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ok i don’t care how lame anyone thinks i am, i gotta come clean. i absolutely love chris angel mindfreak. i just love him. when i go to vegas i totally wanna see one of his street shows. i wanna levitate.

and know who i hate? janice dickenson. hello, you’re a nobody. you are not considered to be a super model, even if you claim to have invented the term in the 70s. you were never on that fame level. and suddenly you’re everywhere, on all these dumb reality shows and pop culture countdown shows. you’re still nobody. and you look every bit your age, except your hair. you looked absolutely HORRIBLE on the last surreal life episodes. the botox is falling out, better go catch it.

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i’m depressed that i’m not at all into halloween this year. it’s my favourite month and favourite holiday, and i’m just not into it. i haven’t even bought a pumpkin. we can dress up for work only on monday, which sucks. they should let us dress up the whole weekend like last year. i don’t know what i’ll dress up as though, might just be goth girl again. still have the pirate costume that i didn’t wear last year too. can’t think of anything to be that includes my silver astronaut boots.

my favourite charlie brown special was always the great pumpkin episode.

dresden dolls are playing buffalo tonight, and i’m off since i was supposed to be in detroit. dunno if i’m gonna go though.

Posted in: Personal

holy fucking shit

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from rolling stone:

What will Trent Reznor do when Nine Inch Nails U.S. tour ends on November 20th? “I might play theaters by myself, with the piano and some electronics,” Reznor reveals to the smoking section. “Just try something that’s the antithesis of the shows we’re doing now.” No way! “This arena tour is spectacle, it’s bombast,” he continues. “But as a musician it’s not like an improvisational situation – primarily, we stick to the script. I have a newfound confidence, a combination of being sober, getting older and being a little more comfortable in my own skin, and I wouldn’t mind creating a new environment where the sound is more spontaneous.” Reznor also adds that being lucid 24/7 has fired up his songwriting – he hopes to drop a new NIN album in 2006.

oh my fucking god i’ll be quitting my job to go to every single show. no new couch for me, not buying anything else. christmas gifts are gonna suck, and 40 hour weeks here i come. cuz i’ll need all the money i have for this.

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i’m sick.

so i bought a bottle of absinthe. the kind i got, i got based partly on reviews i read, and because it looked like it had a cool label. got it today, and holy crap it really does have the coolest label ever. once we drink it on the mini tour i’m totally filling it back up with green water to display.

heather is gonna come visit on sunday and go photograph at the terminal. so i get to go freeze my ass off again hahah. all good.

there was something else i was going to say but i forget what it was.

oh yeah. kate decided to go to the u2 detroit show after all. but my ebay auction had bids and only 3 hours left so i couldn’t cancel it. we tried to use kates account to super bid so she’d guarantee to win it, but ebay was broken and we couldn’t bid. i cancelled the first 2 bids and figured if it was broken, no one else could bid. but someone managed to bid for 100$ and win, so i had to tell them i couldnt see the tickets cuz i was going to use them afterall. shitty. hope he doesn’t turn me into ebay.

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ok when did it change that school buses stop every 5 feet to drop of kids. *puffy and old and cranky* back in my day there was one bus stop for the entire street. snow, wind, rain, you went to that one bus stop and the bus came and got you and dropped you off there at the end of the day. none of this stopping at every single kids driveway even though you stopped 10 feet earlier at the driveway before. KIDS CAN WALK! it just took me 7 minutes to drive down my street, because i was behind a bus that stopped at every single driveway on the street. wtf.

wow hurricane wilma is a cat 5 already?

and in other news, i was indeed published again in the current issue of Western New York heritage magazine. A photo of the stained glass window in the cafeteria of JN Adam’s TB hospital. the good thing about the photo they chose – you can’t figure out when i was in the building 🙂 i accidentally mentioned to my mom that joe was arrested there, and she didn’t flinch or ask anything at all. surprising.

getting my phone set up. i can’t figure out how to send pictures i take on the phone to my comp. i might have to pay for multimedia messenging in order to do so. but i’d think, like txt messages, you’d be allowed to do so even if you don’t subscribe to the service, and just pay out the ass for it. i like my phone camera, you can choose photo quality between 5 different ones, you can choose pixel size between 3 different ones, multi shot, night shot, change the brightness before you take it, and 4x zoom. i was impressed for a silly camera phone. i just wanna see what they look like not on my phone’s screen. gotta try the night shot still.

therapy today. was ok i guess. throat hurts tons, definitely getting sick. i forgot to take my vitamins yesterday. every time i forget, the next day i get a sore throat. and each time adr2 and i have seen trent she gets sick, and when she gets better i get sick. trent disease hahah. i didn’t drink out of a communal water bottle this time, but she did.

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hey guess who is NOT going to see u2 in detroit on monday. Oh yeah, that’s right, me.

Fucking piece of shit job, completely unwilling to switch my fucking stupid training day JUST BY ONE FUCKING DAY. the ONLY day of the month that i couldn’t go to training, and they schedule me that same fucking day. and it can sound conspiracy theory if you want, but i KNOW it has to do with me giving back my managment position. they are being completely unreasonable. Fuck them.

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i got a new phone today. none of my ringtones transferred, so i’m bummed. the internet on it isn’t working right now. i need chairman mao back, but apparently its not available for my phone. i’ll have to get a warhol cow.

maybe i just cant figure out how to get the ringtones off my sim card. theres nothing in the manual.

Posted in: Personal

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firsts
First best friend: neighbor stacey
First job: mcdonalds
First screen name: sara989898
First self purchased album: i think aerosmith “get a grip”, on cd at least. don’t remember first cassette i bought myself.
First crush: joe gotowko
First funeral: someone i didn’t know, parent of a friend of the family, the priest kept getting the guys name completely wrong
First credit card: citibank mastercard.
First true love: not applicable
First “enemy”: probably andrea cuz angela and i made these code letters and said someone told us to give them to her, she decoded them, and thought (correctly) that we wrote them, and then we weren’t friends for like 8 months
First big trip: i dunno my parents took me all over
First play/musical/performance: dance recital when i was real young, 5 maybe…

lasts
Last cigarette? uh…when i had alcohol poisoning, thanksgiving eve…when was that, junior year? so 5 years ago.
Last car ride: 10 minutes ago
Last bus ride: well i think the only place i’ve ever rode a bus in was toronto, but not in the last few years. oh wait, i ride the short bus to work everyday from the parking lot, so 20 minutes ago.
Last good cry: it wasn’t a particularly good one, but friday.
Last library book: i have library-book-a-phobia
Last movie seen: i watched half of the wedding singer on tv yesterday
Last beverage drank: water.
Last food consumed: pizza
Last Crush: trent reznor
Last phone call: days ago, i dunno, tuesday maybe when tommy called 10 times in a row cuz i wouldn’t answer haha
Last tv show watched: sportscenter
Last time showered: this morning
Last shoes worn: black mary janes
Last annoyance: life
Last disappointment: life
Last good dream: i was engaged to trent and we were in his old house in new orleans and it was hideously decorated and i thought, when we get married, i’ll totally have to redecorate
Last ice cream eaten: vanilla soft serve with chocolate sauce at work
Last shirt worn: the one i have on now, my uniform. but before that, nin spiral shirt
Current: my ugly grey poupon colored dealer shirt that is the most unflattering thing ever
Last website visited: lj friends list
last Person talked to/chatted with: phill on the bus

appearance
height: 5’9
hair color: black.
eye color: brown
piercings: ears
tattoos: yes

right now
what color pants are you wearing?: black.
what song are you listening to?: “kinda i want to” – nin in my head
what taste is in your mouth?: green jawbreaker
what’s the weather like?:cold and i wont turn my heat on above 60. i’m gonna freeze all winter.
how are you?: depressed
get motion sickness?: depends who’s driving
have a bad habit?: i’m still breathing.
get along with your parents? mostly
like to drive?: love it, prefer to do it.

favorite
conditioner: infusium
book: invisible monsters – chuck palahniuk
non alcoholic drink: unsweetened iced tea
alcoholic drink: raspberry lemon drop martini from buca
thing to do on the weekend: urbex
band or group or singer or rapper: nine inch nails, u2, etc

have you
broken the law: i tresspass and speed on a regular basis
ran away from home: nope.
snuck out of the house: nope, never.
ever gone skinny dipping: no
made a prank phone call: yeah but i was always bad at it, and i’d start laughing. andrea was amazing at it, so she’d do it most of the time, and i’d just listen and hysterically laugh into a pillow. wow 2 mentions of andrea in 1 survey.
ever tipped over a porta potty: gross.
used your parents’ credit card before: no i dont think so. maybe on the internet before i had my own
skipped school before: yeah the one time that i skipped for no reason was to watch a snl rerun with dana carvey and a good musical guest, i forget who.
fell asleep in the shower/bath: never
been in a school play: clowns, 5th grade
let a friend cry on your shoulder: no one i know chooses to emote at me

love
boyfriend: at the moment
girlfriend: nope.
sexuality: i think i’m asexual.
children: nope.
current crush: trent reznor 😛
been in love: no
had a hard time getting over someone: yes
been hurt: always
your greatest regret: i dont regret anything

random
do you have a job: yes
your cd player has in it right now: car has nin catalog mp3 cd.
what’s the next cd you’re gonna get?: probably nothing

when/what was the last

you got a real letter?: my grandma is the only one who writes me real letters
you got e-mail: i checked it 15 min ago
thing you purchased: coffee, tea and the smallest donut ever
tv program you watched: didn’t we already answer this, sportscenter
movie you saw in the theater: Corpse Bride.

Posted in: Personal \ Tagged:

la fee verte

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at the tolouse-lautrec show i bought a book about the history of absinthe, which was a huge “fad” in monmarte among the bohemian culture when he was living. really makes me want to try some, but that aside… an exerpt:

absinthe moved further into the mainstream counter-culture with the 1997 video for the track “the perfect drug” (available in a ‘domination mix’ and an ‘absinthe mix’) by dark and doomy S/M oriented US band nine inch nails, in which trent reznor is seen preparing absinthe amid edward gorey-style landscapes, and perhaps regretting having murdered a girl. along with nine inch nails, gothic rocker marilyn manson is also said to buy crates of absinthe from the united kingdom. underground ‘absinthe clubs’ were alledged to be springing up in DJ Levien’s absinthe pulp fiction Wormwood, a fictional state of affairs only possible because absinthe remains illegal in america. its legal status caused speculation when presidential wife hillary clinton was photographed in prague with a glass of absinthe in front of her. did she actually drink any, people wondered, or was it a neat counterpart to her husband’s trick of ‘not inhaling’?

haha i wonder what would happen if you were caught by cops with absinthe. is it like pot? would you get arrested with drug charges? i bet alot of people have never even heard of absinthe.

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i wish it could have been any other way…

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*sigh* today was crap. turns out i wasn’t a 10pm start today, so i was an hour and a half late to work. they made me a 10 start so that i wouldn’t get any points, and still got out as 4 as always with the late starts. sucked but turned out ok. i am a 10 tomorrow however. fine. and i am a 10 NEXT friday. none of this makes me look good anymore. not sure i mentioned it, but u2 detroit is in jeopardy. we have mandatory customer service training at work, and of course my scheduled day is the 24th, the day of the show. i had requested the 23/24 off 2 months ago but they won’t give it to me because of this training. shift manager talked to me on tuesday about why i needed it off, which i lied of course, family reunion was my excuse and that my parents are making me go even though i don’t want to. he said he’d see what he could do, but i wouldn’t be surprised if they don’t switch my day. and i don’t know what that means for me. hopefully i find out if they can or cannot switch my day, and if i’ll get fired for not showing up so i can sell my ticket, or kate can take both and go with someone else, or something. i could use 300$ from selling the ticket but kate will be devastated.

and today was crap cuz i was just really depressed. i think the drugs have been working for the most part. none of the reasons behind my mood have gone away, they just aren’t bothering me anymore, and i’m not thinking about them constantly. which is part of my whole problem with the field of psychology and why i decided not to continue to phd level. i do have my first appt with the shrink on wednesday however. today was just…blah. another day wasted with me doing nothing, me getting upset and crying for the first time in a while. just thinking about things again and yuck.

and i’m completely freaking out with the probability of meeting trent reznor at one of the next 5 shows. because it is going to happen, and i will friggen make a total fool of myself and it’ll be awful. i’ll be able to die with my life complete, but i’ll still probably throw up.

i always wanted a craftmatic adjustable bed when i was a kid. i only just recently realized that it’s basically a hospital bed.

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