Category Archives: Personal

wednesday’s horrorscope: Turn up your mojo and bat your baby blues, greens or browns. As of Thursday, Venus will be swimming through your fellow water sign of Scorpio, affecting your amours, creativity and self-expression. Bottom line: If you can’t get the world to sing in perfect harmony – or loved ones to peel you grapes – well, you just can’t be trying.

maybe i shouldn’t be worried about, or doubting the occurance of, my non date.

jerry sent me a review of the new movie “lost in translation” from the buffalo news. and one of the lines kind of…reminded me of me. “Both are lonely, alienated people; both suspect they’re too good for the lives they’re living but both know that if they were truly better they wouldn’t be living them.” and after it reminded me of me, it reminded me of kevin. and kevin needs to stop going around work telling everyone how i’m the most brilliant person he’s ever met, and how i was given all this imagination and creativity and brilliance, and he got none. then i get the “if you’re so smart why the hell are you here?” from everyone. just like tony. first time tony and i socialized outside of work, and he told me he went to cornell, i apologized for doing it, but asked him the same thing. haha he told me the other day he’s stopped telling people he went to cornell cuz he’s tired of being asked what he’s doing at a casino.

anyway. that was a tangent. not that i had anything to say to begin with, i just came to post my horrorscope.

and i’m going to be 190 dollars richer tomorrow, because someone made me a very nice offer for all of my mj cds. i definitely think i’ll take them up on that offer hehe. that’ll pay for chicago. actually. it won’t. but that’s ok LOL.

 

i watched the 4 episodes of Carnivale that tony’s been taping for me. this show was designed for me…midgets, freaks, crazy religion, and revivals. as adr put it, someone read my blog and thought, this girl would watch this hahah. definitely interesting, definitely confusing, definitely want to see more.

makes me want to finally watch my twin peaks episodes too.

got myself another gift certificate for sinatra’s today. haha. someone loves me. maybe i’ll suggest it for the non-date depending on what time i hear from him about what we’re gonna do. kinda funny, cuz when i got to work, this guy asks where he’s seen me lately. he’s like, i saw you at sinatra’s a week and a half ago. lol he was at the restaurant when leighanne and i were there. but he’s not the billy rubens guy ….inside joke…and then the one who loves me ends up giving me another gift certificate later. all good. he gave me one of the biggest insults of my life however. he said i remind him of celine dion. my response “oh god please not her”. he says, “what’s wrong with celine?!” ROFL EVERYTHING. hahah

home early, cuz i was supposed to be on let it ride. that lasted…5 seconds when they got a call to send me to high limit. all good. i felt like shit toward the end so i left my name on the list to leave early. now i gotta wait for tony to stop by tho, cuz he’s bringing me the tape of Carnivale he’s been recording off hbo for me.

and oh yeah. finally got up the 2nd tower trip photos, and rea terminal photos on institutional green.

and i have exactly 700 comments since i moved my blog to moveable type.

and an old friend from the mj days got in touch with me through the webdesign site (again)…apparently that’s the best way to find me on the net, through that site. it’s too bad the emails go to an address i don’t check so i get them way late, and they lose hope of hearing back from me. but it was good to hear from him. life has certainly changed for all of us who were friends back then. well for all of us but one *ahem*sandy*ahem* haha.

 

i want to go see duran duran. toronto, november 14th. it’s a friday. i’d have to request off. i think i have personal days still to use. what are the chances they’ll play buffalo or rochester on a wed and thurs? prolly slim. gah. gonna have to go to toronto i guess. DURAN DURAN!!! lol.

 

this is possibly one of the best things i’ve ever seen.

this post is rated X. seriously. you have been warned.

this is what i came home to tonight: sex toys in the hallway and the sounds of sex from the apartment across the hall

ok maybe it’s just me being stupid/naive/unimaginative…but…other than the vibrating bullet, wtf do you do with that other stuff. wait. don’t answer that. i don’t think my innocent eyes/mind needs to know.

i just had to scan it. i mean really. WHO LEAVES THAT LAYING AROUND IN THE HALL. there was a shoebox with some of the pieces in it. it looks shoddily made, but that’s just my opinion, and what the fuck do i know about sex toys.

so i put a post it note on it that says “you should be careful what you leave in the hallway :)” and put it back in front of their door.  i’m so funny. i wanna go take a digi pic of it, but i’m afraid that the girlfriend will leave now since i think i came home at the…uh…right…moment. hahaha.

 

i got my macro filter in the mail today. yay toys!!! so hard to focus through tho. autofocus doesn’t know what the hell to do, and i have a hard time seeing out of it. but it’ll be fun to experiment with. yay.

haha as adr said in the comment to this mornings post…looks like the neighboors had good makeup sex last night. i heard someone leave around 5:30…cuz i was awake..cuz i learned not to take my pain killers and go to sleep. 1. they don’t let you sleep (tho they make you tired when you take them) and 2. they make you feel sick…felt so shitty after taking them, couldn’t sleep cuz when i dozed off i’d feel like i was shaking again. sucked. so i went back to bed after my 12:30 alarm went off. so much for doing laundry today.

i didn’t post today (yesterday). hah. i was busy all day… FINALLY got to do prints in the dark room in class. we were just doing contact prints. i had to teach everyone (4 people who had negatives to do contact prints) how to do test strips, because our teacher is so not informative. like my other photog proff, he just assumes we know what he’s talking about. thankfully i do, but that made me teacher for the day. that was ok. and i went ahead and did my own enlargment of one of my photos from the roll i took at forest lawn. now the entire rest of the semester is just doing whatever we want in the dark room. rawk

came home and started work on the new domain. which is now a 2ndary domain, because i bought yet another domain name. i thought of something better. that brings me up to owning 6 (if you count the 2 bct domains) and part owning 2 others. so much work. doing thumbnails by hand, ug. that’s the worst thing ever. i’m so used to auto thumbnails, i haven’t done thumbnails by hand in a few years. it just really sucks. but i have to, to get them the size i want, with outlines, and stuff. ug. taking forever. and using shitty adobe photodeluxe, because unless i’m missing something, photoshop doesn’t have an easy way to get outlines around a photo. i got through most of my stuff. but i got a bunch more to work on. then the site won’t be up for a while still, because i’m doing it more complicated than it needs to be. but that’s ok.

plus i still gotta do bct site stuff. waiting on info from russell…still…so i can officially debut the site (tho it seems i’ve been a retard, and the site was publicly accessible for the past week). oops.

time for bed. out to horsefeathers tomorrow with jerry, then work at 9.

and oh yeah. had a dream the terminal was being turned into apartments, and it was being done by my current landlord. so i had him get us out of our current lease so we could move into the terminal. was at the terminal checking on construction and telesco showed up, i had to hide myself so i didn’t attack him. and there was something about axl rose and fred durst having an orgy at my apartment.

i had this wicked fucked up dream i was a cult leader. seriously fucked up. but it was so awesome. gonna try to write it up on the dream site (as if i ever do that anymore) when i get back from the dentist.

yeah. going to the dentist. fun wow. i don’t know how to do my insurance with my dentist since he doesn’t take it, and blahblahblah. i better not end up paying extreme amounts of money for this, when i don’t have any money…hate the 1st of the month. damn bills.

 

dentist. 2 cavities. 2 cavities so miniscule it took a laser to detect them. not visible to human eye. still getting fillings…good thing i have insurance, and my dentist does indeed accept that insurance too. good for me.

mom didn’t even blink an eye when i said why i was going to chicago LOL. and SHUSH to those of you who *think* you know what i’m talking about. especially shush if you’re going to the tour sunday.

i was gonna go to the library but i dunno. i didn’t take a shower for the dentist, and i dont feel like taking one now. i wish i looked good in hats, so i could just wear one and disguise my shitty hair today haha.

 

a guy sent me a big email about institutional green paint. it is now featured in the “about” section of the institutional green site.

which reminds me i haven’t put up the pics from tower trip 2 yet…tonight or tomorrow. i wanted to work on my new domain too…

and speaking of working on websites…went to the grand island library, cuz i realized grand island is in erie county, and thus has access to buffalo news archives from 1989. wow is the buff news search engine awful. seriously awful. type in buffalo central terminal, and you get an insane amount of hits. using their advanced search option (which i would hardly call advanced in the slightest) you can put “AND”s into your search terms…and get the same amount of hits. putting it as a phrase in quotes finally gave me a manageable 87 hits. printed 55 pages worth of articles out – 55 pages i was not looking forward to retyping in for the website. thankfully, i whined to adr, who mentioned she used to scan articles all the time…into word… to cut and paste.. WHO KNEW?!?!? went to the parents to use their scanner, scanned them all in, and put them all up on the site.

the site which is now fully functionable…not accessible but functionable. the domains finally transferred, and the .net nameservers went through. the .org domain finally transferred today, so i just changed the nameservers now, and should go through soon…i think the .net changes occured in just a day. so as soon as russell gives me the requested info, i can get the entire site up and launched.

still need to go to central library tho, get some more even older articles for the site. tho i’m hoping the search method is a bit better for the microfice…but i’m pessimistic about that. the news archives will just be a continuous project once the site is launched.

and for the history section, i think i’m just going to plagerize the 2 trains magazine articles, because it’s a way better history than i could ever write. so comprehensive it’s not even funny haha. and i’ve only read 2 pages of the article (while typing it).

one of the biggest most important things i need for the site is TO CONTACT MICHAEL FORNASIERO. Oh Michael Fornasiero, who spent 15,000$ of his own money to film a documentary on central terminal, entitled “At The Buffalo”, in the mid 1990s, please search for your own name on the internet and find my website, and contact me. I’ll say your name a few more times, so it comes up near the top on google… michael fornasiero, michael fornasiero, michael fornasiero. michael fornasiero who i have multiple PO boxes and phone numbers for, but still can’t reach, who isn’t in the erie county phone book, but who at least used to live in clarence…michael fornasiero please contact me.

i’m sorta dreading tackling the gallery too…the way i’m intending to do it is more complicated than it needs to be so i’ve been procrastinating doing it. but whatever. it’ll get done.

gonna go write up my dream now finally

and i got 2 more comments on my metallica sucks post from ages ago haha

lots of dreams about psych center last night. about casing the joint trying to find ways in. and that my new boyfriend, ‘the boy’, was all about trying to help me find a way in. and tony was around too, wanting to help me in. a few other casino peeps were there too. i kept saying how it was my graceland, but ‘graceland’ wasnt the term i wanted to be using, but i couldn’t think of anything else. so i started saying that it was my mount everest, tho that wasn’t what i wanted to say either.

 

news flash!! IT’S FREAKING COLD OUT! brrrrrrrr  cold and rainy. i really need to get myself a new coat(s). i need a good fall coat. something slightly warmer than my black coat i abducted from my mom, and more stylish than my army coat i just bought. gonna have to do some serious shopping. not like i can afford it given my unseen expenses. but yeah. definitely need some new coats.

and wtf is it with me and old men. yet another old man was telling me i’m beautiful WHAT THE HELL. what, are men in their 40s the only people who can see how much of a great person i am/can be??? are they the only men who think i’m worth anything? why can’t the old man i want to be interested in me, be interested in me? wait. i take that back. he was interested in me, he just had that little girlfriend problem. and he wasn’t that old either haha. but yeah. so what’s that now…4 men twice my age who for some reason think i’m fascinating?

i got a really incredibly important phone call before i left for work. i almost didn’t answer it. soooo glad i did. a big GIANT huge piece of the current puzzle. soooo friggen excited. i’m a great detective. i just hate using the phone

i got my first vegas invite/hookup. frank is leaving tomorrow to go back to vegas. i asked if he had any advice. he said just to keep doing what i’m doing, i’m one of the best dealers there, esp for only 3 months. to put a year in, and then get out, to look him up in vegas if i go out there. so that’s really cool. too bad i don’t know his last name LOL. will have to try and find him during next years vegas vacation.

and speaking of vacation i put in for my second week…tried for halloween as first choice, then just filled in random weeks in sept, oct, and nov. whatever.

and oh yeah, the alice cooper halloween show sold out the day it went on sale. i’d die if i got to deal to alice cooper. i’d have to make a waynes world comment LOL. we’re not worthy, we’re not worthy, we’re scum, we suck.

haha reminds me of leighannes wayne’s world reference in her email to me hahaha.

i also hit a guy in the teeth with the roulette ball today. yeah. that wasn’t good haha.

blah i’m tired. and hungry. and i went nutso on ebay cuz leighanne showed me civil defense shit so i had to go bid on a bunch of crap. like pamphlets on how to survive nuclear blasts, and etc etc etc. LOVE THAT CRAP! i wish i had more wall space, so i could do an entire section of the apartment in propaganda posters. they clash with my asian theme bedspread…and with the living room decor…our decor i so wack. haha

and i bought myself a new domain name and hosting, to be announced later.

 

everyone who has lived in buffalo for a while, and is somewhat artistic, tells me about horsefeathers….the architectural remnant supply warehouse…that they used to/might have artifacts from the terminal. i know this. i was there ages and ages ago with uncle mark. the thought occurred to me immediately…but…horsefeathers went out of business late last year, early this year, so that does no good. except it didn’t go out of business. wtf. i saw the going out of business signs. but no, it’s still there, and still very much in business. leighanne randomly looked it up and called them. apparently increased demand kept them in business, and they are continuing their liquidation sale…they were real sketchy on the phone with her, so i have to go down and check them out next week. gonna see if mom wants to go, cuz maybe if i find something really cool for my future house she’ll buy it for me . my dad bought 2 leaded glass windows there the time we went ages ago. i don’t remember what uncle mark bought, he wanted to buy the entire place. it wouldn’t surprise me, that he would buy the terminals light fixtures. he was very much in love with art deco, and they would have thrilled him to no end. all i remember about the place is there was a big elevator shaft, and my mom was all paranoid i was going to fall down it.

but anyway. i went and drove by the place today, along with some lengthy detours through delaware park, forrest lawn cemetery, and bob. got a bit lost trying to get to connecticut street…i forgot to bring the map along with me. when i was about to give up and just get back on the 190 and go home i went by hampshire street, and massachucets, and vermont. i’m like CONNECTICUT MUST BE AROUND HERE. there’s a big ass armory on the street. found the armory, but it said i was on columbus street. well it did turn into connecticut street, and i found horsefeathers, and it’s all good.

except for the massive headache i have, no thanks to my asshole neighbors. it’s a good thing i don’t have easy access to my aresnal or my neighbor kid would be dead right now. as if they don’t make enough noise upstairs clomping around all the time, and jumping off furniture so that every picture hanging in my apartment is crooked, and it sounds like they’re going to come through the ceiling. today the boy decided to play tennis off my bedroom wall. the clunk clunk clunk of the ball hitting the bricks outside, right above my friggen head…he’s really lucky i don’t have a gun. i want to strangle that boy. it’s called consideration, look it up in the dictionary.

ug

 

 

well today i was a tiny bit psychic.

i didn’t mention it before, but i had been thinking about writing to nate. to fill him in on all my dealings with bct, since he was with me the first time i laid eyes on the building. if he’s home for the holidays, i’d really like to take him inside with me. just kinda…close up some more loose ends with him. so there’s psychic incident number one.

incident number two. on the bus to work i was thinking about how i’d like to see john. how he’s never around even if i go in early. i thought it would be really nice to run into him on his way out and my way in. and i did. literally almost ran into him. it was really nice to see him. i miss him. he asked about the fundraiser, and he wants to buy some of my photos. which means alot to me, that he likes them. yeah. i miss him. i know, i already said that. i forget about all of it when i never see him. then i see him, and the way he acts, and how he looks at me, and it’s just…i dunno. gah.

work was fine. jenn didn’t want roulette so i gladly took it. made an awesome tip, cuz a guy put me in the game for 5$ straight up on 17 and i hit it. 175$ into the tip box. haha. nights like that i wish we kept our own tips. every other night when i make 10$ i thank god we share tips haha.

anyway. i’m so tired. there are plans to go to lockport tomorrow, depending on weather. i have so much i need to do…go food shopping for one. post office run. color tech run. clean this place. stop at the parents for nates letter, some spoons, and to feed ziggy. i want to go to the central library, since i didn’t go today. and i need to take a roll of b&w film for tuesday. so lockport would be good for that. ug. guess we’ll see how the weather is in the morning. i don’t know where i’m supposed to meet brian and james anyway.

 

well…the letter from nate wasn’t awful. actually it was pretty nice. things with the girl he was fucking went south. good. but his letter actually was pretty deep. not just more superficial, i’m in africa, it’s hot, don’t wish you were here crap. he went into how he’s forgotten about home, how his memories of it are fuzzy, how he doesn’t recognize his own family in the photos his parents send him. how he doesn’t know what he’s going to do when he leaves in 16 months, stuff like that. seems he’s maturing, which i’m glad. hopefully it’ll put alot of things into perspective for him.

and he did really buy a camel.

so i guess i’ll write back to him later.

brian called at 12:30 but it was pouring here so i nixed going. he was still going to attempt it. did my grocery shopping but still have no food. i don’t buy meat or anything, i buy…crap. but i bought veggies again so. went out to color tech to get my film, gonna work on scanning that now. i forgot what else was on my list to do today, oh well. i’m really tired.

 

i forgot to mention this. there was a photo at the historical society that thrilled me to no end, cuz i’m a big giant dork. we all know my fascination and love of war propaganda posters (i’m still waiting for iraq ones to come out )…there was a picture of the terminal concourse, taken from the buffalo end, towards the clock. at the end, above the ticket counters was a big poster saying that “defense also starts at home”. gaaaaaaaah. i’m almost willing to pay the exorbitant amount that the historical society wants for photo reproductions for that picture. hahah.