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while it’s safe to say me, and many of my friends, and my family are disappointed and scared to death of the next 4 years, i am not going to talk about my feelings on the election.

i will say that i’m working overtime trying to get the fbi to show up at my door.

i had this crazy dream about being in toronto and waiting for a bus/subway that would take me back to the falls. waited forever, but while i was waiting there was a hockey game at maple leaf gardens between the leafs and the sabres…it was a rerun…old jerseys old players…tons of players and the ice was gigantic. it was really weird. the bus/subway finally came and i was with a bunch of people from work. we drove passed these bombed out gutted buildings ripe for urbex. one of them was a shoe factory and there were all sorts of brand name vintage shoes everywhere, including white keds with puffy paint already on them…and there was a really really fat person on the bus/subway that had to sit between the rows of seats in the aisle because they were too fat to fit in the pair of two seats…so they were spread out across 2 seats, the aisle and the other 2 seats…

board meeting tonight, then nothing

 

my father sent me this link to a WBFO editorial on the election. i think it’s a very good piece, and sums up many of my feelings on the situation.

we’re in for it. we are in for the scariest 4 years in a long long time. and not necessarily because of anything bush might do to us immediately, but for what comes after, when instead of reaping benefits, we are suffering the consequences. i am moderately up to date on recent history, as i’ve always enjoyed the 20th century, and i can’t think of a period of recent history that was scarier than what we’re going into. despite the cold war, and the posturing by the US and USSR, i think it’s safe to say nothing would have ever happened to turn it into a “hot war”….the arms race and mutually assured destruction prevented any all out war between “democracy” and “communism” ever occuring. yes that was scary, thinking about the possibility of a nuclear holocaust is beyond frightening, but it wouldn’t have (and obviously didn’t) happen. this “dangerous cowboy” we have in office has the potential to do much more damage than any nuclear strike ever could…

i find it so hard to wrap my mind around the fact that america has the most ignorant population of any “civilized” nation. i really can’t believe that people are so blinded by money that all they care about are tax cuts that won’t even benefit them. that they can be so easily swayed by biased media on terrorism and iraq. it still blows my mind that 11% of the population thinks the war is going well.

i realize that i have mostly right-wing conservative friends at the moment, and that we probably disagree in most issues that these people re-electing bush consider important. i don’t mean to offend (and i also don’t think i am). but i still can’t believe it happened. the president, and government, and this election is/was not about stem cell research, is/was not about abortion, and is/was not about Jesus. i’m probably one of the most moral people you will ever meet, yes morals are important to me, but not when considering who is going to lead this country. intelligence is a BIT more important in the “leader of the free world” to me, than what they think about stem cell research, gay marriage, abortion or religion. i am not going to waste my breath with my opinions on any of these subjects, because it doesn’t matter. it doesn’t matter what i think, or what you think, or what the president thinks, because it has absolutely no bearing on running this country in today’s world. maybe the entire world will simply cease to exist if every gay person in this country got married, but i’d bet against it. i think how we handle other countries, international conflicts and problems, the “war against terrorism” etc will have a much bigger impact on us and the entire world than if mary smith down the street wants an abortion. it just flat out IS NOT IMPORTANT to me. what this country does on the global stage is. we have to live here, we have to deal with it, our children have to deal with it long after this horrifying administration is gone. bush and his cronies are going to be fine, we, however, are not.

i’m just so frustrated i don’t even know what to say or think. on the verge of tears because i can’t believe the results of tuesday.

it amuses me to think about what would happen if the kerry states – the east and west coast more or less – seceeded from the union. let’s see the bush states get along with out us.

this is really a sad time, one i am not proud to be living in.

and i said i wasn’t going to talk about the election…

Posted in: Personal

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election day is finally here. i’ve only been waiting 4 years for this. i can’t bare to tune into the tv yet. reading the few articles in the news so far, it’s beyond frustrating. i still can’t fathom how anyone can support bush for re-election. the ignorance of the american people astounds me. especially people around here. but like i keep saying, ny doesn’t matter, it’s a kerry state in the end no matter what…

i was talking to someone at work who went to my high school a few years ahead of me. i think he is one of the most ignorant people i’ve met in a long, long time. i absolutely could not continue the conversation we were having, i just wanted to punch him. i really don’t care who anyone votes for, if you actually support bush, fine – but be informed at the very least. don’t be a sheep. you should be able to tell me why you support such a complete moron for president. (an aside about this person – he was talking about how great the alamo movie is, and about all the people in the fight like sam houston – and he says, you think they named the city after him? gee you’re quick…)

the lady at the poll almost didn’t let me vote because my signature today didn’t match my signature from SIX YEARS AGO! i would have called that voter fraud line immediately if she hadn’t said “good enough”.

few more hours to vote, for those of you who haven’t yet. this is possibly the most important election we will see in our lifetime…

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alot of APC fans were…disappointed…that the band decided to record a politically charged album of cover songs. the album is for sale today, and it’s called emotive. as part of the release, the band’s website is featuring different propaganda posters on it’s site, based on WPA posters from WWII….despite the fact that i love propaganda, i think they’re quite cool.

Posted in: Personal

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i don’t really feel like posting, but…

happy halloween

DON’T FORGET TO VOTE TOMORROW

and election day non party for those in the area, here, 7ish til we have a new president, or until we tire of listening to election day commentary on all the recounts and how it’ll take months before we know who won…anyone reading this should have already gotten an invite.

Posted in: Personal

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it turns out my grandma has congestive heart failure. i don’t really know what that means, cuz the word “failure” to me would mean the heart has stopped…and she’d be dead. but she’s not dead. yet. (from webmd: Heart failure occurs when your heart muscle doesn’t pump as much blood as the body needs. Failure doesn’t mean that the heart has stopped pumping but rather that it is failing to pump as effectively as it should.) i guess she’s going to have to go into the hospital to get stabilized, and find out how to “fix” it, and mom thinks she’s not gonna live much longer. so i might be going back to detroit for yet another funeral in the coming weeks.

i really like wearing these little boy undershirts i bought to wear to work. they’re comfy. i dealt pai gow tonight. the weird walmart manager who thinks i’m attractive and talks to other dealers about me was on my game today. he makes me uncomfortable now that i know what he’s said about me to others. it’s icky. left a bit early, patrick is on me to finish the dark tower book so i can give it to adam to read so i figure i’ll go read a bunch now. dealing tomorrow, 10-6 friday, 8 both weekend days. flooring on halloween so i’ll get to be a vampire at work instead of a pirate. i don’t know what to do with the pirate costume now….

Posted in: Personal

The Tea Party @ Dome Theater

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tonight was tea party show in niagara falls. james was late. first band was 8 days over or something. they weren’t bad. i don’t like vocals like they had, sound like everyone else, but better than the usual tea party opening fair. tea was great as always. they did alot off the new album, but didn’t do “luxuria”. some of the show was surprisingly a bit rough to get through, specifically “the watcher” and “oceans”. NO THERAMIN DURING “LULLABY”, it was broken. while the roadie was trying to fix it they stalled by playing part of rolling stones “miss you”. it was funny, but the theramin didn’t get fixed. “psychopomp” a highlight as always. unfortunately no “cathartik” or “fire in the head” but a great show none the less. what a rock show should be. and i gotta say the dome theatre (formerly lame nightclub the pleasuredome) is a pretty decent venue. look forward to seeing some other bands there at some point. loudest show ever though. it was almost painful at parts. and who shows up, and cuts in front of us during the first song, none other than STP kid himself. i fucking hate that kid. lol.

setlist from tea forums:
Army Ants
Overload
Certain Slant of Light
The Watcher
Psychopomp
**After this my memory gets fuzzy and i forget the order but the other songs are:
Sun Going Down
Oceans
Lullaby w/ miss you
Zahira/Rakim/Halcyon Days
Save Me w/ I Love You
Writings on the Wall
Temptations
Winter Solstice
Sister Awake w/ Paint it Black

and the messenger and stargazer somewhere in there…i hate the messenger

Posted in: Concerts, The Tea Party \ Tagged: ,

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and i return from the dead. was that inappropriate?

well. friday on the way to the jordan concert we passed a funeral parlor. jenn started talking about her father’s funeral this past christmas, and i had mentioned it was going to be horrible when one of my grandparents finally went, because it would be a big family reunion full of people i don’t know or remember, telling me the last time they saw me was when i was “this big” and how big i am now. it was exactly like that.

so i drove out there tuesday. upon going into canada i was told i wasn’t going to be allowed back into the country on my way home, and would have to go through ohio and pennsylvania, because i didn’t have a passport. gave me a really hard time for no reason. jerk. stopped at ikea in burlington on the way. and it still only took me 4 hours to get there. oops. i arrived at the funeral home before the rest of my family did. viewing was from 4 to 9. it was pretty bad. my grandma can hardly walk, so she spent the entire time in a wheel chair. she has no teeth anymore, can hardly talk, and of course was extremely upset. it was rough. big giant family reunion. have i mentioned how big my family really is? both sides of my mom’s family are huge, and most are still in michigan. my mom has 52 first cousins (i have 2…), and who knows how many 2nd cousins (over 100). aunts uncles cousins everywhere, and i probably only remembered…10 at most (many i’ve never met to begin with). and the last time i’ve seen even these 10 was over 10 years ago. so anyway…

my grandpa was a very colorful person, as are most people in my family. loud, opinionated, obnoxious, never shut up. a character. it was hard not to expect him to sit up in the casket and start talking. it really was. one of his friends said if we played a tape of rush limbaugh he surely would sit up and start yelling ha.

wednesday was the marathon 8 hour viewing from 1 – 9. even more family i half remember. a less emotional day for the most part. i was accosted by 2 cousins? who wanted to make sure i’d be voting for Kerry because my grandpa would haunt me for the rest of my life if i didn’t. no worries there. aahhh the freak show showed up on wednesday. half my family is very very good looking, some modeled, some are just really attractive. the other half is out of a haunted house or something. there’s aunt rose, my grandpa’s sister. she has really bad alzheimers and didn’t know where she was or who anyone was. wears a very bad white wig (even though she has hair which her husband dyes blond for her…). her husband, dominic, is the one related to sonny bono. imagine sonny bono but with a very bad black hair piece, bad upper lip moustache, much worse skin, huge nose, and generally more twisted up and you have dominic. in a purple somekind of print suit. their daughter, donna, the 400 lb schizophrenic…dominic bleaches her hair blond as well. their son sammy, the don (seriously), who looks like a young dominic, not quite as horrifying. daughter susie, smaller and less crazy version of donna, but still horrifying, but with dark hair. she had some supremely scary stoned looking boyfriend with her. i really wish i would have brought my camera, because omg, they were amazing…

ex uncle mark came one of the days. he is the artist who thought i actually have some talent. it was nice to see him again, it’s been a long time. other colorful family members were there as well, and some 2nd cousins or something who remembered me. it wasn’t as horrible, but it was so long and boring and i don’t know what to say to anyone. oh my personal favourite moments of the few days were the “she has a 4 year degree in psychology but works at a casino” comments, laced with disappointment.

today was the actual funeral. cousin billy told him the red sox won (grandpa died of a heart attack eating pizza and watching the boston/ny game on saturday). a friend of his said he’d see him soon, but hopefully not TOO soon. haha. it first time i was at a real catholic funeral. lonnnnggg. and horrible. we didn’t go to the cemetery thankfully, but right to the luncheon. by this time i was in severe withdrawl from my meds which i forgot to bring with me…my dad and i left for home around 4. i was allowed back into canada thank god, and am home now trying not to be sick. i feel like crap.

i found it all to be a bit disturbing for some reason. i can’t really explain it. it was really emotional, and seeing everyone else emotional made me even more emotional. i don’t know why. selfish reasons i think. as much as i complained about him and dreaded the holidays there, he was very loved by his huge family and lots of friends. and it made me feel really sorry for myself because i don’t have that. i probably never will have that. i don’t know why it made me feel even worse than i already felt, but it did. i found the whole…viewing thing slightly disturbing, because it’s all these people gathered in a room, a room you’re sharing with a corpse! a dead body!!! my family would touch him, and i didn’t even want to go near him. HE’S DEAD!!!! but it was like, no big deal, happens all the time…but it bothered me for some reason.

i do not want a funeral. i do not want to be buried. for those of you in my life now who may be still in it when i die…if you want to have some kind of gathering or memorial, have a big ass party. i do not want a casket, so i guess my dead body wouldn’t even be at the party. if you insist on me being there, you can rent caskets until creamation. yes i’ve decided now that i want to be creamated. my ashes can be thrown around wherever you want…but i don’t want any part of me to be buried. the party should be big and glam and glittery and fun, and i only insist on my 2 nin instrumentals “leaving hope” and “the persistence of loss” to be played at some point during the party. i can’t think of any other instructions for you at this point.

mr kitty is like twice the size he was when i left tuesday. i swear he is. stop growing!! i bought the most fabulous jacket at hot topic before i left. it’s so wonderful. saturday is tea party concert.

Posted in: Personal \ Tagged:

Jordan Knight in Buffalo

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tonight i reverted back to 1990…5th grade…14 years in the making. i saw jordan knight live!!! and oh my lord it was fabulous.

lei, adr, jenn and i went. we HAD to. it was at club infinity in williamsville/clarence. there were 3 openers. the first band was totally fun, mainly because the drummer/lead singer was 11 years old. and they covered guns n roses and limp bizkit. they’re 4 year old brother also pretended to play guitar, and the whole thing was totally cute. and they were pretty good. some audioslave, white stripes, i think hoobastank, and linkin park as well. totally fun. the drummer was doing the worm on the dance floor later on. unfortunately i forget the name of the band. 2nd band was floozie, from niagara falls (representing) and they sucked. period. 3rd band, also from the falls though they claim to be from buffalo, was seven day faith. such a frat party band. they weren’t bad, just nothing i would ever listen to, so it was boring. they managed to blow a fuse or something and set off the fire alarm in the bar….haha. then jordan.

haha jordan was soooo fabulous. gah he’s so hot. really, how can you be 30 something and live with yourself being so damn gorgeous. and the moves, the dancing…lovely  opened with “my favourite girl” from back in the day. so great. i don’t know if i’ve ever laughed so hard at myself at a concert before. i totally didn’t act all teenie boppery, seriously, i didn’t. but it just made me so happy lol. it was so much fun to sorta be reliving it. going back down memory lane as jordan’s dj guy said. so he did various new kids songs in between his own songs from his first solo album and the one coming up. played the piano for a few. danced. did the New Kids Dance…wonderful. brought this girl with the most whore shirt ever on stage to sing “baby i believe in you” to and my god she was hilarious. it was fantastic.

so we hung out in the back to try to get some pics with him. he apparently was running late so they just left “right away”. so we followed the limo. LOL it was hilarious. we didn’t intend to follow them that long, but it came to a point where we didn’t know where we were, and we figured they were going to the airport (where i would know where we were) so we kept following them. yep to the airport…but they didn’t go to the airport…they kept going to the 33, which meant we had to keep following them since that’s the way we HAD to go to get back home LOL. it was great. so much fun

tomorrow is open doors day one. gotta end up at the terminal at some point, but going to drive by the wollenberg silo that we were planning on going to sunday…cuz the site says theres no inside access, so then what’s the point? i could drive by any day…and i need sunday to do laundry and pack for vegas if wollenberg isn’t going to be cool. so i’ll investigate tomorrow. yep.

and in completely other news… mark david chapman (he shot john lennon) is in attica?!? i thought he was in a prison downstate…huh…who knew. hmm now that i think about it maybe i did know that. i seem to remember kids in high school wanting to find chapman during our attica field trip so they could kill him..lol

 

my grandpa died. instead of spending my vacation in las vegas i will be spending it in detroit.

Posted in: Concerts, Other bands \ Tagged: ,

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i got my order from hot topic. best.shirt.ever. i think i’m going to have to change my halloween costume, because i need some excuse to wear it. holy cow. so hot.

i needed to get out of the house so we drove down to bob to take pics with the new cam. and since we were in that direction we went to the terminal then downtown and then a buff ave bus stop i drive past ever night. some neat pics.

tomorrow is jordan. hot.

Posted in: Personal

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boys are so freaking whiney. “ooh i’m so tired, oh i just got out of work and i’m too tired to hang out for an hour, that would only require driving around the block practically or even not driving at all, i am so tired i can’t do anything.” fuck off with your tiredness, there’s no way you’re so tired that you can’t bother to do anything for a little bit. i hate that kind of an excuse from people. fucking suck it up already. it’s such a cop out. just say no, i don’t want to hang out with you. because i don’t know anyone who has ever been so tired that they couldn’t do something. even my friends who had mono (or when i had mono) could still be somewhat active. i have a headache the size of rhode island and feel like i’m about to throw up, yet i can still function and do SOMETHING to occupy myself. but whatever. your loss

Posted in: Personal