to be there i guess. it was really funny. well after like 15 min we sorta figured it must not take dollar bills, only 5 and up. so we ended up playing regis cash club slots, and spending 5 dollars.

i’m blind because i just got back from getting my eyes checked. turns out i’m not going blind, so that’s good. he said my eyes look healthy and stuff, except that my lens (or did he say iris, i can’t remember) has weird bulges on it. they didn’t concern him, but he said to come back in 6 months to see if they changed shape or anything. and to come back if i start losing vision in my right eye cuz of the floaters and stuff. that’s why i went, the floaters…they’re driving me nuts. but he said no my retina isn’t detaching. haha. good. i don’t want eye surgery. ug. i hate things that deal with the eyes. it was weird enough that he put anestetic in my eyes before the dialaation drops. they felt so funny. and i look like a drug addict at the moment. haha

 

paz left, twiggy ramirez joined, troy left, danny lohner joined…apc that is. can’t wait for new material!! the apc news release is hilarious. maynard musta written it. funny thing is, i read an article saying twiggy was joining metallica. guess not haha

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question 1: why do i like justin timberlake?…actually, i think i’ve figured this one out. on a certain level he reminds me of nate. no they do not look alike, and the only time i heard nate sing really, was in his movie. he doesn’t have a popstar voice, he has a “i’m trained in theatre to sing real loud so you can hear me in the back” voice. it’s just that justin reminds me of nate for reasons only nate and i know. well actually, probably i only know them. he’d know them if i reminded him. but you know guys, they don’t catch on to things like girls do. so i think that’s why i like justin timberlake. and he’s damn sexy in that video.

question 2: why do i like eminem? this one i have no answer for. ug. i heard that “Superman” song on the radio to and from work the other day and i thought it was kinda cool. i’m ashamed.

question 3: why do only fat goofy/dorky looking guys only talk to me at work? why can’t one of the 4 floor sups who i think are sorta good looking talk to me? ok i should take that back, cuz they do talk to me sometimes, but only the fat dorky ones get disappointed that i don’t sit with them on break lol.

supposed to go to work tonight for dinner with the parents, but not sure anymore. dad had to go to the doctor cuz something is very wrong with his leg that got crushed 8 years ago. so depending on how that goes, and like…if he had to get admited into the hospital cuz he’s about to die or something…it will decide if we still go. i have to stop at the wardrobe ppl first, to return my pants again cuz they are no bigger than the size 4 they gave me first.

and i gotta call walmart to make an eye appt. mom says they’d be able to tell if i’m really going blind, so that i could make an appt with a real eye doctor. i still think it’s my brain tumor and not my retina that’s making me go blind. but better check it anyway.

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work…another party that people asked why i wasn’t at. thanks for informing me of it the day after. mike asked me out again. i spent approximately 3 and a half hours doing nothing. seriously nothing. i was breaker, so i sat around in the abandoned pit with my sups and talked. they kicked me and mike out to have a meeting, so we went upstairs and watched tv. some people would do anything for my job – getting paid to do nothing, and all i wanted to do was go home. it’s such a waste of time. that was my only 8-4 shift this week tho. so it’s nice.

got up at 2 today cuz i thought i heard someone talking. i did, adr on the answering machine. i didn’t hear the phone ring tho, which was odd. so i got up, watched ozzy on mtv for 3 hrs. adr came over to pay me and give me the cd player. hung out for a while, and she left cuz i gotta go to work now

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haha yeah i just got pulled over by an NT cop…speeding and going through stop signs. did i get a ticket? of course not. i don’t know how i manage not to get tickets but i’m not questioning it. he asked how fast i was going, and i said i didn’t know (cuz i don’t think i was speeding…probably was, but haha…and the stop signs, yeah…haha i go through them every night). then he asked if i thought i was going fast, and i said no LOL so he said, let’s try this again, were you going fast, YES YES I WAS! I WAS GOING SO FAST! so he said not to let him catch me again. good thing it wasn’t nathan or i’d be dead. funny thing was, on the way home i was thinking about how if i got a ticket i’d have to get off work to go to traffic court, and all this…and then i get pulled over. that’s why i gotta stop thinking bad things about people, they’re gonna start happening.

another funny thing…i am surprised at how not upset i get being pulled over. i mean…when i got pulled over leaving nate’s a few months ago, i had been upset and crying. then i get pulled over and i’m perfectly calm and fine…same with tonight. wasn’t nervous, no tears…haha. weird.

 

the mj show…running commentary.
– count of the use of the word disturbing by bashir: 2… i lost track and stopped listening for it.
– i should be counting the number of times MJ says “magic”…
– holy crap is his face ever horrifying. at first it looked ok…end of the tree segment…i’m gonna have nightmares.
– he’s got some interesting paintings on his walls. wow.
– i wonder what he thinks about when watching performances in the jackson 5
– i want his big jolly green giant statue
– everyone was making a big deal about how he went shopping in vegas and just pointed at things to buy without looking at the price tags. well when you’re rich and have millions of dollars, how much things cost doesn’t really matter. plus the fact that he had taken bashir into the store to show him what he already bought…so he pointed at things and said, i bought that. who knows what really happened when he was there buying them. yes he pointed at a few extra things and said he wanted them without the price, but again. if i had 300 million dollars i wouldn’t be worrying about prices either.
– ROFL he spells out “fuck” haha best moment of the interview
– holy mother…the paparazzi at the berlin zoo. unbelievable. i couldn’t live like that.
– he has flamingos!!
– throughout this whole thing, it hasn’t been that big of a deal. until this part…about children. and now bashir is a dick. first off, this is supposed to be a documentary…his opinions are not necessary. he doesn’t need to be mentioning how uncomfortable he is, and how he HAS to confront MJ about his “obsession with children”…that’s bullshit.
– ok so it didn’t tape the whole interview. i wonder if my parents fucked it up or if it went over…there’s still tape left (it’s general hospital from last may) arg pissed off now. cuz this was the real controversial part.

ok so from what i’ve seen, i don’t get what the big deal was about all this. it’s no more weird or sad or whatever from every other MJ interview. that’s MJ…he’s eccentric. get over it. bashir wasn’t all that much of a dickhead until the end. yeah his opinions throughout the show were really unnecessary, but whatever. it’s obvious that he was highly biased as to MJ going into the interview, far from being an objective reporter. he asked leading questions in order to get sensational answers…but i think we all know, that’s what investigative journalism does…i’m surprised i don’t have more of an opinion on all this. i still think sandy’s the mother of #3 haha.

gotta find this online so i can see the end.

on another note, there is just something really funny about this headline “Rolling Stones Give Free Concert — No One Killed” haha

 

i just want to say that i still get really upset about everything that happened this time last year. like…i was thinking about it the other day, and i started crying. and YES i know i cry like every day, i haven’t cried that much this week, but i cried thinking about all the shit.

secondly. i’m going blind. my right eye. i need to see an eye doctor, like, a real one…not someone who just gives u glasses. do you need a referral to see one?

thirdly, and this is not new information. i hate my life. i hate everything about it. and i’m sorry for taking it out on everyone else. my first friday off in forever, and i spent it in a way i did not want to AT all. i should have made plans to go to geneseo like i was considering, but i didn’t. and after a week of feeling ok, i’m miserable again.

i think i need to remove myself from everything. everything i do and everything i say causes more trouble. and it’s not worth it.

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the computer system went down at work, so for the last 5 hours i did nothing. i couldn’t take it any longer so i asked to go home early. and here i am. turns out 2 of my fav pit bosses left for the grave yard shift. wtf?!?! now who is gonna cure my headaches?! besides work being so utterly boring, i spent my night getting poked constantly by one of the floor sups. i guess he thinks it’s fun to torment me. and then shit went down in my department, so i got to be informed about that. it was good.

i’m waiting for all kinds of mail, which i apparently didn’t get today. ug. stuff should be here by tomorrow.

oh, and i love “candyass”. that cd rocked my world the past few days. esp “revival” for some reason.

 

ug…i’m so ashamed. justin timberlake is really sexy in the “cry me a river” video…esp after he video tapes himself fooling around with the dark haired chick to show “britney”…yeah. ug. what’s wrong with me.

getting the prints of my dads pics made. yay. they’ll be done friday. i might get some framed if they look good. i don’t like not being able to print them myself. but it’d be way too much of a hassle to set up the dark room in the basement.

i watched this show on vh1 yesterday called “My night with…” and it profiled fans and their experiences with bands…it was…interesting. my favourite one had to be the guy who got backstage passes to a Madonna show…he was a big fat hog, and was gorging himself on the food backstage when he heard a voice say “You are a disgusting pig” and it was Madonna. so she sat down with him and gave him diet tips blah blah blah and now he lost all the weight, and thinks he’s so hot and can get all kinds of women. lol. he was not exactly what i’d call skinny, nor attractive. but he’s got a way good story about how he lost weight lol. there were regular groupie stories…one was this girl who was interviewing blink 182 for a zine she ran, and it ended up turning into her and her boyfriend having sex in the back of the tourbus while Mark and Tom watched. the other really cool one was a girl who got pulled on stage to play guitar with U2 in Vegas. they had really good bootlegged clips of it, and it was really funny. bono started singing about her, and how she had sandles on and liked edge better haha.

i also watched General Hospital for the first time in over a year yesterday. it prompted me to have a weird trent/nate GH dream. i don’t really get why when i dream about trent or nate they morph into each other. it started off with it being trent and ended with it being nate. and it was bizzare. lol. anyway.

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ug. did not sleep well at all last night. just like every monday, it took 4 hours for me to fall asleep cuz i sleep in too much from working on sunday. at least i didn’t make myself all upset and cry for the whole 4 hours like the past few mondays. but i still couldn’t sleep. slept for 2 hours when the wind woke me up, and i realized my arm was completely numb. rearranged myself, my arm never became completely un-numb, while at the same time my other arm went numb. i got up to pee, and get the blood flowing only to have half my face and neck go numb. so that worried me a bit. couldn’t get back to sleep cuz of the wind. finally did, slept for a few more hours and now i’m up…from the wind…again. i had a really nice dream before i woke up tho. i can’t post it because it would be rude. it wasn’t about nate. haha. i’m kinda all fucked up from it now tho, cuz it turns out just to be a dream.

anyway…i gotta pay bills today…basically 700$ worth of bills. yeaaaaaaah sucks. 6 months of car insurance, health insurance, school loan, credit card bill. gotta go to kinkos to photo copy the pictures nate and i took before he left because he requested i send them to him. gotta find black construction paper to fake out the scanner and scan the terminal negatives. then i have to figure out how to make semi decent print outs of those to send to nate to show him what we’re missing by not going inside lol. maybe i can get them for real printed at the place that developed my b&w film..hmm….they’re such a weird size film tho, they might have to send them to kodak and then it’d be real expensive. blah. then i work at 8 tonight for nakita. friday off instead.

and not moving the fab four site to woopop.com. i realized it wouldn’t make any difference in my space, cuz all the photos are cross linked from delirious anyway…which means none (or few) would be getting deleted…blah. i got 21mb open now, which SHOULD last me for a while. the photos i uploaded from my dad last night took up 2mb, so the rest of the terminal pics shouldn’t be that much more.

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craziness at the casino tonight. but i can’t talk about it. ug. i hate this confidentiality thing. it seems so unimportant in this “career” but whatever.

i DID find out that everything has changed regarding dealer school. the guy i talked to last week saw me today and said i could go to the school now. but…i work nights, school is at nights, so i can’t. i have to wait for a day class to start, and he said it should be soon. i don’t know what game the class is for, and i don’t know how long it goes, but i should be becoming a dealer in the next few months. happy about that. since there were rumblings of a supervisor position opening up, i thought maybe i wouldn’t transfer. but i asked one of my sups what they would do, and about pay and stuff, and i’m going for the dealer instead. my sups only make 100 more than i do right now, and dealers are bringing home more than that cuz of tips…then in the summer, they’re gonna be making tons more. so yeah. dealer.

i guess there was an after hours thing on thurs night, cuz yesterday some floor sups kept asking me why i wasn’t there. i was like um well if u noticed i wasn’t there, and wished i was there, maybe you should INVITE me next time lol. the one said it was this other persons job to do the inviting, and another said that he didn’t go either, but just wanted to know if i went…ok. haha. i can’t just show up, u have to be invited to these things, since it’s illegal hahaha.

anyway…

 

so my mom knows more about what’s going on with nate than i do. apparently mrs royal told her all kinds of stuff which she didn’t think neccessary to tell me. like that he’s living with a family with 8 kids before he get’s his assignment, and that the food isn’t as bad as he was expecting it to be. good to know. thanks for telling me. now i’m just in this pissed off stage. i’m really tired of all this. it was fine not getting anything from him until i found out that everyone else is…i guess i’m the special one who gets to never hear from him. whatever. fuck it.

i got a letter from him today.

 

i had to do some website pruning. i’m out of host space. so sites had to go byebye. my orgy photo capture site is now gone, freed up 10mb of space LOL. adrienne’s store site is gone. i asked the people i host to see if there are things they can get rid of. hoping to move the fab four site to woopop.com. just waiting for eric to get back to me on that one. already told my dad months ago to stop uploading pictures to his directory. his directory, and of course, delirious, are my main space hogs. but it’s MY site, so i can use all the space *I* pay for lol.

so now the question is, why did i need more space. because of this: paydirt.

a boy from cheektowaga IMed me today because he found my pictures of Buffalo Central Terminal. it inspired me to finally ask my dad where his pictures of the terminal might be. so we dug through shit in his basement room, found all kinds of his old photos, and 2 books of negatives. of course, all but 2 of the terminal pics were never printed, so my project is now to scan the negatives. but besides that, i scanned a bunch of other pictures my dad took in the 70s to add to my photography site. which is why i needed the space.

so…take a tour of photos my father took and his terminal pics. he also had made prints from old glass plate negatives he bought, which you can look at here. i gotta work on scanning the negatives – which is going to be a challenge because they are on weird sized film. i gotta create a mask thing to fake out the scanner…yay a project.

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why buffalo is great: you never get bored with the weather.

i love buffalo weather. seriously. we have THE strangest weather. the summer is pretty normal…it’s hot, thunderstorms, hail, the occasional tornado. winter is more interesting…first of course, you get the lake effect snow…blizzards…7 feet at a time. can’t beat that. then you get lightning with the snow, like before nate left. then, like the past 2 nights, you get fog. yes, that’s right…it’s 5 below zero and it’s foggy. and this isn’t normal fog, this is like…frozen fog. i’m surprised it doesn’t just freeze into a big wall. it coats everything with a thin layer of ice, which is hard to scrape off your car. wednesday night was just sorta creepy. it wasn’t that bad, it was sorta patchy and it made the lights from the factories, and on grand island look really eerie. then on river road i was sorta driving under the fog, so it was like a ceiling. then tonight, it was REALLY foggy. i stepped off the bus and it was like fog made of ice crystals. it just hit me, it was strange. then driving home, until the water intakes on the robert moses, it was so foggy i couldn’t see 5 feet in front of the car. it was the worst fog i’ve ever seen and it was really scary. i actually was going 30. i never go 30!! i drove in the middle of the road so i could see 2 white lines in front of me at all times and not go off the road…and then just like that, it ended.

how can you get bored with that?!?! lol.

anyway. had a good night at work. made fun of people, didn’t eat my lunch by myself, all good.

turns out MJ’s interview/reality tv/documentary thing is gonna be shown on US tv after all. feb 7th. i’ll have to tape it unless nakita switches days off with me like she’s supposed to. not like i wouldn’t tape it anyway. this is some heavy duty big deal stuff.

 

why i love buffalo part 2: it’s 40 out and people stopped wearing coats.

i need to hurry up and learn how to play bass so i can audition for a perfect circle. apparently paz left to join zwan full time. so..maynard has like 3 projects he’s in, and troy has like 5…josh has been doing all kinds of things for others, but paz can’t seem to handle being in 2 bands at once. ok. whatever. new stuff expected in the fall i hear. can’t wait!

for some reason i dreamed about 30 seconds to mars playing at the casino. and jared leto was waaaay hot. he kept looking at me. it was nice haha. strange tho cuz i’ve never seen them and know zero songs by them.

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this is unbelievable. so i’ve mentioned the bands that play at the casino. there’s this one, called the Marinos, which i consider to be the worst. they’re the worst, but they’re so damn entertaining cuz they suck so bad. i seriously get the hugest kick out of the fact they’re not embarrassed. when i’m in a pit that faces the “stage” i can’t take my eyes off them, i wait in anticipation for the next stupid looking thing they do. basically, we call them the glorified kareoke band. (there’s other kareoke bands who play too, like last night, the woman who thinks she sounds like tina turner). anyway… they have a website, and apparently they’re hella popular. they have merchandise, and we’re talking heavy duty merch…not just some crappy silk screened t-shirts, or cafe-press store crap…we’re talking embroidered satin and denim jackets. they play atlantic city all the time. they are AWFUL. i suggest you check them out. http://www.marinosband.com/index.htm. i also suggest you take a listen to their demo…the “get this party started” cover is great. you can find them under “photos” cuz that makes so much sense. hey this “fantasy” demo is pretty damn um..good..too. it’s not mariah carey lol. oh lord the screeching at the end. maybe it IS mariah…haha. “hero” is mariah.

maybe i should offer them my web services. i don’t usually see them leave the stage to go accost them however…hmm. maybe i’ll email them. yeah. sounds good. of course i’d have to delete all these posts about how much they suck tho 🙂 and the best news of all, they’ll be playing throughout february!! i can’t wait!

mom made me an appt at the new neurologist march 3rd. it was kinda funny, cuz the receptionist asked her when my last MRI was and my mom said never haha.

my room and my car are black holes. things go in them and then are stuck there. my car is the worst. inside are happy meal toys from god knows when…a head band…the NIN fixed shirt from eric…nothing ever leaves my car. except people. then my room. i just noticed there is a book of matches on my table from vegas…i went to vegas in may. they’ve been sitting there untouched for the last 7 months lol.

dude terry buchwald (elvis) doesn’t have a website. i could offer my services to him too. that’s it. i just gotta pimp myself out to the bands at work. joanne would love me cuz i’d know elvis haha. hmm..does what’s his name have a site?…lance diamond? no apparently not. he hasn’t played at work in a while tho…i dunno what the name of the tina turner kareoke girl band is…

i’m gonna go practice dealing blackjack now. bye

Posted in: Personal

January 2003 Dreams

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January 26, 2003


i was in my upstairs bathroom and saw 2 stick looking creatures/bugs on the wall. upon closer inspection they were 2 monarch butterflies.
had another butterfly dream a different night but don’t remember it.

from swoon.com: butterflies: Social success, romantic success, and/or domestic happiness is forecast by a dream of these gaily colored creatures.
posted by sara @ 3:13 PM

January 9, 2003


i was at the casino, which was in my basement. eminem was there playing craps, and i was dealing the craps table so i got to talk to him. the next day he came back, and i talked to him some more. the 3rd day he came back again during “off hours” since he was famous and wanted to play alone. so he showed up at my house in a limo which he left parked in front of my house, and came downstairs to play craps. played for a while and then he decided he was going to leave so we went upstairs. then there was someone at the door, this young black woman. so i opened the door and was like can i help you? she barged in and was like eminem is here. so i said yeah, and she said she was his sister. so eminem came to the door and talked to her, and we were all in my living room. the girl started to play with my piano so me and eminem were just talking. i guess the whole 3 days we had been flirting and liked eachother. so we’re in the family room and he was hugging me from behind and kissed my neck. then we started making out. he decided it was time to go, so him and the black girl left. then i woke up.
my aunt and uncle had given my family a dog. it was a sorta young dog but not quite a puppy. i don’t know the mix of the dog, but it was sorta scary. and since i hate dogs, i was a bit scared of it. well it disappeared and i asked my parents what happened to it. i thought they had given it to the spca cuz we didn’t want it. mom said they hadn’t yet but dad was going to unless the dog got behaved or lived outside in the backyard. so i found the dog and took it out side to try to get it to stay in the back yard. i didn’t want to have to touch or play with the dog though. then it kept making puppy dog faces at me to feel bad for it. i guess we had one of those invisible fences so the dog couldn’t leave the yard. when i went to go back in front, it stopped where it had to stop and layed on the ground all sad looking. so i brought it back in side and it was rambuntious and scary all over again. then the dog disappeared and tom cruise appeared. he was laying on the floor next to where i had been sitting with the dog. so i was talking to him, and tom mentioned he was filming a new movie with eminem. so i told him eminem should be over soon (since we were dating) and tom was like, that’s cool. then me and tom started making out. i was like, um…i’m dating eminem. he’ll be hurt if he comes over and finds me making out with tom cruise. but then i thought, it’s eminem he’ll get over it. i realized we were in the family room with my parents and danielle so we moved into the living room.

it was near halloween time, and i went to toys r us to buy gifts (!?) with my boyfriend trent reznor. a bunch of us ended up being at the store, i guess it was the local hang out. so i’m going through the store with trent, who throughout the dream morphs between trent and nate. turns out everytime we go hang out at the store there ends up being a fight of some kind between my friends and my neighbors. so this time, i found a NIN helium balloon and trent was going to buy it for me. we went wandering around the store and i found the keyboard section so i thought it would be a good idea to have trent play something for me. so i found him and got him to come over to the keyboards. he was checking them out, and then started saying something and he looked like a old man, balding, grey hair with a gut. i was like, wow he’s really looking old lately. we started getting harassed by the rival “gang” and we were in some other part of the store, near where they sell mattresses (?!?) when the other gang came to attack. they popped my NIN balloon which i had tied around my head. so i was all upset. then trent, who was now nate, got really pissed off, while at the same time just wanting to put an end to all of the stupidness. he got a bunch of balloons and just let them fly away, i guess because he knew the other gang had a peace offering for us. so then my neighbor said we all had to go up front to where pat benetar was setting up the stage. so we started all going up there, and we saw eric go ahead of us to talk to rit friends. then mary was there and said eric was probably telling all of them to blame all the troubles on mary. so i was like, i think both of you assume so much spitefullness and you’re wrong. so we all sat on the floor waiting for pat benetar, but i couldn’t find nate. i wanted him to sit with me, but he was lost in the crowd someplace.
posted by sara @ 1:07 PM

January 8, 2003


i was on american gladiators which was hosted by dick clark in someone’s really large family room. there were 2 boys and 4 girls competing so not all the girls got to do each event. especially if it took a really long time to complete. the first event was like the eliminator, so it was weird that it was first because everyone got deathly tired by the time they finished the one event. i didn’t have to do that event. the next event was this odd bicycle kind of thing…it was like a stair climber but you sat down and pushed the pedals which made you move around this track. you had to go to the end of the track, turn around and make it back before the gladiator. this was a girls only event so i’d get to do this one. so the one girl went first and totally smoked the gladiator. i was going last, so i was waiting then dick clark said i had to wear sneakers, i only had sandals on. well i didn’t have sneakers so i had to go into the rest of the house and try to find someone elses sneakers to wear. i found some but they didn’t have shoe laces, so i quickly made shoelaces out of friendship bracelets. well this was taking me a really long time and dick clark was getting pissed off at me. i got back to the arena and saw the gladiator i was up against. she was skinny and shorter than me. i figured with my long legs i’d be able to go farther on my machine thing.
symbols from swoon.com
– The more successful was the dreamed competition the rockier will be your road ahead and vice versa.
– A dream of skinny legs is a warning of embarrassment due to an ill-advised romance
posted by sara @ 1:35 PM

January 7, 2003


something about tires…i was holding one of my car tires and accidentally popped it with my car keys. so i had to call someone to come put my spare tire on. then my car disappeared. i was at a garage or someplace, and a big truck drove up but i couldn’t figure out how it was driving properly when it was missing a wheel. the wheel came along by itself after the truck.
at a mall which was my high school. saw my 11th grade history teacher, so i went to talk to him since i hadn’t seen him in a few years. i asked if he added more members to his family, and he said no, but him and his wife were getting divorced. that didn’t surprise me since i didn’t think he wanted to marry her in the first place. he basically then said the same thing, how it’s no big deal because it was coming from even before they were married.

i was getting on a school bus, i think i was a young kid. i went to the back of the bus and there were 3 boys in back who said i wasn’t allowed to sit there. only cool kids who order off the cool menu can sit in the back of the bus. so i said, awesome that menu has all the stuff i like, and sat down. so then they were saying i wasn’t allowed to sit back there, so i was like, why because i’m a girl? i’m bigger than you anyway. then i let them touch me, on my hands and arms, because they had never touched a girl before. so then they were all like wow she’s so soft.

i won a contest to spend a day with the osbournes, so i appeared at their house. i guess the show was done being filmed because there were no camera men actively hanging around. the missing osbourne kid aimee was there too, and was like, you might remember me from 20/20 and i was like yeah i know who you are. then i was in a room with kelly and she was being bitchy and saying how i had all these rules. i wasn’t allowed to try to date mark romanek, who was directing her new video so he’d be hanging around with cameras…and there were other things i wasn’t allowed to do but i forget what they were now. then i went someplace with jack, and was coming back to the house with him driving the car. ozzy called jack’s cell while we were driving.

that turned into being in some classroom, college or high school i don’t know. nate was there, we were sitting in the last seats in 2 rows. we were having some kind of review, or test…i think review for a test. so we were taking notes, but i was trying to tell him about the osbournes and how kelly made all these rules for me as if i was one of their beverly hills rich bitch friends just trying to use them. i guess it was a test, because we weren’t supposed to be talking. but i didn’t care because it was nate’s last day before leaving for africa and i wanted to talk to him and say goodbye and all that.

symbols according to swoon.com:
– exciting adventure is forecast in a a dream of losing a wheel
– the wheels of a car symbolize a quick trip
– A dream of changing a tire is a warning to conserve your resources against an unexpected demand; buying a new tire predicts a sudden release from worry; a blowout portends problems caused by hidden jealousy–try being tactful for a while; to dream of losing a tire suggests that you would benefit from a season of stricter self-control
– Traveling by bus indicates progress toward your heart’s desire
– if you passed the exam easily or it presented no major problem to you, it predicts comfortable achievement of all your hopes
posted by sara @ 11:53 AM

January 6, 2003


i went to my middle school for some reason. i brought my grandma (who is dead in real life) with me. i was pushing her around in a motorized wheel chair/lark buggy type thing. except that it wasn’t…it was a chair on top of a wooden platform with wheels (i can’t think of what they’re called, but you put boxes on them if u want to move stuff and don’t want to carry it all). we had problems going into and out of the elevator to get to the 2nd floor. then she fell out of the chair. so she got back on the chair but we had forgotten to put the chair back on to the wooden thing so she had to get up again and get back on the wooden thing. so we get to a class room which had my 6th grade english teacher inside. i guess that’s where we were supposed to be, so we went inside. she didn’t remember who i was at first, but then started to recognize me and remembered i had the highest grades in the school that year. i introduced her to my grandma, and she asked if the 2 of us were close. i said we don’t see eachother often, i had to bring her cuz she was visiting us. apparently i was supposed to bring important people in my life to whatever this thing was. then other kids started showing up, so i guess it was a 6th grade reunion. my parents showed up. my high school french teacher showed up and she kept hugging me and giving me kisses on both cheeks cuz she was so happy to see me. i told my english teacher about how i found my journal from class and it talked about my aunt having a D&C when i didn’t even know what that was.
i’ve had some other dream recently about my dead grandma. i wonder what that means.

something about designing webpages
posted by sara @ 1:46 PM

January 4, 2003


something about david bowie..going downtown to see an outdoor concert. i might have been friends with him. something about an ugly yellow bowie tshirt.
i was driving to some cemetery with someone following me, because they didn’t know how to get there. it might have been nate, although we had called the cemetery before we left to find out where the person’s grave was, and their last name was McMahon. so we’re driving and the people following me got off on the wrong exit. so i got to the cemetery which had big sky scraper masoleums. they looked like the WTC towers. then i realized it had everyone who died in the WTC attacks names etched into them, like the Vietnam memorial in washington. then i realized i should tell someone this dream because that would make a really nice memorial for WTC.

i was back in college and had 4 papers due in one week. i realized that i wasn’t really in college, i wasn’t enrolled, just attending classes so that i really didn’t have to do the papers since i wouldn’t fail out or anything. i decided i’d do the 2 short papers and skip the 2 longer ones. then eddie the bartender from hard rock was there, and decided to help me with one of the papers. so he told me what i should write and all this stuff. i had forgotten my backpack in the classroom, but then it turns out he noticed and had taken it with him. i didn’t know why he was being so nice to me. so the paper was due the next day, so i went to the library with him to work on the paper. the library was also a thrift store so i had to go look through the tshirts first. i tried on some weird dress that was too small for me. then i sat down at a table to get some work done, and started drinking a beer….because the library was also a bar. some little girl asked me if beer tasted good, and i said no it didn’t. then she asked me if there’s such a thing as beer ice cream, and i told her something about one time having a beer slushy.
posted by sara @ 1:40 PM

January 3, 2003


nate had come home, i dunno if to visit or for good, i went to meet him someplace. there were lots of people around, i think all his family, maybe my family…but lots of people. and he was sitting in a chair unwrapping a gift possibly. so i ran over to him cuz i was so happy to see him, and basically sat in the chair with him. so he hugged me and it was all happy. then we went off together someplace to be alone, and everything was like it was when we were together. like we went right back to being a couple again. i think he was just visiting though, because i started to question what it all meant.

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