happy valentines day.

i’ve felt all mushy and sentimental lately. i was going to send everyone individual valentines, but then i got lazy.

reading through my archives for the new delirious and chat logs, i discovered that i don’t like the person i was this time last year. i don’t recognize that person either.

things are so much better and different now.

so i wanted to thank everyone who made the 2nd half of 2003 so absolutely fabulous. i owe it all to you. thank you for getting me involved in things that i always wanted to before. thank you for being on the same wavelength as me, and making me feel like i’m not insane. thank you for reminding me of all the ways that i changed in 2002 and bringing those feelings back into my head.

i love you.

so i had a lovely valentines day with brian and james. they took so long to get here that adr stopped by with hot sex. lol. but the 3 of us ended up going to the missile controll center again, since i remembered where it was. trudged around in the snow. james acquired me a new sign for the apartment. weird thing was, there’s writing on the back of it too. he also had a mouse attack him LOL funniest thing ever. headed back here after to watch fight club and have james cook dinner for us.

lovely lovely time.

now it’s off to work to gag at happy couples, and have no one give me a free flower again. hahaha. but this year is already miles ahead of last year.

hope everyone else had a good day.

i’m home. i’m sick. felt really sick as i went to work. was on the sit down game which was good and bad. good cuz if i had to stand up i prolly would have passed out. bad cuz it’s so painful. couldn’t handle the smoke, kept making me almost throw up. was shaking so bad, it was hard to deal. went to the emts so i could go home. i get half a point against me for leaving early, but fuck it. i really dont care at this point. a migrane i think, since i had such a bad headache this morning. 2 prescription painkillers and 3 excedrine later i felt fine all afternoon. then just felt really pukey and the shaking thing.

it’s either that or james poisoned me.

and i was having such a lovely day…

i’m risking embarassment on this, but it just struck me as way too funny. for whatever reason.

vacant enigma: his friend called me cute
vacant enigma: when we were in the catwalks
vacant enigma: so then when he asked for film hes like, i wont call you cute agian
vacant enigma: i’m like, no thats ok, go on
HAH that cracks me up and i really have no clue why. i really don’t think as highly of myself as i sometimes appear to. was that english? i’m really not egotistical, i just do this fake ego self mockery thing.

while i’m already embarassing myself. why not add to it. last week when brian and james were over, james asked what my dysfunction was…i dont think he used that term, but it was something like that. so i’ll paste this.

vacant enigma: whats the point
vacant enigma: i’m all for exhibitionism
vacant enigma: but really

*ISNOTANEXHIBITIONIST* i just have exhibitionist tendencies that i’ve never acted on LOL.
i’ll shut up now.

Bedbug infestations on rise across U.S. EWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW

i’m glad my last post was amusing. haha

i had a wicked cool dream about orgy last night. that i lived in an apartment building where they had a studio and rehearsal room. so i sorta knew them, and i was watching their rehearsals for the new tour. then it turned into an actual concert but there was hardly anyone there. danielle showed up and we had a rockin good time.

then i was having some dream about james when my alarm went off. my other dreams were about remembering the orgy dream.

nothign to do today. lalalala.

from the archives

AHEM!

“i saved that one primarily because it looks like bono is wearing makeup.. and boys in makeup is always a good thing”

ended up going downtown to meet jerry this afternoon. we decided to check out the architectural circus on niagara, and holy crap are they tons more helpful than the horsefeathers people. they kinda have to be considering they have one of our baggage carts in front of the store. says central terminal on it and everything. one of the people saw me looking at it, and said he’d sell it to me. ended up telling them how i work for the ctrc, and i’m looking for any artifacts they may have. well they have at least 6 other baggage carts, and 4 others in pieces that could be restored into one full one. gave me a price on all of them. talked to the owner about all the other stuff from the terminal that he has/used to have. he said alot of it he doesn’t have anymore he could still track down for us. so he’s got my card and my number, and he’s gonna look into the other stuff he has around. score! so that was productive.

then jerry and i sat at spot and talked for like 2 hours. deep philosophical conversations lol…about satan worshippers at geneseo, and the new neo nazi movement that is apparently going on at geneseo now. blahblahblah. good times. got to discuss things that have been on my mind recently. his opinion is always good because we seem to share the same brain about alot of things. i got to vent my frustration about the bct forum to yet another person hahah. all good. i got to tell him my faith healing story, which apparently i had never told him before.

stopped at the parents house to pick up a valentines day gift my aunt sent, and some stuff my mom had there for me.

for whatever reason now i’m extremely tired, and don’t feel too good. all i ate was a giant piece of carrot cake at the spot and my coconut mocha frap..which was not as good as starbucks *hides* haha it was funny cuz i ordered my drink and the girl said that it sounded good. i’m like, the secret is i had it at starbucks and it was wonderful. and i actually grimaced when saying i had it at starbucks. hahah. planet starbucks. the ibm stellersphere.

i’ve been channeling fight club alot recently.

anyway. i’m here for the rest of the night, continuing my work on the redone content of delirious. feel free to IM or call if you want to do something.

things overheard at work

“i told him i wanted another one because the diamond was too small”

the day someone proposes to me and i tell him i want a different ring cuz the diamond is too small, is the day they have my permission to slap me.

“it smells like cum in here”

uttered by an old high school classmate. she never had much class during high school, good to know she hasn’t changed much.

in the 2 hours i worked i made more tips than i have the last 2 months.

now i’m home all night, and have virtually no plans for the next 2 days – i have no excuse to not work on the nacc site. ug. i have no motivation. i’m burned out on webdesign i think. which reminds me, a kid at work wants me to do a site for him – a site to sell sex toys.  i told him i’d have to think about it LOL.

and speaking of sex toys…my neighbors use my garbage can out side all the time, but they don’t take it out. i’m leaving a note on it next week. because now i have garbage to throw out and no where to put it (cuz i forgot to take it out last night) cuz my garbage can is full. no wait i’ll just put it in theres.

i had 2 memorable dreams last night. one, i was doing urbex with my mom LOL. we infiltrated niagara splash and were wandering around all the slides. i told her the story i heard the other night, about how a guy went down the straight down slide, and a piece was broken off and sliced his leg from ankle to hip. he sued the place for millions, i guess it’s why they shut down. we kept wandering around, and we saw ppl so we had to hide and the do the army crawl thing out of the park.

the other was that nate was home, and being shipped away again – but this time he was in the army. and i didn’t care.

finally found the password for the a perfect circle ticket presale tomorrow. i didn’t bother asking anyone to go with me, cuz i figure no one will, or everyone will be busy and/or broke. but if anyone would like to go with me, you are more than welcome. tix are 37.50 cnd. it’s april 22nd, a thursday. they go onsale to the public on friday. i’m assuming it’s all GA. it’s at the ricoh coliseum, which apparently at exhibition place – easy to get to. maybe it is seats…we’ll find out tomorrow morning won’t we?

the title of my new book, curtesy of heather

Darknyss6: “how to blow him off… without having to… blow him off”

ROFLMAO

oh wait, it just got better

Darknyss6: I think jerking-off could also be called washing carrots

work was irritating. boring as hell too. for the record, if anyone who reads this ever ends up working at a casino, just realize that if you’re on swing shift you will always get screwed one way or another. tonight it was being forced to change cards for grave shift, even tho they shouldn’t be changed til 4am – when grave takes over. day shift doesn’t change the 8pm cards for us when we come in, why should we have to change cards for grave?

i really want to completely redo this site. as in, redo all the content. i haven’t updated anything in months/years. the most recent pics are of me and nate nov 2002…i haven’t updated any of the “thoughts/opinions” because i have the blog to do all my writing. the me section is useless really… so i might start redoing shit.

as if i didn’t have a big ass important website to completely overhaul.

i have no motivation.

i work at 6 tomorrow. i keep thinking there was something i had to do monday. i have to buy some groceries, but i keep thinking there was something that was going to prevent me from getting groceries tomorrow. oh well. if i don’t remember it must not have been important.

i had a dream about anthony last night that is really disturbing me. i thought it was weird all day, when i remembered i had it, but then seeing him at work it’s just like….no…erase that dream out of my head please. LOL. i told him about it sorta – left out the disturbing part. it involved a haunted house, anthony ringing church bells, and high school. and yeah…disturbing.

i should sleep now.

update to my new years resolutions.
1. ab workout – failing miserably. i’ll blame it this time on the computer dying for more or less 2 weeks. can’t do the work out if my comp cant play the mpeg. in january, if i did it 6 times, that’s pushing it. will try to do better now.
2. cuticals – was doing ok, but started slipping. but it’s not as bad as it has been in the past

i don’t remember any of my other resolutions.

but i decided that i swear too much. so i’m going to try to only swear in chinese from now on. that way it doesn’t seem like i’m swearing.

i sorta like the person i am right now. i have been thinking alot about lots of things the last 2 weeks. one of the things was sorta spurred on by things james and i talked about when he was here. relationship things, and i’ve been trying to think of the ways nate changed me in our short time together. i came up with a list. i’m not going to post the list. but he made me a better person in my own head (if no one else thinks so haha). we’ll leave it at that.

i’m looking forward to things to come in the next few months. i think. i hope. haha i’m being hopefull that things will work out the way i want them to.

and i did nothing at work today. seriously. they didn’t open my section so i sat in the office and handed out pay checks for 4 hours. txt msged with leighanne, had an hour break, and then jumped around doing pushes, and closing random tables until 3:20. 9-5 tomorrow. i have to meet with a guy at the NACC at 3 to discuss their website, the rest of the day is open if anyone is bored, you know how to reach me.

stabbing westwards “darkest days” – brilliant album. i repeat, not good to listen to if going through a break up, but brilliant none the less. still contains one of the best lines in “alternative” music…. from “save yourself”…”i am not your savior, i am just as fucked as you”.

there was a weird moment at turning stone i forgot to mention. one of the bacc dealers came back from break, and says “i assume you are sara” and i’m like yup. then it occured to me, no one had said my name, so i didn’t know how he knew who i was. he came back from a break later on and said “jim says hi”…which made sense. jim is the guy i sorta not really had a double date with, when he was here visiting jenn and jeff. so jim must have told the kid my name. but then that’s still weird cuz that meant people were talking about me in the turning stone employee cafeteria….

and i have now assumed responsibilities for the niagara arts and cultural center’s website. i gotta start redesigning and putting a few demo layouts together.

comp died again. the good dr brian took it back to the hospital on wednesday and i got it back from him today. things seem fine as of now. LOL just gimme a few days, it’ll die again.

so

1. wednesday. brian and james came over and we grabbed food at dennys before watching “lost in translation”. i have yet to wrap my mind around the film. it was beautiful visually. tokyo is off the hook. i can’t imagine living there. jerry had said he saw me in the movie (not literally of course), but i’m not sure i agree with that. i dunno.

“Brian and james” makes me think of bartylls and james wine coolers. saying “james and brian” just won’t work in my head LOL.

so brian and james left after the movie, and i read a bit, and then couldn’t fall asleep to save my life. tom called at 4 cuz i had txt messaged him earlier, and we talked about stuff. apparently, i have the ability to “glow” in email. LOL. let me explain. a few days ago i had asked him a question that i wasn’t able to elaborate on, as to my reasons for asking, while at work. so i had emailed him my story and blahblahblah. he said just reading the email he could tell that i was glowing. he made some good points in our conversation. so that’s good.

my txt msging bill for this month is going to be outrageous (since i didn’t subscribe to it) just from wednesday alone..let alone yesterday, where i msg’ed leighanne like 293497 times.

2. thursday. it was the turning stone trip for anthony’s birthday. aside from the speeding ticket outside of syracuse we had THE BEST TIME. omg it was so much fun. it was me, anthony, tony, and dave. played 10$ bacc all day. lost a bunch of money, and somehow i won most of it back on roulette. shock of shocks. I SWEAR ITS A HOUSE GAME. bacc was so much fun. anthony ended up winning a fucking grand. even tho we weren’t all winners, we all agreed that it was super fun and we made a pact to get together more often on our days off. there were a few scary moments on the way home, anthony driving crazy in the snow. weather got shitty real fast, but the snow changed to rain when we hit batavia so it wasn’t too bad on the home stretch. but yeah. tons of fun.

so today. got my comp back from brian, here putting things back in order, then work tonight at 8. funwow. and i think i figured out why my cell phone caller ID doesn’t show ppls names. ppl just need to call me now. like brian. call me. see if it works. if it works, i’ll change everyone’s settings. you can just call and hang up.

I HATE MY COMPUTER

can’t run comp long enough to bother with a post. fucking piece of shit computer

i forgot how great stabbing westward was. depressing at times, but really fantastic. just can’t pay alot of attention to the words if you just broke up with someone hahaha.

lalalalalalalaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

from my aunt trudy: “I’m not surprised you got a promotion as when I watched you that time I was impressed at how quick and professional you were. and very attractive, too. Almost oriental in a way and I am sure some guy is going to fall for you.”

I AM NOT ASIAN!!!!!!!!!!!!

tonight was full of irritations. the end.

and my internet sucks

Singer Janet Jackson, left, covers her breast after her outfit came undone during a number with Justin Timberlake during the halftime show of Super Bowl XXXVIII in Houston, Sunday, Feb. 1, 2004.
haha they actually have a picture of her boob ROFL

BAD JUSTIN LOL…look it that look of death on janets face. that’s fantastic.

and now, a joke

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at thePearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, “What are all those clocks?”

St. Peter answered, “Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a
Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move.

“Oh,” said the man, “whose clock is that?”

“That’s Mother Teresa’s. The hands have never moved, indicating that shenever told a lie.

“Incredible,” said the man.

“And whose clock is that one?”

St. Peter responded, “That’s Abraham Lincoln’s clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life.”

“Where’s Bush’s clock?” asked the man.

“Bush’s clock is in Jesus’ office. He’s using it as a Ceiling fan.”

HAH
other than that, the euphoria has crashed. i’m not feeling good about anything anymore really. at least it lasted a few days.

OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG

thank you nin hotline for mentioning the fact that trent (with really bad hair) was at bowie’s LA show a few days ago. cuz that prompted me to go to davidbowie.com to see if there were any pictures…which led me to find out

BOWIE IS PLAYING AT SHEAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SHEAS!!!!!!!!!!!! not the arena, not the stadium, little teenie SHEAS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

holy crap. presale at 5pm, MUST GET TICKETS!!!!!!!!!!