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*ego post*

so today was “let’s tell sara how great she is” day…

first off, tommy called a week or 2 ago and i didn’t answer or return the call cuz 1. i’m a jerk and 2. i really don’t have anything to talk to him about, nor am i interested in anything he may be doing – like golf. well he apparently went to the casino saturday right as i went to the hospital and everyone told him i left sick and he called. i felt guilty for not returning the first call, so i called him back sunday as i was going into work. he apparently was at his sisters wedding, and probably drunk, and didn’t seem all that concerned that i was having surgery but it’s hard to tell. anyway, he asked if i had gotten the sabres jersey and i said yes and thanked him for the 82084th time, and he goes “see i come through for you.”…um excuse me? was that ever something i accused you of not doing? was that one of the reasons we broke up? hardly. 1. it’s hard for someone to not come through for you when you don’t expect anything of them anyway. and 2. i haven’t asked anything of him, except to grab me a vintage sabres jersey if one happened to come through salvation army. whatever. he kept asking me to come to the holiday inn to have drinks with the wedding people or something. he said he’d call later in the week. then later that night he called again while i was working, leaving no message. please, don’t do me any favors. i really have nothing to talk to you about, and really no interest in hanging out or anything. so just don’t bother.

then as i was sort of expecting, david had been working up the courage to tell me how great and wonderful and smart and fun and great i am. which he did today. thanks. it’s nice to be told that you’re great.

then joe from high school and i played the most ridiculous game of phone tag ever. really it’s my fault because i lied and told him the mouthpiece of my phone was broken so i can’t call anyone, they won’t hear me. and he can’t text out right now apparently. so he would call and leave a message, i’d listen to it, and txt him back. like 5 times. FINALLY he was able to get to my myspace and write to me on there. and apparently he has always found me intrieguing and always wanted to get to know me better. so i guess it wasn’t just my fault i was always too intimidated to talk to him in high school, i apparently intimidated him as well. which i find hilarious. i know i have a mean look that i use at concerts and in subways and airports, but i think of myself as the least intimidating person ever – since i’m pretty much scared of everyone.

i hate to break it to any of these people that once you get to know me, i’m really not as fascinating and great as they apparently think i am right now. i’m boring. aside from a few trespassing outtings here and there, and going on tour with NIN, i don’t do anything, i’m a dork, and i run out of stories to make myself seem interesting very quickly. lol. i don’t even have grandparents to make christmas an experience anymore hahaha.

and it’s really too bad that i hate men and relationships. i really don’t want any of this to end up in me having to turn someone down. i have a problem saying no. but i’m really tired of doing things that i don’t want to do. really, i just need to tell people i’m a lesbian, so everyone would leave me alone. i’ve never had a girl hit on me before so i think i’d be safe lol.

anyway. just needed to be all egotistical and tell everyone how great i am. 😛

Posted in: Personal

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hahaha buzz ballads, a collection of the best alternative music power ballads….hahahahahahahhahahah. bush, staind, hole, 3rd eye blind, goo goo dolls, tonic…hahahahahahah musicspace.com hahah holy crap it’s so the soundtrack of high school and college

i decided to finally listen to the nin rochester bootleg. i don’t know why i waited, given it was THE most personal show of the tour, but i did. and holy shit it is a GREAT recording. it almost sounds soundboard or ALD (tho ALDs usually sound a bit strange). the vocals are the clearest of any bootleg i’ve gotten, and the levels of the instruments, bass especially, aren’t totally out of whack. little to no crowd noise, no one talking in the background. it’s fantastic. piggy was coming on as i pulled into the garage, so we’ll leave that very special version of piggy for tomorrow 🙂

the guy with the cleveland bootleg that we listened to in the parking lot after the show never emailed me, and it hasn’t appeared anywhere. boo. he said he was recording my bday show as well. oh well.

phill and i are considering going in on sabres season tickets. the cheapest ones left are 21$ a game, for like $800something/seat total. we’re trying to figure out the resale value of the tickets, and when we’d break even – since neither one of us would be able to go to even half of the games, we’d be selling the rest. it wouldn’t be too bad, we’d definitely get our money back and then some – especially if we ended up scalping playoff tickets. but i dunno. the immediate outlay of money scares me.

Posted in: Personal

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too many visits to the emergency room. had a gall bladder attack at work that i just couldn’t work through so i asked to go home. it was really really bad, and the emts wouldn’t let me go home they made me go to the hospital. grrrrrrr. all i have to do is wait til it goes away then i’m fine. instead i spent 3 hrs at the ER just to tell them that i know whats wrong, and it’s being removed on wednesday. so of course then it’s quarter to 3 and my car is still in the employee parking lot. so i called everyone i knew locally cuz my parents are in the finger lakes, and everyone was either sleeping like normal people, or still at work. i got a cab to take me to my car, where i thankfully had left my bank card, then to an atm to get money to pay the guy then back to my car. aggravating. stupid EMTs. and they gave me the biggest IV needle ever, like wtf.

i definitely can’t wait til wednesday though. no more of this.

Posted in: Personal

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holy mother of god there is asbestos in crayons. and not just those shitty super waxy rose art crayons, but crayolas. according to the book, yellow, carnation pink and orchid were loaded with tremolite asbestos (more harmful than the more common type of asbestos found in building products). only crayons tested that were made in the US contained asbestos. crayons made in malaysia, china, indonesia, and mexico didn’t. 80% of the crayons tested by crayola, prang and roseart contained asbestos. (it’s the talc that goes into the crayons that can be contaminated with asbestos)

screw love canal and bloody run, the sludge at carbosil, being exposed to asbestos at geneseo, and all the other toxic crap i live around. i’m going to die because i enjoy the smell of crayons. i’m going to get lung cancer because angela and i used to sharpen our crayons and keep the shavings in a pencil box that we’d then play with. crayola who i love to death is gonna BE my death. gah!!!

asbestos is unescapable. it seriously is everywhere.

Posted in: Personal

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so high school joe called tonight. that was a huge surprise. i wasn’t able to answer cuz i was already on the floor at work, and me being the way i am, i haven’t called back yet haha. he was all cheery on the phone and called himself joey…haha it’s just odd to me.

i don’t know how to wear makeup so that it doesn’t look like i’m wearing any. i’m speaking of foundation/powder, and not anything related to eyes….it always just looks like i’ve got tons of makeup caked on. and other ppl don’t look that way. and my face is always red so it looks like i’m red with a layer of chalky peachy makeup on. blah. i’m an inferior female.

8 min til i can leave work. sale at joanne this weekend, 1.99 patterns. so i’ll get really hard ones that i can’t do and mess around. and i had a dream about doing the homemade silk screening thing so i’ll get stuff for that too. lots of time on my hands shortly…

Posted in: Personal

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after my surgery screening today i met jerry out at “rearden”. didn’t get all that far, just the power building, before we saw movement and trucks. damn workers. hung out in there for 2 hours waiting to see if they’d leave but they didn’t. at one point we thought we heard a horse, and we thought “if they have mounted security we are so screwed” haha

i am so fucking bored. what on earth am i gonna do while on disability.

Posted in: Personal \ Tagged:

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The meme:
Go to this random quote generator.
Click “refresh” until you find five quotes that mean something to you, that speak to you or about you or simply resonate with you.
Post them.

Every decent man is ashamed of the government he lives under.
H. L. Mencken (1880 – 1956)

No one really listens to anyone else, and if you try it for a while you’ll see why.
Mignon McLaughlin

Until you make peace with who you are, you’ll never be content with what you have.
Doris Mortman

Never regret. If it’s good, it’s wonderful. If it’s bad, it’s experience.
Victoria Holt

Cats are smarter than dogs. You can’t get eight cats to pull a sled through snow.
Jeff Valdez

Posted in: Personal \ Tagged:

family values

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today was the family values show with kate at darien lake. we got there around 5 just as dir en grey was going on. from the photos i saw on some website about them, i was surprised that they looked like “normal” rockers, rather than glammed up multi colored hair rockers. they weren’t bad. it was just weird seeing japanese boys playing metal. haha. but i love little japanese boys. so cute. flyleaf followed. they’ve got a little chick singer. appearance wise she reminded me of avril lavigne, she sounded sorta like bjork with a metal scream. they weren’t bad, but she was too quiet and everything sorta sounded the same. the guitarist looked like a caveman. kate thought she was watching a geico commercial and i thought it was an snl unfrozen caveman lawyer sketch hahahah. stone sour was up next. i only had ever heard bother, and possibly another song, and they were pretty good. corey was sick but i couldn’t tell. deftones followed. they played “passenger” !!! !! i was like, is it, could it be?? YES! that made me happy. and they rocked of course. will definitely have to look into the new album. apparently their new single is called “buffalo” and it’s about chino and maynard james keenan being stuck in Buffalo haha.

then korn. they were good but it was sorta weird without head. they had another person drumming besides david, the guitarist with a mask on who replaced head, and then other people with animal masks on….to make head’s replacement not seem so odd maybe? not entirely sure. i don’t know any of the songs from the last 2 albums because well…i didn’t like them. they didn’t do that many of them tho so that was good. there were long breaks between songs while jon davis sucked oxygen from a mask. a few times it seemed like someone got off beat, and the songs would sound weird for a bit. it was good but…not as good as the other times i saw korn. they did “hollow life” acoustic from a small center stage, which was neat. david playing bongos, so hot. chino came on stage to do “wicked” which was awesome – except both his and jon’s mics stopped working at the end hahaha. and between some songs jon davis turned a fire hose on the crowd. i could have SO done with out that…#1 it was friggen cold out #2 i didn’t need red dye streaming down my face. and just, no reason or desire to be wet. oh and i got a guitar pick before the show even started, and i had to fight more for that fucking pick than i did for a tambourine. the pick landed next to me so i put my foot over it, and like 3 people piled on me to try to get my foot off of it. wtf retards.

the show ended up being a reunion of people from high school i never ever thought i’d see again. first, this guy grabs me, and it’s tex/jeremy who graduated early senior year to join the marines. wow. he saw me, not the other way around, so i was totally surprised that he would even remember me and want to talk to me. so it was neat to see him. he hasn’t changed. but he’s married! hahah. then after one of the sets i was looking at the seats behind us and joe, the original goth boy in highschool who shaved his eyebrows off and wore eyeliner to school, who i was in love with, was there. i think the last time i saw him was at a deftones show hahah. didn’t expect him to come talk to me either but he did, then came into the pit and hung out with us for all of deftones. i have his number to hang out and go to shows now. gah i so used to love that kid hahahahha.

i’m 99% sure that mark, trent’s security head during the feb/march tour is now with korn. it looked like him from where i could see him on stage, but since he wasn’t walking around like he did during nin i didn’t get to talk to him and find out for sure. i’ll have to tell amira anyway.

Posted in: Concerts, Other bands \ Tagged: ,

dream

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remembered another part of the nin dvd dream…that one of the clips was of alex and me and adr2 were like, aww they included alex. and he was totally all “animal” from the muppets…going crazy, hair all over the place, standing up and drumming.

attempting to dye my hair red again. this time i’m going to attempt to sleep with a bag on my head, and not to get red dye everywhere. so far, red all over my hands, scalp and neck, but we’ll see how much stays on my hair…i’m gonna wake up and think i was stabbed or something haha.

it amuses me that every time i get in bed to read the asbestos book i start coughing haha

Posted in: Dreams \ Tagged: ,