Category Archives: Personal

tired. what’s new lol.

nate and his friend came and picked me up around 8 last night, and we went back out to hard rock. got some beer and nachos, everyone got to see nate in his kilt and blah blah blah. didn’t stay for the band though, because nate’s friend had to go home. so went back to the island to drop him off, then to nate’s house so he could change his shirt. the mesh shirt wasn’t treating his nipples too kindly LOL. he ended up changing into all normal clothes, so from there we headed back to my house so i could change. then we went to wild wings for some more beer. it was packed there, they had a band and stuff too. saw some high school people there, blah. they didn’t talk to me and i didn’t talk to them haha. went back to my house, watched tv in the basement, fell asleep during rocky horrow picture show for like 2 hours. haha. it’s such a bad movie. woke nate up at like 2:30 ish, and he headed home.

dunno what’s going on today. my bed should be here some time soon. we might go see the jackass movie. at first i was like, no way am i gonna spend money on that. but i have to give in, i have to see it. the show was just too great. everyone said the movie is hysterical. johnny knoxville…hip groovies…i don’t care that all his stunts have now made him crosseyed, he has hip groovies galore. 🙂

 

IT’S SNOWING!!!!!!!!!!

it’s so great how much my parents love nate. it’s gonna suck if they hate my next boyfriend again. everytime nate comes over, my mom comments the next day about how cute he is. and i guess last night my dad even commented LOL. then my mom is folding laundry and tells me i better not let nate see my “big” underwear (aka the little girl ones) lol. i asked her today if nate’s allowed in my bedroom and she said yes. haha this is super. neither one of my parents have said anything about us going to indiana together.

gotta put my new bed stuff together.

 

grr have to get into costume again. nate and i were going to go to the movies but now we’re going to a halloween party. i don’t really feel like going cuz i don’t want to get dressed up again. oh well. too bad i don’t have long hair, then i wouldn’t have to wear the dumb wig. that’s the main issue, i don’t want to wear the wig. bah. i’m really tired for some reason, even tho i took an hour nap before going to dinner with my parents. i think i’m gonna go lay down again since nate won’t be here til 9 probably.

happy halloween!!!

work was fun. everyone was in costume. the sales mgr was foxy cleopatra…she’s white. she bought black makeup, looked like a black person lol. other mgr was Disco Stu haha. night mgr was an 80s hair band guy, permed blond hair, leopard jacket, black leather pants, cbgb’s shirt. it rocked. i totally should have won the employee contest (100$), that’s what everyone was saying all day, but then stupid self-centered bitch chick comes in and tells everyone how she sewed her own costume, so she won. IT WASNT EVEN GOOD. she was a mummy. she didn’t even look like a mummy. she looked like she was wearing a white dress that was bunched up in places. but whatever. my stupid wig gave me such a headache.

so, now i get to sit around and wait for nate to get home from dunkirk. i’m gonna assume it’ll be around 10 or 10:30 although he claimed he’d probably be home before 10. we’ll probably end up at hard rock for the party, cuz i don’t feel like going around to anywhere else and paying a wicked high cover charge. alot of work people will be there too, so it would be fun. we’ll see i guess.

i think i’m gonna go lay down for a while.

*update* it’s 6:05 and nate is home. shock haha. and yeah, we’re gonna end up at hard rock.

halloween has got to be the most fun holiday for kids. who doesn’t enjoy getting dressed up in a costume and going around to houses for candy?!?

morning. not too much to say. i’m freezing. i got a bunch of stuff to do today now.

nakita called last night to see if i would work for her today, so i am, 4 – close. ended up talking to her for like, a half hour about this girl at work (who was the basis for the self centered post below, for those who were wondering) and how…self-centered she is basically lol. nate called around 10:30 from dunkirk. he sounded so exhausted. i gotta run to the mall real quick to pick up the porn star sunglasses from hot topic for his halloween costume – scottish porn star. i think they were like 10 bucks or something, so i gotta go to the bank since i have like 3 dollars. then i gotta do a bunch of crap with my room like clean and stuff, for the bed switch. my mom wants me to take all the stuff out of my toybox and put it in the basement for now since we have no storage boxes for it. yeah that’s so not gonna happen. there is so much shit in there (all my mj stuff) i’m not taking it in armfuls down to the basement. need a better idea here. oh well.

so i better go take a shower before the heat turns off, and run to the mall so i can do the rest of this shit before i have to leave for work at 3:30.

 

ok you know what. i don’t understand why my blog seems to be the only one that ever creates controversy. it’s like i can’t win. with the shit that went on in geneseo in january, that was obvious. that was my bad judgement, and it’s over and done with. so because of that i change things, i don’t mention names as much anymore. but that just leads to everyone fucking thinking what i say is about them. and no Mary this isn’t in direct response to you. this is in response to a whole summer of people asking me if certain posts were about them. it’s about Kurt asking me if i was mad at him for changing plans with me when i posted about how much i was irritated by things like that. when it had nothing to do with him. it’s about Carolyn asking me if certain posts were directed towards her.

so i’ll say all of this again. my blog is for me. it contains things that sometimes only mean anything to me. if you don’t like what i have to say then don’t read it. if there is something you want clarification or details on, just fucking ask me. i turned over a new leaf this summer, the whole “not my problem” stance, and it couldn’t be anymore true. I DONT REALLY CARE! i don’t talk about YOU because i don’t CARE. it’s not MY problem. it’s not MY problem until someone makes it MY problem. and i’m going to name names now…1. i don’t care about carolyn and kurt’s relationship because it’s not my problem. 2. i don’t care about the eric/mary/joe shit from june because it’s not my problem. 3. i didn’t care about danielle and nick’s relationship at the end of may, because it wasn’t my problem. etc etc etc. my feelings about things are known to the people involved, and that is where my involvement ends. and yes that is being EXTREMELY self-centered (as i admitted i was being in my self-centered post below), but i got tired of making myself SICK over everyone else. i was tired of crying over everyone else’s decisions. i have my own shit to deal with. my involvement begins when someone asks me to get involved. my involvement is being a good friend to people when they need it. and that’s it.

so i guess leave with this: it’s not about you. it’s all about me. me me me me me me me!

maybe i should re-think this whole blog thing. i can’t seem to stay out of trouble no matter what i do. and see i’m crying over this shit again. this is exactly what i DO NOT need.

 

i really wish nate was home. i need someone to yell to, and then cry on. today just hasn’t been all that great. and i feel like i’m going to die. hungry, but sick so i can’t eat, and now i gotta go to work. at least work will improve my mood, but i don’t think it’s going to make me physically feel any better. i wish i’d hurry up and die from the brain aneurism so then it wouldn’t hurt anymore. stupid neurologist telling me nothing is wrong. i wish i could give him my pain, then maybe he’d give me drugs that worked.

 

working for 3 hours is a waste of my time. seriously. 21$ before taxes, that’s 1 tank of gas. 6 hours over 2 days…but everyone keeps telling me how this is a good thing, because this time last year they wouldn’t have even had a host on the schedule. this gives me time to carve my pumpkin tonight, and find the rest of my costume.

my bed is now gone. my room looks weird haha. someone i know is pregnant. and i’m freezing. that is all.

worked for about 4 hours, then got sent home. it was real slow. we were only seating the back room cuz the main floor smelled like paint, and it never filled up. that’s how slow it was. i forgot to take my meds today so i have a wicked headache i’m trying to get rid of now.

my halloween costume has turned into being Janis Joplin…i only agreed cuz that means i could carry around a bottle of jack daniels haha. but mom bought me a wig, missy brought over a leather fringed vest, we have brown leather boots…just need some kind of skirt and then beads. oh got the wire rimmed glasses too. no one will know who i am, but it’s ok haha.

there is a radio show on right now about teenage depression. so of course, my mom suddenly thinks i have depression because i fit into all the symptoms they were describing. well, you’re about 8 years too late on that one mom. i’ve been happier the past year than i have been since i was a kid. wait til december, we’ll see what happens 😛 jk. seriously tho, it’s been a year since i saw u2 in hamilton, which was like, the turning point for my mood – with exception of january/february of this year, with all the geneseo shit. other than that, i’ve been pretty damn upbeat 😛

i’m getting involved in another web project with the 2 girls i worked with on the mps. since the mps is dying in january, we decided to do something else together. we got big dreams for this one, hehe.

oh yeah, it’s supposed to snow tonight.

 

1. parents are going away again. sometime mid november, to california. and i think they’re going away for thanksgiving too, for my cousin’s baby shower. but i’m not positive on that one. that would be the weekend right before nate leaves.
2. new bed by friday. taking my bed apart tomorrow, making room for my new frame etc. i guess my parents’ new mattresses come on friday.
3. i’m trying out a new hairspray – same brand, but less powerful. since my hair is too long to spike anymore anyway, i figure i should try something that claims to be more flexible.
4. mega friggen headache, not helped by playing “noah’s ark” for the past 5 hours and finally getting to 5 million points, where my rank is actually Noah…the next rank was at 999999999 and i was not about to play til that. but i figure you get to be god at that score LOL. for those of you who don’t know the game, popcap.com. it’s so dumb, but addicting.

 

my deep thoughts for today: people are so self centered. me included. but sometimes it really amazes me just how self centered some people are. it’s usually not something i think about, but today…something just opened my eyes, and it’s like wow you really think the world revolves around you. but i’m doing the same thing right now haha. we all suck.

i’m wondering if there is anyone with MTV who hasn’t seen the christina agulera special, considering that every time i turn the channel on, that show is on. i missed bono’s africa special, and has that been rerun? not that i’ve seen. but christina gets played every day.

i have a massive headache which is cutting into my mall plans. i dunno if i can handle it or not, so i’m gonna wait a bit for the drugs to hopefully kick in.

talked to danielle on the phone last night for an hour. that’s gonna be one massive phone bill – but at least it was a sunday night, aren’t rates supposed to be cheaper then? she keeps saying there is nothing to do out there, so we’re trying to think of things. we might go to indianpolis on saturday, but she found out Shannon Hoon from blind melon is buryed not too far from her, so we’re going to go find his grave LOL like we’re even blind melon fans, it’s just something to do. and she’s going to try to find axl rose’s house so we can do that too.

 

and i hate girls. we’re such bitches. some more than others. like…something that’s gone on for a few months now, i just don’t get how someone can do what this person is doing. it really pisses me off. i totally couldn’t do that to someone else. obviously, i can’t really talk about this in anymore words haha. so i’ll just leave it at that. girls are bitches. i hate them.

 

why i love frisbees
see: 1$ u2 “last night on earth” single
see also: 1$ u2 “discotheque” single
see also: free u2 best of album flat

haha. so yeah, went to the mall and frisbees. got new shoes for 10 bucks, they’re ugly, but better than those horrible 70s retro shoes that everyone has. almost bought 2 more jackets LOL. well really only 1…red fur LOL it was so rad, but then realistically i’d never wear it, so i didn’t buy it. then leather limited has the red leather coat i want, 119$…guess had a really nice one too for 199$…everyone has the exact coat i want, just not in red, and it annoys me. no halloween stuff either. there was no halloween store at the galleria, so i could only look at costumes at spencers and they were picked over. i found cat stuff, but it doesn’t come with the outfit, just the ears and tail…and i’d have nothing to wear them with (of course nate wouldn’t mind :P). well, i lie. hot topic had a black vinyl cat suit but… not really diggin that LOL. the other things they had were too much money for me to spend to wear for like 2 hours. like, red leather skirt and stuff…can’t afford it.

update on the bed thing: i guess we’re gonna take my bed apart now, and i get to sleep in the spare room til the mattress switch goes down. whatever. i just want it to happen soon.

 

i’ve been in total depeche mode…mode LOL (god i amuse myself) so i watched half the dvd.. only half cuz i got bored in the middle. few things. anton corbijn should stick to taking pictures and not directing films/concerts. there was some wack ass camera work, that was just…dumb. and it seemed like the sound mix wasn’t right – the vocals were too loud, sometimes you couldn’t hear the background music. but maybe i’m just spoiled with how good the nin dvd was in capturing the actual experience – making it feel like you are there, even on my 13″ tv lol.

nate came over around 8 last night. hung out here for a while, watched half the sabres game *sucked*, talked to my parents who came home and invaded the family room with us haha. went to dennys, and took up joe’s midnight bowling invitation. it was us, joe, mary and some of joe’s friends. had a good time. someone (nate) learned how to bowl. i mean he really did suck when we went with mike and kristen, and last night it was like… where are these strikes coming from?!?! he beat me and joe every game. i had a 120, 61, 120, 107, 80something…lol. i think nate’s last game was a 147…lol. someone doesn’t suck anymore. i beat joe the first game, by alot hahahaha. first time ever. i won 50 cents when i picked up some kind of split, but forgot to get my money. nate won a couple bucks but forgot too.

so today i’m going to spend the day at nate’s house watching football haha. i told him, u have to hang out with me tomorrow even if that means i have to watch football. i’m still trying to get him to carve pumpkins with me, but dunno if that’s gonna happen anymore. sunday’s is their big even longer than normal dinner, and his grandpa is visiting, then he’s gotta go to bed early to leave on the work trip again so who knows if the pumpkin thing is gonna happen. we were trying to think of halloween costumes yesterday. i guess he decided on being a scots man and wearing his kilt LOL. i still don’t really have one – mom suggested my chinese prom dress, but i’m thinking that’s a little bit un-politically correct especially when most of our customers at work are asian LOL. ok when i reread that last sentence i totally thought it said chinese porn dress and i was like WHAT DID I TYPE! haha. anyway. so yeah. i’m probably going to end up wearing the morticia dress…maybe i can find my vampire teeth and fix them so that they fit (i could never make them the right way).

 

home again. spent the day on nate’s couch watching the bills game. watched him and his brother play catch during half time, and for a bit after the game. since i was there nate got out of changing the tire on the van, and doing chores haha. we went for a little walk, but it was freezing. i ended up eating dinner over there. it’s definitely different being in a big family. the whole passing of the food, and they say grace which made me feel so out of place but that’s ok. it’s just weird. even holidays in michigan isn’t the same as dinner was tonight, but of course that’s cuz my family is insane lol. nate’s family’s dinner was definitely the typical tv family dinner. and it did take a long time LOL. but anyway.

indiana is final and ready to go. here are the plans for the next few weeks. nate’s gone til thursday night this week, then doing something for halloween (and for some reason nate really wants me to be a cat…?). don’t know if i’ll see him friday or not, then saturday he’s leaving to go visit his grandma in NJ and aunt in Mass, coming home thursday so we can up and leave on friday for indiana. spend the weekend at danielle’s, leave sunday night, go halfway get a hotel, go the rest of the way home on monday. and then no more trips for nate, so i’ll actually get to see him for 2 weeks before he leaves. he keeps doing something that bugs me. he keeps talking about things we should do, that there is no way we’ll ever do. things that we don’t have time to do because he’s leaving for 2 years. he said something today about how we should have a bbq…he mentioned going to paris…and it’s like, i want to tell him just to stop saying things like that. it seems like everytime i see him he’s mentioning something that we should do, and it’s getting to me. blah. i dunno. whatever.

i work tuesday, thursday, saturday day, sunday night. mike and kristen are moving over the weekend, and i told them i’d help, but i don’t think they remember haha. tomorrow i think i’m gonna go shopping. maybe find a halloween costume for relatively cheap – spencers had some cool ones – and i need new shoes really badly. i know if i mention this to my mom, and she goes to the mall with me she’ll buy them. but i don’t know if that’s worth the hassle of going to the mall with my mom. she takes way too long, and is way too annoying. so we’ll see. maybe she just won’t be home when i get up hahah.

 

oh yeah. before i went to nate’s i stopped at kelly’s country store so i wouldn’t be too early, since it’s right by his house. it was childhood tradition to go to kelly’s every year to see santa, because they had the most amazing christmas display in the back of the store. like, i can’t even explain it (especially not from 14 year old memories), but it was always dazzling. it’s been years since i’ve been in there. i can’t remember when mom stopped taking me…i guess when i stopped believing in santa claus…but anyway…i walked in and couldn’t not grin. i probably looked like an idiot, but it’s exactly the same as the last time i was there. the whole big candy counter, and the rooms with gifts, the mug wall. the old projector machine thing…of course the xmas room isn’t open til after thanksgiving. but it was great. so i bought some chocolate suckers to take to nate’s house, couldn’t leave empty handed. hehe. nostalgia.

thank god i didn’t have to work a full shift today. it just seemed to go by soooooo slowly, and it was only 4 hours. it was slower than expected so mgr called off the swing shift, so there were only 2 of us at the door. mgr is making us open the doors for guests now. sorry, i’m not a door woman. and it’s fricken freezing outside, i don’t want to go anywhere near the door. so that’s gonna end real quickly once it starts getting even colder – today it’s actually like 50 out. i got my paystub, and it’s way more than i expected, which is nice.

doing something with nate after dinner. he didn’t get home til late last night and was exhausted – there’s a shock. turns out i don’t need to pick him up thursday, he’s gonna somehow work it out to take his car down for the week, and come home thursday night. probably won’t get home til 10 or after so we might be able to catch some kind of halloween thing. i am working on halloween day, so now i need to find a stupid costume :P.

i think the parents went out to buy me a mattress today. before i left they asked me if i had a soft/hard preference – like i know. i’ve had the same mattress for 22 years. and the school mattresses don’t count since they were sex broken crap. lol. so mom was going to pass judgement on the comfort level of the mattress. i was walking out the door, and was like I WANT A NEW BED! lol. i’m assuming i’m not getting one.

i wonder who won the T-NT game last night. like i care. hahaha

woopoprit: one of tiff’s friends in the math lab was like, “I went to family values, why was everyone booing orgy? They’re like Depeche Mode, only angrier!”

 

hahah

so now that blogger works…

i’m convicing my mom to buy me a whole new bed – queen size. using the rationale of i’m 22 years old, when i move out, i’m not going to want a twin bed, so we might as well buy me a whole new bed i can take with me, instead of just a new mattress. we went to these two wholesale cheap stuff places to look at mattresses. the one place had a twin mattress/box spring for 249$…the 2nd place had a queen size bed, box spring, and mattress set for 279$ lol. it’s a black iron bed frame, not high quality, but i don’t care. i want it. the guy sold me on it LOL but that’s cuz i’m such a sucker. then he was saying something about how guys like tall girls haha i’m like ok yeah i have a boyfriend. anyway, so we got measurements for full and queensize beds to see how it would fit in my room, and how much furniture we’d have to get rid of to make a new bed fit. but i want a new bed so bad now LOL. i guess she’s going to take my dad out to look at them or something. whatever. i want a new bed now, or well before dec 3rd haha.

speaking of dec 3rd, mom was talking to me about buying nate a going away gift and stuff, and i’m just like, yeah i don’t want to talk about that. it’s getting me all sad again today. somedays i’m ok with it, other days not as much. but i’m to the point where i honestly don’t think him leaving is going to be as big of a deal as i thought it was going to be. because when he’s been away for his job, or to dc, i’ve been fine. it’s knowing i can’t see him when he is still around that makes me all wacko. knowing it’s impossible to see him, it’s not so bad. mom’s idea for the gift was really good tho, so i might do that. and deoderant. gotta buy him the deoderant lol.

what else did i have to say while blogger was broken? i hate my body. yep.

 

i don’t know why getting me a new bed is such a big issue. my dad seems totally against it. he’s like, you don’t need a new bed. i guess he doesn’t realize i’m an adult, and that at some point i’m going to meet someone i’m going to marry, and need a double bed 😛 lol. my parents are “arguing” about it right now, i walked into it haha. i’m like *whisper* buy me a new bed. haha. my mom has no problem with it, dad seems offended…cuz he bought my bed for me when i was like 3. 20 years with the same mattress. they haven’t had their mattress 20 years and they want a new one. so wtf. i want a new bed.

anyway. adr came over tonight to watch the sabres game. no sign of nate, so he couldn’t even give me the “i’m tired” excuse lol. his brothers birthday is tomorrow and i’m workign 11-3 now, so i’ll have to call him when i get home i guess. i want to do something halloween-ish since we probably won’t end up doing anything on thursday – like the haunted catacombs, and carving pumpkins.

blah. still hate my screwed up body.

massive headache. post will be short.

did not want to get out of bed today. no reason really, just didn’t want to. i was uncomfortable, and in pain as usual, but i didn’t want to get up and go to work. but i did. of course. work was boring. a middle school field trip came in, it was sorta crazy. it was funny because at first we left the music on normal, and ACDC and Guns n Roses came on and i realized – these kids have no idea who they are. when i was in middle school gnr was popular, and now these kids prolly never heard of them before. lol. then we switched to pop music, and it was ricky martin, followed by bsb, then britney, jessica simpson and otown..it was…excruciating. haha.

i managed to get mgr to guarantee me halloween night off so i can pick up nate. she agreed since i actually have a legit excuse why i can’t work, not just cuz its halloween like everyone else. she might have to put me on during the day though, which i said was fine, but that means i need to find a costume. if all else fails, i have my MJ thriller jacket, i can wear with my black leather pants or something. at least it’s not my uniform and would sorta count as a costume lol

omg i’m going to puke and/or die.

i MIGHT have a job. key word: MIGHT. temp agency called this morning with a data entry position BUT…BUT…it’s only a few months long, not temp to permanent but i said fine. AND it’s already filled, but if one of the people doesn’t work out they’ll call me. probably by the end of today. starts monday, so it would be enough time for me to tell hard rock i can’t work next week. i might call them and tell them i can’t work on halloween anyway, cuz it’ll be easier that way incase i have to pick up nate. and then i wouldn’t have to find a costume to wear to work haha.

speaking of nate going to dunkirk he made a comment as he was leaving about sneaking me into his hotel room while he’s down there. i was like, don’t tempt me, cuz i was so totally drive down there tomorrow night since i have friday off lol.

my parents went to some of the buildings that were actually OPEN over the weekend (Grrrr) and they went to the budda palace in NF canada. they brought me back a free gift. this little transistor thing that plays a buddhist chant over and over. haha it’s so great.

i thought of another best guitar riff of all time: aerosmith’s “sweet emotions”…and as a reminder, the first best ever was ozzy’s “crazy train”

 

i dreamed about jurassic park last night. now i want to watch it, but don’t own it, and no one has the first one to download…