i left the house today! yaaay!!! took adr out shopping. attempted to buy stuff on my list below, but as you can see, it didn’t go that good. out of my book, darleen wasn’t there to get discount anyway so didn’t buy nate’s gifts…didn’t find black pants (also didn’t look all that hard). got a calendar of vintage photos of NYC for half off.

so i’m pretty sure i saw nate’s sister at the mall. since i never met her, i don’t really know. adr wanted to go in victoria secrets, and we’re in there for a while when i remembered she worked there. i didn’t know if she was working now, or not, or even home, or left for luxembourg yet…but there was this girl there, a bit taller than me, blond hair, blue eyes who i thought might be her. the more i looked at her, and pointed her out to adr, the more i’m pretty damn sure it was her. she had the family facial structure. adr agreed she totally looked like she belonged in nate’s family. they don’t have nametags tho so i didn’t know if it was her, and i looked too much like crap, and it was too busy to go an ask her if her name was emily haha. i didn’t want to go and be like, hi are you emily? i dated your brother. i don’t think she has any idea what i look like…it would have been weird.

i don’t know where my parents are, so i dunno what’s going on for dinner. they were gonna go to the casino tonight, but i think they decided not to. they’re too cheap to spend the 10$ each that goes to charity for 1000$ in play money. but whatever. i feel really sick suddenly. i need to try out my game! make me some rock bands!

sometimes i think that if i hear one more thing about love – from people i know, from tv, from songs, whatever – i’m going to scream at the top of my lungs until everyone is deaf. sometimes it really drives me nuts. and if i hear anything else about people missing other people, i’m going to stab them in the eye. because you know what. MY WHATEVERBOYFRIEND IS IN AFRICA! so shut the fuck up. thanks. these are the reasons i feel like isolating myself. not that i want complete sympathy from everyone all the time – because i do NOT at all want that. but some consideration is nice. i really have no interest in hearing about anyone elses relationships right now, and i’m sorry if that’s selfish.

anyway. going to the airport tomorrow to pick up ty, who is coming up on sorta spur of the moment. sorta, because he had the ticket and forgot about it haha. adr is going to go with me. it occured to me that going to the airport is going to be really, really bad for me. adr said she’d go with me if i want her to, which now seems like a fantastic idea, because it’ll keep me from crying (hopefully). i hate crying around people, so i should be ok, even tho just thinking about the last half hour or so at the airport with nate makes me cry.

i should have talked to nate’s sister at the mall. oh well.

i think i’m having a heart attack. so if i disappear, that’s why.

on a happier note, my game is way rad.