Category Archives: Personal

today. sat around for a while. went to cvs to get 6 pics reprinted not so bright. they gave me a slight hard time, but i ended up not paying for the reprints which was good. felt like shit so i took a semi nap while waiting for nate to call about shopping. i knew as soon as i left the house to pick the pictures up he’d call. so i waited for my parents to get home, then went to cvs, and wouldn’t you know it he called. so we headed out around 4 to get more xmas gifts, and then met my parents at this italian restaurant on elmwood for dinner at 7. it was good. i ate alot. i managed to go without being hungry for about…4 hours. that might be a record. saw amanda who i went to new orleans with at the restaurant. it’s funny how she always fakes being so enthused to see me.

so after dinner we went to find showplace. my parents kept asking me where it was and i was like it’s on military. then they said something about grant street, so i was like no wait it’s on grant…when we actually went looking for it, we tried to get to military which runs parallel to elmwood, found grant, then niagara… no military. so i was like wtf. went down grant st a few times, turned around, went back down elmwood to where i know if you go down side streets you get to military, and eventually found it…on grant st. BUT i wasn’t totally wrong, cuz it’s where military turns into grant, i just never realized the streets did that haha. i KNEW eric always goes down military to get there. we got in right before hollowpoint started. i haven’t seen them since 3rd year geneseo, since they got the 2nd guitarist and andy started singing. they sound sorta different now, still very good. and i prefer andy singing to J…nate said they were good too, but lacked that “hit” that everyone knows that will get them noticed. i have their 1st cd, but never listen to it so i’m not hugely familiar with what is on it, but it seemed like they only played new stuff…or andy just sings it so much better that i couldn’t tell it was one of the old songs. (singing was my only complaint about them before) anyway, there was hardly anyone at the show :-/. after hollowpoint was some band from fredonia that weren’t very good, so we left. came back to my house, watched tv for a few hours. nate left like 15 min ago.

so tomorrow, do nothing til work at 4. if there aren’t any parties tomorrow, i’m predicting i get sent home around 7. ug. nate has a date with his mom to buy toiletries at sams club for niger hehe. i gotta figure out a way to mail nate krispy kreme donuts in africa. i’m thinking tupperwear. at least try it once LOL.

during SNL tonight they kept weather warning the bottom of the screen…apparently we could get 6 inches of snow tomorrow. that’d be nice. i like snow 🙂

into rain mostly – so still no snow. if we’re still to get 6 inches today, it best start blizzarding real soon.

on the way home i stopped at mcds cuz i wanted a pumpkin milkshake. but they didn’t have them of course. talked to cheryl a bit, no one else there was from when i was employed. she knows 2 hard rock girls, cuz shes involved in the dance team with them.

so next weeks schedule is: mon, tues, sat night, thurs day. called nate to let him know…his date with his mom is tomorrow night now, he was going to hang with andy tonight. i guess we might do something tomorrow afternoon, but dunno. mgrs said at work that even saturday night they cut everyone way early, so it’s not a big deal i’m working so many nights again this week. oh shit sat was supposed to be the date with eric and tiff…ug. maybe i can work out a switch with someone…i should call kristen and find out, and also figure out a day we can all go out before nate leaves.

which reminds me. i really seriously thought everyone at hrc knew nate was going in the peace corps. then i’d mention something about it, and no one would know what i was talking about. so then i thought i had pretty much explained it to everyone, but then again today 2 more people, people nate used to talk to alot, didn’t know. and of course they have to go an ask me what’s gonna happen with us while he’s gone, to which i reply “i don’t know”. eric the bartender said that all the people in niger have those big lip disks and stretched necks so i don’t have to worry about nate cheating on me LOL.

and oh yeah, is being told you could be a porn star an insult or flattery?

there was another party at work today, so once again i got out “late”…nate was hoping i’d get out early enough to go shopping but i didn’t get to his house until 9. goofed off there for a while, and then went looking for a bar that had fun specialty drinks. well those bars don’t exist around us, so we ended up at applebeas. and had boring beer lol. we were going to play pool but i didn’t want to go to slick willies and possibly run into someone who thinks i’m their friend, when i’m not. it was too far of a backtrack to go to qtips. so anyway, went back to my house after that and watched a bunch of tv and yeah. exciting isn’t it.

going shopping during the afternoon tomorrow. nate has to get christmas gifts, and stuff for niger. then sabres game that night. hollowpoint is playing at showplace on saturday night, so i think we might go do that. i have to find out how much it costs though. can’t be more than 5$ i figure, it’s at showplace for gods sake…and we’re over 21 now so we don’t have to pay the stupid extra 2$. too bad the show isn’t next saturday, cuz that’d give us something to do with eric and tiff.

i’m semi convinced that there will never be a good picture of me and nate together…my mom took about 15 of us today…yeah, they’re not good. first of all the prints look like crap. they’re so bright and washed out, they’re awful. but i scanned the negatives and made them look just fine – so i’m going to go back to cvs tomorrow and ask for reprints for free. but then besides that, the pics aren’t that great either. nate looks funny in them..his face looks weird, it looks like he’s sick or something. and then there’s me, and i rarely like any picture that i’m in…there is one that adr took when danielle was home that after i fixed the brightness, is really cute. so if i can get that one reprinted decently, it’s going to niger with nate.

right so mom decided to be nice and get the film developed for me while we were out shopping and stuff. i appreciate it, cuz she paid for it, but she also saw the picture i took of nate laying on the bed in the hotel sunday with no clothes on… LOL ok he’s got clothes on, but not much clothes. she’s like “i dunno about that beefcake picture of nate” and i was like “huh?!?!” then i was like OH FUCK hahaha. oh well.

so tomorrow afternoon out with nate again. not sure why though. NOT QUESTIONING IT. i called him to cancel our morning plans since we don’t have to go where we were supposed to have to go anymore, and he was like, still want to go out in the afternoon? so yeah…then my parents are taking us to dinner at night, before the hollowpoint show (it is 5$, i was right). japanese again, but a different place. it better be the same kind of food tho or i won’t be eating anything all night :P.

i’ll post some of the pictures later after the sabres game. adr will be here any minute. i figure the game tonight has to be semi decent, since buffalo is the worst in the league, and toronto isn’t much better haha. one of the teams has to win (or tie, whatever), so i’m hoping it’s at least entertaining…the tix cost alot 😛

actually had a party at work today, so i didn’t leave til around 9. went to nate’s house to figure out what to do. we went to see the Jackass movie… holy shit it was brutally hilarious. so fucked up. it was fantastic. hehe. i recommend it if you liked the show. funny shit… and gah, johnny knoxville has the nicest hip groovies *drool* anyway, after the movie, came back and chilled here for an hour and i took him home. exciting times. i’m so tired. i thought i was going to die earlier. seriously. i almost passed out during preshift meeting at work, then was having major heart/chest pains. felt like crap pretty much the entire night til i left work. i’d feel better, then crap again, then i was just super tired. i feel ok now, the laughing made me feel better i guess. haha

unhappy. had 2 dreams about nate which have made me very…blah…so far today. i’d really like to see him later, but i don’t think that’ll happen unless i beg. which i’m on the verge of doing. i think i’m going to call him and tell him i’m very unhappy and would like to see him later after work…make him feel bad enough to hang out with me later. that sounds so bad…as if i have to make him hang out with me. ug.

didn’t have to beg him. just had to ask. no clue what to do tonight tho…i need to call adr about the game tomorrow.

i have such bad pillow marks on my face, that 2 hours after i got up, they’re still there.

carolyn told me about this a while ago, and i just read it again. not sure how true it is, but i’m going to look into it. apparently i could easily become a german citizen, and therefore get a german passport. i guess the way it goes, is german citizenship is more based on background then birthplace. like, if you have french parents but were born in germany, that doesn’t make you german. you’re just a frenchman born in germany. so therefore since i have my german dad, but i was born in america, i’m still german…weird, eh? so i think i’m going to look into that, because 1. having a german passport and saying i’m a german citizen would be way friggen cool, and 2. using a german passport would be easier to travel with given the whole, the-entire-world-hates-america thing. and hopefully i could get a better passport picture than the one i have on my US passport now. worst.picture.of.me.ever. lol

well looking into it online, it appears unlikely that i could do this…but hey it was a cool idea.

random piece of info for today: david fincher (fight club, seven, panic room…) directed michael jackson’s “who is it” video…. WHO KNEW!?!?! i’m impressed lol.

i got to work a whole whopping 3 hours today! yaayyyy… got sent home at 1:30. the retail girl was jealous i’m scheduled for 4 days this week, and i was like haha riiight, 4 days. the amt of hours i get in those 4 days equals about 2, if that :P. they usually keep me until 8 when i work at night, but i’m doubting they’ll even keep me that long this week. whatever.

i hate talking to nate on the phone more than anything else in the world lol. he told me to call when i had my schedule, so i called after i got home and ate etc. i hate using the phone, and i know he doesn’t like talking on the phone either, so i hate calling him cuz i feel like i’m bothering him all the time. he’s always real quick to get off the phone, as if he’s annoyed, when i know he just hates the phone as much as i do. and since we don’t talk on the phone, he assumes i’m always calling to see if he wants to go out, so he always has some kind of excuse ready… i don’t mean it like that, but like i called him today and he asked what my schedule was, and then he was like, well i got chores and stuff to do here cuz i got a late start on the day blahblahblah as if i wanted to hang out right this moment. which i didn’t, i called cuz he told me to. it just makes the whole experience of calling him weird hah. but anyway, he said he might call to do something tonight. not counting on that really, but we’ll see i guess. it’s funny, cuz i work the next 2 nights, but i’ll be out by the time nate’s done eating dinner, so it all works out haha. i was going to go get his going away gift today, but mom said to wait til next week when i can get a big discount LOL. apparently she’s got stuff she wants so she’s gonna leave me a list and money to go get it all for her while she’s gone. i desperately need some pictures of me and nate not at work, so i gotta have my mom act all stupid and silly and get her to take pics of us to use up the rest of my film. i can just blame all the pictures on my mom being silly, and not me wanting them 🙂 haha. mom is the scapegoat.

speaking of pictures… i wake up in the morning and mom always says to me “you better not let nate see you like that”…so we got the halloween pics developed, and she put the doubles in an envelope for me to give to nate…well the envelope is way heavier than it should be for only 2 pictures, so i’m like ok…i open it (cuz she sealed it) and inside are other pictures of just me on halloween, me looking stupid the night before trying the wig on, and me after i just woke up one morning WTF IS THAT?? lol…yeah i’d like him to have some pictures of me, but how about good pictures where i look cute?!?! lol needless to say, i took the “extra” pictures out of the envelope.

i gotta find out when my mom needs me to take her to the airport. i don’t think it’s this week, i think it’s next week. but my days are all screwed up and i don’t really know. eric scared the crap out of me cuz he’ll be home from RIT soon for thanksgiving break… i was like IT’S THANKSGIVING ALREADY? WTF! but no it’s not haha. i’m not sure when the parents are going to cali and when they’re getting back, so i’m all confused. and i guess they’re definitely not going to michigan for the babyshower over thanksgiving now…i’m totally craving thanksgiving dinner. i’ll probably have to work. i think i should request a few of those days off over thanksgiving time…don’t want to be spending my time at work, cuz it’s actually a super busy weekend, when nate leaves a few days later.

all i want to do is go back to sleep. i’m so tired for no reason blah. i’ve done nothing since i got out of bed at 11. no i take that back, i went to aldi for my mom haha. otherwise i’ve done nothing. i really want to design a new site, but have nothing to do…

so the girl i know that is pregnant. well she’s not anymore. she had a “miscarriage” the same day she found out she was pregnant…there are so many holes in her story i really don’t think she was ever pregnant to begin with. and i’m not alone in my suspicions. real life is not a soap opera, you don’t need to go around faking being pregnant to get attention, or the love of your boyfriend etc. if anyone needed to fake being pregnant to capture a boyfriend it’d be me 😛

i am so tired wtf.

fishy enlightened me to a conversation we had in august where i was being super hyper:
vacant enigma: so am i beeing too stalker like if i go into work to have lunch wednesday, so i can see nate?
hahah

the end of an era is upon us. i took down the last of my mj posters from behind my bedroom door. but i was listening to HIStory while i was doing it, and now i’m watching the history munich show…it bugs me. it’s great, but it bugs me. because the parts that he lipsyncs…you can tell that the musicians aren’t even playing the background music live, and the background singers aren’t really singing. i don’t know if this is only the way they broadcast it on tv, or if that’s how it really was when i was there. you don’t notice these things when you’re there. but 3 big black guys are not singing the background vocals of “stranger in moscow” lol. it’s really just like, they’re playing the album version over the live visuals…and it’s bugging me a bit. it’s so obvious that jennifer batten is not playing the guitar solo during “they don’t care about us”…and it bugs me. that is all. hehe.

i might have a new job. i think i have a new job, but i’m not 100% sure because they didn’t say “congrats you’re hired” or anything like that. it’s at the casino, but not dealing. it’s doing data entry crap on the casino floor to keep track of the money going in and out of the casino – what was the official job title?…um…i forget. but anyway. it’s not good pay, but better than i’m making now, with full benefits, full time hours, and opportunity to move up… i guess. i don’t really care at this point lol. the girl at work was going to call the pit boss to dig out my application so maybe i’ll get hired as a dealer anyway. but with this job i think i have, she said she’ll call in 10 days to 2 weeks when they get the computers in and start the training classes. 2 weeks of training, 3 hours a day. the actual job hours are swing shifts, 3 morning shifts that start as early as 10 am, 3 afternoon shifts that start at 5 or 6, and a grave yard shift that’s like 10 – 2 am. apparently the casino is still on schedule to open on new years eve, so if i do indeed have this job, that’ll interfere with new years in toronto plans. oh well.

anyway. got out of work at 8 today. soooo dead. had to converse with bitchy self centered girl again, and i got to listen to her tell me about how she modeled for all these famous designers in NYC…cuz i care. oh i forgot to mention yesterday, there is this old woman who comes in all the time. she’s got some weird foreign accent, she’s small, shrivled, leather skin from too much sun, all kinds of black eyeliner on…just very odd. i can’t really understand her when she talks, but whatever. she drives everyone crazy cuz she talks and talks to everyone and won’t shut up. i have been able to avoid her in the past, when it was busy etc, but now.. i just stand around so she comes and talks to me. yesterday she had me calling someone to pick her up, and then was telling me about how the man she was sitting with at the bar asked her to go to bed with him LOL so she was like, “i will not go to bed with you, i know i’m a very beautiful woman, but i’m not easy and not a ho.” ROFL i was laffing so hard. so then today she made me call this person to pick her up like 3 more times, and then the person called back to talk to her, and then she told me she was going to make these fried pumpkin things for me and if i liked them i could come to her house with a container to take a bunch home to my family and stuff. i’m like yeah. ok. haha. mgr kept asking me if i was being driven crazy yet. i’m like YES hahah.

anyway. massive headache cuz i had to clean at work, with chemicals with bad fumes. blah. tomorrow i have off, dunno what i’m gonna do with myself all day. but that’s ok. i’m working on a proposition to design a site for our hard rock, one that i’d get paid to do. maybe i’ll make a formal proposal for that or something. draw up some prototypes of my ideas for the site…and figure out what i’m taking to indiana. i hate all my clothes. i keep having dreams about going to buy nice clothes to wear for nate LOL.

do you think it’s weird that i’ve been hit on/propositioned by 2 girls in my life, and they’ve had the same name? i’m not sure i mentioned that the one server at work wanted to have sex with me on halloween. like, she propositioned me. seriously. which is more than the first girl who hit on me did…she just talked about doing sexual stuff to me to other people…then today, the server was like, you should totally grow your hair out and then get blond highlights, you’d be so hot blah blah blah. i’m like, um. thanks. she was one of the many people who told me i’d make a great hippy…all these people on halloween told me that i totally fit the hippy image. nate thought so to. i don’t know why, because i don’t consider myself to be anywhere close to the hippy mentality, or the whole stoner/hippy look…but whatever.

almost every day of my life i’m reminded about how deciding not to go to grad school was the best decision of my life. seriously. i could not have survived being a clinician. i’d have ended up killing myself 😛

anyway. i work at 4. i didn’t get out of bed til almost 1 cuz i had nothing to do. so i just read a bit, and layed around. *lazy*. i’m betting i only stay at work for 4 hours. hopefully i can stay that long 😛 i went from having 4 days, to thinking i was having 5, then back to 4 and if they only keep me for 3 hrs…i’ll be pissed. i have less hours this week than i did last week and i only had 3 days last week.

damn i’m good. stayed 4 hours and 15 minutes at work tonight. and yeah, mgr is brilliant. i work monday night, tuesday night, thursday day, and saturday night…um yeah. saturday?! indiana folks, no work! so i gotta talk to her tomorrow when i go in and tell her i won’t be here. i guess she didn’t get my note, so i have to let her know i can’t work monday incase she schedules me next week wrong too. there is no one to take my shift on saturday, because everyone either requested off or is working. so it’s their tough shit, i’m so not showing up and they can fire me. no loss, i barely get any hours anyway. they don’t need 2 closers on saturday with a swing shift person too. whatever, not my problem.

well last night was good, even if it was really cold and we parked far away LOL. the party was down off of elmwood at his friend jay gordon’s house hehe. we were looking for parking and ended up on this side street that had the greatest view ever of the psych center all lit up. i was like hooooly shit that is one hell of a scary beautiful creepy building. i have to go back down there and take some pictures from that street. so creepy. anyway. the party. it was good, it got pretty packed, of course didn’t know most of them (neither did nate). i got to meet the singer of Lucid, who we saw open for econoline crush last november. got to hear an interesting story about the ride back from DC in the van (nate drove seperately). the funniest part of the story was that jay gordon was so embarassed telling it since he was telling it to me too haha. the party broke up all of a sudden to go to the bars, and nate wasn’t interested so we came back here for a while. fell asleep on the futon again. he’s so twitchy when he’s falling asleep. i’ve never noticed anyone being that twitchy before, but then again, i never really cuddled with danielle or carolyn to know how twitchy they are lol. anyway. he left around 2:30 again, and he was leaving for NJ this morning.

i was supposed to work, but mgr just called me off for the day. i’m a bit irritated. only because i was so tired when my alarm went off at 9:30, since i went to bed at 3. i wasn’t in pain from my bed this morning!!! exciting stuff. i don’t know what to do with myself all day now. adr might be back from erie, so i’ll prolly call her if i have the right phone number.