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jackson song count last night: 1 “the love you save”. the band was louder than it had been, and lots of ppl last night made it hard to hear the music on the radio.

i feel like shit. i feel like i’m hungover without having had the pleasure of first being drunk. blah. i got a wicked headache at work last night and forgot to bring any excedrin with me. one of the sups had an excedrin quick tab that she let me have, but you need 2 for them to really work. i haven’t been able to shake the headache yet, and then today i woke up with a new head pain, like drilling in my temples…I HATE MY HEAD! mom got the name of my neighbors neurologist who actually schedules MRIs and stuff, so i’m going to go see her sometime soon. cuz i’m dying. one of the women at work told me about how her daughter was complaining about having headaches every day, and they kept telling her it was depression and stress. then her brain exploded (er felt like it did) and it turns out she had a blood clot. all i want is a damn MRI so if it turns out negative i can at least feel better knowing that my brain doesnt have a giant inoperable infiltrating tumor inside. thanks.

so anyway…work was fine. it was busy, but not for me. i was the breaker so i wandered around with no responsibility sending people on break. it made the time go alot faster than sitting in a pit with nothing to do. i had an hour to do nothing before i could start the 40 min breaks so i hung out in one pit and talked to michael and 2 sups. apparently me and michael are going to have to fight for a supervisor position once they start firing the stupid people LOL. so then me and him were talking about how at least one of us should have been hired up front to be a sup. not fair. i keep forgetting to mention that gay nate has been at the casino 2 nights in a row. i haven’t really talked to him since i went to the continental with him in june. he was so drunk last night haha. but it was nice to see what he’s been up to. i assume he’s not still dating the girl in toronto that he had met at a rave and had the whole “love at first sight” thing, and he knows nothing about my nate, i’ll have to ask him if he shows up tonight.

i work at 6 today, i thought i worked at 8. my bad. so by the time i shower and everything and leave for work, i’ll have spent a whole 4 hours at home lol. these shifts, and having 6 days in a row, make me feel like i live at the casino.

things to do in the next few days:
– find out if darleen is working at barnes and nobles so i can get my book and nate’s gifts (still)
– find out grad school reference letter stuff
– start writing grad school essays – get help from education majors haha
– actually put stuff in my file cabinet instead of on my floor
– find the key to said file cabinet
– go to wardrobe people at work to get a bigger uniform
– write my headache history

dude i keep dreaming about college…had a dream about going to another psych conference last night. a few nights ago dreamed about my professors…

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there is this weird security guard at work who apparently thinks i’m his friend. i don’t know his name but he knows mine, from one interaction where he handed me a piece of paper on thursday night. now everytime he sees me he boisterously says hi to me, by name. last night in the cafeteria he did, then he had to give me something in the pit last night and decided to ask me how old i was and tell me how good of an experience this is for me, seeing all these different kinds of people at such a young age. why do i only attract weirdos?

my computer is making very weird annoying noises.

jackson song count from last night: 2 that i could hear. “don’t stop til you get enough” and “shake your body down to the ground”. i swear they don’t play anything past 1980. well, unless “everybody’s kung fu fighting” is past 1980…haha. yay for the kung fu hamster. they have hamster keychains now, but of course, no kung fu.

the gourmet cafeteria had prime rib and lobster tails last night. i ate rice. that was gross.

i think i work at 8 tonight. i have some 6-2 shifts next week so that’ll be nice. for some reason my check wasn’t direct deposited this week, even tho it was last week, so now i have to go to the bank. blah.

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hi.

work was more active yesterday. well not in the customer department, but me…i had to run 2 pits yesterday, so it gave me stuff to do the whole night. there weren’t large hour long chunks of time where i didn’t do anything. i pretty much had rating cards to enter all night. so that was good. but then at 2am when the replacements came in they took both my pits so then i had nothing to do but wander around and go see if i could sneak some more food haha. we have a gourmet cafeteria. last night they had clams…lol. so i ate a baked potato, bread, cereal, an apple, and ice cream lol.

i think all work plays over the speaker system is the saturday night fever soundtrack, with a few abba tunes, a few random other 70s tunes and a bunch of obscure jackson 5 songs. the jackson 5 song list is now up to…5 songs i think. new years day they played “never can say good bye”, “ben”?!?!?!, and “sugar daddy”…last night they played “mama’s pearl” and “dancing machine”. we’ll see what tonight brings lol. i barely recognized mama’s pearl…i haven’t heard it in ages.

stupid nate postcard made me dream really nice nate dreams. blah.

and oh yeah. congrats to leah and bill who finally got officially engaged!!

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i got a postcard from nate. and it didn’t take no damn 3 months to get here. so that’s fantastic news lol. seems it took about 2 weeks. i guess i don’t have to plan ahead as much anymore with the stuff i need to send him lol. of course once he’s out in a remote desert villiage, it probably will take longer. what to do, what to do.

anyway. ty didn’t end up coming for dinner cuz he was still in canada. so i went out to lunch with him today, then the mall quickly before taking him back to the airport. work was the same, except with way less customers. it was really dead…dunno what that means. i dunno what crowds are like during weekdays normally, but i thought it was a bad sign for it to be the 2nd day and have no crowd…i guess we had gotten some bad news reports about people waiting so long to get paid and stuff, but what does anyone expect. they put the casino together in a month and a half, and opening night on new years, there’s bound to be some kinks. but whatever.

7-3am tonight. yippie fun wow. nothing else to say.

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i’m trying not to be negative today, trying to start out the new year on a good foot, but i’ve been awake a total of about 8 minutes and it’s already been shot to hell. yesterday was horrible in terms of it being a bad mood crying day. all the year in review crap made me feel like shit. went to dinner with my parents, had to keep from crying the whole time. work was a pleasant distraction. even at midnight i didn’t think too much and get upset. a few twinges of sadness, but not enough to cry in front of 1000s of strangers.

maybe i’m not dealing with things as good as i like to think i am.

work was fine. waited in line for the coat check for 45 minutes lol. a few confusions and the pit manager getting snippy with me once, but otherwise it was fine. we had a much better time than the slot attendants appararently. lots of people didn’t have their gaming licenses yet so they were sent home. so that meant not all the pits were open, and for the slots, there weren’t enough people to get payouts done in a reasonable amount of time. rumor has it customers were waiting 3 hours to get payouts on machines. we didn’t have much to do. i was busy for like, a half hour, entering player ratings when my shift started. but once those were done i sat there and waited for someone to bring me something to do. and since 2 pits weren’t open, even tho we had to send some people home, we had extras so nakita was with me all night…even less for us to do haha. she kept trying to make a case for why i should date this one supervisor that was in our pit last night haha. it’s so funny walking places with her, cuz she’s this cute lil black girl and every single black guy we pass hits on her LOL.

so anyway. ty is supposed to come over for dinner tonight, and i guess he’s gonna go to work with me, but i haven’t heard from him yet. i really need to find bigger pants to wear with my uniform, because the ones i have made my stomach hurt so bad last night. had to suck it in all night 😛

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blogged last night, but blogger ate it. so here we go again.

eric, tiffany and amanda ended up coming over last night, adr came over after the sabres game. i feel bad for tiff, she must think we’re such losers. she’s at my house twice and both times we play games – first time, when parents were in cali, eric tiff nate and i played scattergories…this time, trivial pursuit. now i’m just going to quote amanda: “Evening highlights inculded Saras mom having to say part of “Who Let the Dogs Out” – woof woof woof woof woof. And Eric doing a really bad impression of Popeye which only I(amanda) got.” i won this time, in a sudden death round against eric because we were running out of time to go pick up ty.

ty’s flight was delayed til midnight, but i guess late at night they don’t change the tv screens cuz it still said on time 11:30…so we didn’t know if it really had landed or not, so we just sat there and waited. it was delayed, he got there, we took him to his hotel then adr and i went to dennys cuz we were starving. the airport went ok. i didn’t cry, i just felt like throwing up…stupid stuff like not being able to look at where we had been sitting…blahblahblah. definitely would have cried had i been alone. yay for the inability to cry in front of my friends.

so tonight is the big night. hopefully everything goes smoothly…hopefully i can stand 8 hours in my too small pants. i guess i’m going to dinner out with my parents before hand, but must be home by 7 to go to work. i tried sleeping in a whole lot to get used to the staying up so late, i got up at 1 when my dad came in my room to ask me about dinner. of course it wasn’t a good sleep, still the off and on…and a few times i was on the verge of shaking – my latest medical disorder…since nate left i have this new thing where i’ll wake up cuz i’m shaking…but i don’t know if i’m really shaking or it just feels like i am. it’s hard to explain. the first time it happened was the night after nate left. it’s happened a few times since then. last night a few times it just felt like if i didn’t wake myself up i would start shaking and wake up anyway. it’s a very strange feeling. i know, i’m nuts.

i had a wicked cool, but at one point scary, dream last night…somehow i was at some place where u2 was, under some big tent in someones back yard. actually, only bono was there, and lots of employees. i ended up applying for a job with them. for some reason, one of the other employees was coaching me on how to fill it out so that i’d get the job, and for some reason the fact that i know johnny from econoline crush was important, and i should write it on there. then i got to meet bono, cuz he was doing something under this tent. i had to tell him something about his shoes. then at one point he was leaning against something and he had taken his glasses off and he looked like psycho exbf. i was like wtf. he looks so awful he should never take his glasses off. then i was really confused because i had seen pictures in the past of bono without glasses on and he never looked like that. so i guess i was just halucinating.

 

icenine.org presents: sara’s year in review…by sara. (and i started doing this before i saw that amanda did haha)
january:…most of the time was christmas break at home working at mcds. returned to school and a very bad situation.
february:…bad situation got worse. academic probation. housemate moved out. things settled down.
march:…more school. break. met up with ty and heather in toronto.
april:…more school. earthquake.
may:…end of school. graduation. vegas.
june:…new orleans. got a new job at hard rock cafe.
july:…work. met nate.
august:…work. started dating nate. bowie. hedwig.
september:…work slows down. less hours. sept 11th 2002.
october:…parents on vacation. hockey. halloween.
november:…parents on vacation again. preparing for nate’s departure. indiana. quit my job.
december:…nate leaves. start new job. christmas in michigan.

things i learned in 2002:
1. be careful what you say.
2. real friends can overlook past mistakes.
3. what my friends do is not my problem. all i need to do is be there for them when things fall apart.
4. i am not completely dysfunctional.
5. there is no point in emotionally isolating yourself from other people in fear of getting hurt. you’re just cheating yourself of the opposite. and to live life you have to have both.
6. there is nothing, yet so much, to be scared of.

what happens now?
2003 looks to be the most mysterious year yet…the first year that isn’t completely scheduled for me already. every other year i just went to school. not much changes when you’re in school for 16 years. the entier year will depend on what i decide to do now…new job, new life…grad school? open my restaurant? where things stand with nate and i?
i feel like some things are slipping away…i guess i should just let them go. all this shit in my head. i guess we’ll just wait and see, right?

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grrr add another blog to the list of ones i can’t read because they now have a girlfriend which they are sooooooo inlove with and must talk about all the time. anyway…

ok how true is this? senior year in high school one of the popular girls got pregnant. she had the baby in the spring some time, so she got preg in the summer i guess. she claimed that she didn’t know she was pregnant because she continued to get her period. then there was this girl, a friend of julie’s was dating her, who was sorta chubby. she got pregnant, and claims she didn’t know because she never really showed, and continued to get her period. does that actually happen?!?! the 2nd girl was a bit of a manipulative bitch, so we both thought she just lied about it to “catch” the boy who wanted to break up with her…and the 1st girl could have just been trying to save her ass, since she was all popular and stuff. but if that really can happen, that’s really scary. for more than one reason. what if ur preg and don’t know, and go on a drinking binge or something. u’ll have a fetal alcohol syndrome baby…all cuz u didn’t know. weird stuff.

speaking of babies. my cousin is 8 months pregnant, and apparently her son only has one kidney 🙁

to do list for today:
– pay health insurance
– play game
– pick up ty.

oh wow just remembered i had another dream about psycho ex…that’s disturbing. i had one at my grandmas too, that was really scary. wtf. i’ve stopped dreaming of nate and now dream about him…ug. no wait. i had a sorta nate dream. dreamed that he called and my dad didn’t tell me because he thought i was sleeping at 10pm. he left a note for me which i found in the morning, and i was pissed cuz why wouldn’t he just wake me up, and cuz i hadn’t been sleeping. hopefully at 10pm our time, nate is sleeping under his mosquito net 😛

i remembered a funny thing about michigan too. i didn’t experience it, but my aunt told me. she said when she got there, my grandma kept talking about eminem and how she wanted to see 8 mile hahah.

 

i’m trying not to think. cuz if i do i could very easily get myself into a really not good mood right now. for what reason? i’m not sure…no, i know exactly what has triggered this…i just got back from the mall with danielle. she wanted to get out of the house. but now i’m here, and if i think about the things i have been thinking about lately i’ll start crying really hard, and not be able to stop for the rest of the night. and i’ve been doing pretty good lately…well…that’s debateable but whatever. i was at the point where i wasn’t crying while it was light out, and i seemed to have pretty much stopped dreaming about him – especially the really nice dreams. blah.

anyway.

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i left the house today! yaaay!!! took adr out shopping. attempted to buy stuff on my list below, but as you can see, it didn’t go that good. out of my book, darleen wasn’t there to get discount anyway so didn’t buy nate’s gifts…didn’t find black pants (also didn’t look all that hard). got a calendar of vintage photos of NYC for half off.

so i’m pretty sure i saw nate’s sister at the mall. since i never met her, i don’t really know. adr wanted to go in victoria secrets, and we’re in there for a while when i remembered she worked there. i didn’t know if she was working now, or not, or even home, or left for luxembourg yet…but there was this girl there, a bit taller than me, blond hair, blue eyes who i thought might be her. the more i looked at her, and pointed her out to adr, the more i’m pretty damn sure it was her. she had the family facial structure. adr agreed she totally looked like she belonged in nate’s family. they don’t have nametags tho so i didn’t know if it was her, and i looked too much like crap, and it was too busy to go an ask her if her name was emily haha. i didn’t want to go and be like, hi are you emily? i dated your brother. i don’t think she has any idea what i look like…it would have been weird.

i don’t know where my parents are, so i dunno what’s going on for dinner. they were gonna go to the casino tonight, but i think they decided not to. they’re too cheap to spend the 10$ each that goes to charity for 1000$ in play money. but whatever. i feel really sick suddenly. i need to try out my game! make me some rock bands!

 

sometimes i think that if i hear one more thing about love – from people i know, from tv, from songs, whatever – i’m going to scream at the top of my lungs until everyone is deaf. sometimes it really drives me nuts. and if i hear anything else about people missing other people, i’m going to stab them in the eye. because you know what. MY WHATEVERBOYFRIEND IS IN AFRICA! so shut the fuck up. thanks. these are the reasons i feel like isolating myself. not that i want complete sympathy from everyone all the time – because i do NOT at all want that. but some consideration is nice. i really have no interest in hearing about anyone elses relationships right now, and i’m sorry if that’s selfish.

anyway. going to the airport tomorrow to pick up ty, who is coming up on sorta spur of the moment. sorta, because he had the ticket and forgot about it haha. adr is going to go with me. it occured to me that going to the airport is going to be really, really bad for me. adr said she’d go with me if i want her to, which now seems like a fantastic idea, because it’ll keep me from crying (hopefully). i hate crying around people, so i should be ok, even tho just thinking about the last half hour or so at the airport with nate makes me cry.

i should have talked to nate’s sister at the mall. oh well.

i think i’m having a heart attack. so if i disappear, that’s why.

on a happier note, my game is way rad.

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i need to buy a bunch of stuff, but i keep forgetting what. i need to make a list. but i have no money. ok i do, i deposited it all tho, so i don’t have cash. the cash i had i spent yesterday on my dvd and watch. i hate going to the atm, makes me feel like i’m spending too much. i got paid yesterday tho…80 bux minus taxes whatever that equals…i should not be lazy.
the list:
– buy nate’s lil gifts from barnes and nobles
– buy “blood and gold”
– buy rock manager game
– pay health insurance
– pay car insurance once i find out what it is now
– pay ahead on student loans??
– get file cabinet in my room
– buy black pants? pair #137 😛
– um…is that it? i dunno…
– buy dickies donuts at public auction and open soup restaurant.

ed norton is so cute.
robin williams is so funny.

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got to see inside the casino!!! omg it’s so nice. it’s 100 times nicer than the canadian one across the river. i had never been inside the building when it was a convention center, but i hear the before and after comparison is amazing. i think they should have water going down the big cement walls inside tho…esp by the restaurant which is called thunderfalls. but i guess that’s not gonna happen haha. there is a 2nd restaurant/pub called moreys place which is super nice. totally reminded me of the little restaurants that were in the casinos in vegas. then the floor has the bar in the center, which will have a band on top of it every day from 8am-4am or something…all the table games are in the middle in a T shape, and the rest of the floor is slots. there are these rad colored flags above the slots, which are actually color coded so you know how much the machines below are…it looks so nice. exciting!!

tonight is preview day #1 and i work 5:30-10:30. i gotta try my uniform on to make sure it fits. lol. last minute eh? should be interesting. we still don’t really know how things are going to work, of course.

anyway…last night did the gift thing with the gang. we weren’t sure if it was gonna happen cuz no one could find danielle, but i drove by her house on my way home and they had just gotten home. so did the gift thing, got nice stuff, played trivial pursuit, and watched tv. typical night haha.

herb ritts died…he was only 50. he’s one of the people i wanted to be lol. i wonder if he had aids, cuz the article said died of complications from pnemonia…and…that seems kinda weird, if he was only 50 and healthy i don’t think he would have died. but whatever. he was brilliant. :-/

 

i realized no one got the u2 dvd for me for xmas, so i went and bought it. and a watch since i can’t wear the motley crue watch that eric bought me to work haha. now i need a new tv. mine is such crap. all the text on this dvd is barely readable…grr. then i realized no one bought me my comp game either, so i’m gonna have to buy that too. i get paid today! i forgot!! yay. my uniform doesn’t fit. way too tight. can barely sit down. going to have to go early to go to the mall and complain, then to the parking lot to get the shuttle to the casino. so annoying.

i love bono.

 

funfunfun at the casino. there were way too many people everywhere…employees i mean. they didn’t open all the pits, which we didn’t know about, so we were trippled or quadrupled up the whole night. and since we weren’t doing anything, with 4 of us at a terminal we were doing even less haha. and of course there was confusion, and some of the supervisors were like, freaking out. and i’m thinking, chill out duh. this is not a big deal. they take their job way too seriously. i learned, from my management time at mcds, it’s just not worth it to get upset and freak out about things. things could always be worse. just chill….til the next episode haha.

so anyway. i’m off until tuesday. i think i might try to go buy black pants i can wear to work tomorrow, so i don’t have to wear these way too tight ones. probably not haha.

on the way home, there was a car parked at the water intakes…which draws enough attention as it is, being it’s 11:00…but the people inside have the car light on, illuminating….their love…for all people driving by LOL. i really don’t know what was going on in the car, cuz i was passing another car and actually had to pay attention to driving….but from the looks of it, there was no one in the front seat, and 2 people in the backseat, and i could see the back of a guys head…sooo….yeah. they should learn not to turn the inside light on, or they’re sure to get caught. haha. and choose a more secluded spot than the water intakes. and no i do not know this from experience. seriously.

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