NIN “And All That Could Have Been + Still” CD release

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I posted 18 times this day. Ha. Here you go.

 

i had some strange ass dreams last night. now i wanna listen to deftones but that cd is at school.

pam slapped me at work today. slapped my arm… really fucking hard. she left a mark. everyone was like, WHAT THE FUCK, including me. she’s like, something about this green sticker that was on her. and i’m like jesus christ that fucking hurt. cuz it did. i wanted to cry, it really really fucking hurt. wreatha said something to her about being so rude. so then pam looked at my arm and saw her fucking hand print, and was like i’m sorry and kissed my arm. i’m like whatever. it fucking hurt.

…early morning april 4, shot rings out in a memphis sky, free at last they took your life they could not take your pride…

 

arehasodfyuwaeoiruwae;rjasldnkfwaeiryasoifhoashrowaie;ruawo;eifusldnf

came home from work, sat around, took a shower…got off my lazy ass and left the house to get a money order for my ebay purchase. i go to the bank, atm machine cant give me any money…so that means i can’t get the money order cuz i don’t have enough cash. so i decided to go to record theatre to see if they had any nin promo posters/stickers/whatever for the dvd stuff coming out tomorrow. they have a rack in the front labled Imports. so i’m looking at it to see how much the tea party cd cost (18$)…then i look to the right, AND THERE IS THE FUCKING LIVE NIN DISC!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IT DOESNT COME OUT TIL TOMORROW!!!!!!! AEOIURASLIFDJAWLERNA so i’m looking at it, and it’s just the single disc…so i’m like uh, i have a q. this is just the single one right? and then right in front of where i had turned around and was now standing was the double. i’m like WOO HOO CAN I BUY THIS?! and they’re like yeah. LOL then the guy is like, do you want the DVD too? and i’m like ARG NO I HAVE NO MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i had to charge the cd… yeah cuz it was fucking 30$ fucking expensive indie record store LOL. BUT IT DOESNT COME OUT TIL TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so i asked for promo stuff too but the guy said they had none (liar, there were the posters up on the windows :P)….so nooooowww i get to listen to lovely trent screaming his lovely songs out, woo hoo. this is so fucking great omg i’m dying.

so now i only have to get the dvd tomorrow, hopefully at barnes and nobels so i can use my gift certificates….and then the u2 cd at target….hopefully the bank machine will be able to give me money, cuz i’d rather not be charging all of this.

and yeah i bitched about how fucking ugly the live nin stuff packaging was. yeah it’s ugly. but the double disc it’s in one of those fold out things like the fragile, and then it’s inside a cloth box. so it’s cooler than the scans seemed. lol but it’s for lefties…the cd comes out the wrong side of the cloth box thing LOL

and omg…i’m not there yet, but…looking at the tracklisting for the “still” disc…. a “the fragile” reconstruction!!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG….if it’s trent playing piano i’m going to die…and i’ll die a fucking happy death. aeryasd;lfkawe;rausidfoiawh;ero;aiyehfo;iasuj;sealn and there is a “something i can never have” reconstruction……ahhhhhhhhhh

omG i’m so fucking excited…. i must stop myself from going back to buy the dvd right now. ahhhh

 

soooo dying over this cd…..”the great below” and “the mark has been made” sound different than the Toronto show, and the other live mp3s i have…. omfg i so love “the mark has been made” live… ahhh….

 

lol as if my stereo wasnt loud enough as it is, and my mom can probably hear it downstairs, but she has to come upstairs to do something when “closer” comes on… and while she likes this song, she’s only heard it on the radio with the edit… hahahahahah

 

omg head like a hole rocks so hard…aah….trent needs to tour!!!!!!!

 

“starfuckers inc” is on and i’m remembering how great it was at the show, when the whole crowd is just screaming “don’t you don’t you don’t you” ahhhh it’s so energizing ahhhhhhhhhhh need to be there, trent needs to tour. i need that feeling again ahhhhhhhhhhh. i think there is something really different about nin fans, and the whole crowd participation thing… like, that was a feeling unlike any other concert feeling i’ve had….i mean u2 hamilton, it felt so different, singing along with that crowd, compared to the nin toronto crowd….both were just amazing feelings, but different. ahhhhhhhh need concert!!!!!

and omg sometimes i forget how fucking amazing “hurt” is….

 

omgomgomgomgomgomgomg something i can never have IS TRENT PLAYING PIANO!!!!!!!!!! holyfuckingshit i’m going to cry. this is the greatest thing i’ve ever heard.  times 100

 

LOL OMG IM SO HAPPY RIGHT NOW. something i can never have was on when my dad got home, now adrift and at peace is on, and he comes in my room…
dad: what is this?
me: nine inch nails
dad: *jumps surprised*
me: he is a classicaly trained pianist you know
dad: i just saw a picture of them in the paper, mouth wide open screaming mode
me: he was gonna be a concert pianist
dad: can’t hide your roots i guess
me: it’s good stuff
dad: yeah this stuff is nice

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH LOL MY DAD LIKES TRENT’S PIANO STUFF!!!!!!!!!! THAT IS SO FUNNY!!!!!

 

OMG IM SO GONNA CRY!!!!!!!!!! FRAGILE IS TRENT PLAYING PIANO TOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

omg the reconstructed “the becoming”…it’s so great. it’s so weird. like, there is this AWESOME, like so totally wicked piano beginning….and then this weird vocal effect where trent sounds like he’s in a tunnel. and then after the “the me that you know….” part, there’s a louder piano part over the drums and other instruments playing it….wow. this is so great. ok yeah, the “still” cd is so worth the inflated price i paid ALONE….

i wonder what this all sounds like on a stereo that doesn’t sound like shit. yeah i need to go drive around for a while.

omg i wonder if the dvd is gonna have hidden footage of recording “still”…. ahhh that’d be so great. i wonder if my next post i can start it with something other than “omg” LOL

 

pretty sure that “the day the world went away” version on still is that acoustic in chicago version that’s floated around on mp3…and i didnt start this post with OMG since i’ve heard this before hahahah.

 

i need a nin fan with me right now so we can go driving around and just be completely blown away by the absolute brilliance of the still disc.

 

“and all that could have been” – the theme for this design….the song is…strange. it is so amazing. but it’s so weird. and i almost cried. cuz the way he sings the chorus, the “the pieces and promises and left behinds”…omg. it’s got elements of “the fragile” album stuff, and some of “the downward spiral”… like the guitar part is reminiscent of “the becoming” off tds…but it’s sorta got that airy/far away sound of some of the fragile tracks…i dunno. i can’t explain it. it sounds so weird, like it’s a bunch of different parts of songs thrown together, and it works so good. the whole first verse, can’t understand a word he’s saying. like, i first thought he was singing in reverse… or something, it sounds so weird. gonna have to listen and read the words. but omg…yeah it’s so great.

 

trent needs a whole album of instrumentals. yes he does. and he needs to tour.

i’m so spent now.

 

so i drove around for a while. drove down to the falls, and then back to barnes and nobles and the other record theatre. i thought maybe barnes and nobles would have it out tonight, like how they sold Chucky P’s new book 3 days before it was supposed to come out. but no luck. the lady said they’re gonna have it tomorrow, so that’s good, i can use my gift certificates. and aunt darleen will be there, and can get me a discount. yay. i went to target too to see if they happened to put out the U2 disc tonight, but no luck there either. i’m getting greedy now hehe.

but yeah, so listened to “still” twice in the car. it is so amazing. fav parts: the end of “something i can never have”, all of “the becoming” but in particular the rad piano parts, all of “the fragile” and all of “and all that could have been”….that song… is so amazing. i can’t get over it. THIS is what so called alternative music is supposed to be about. it’s supposed to be about experimenting and taking chances and creating art. not this creed crap, and these “nu-metal” aka no talent bands like drowning pool and disturbed….no talent fuckers who happened to get lucky with a catchy song. if grunting like a monkey is talent, then someone give me a record deal cuz i can do that.

alternative music, it’s supposed to have substance, it’s supposed to be emotional, the whole beginning of “alternative” was to provide something with substance to fight all the cock rock bands of the 80s like poison and bon jovi…that old guitar alternative, or “grunge” from the seattle scene in the early 90s had substance… pearl jam, nirvana, soundgarden…they had things to say, they got so big because they were speaking to this generation of kids who had no future. it meant something. this shit that’s out now, it’s so meaningless, just as disposable as nsync and britney spears. everyone rags on the pop music superstars for their lack of substance, but it’s no different then papa roach, and limp bizkit…god these bands that are big now, they piss me off so bad….

you’re supposed to feel something with alternative music…it’s not supposed to be disposable. you’re supposed to listen to it and feel the emotions that went into writing and recording it. i’m in the car listening to “something i can never have” and trent starts singing at the climax and you can tell he’s singing with so much emotion, it hits you right in the heart… you can’t help but listen to it and be moved…he pours his soul out in his songs. that’s how it’s supposed to be….

sometimes i think i’m too emotionally involved in my music. all i know is that trent has reaffirmed his place as the top god in Sara’s polytheism…

 

 

 

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i’m getting to the end of this mj tape, and i guess this is some ABC special about the brit awards 96…but its like 4 david bowie performances LOL. i love bowie. he rocks. he’s singing “under pressure”… which now always makes me think of the NIN closure video…when nin is sitting around with bowie, and david is talking about how they did under pressure and people were like “he’s covering vanilla ice” HAHAH

 

i just remembered. while watching popmart i realized i don’t know any of the words to discotheque LOL. and i was reminded of this just now by watching MJ’s 88 grammy performance of the way you make me feel, and i remembered that i recently realized he says “paint the town” not “hit the town” lol

yeah 88 grammys is mjs worst lipsynching job ever… its SOOOO bad. but 88 grammys is one of his best tv performances ever (besides motown 25) and probably one of the best grammy performances of anyone ever…it’s the end of the performance when he starts singing (and they forget to turn the mic on), that is just like, mind blowing…mj needs to be mind blowing again…. “and no massage couldda been any clearer” hahah

whatever happened to billy crystal??

you’re a whole new generation and pepsi’s coming through, schmon i’m bad, i’m bad, and pepsi’s cool you know it you know. and the whole world has to answer right now just to tell you the pepsi way, it’s cool.

mjs bad tour outfits were so rad.. i want his buckle pants.

 

so i’m continuing on with my video tape watching now that i’m not dying. finished watching MJ around the world (finally, i think i’ve attempted to watch it 3 or 4 times now)…it’s so great. mj was so great in the bad era. i wanna go to a Bad tour concert!!! he had a good face, and he sang, and he had energy and was happy!…and now he’s singing on the Sammy Davis Jr tribute thing from years ago, 88 or something. It was so great. MJ neck hehe….Nothing like that Liz Taylor tribute CRAP. lol. he was soooo good back in the day. i think i have the sammy davis thing on another tape too cuz i had seen it before, and i know i’ve never watched this tape before. i lost the paper that went with it telling me what the hell all these clips were, but…that is long gone somewhere. now it’s a really old episode of entertainment tonight about the Victory tour…84 then..

 

well i guess today wasn’t a total loss. worst headache i’ve had in a while….felt like puking all day long. i haven’t had a migrane like that since i was a kid. slept for 2 hrs in the afternoon cuz it got too bad…got up, didn’t completely go away, but had gross pizza, went on comp. came back again. went back to bed….

but then it went away for a bit – of course not completely, but enough that i could function – and i accomplished another web feat. i now run a forum off my own host, instead of a free one with banner ads. it works..not completely, but it works. can’t figure out how to post images, even tho i’m doing what it says….arg. just gives me a gay ass stupid text code thing instead of a pic showing up like it’s supposed to. so…i guess i have to wait til someone responds on the discus support forum. which i hope is soon.

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old MTV video tapes

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today is gonna be mj video day. lol.

i think mtv should bring back 12 angry viewers and let me be on it… and ooooh this is the super great Manson as President of the USA closing performance!!! this was great. god manson is so funny. i love how the audience is just …..staring. hahahah…. they’re all like, what…the fuck…is this. lol.

so janet jackson is presenting mark romanek with the video vanguard award for like best director….they’re doing a lil montage of his vids…every great vid, he’s done. LOL…he is really so good. and he made trent lick a microphone LOL.

what do you know… i have the NIN perfect drug video on tape too LOL….how lovely. trennnnnnt!!!
yeah now i’m on mtv awards 97…this must be a preshow thing. this video rocks, trent is so evil looking…ok more so than normal haha.and this song rocks too. hahah 3 days til nin dvd!!! is absynth (sp?) really bright green? haha my watching trent play piano fantasy still remains hehe.

oh this show is “and the nominees are…” hosted by hanson LOL. i think this 97 mtv awards was the one hosted by chris rock…and i think u2 might have been on it…maybe they were on 98…i have a mp3 of their performance tho. hah. lol a commercial to buy u2’s pop album at bestbuy – oh and they said “Buy mtv award performer u2’s pop”….yay.

and now is the preshow…tabitha soren, i hate her. she’s a bitch. premier of janet’s “got til it’s gone” video…ew interview with mariah after her divorce….when she turned into mega slut. lol spice girls. they’re so funny. even tho i hate kurt loder, sometimes his deadpan comments are just hysterical. like, scary spice said their movie is out on boxing day and he’s like “yeah boxing day is a big holday here too” HAHAHA talking to janet….shes fat in this interview…her arms are like huge.

ok on to the show….yup chris rock. spoofing the “beautiful people” haha WOO HOO this is the u2 one…hah. ok why did i tape this and save it? cuz no one i liked then or like now besides u2 is on it… hah. chris rock is so funny. hes got THE most weirdest deformed hands lol. ooooh this is the whole tribute to biggie “i’ll be missin you” award show…fast forward. whatever happened to prodigy? they rocked. jewel, blah, fast forward. prodigy is performing. i remember my mom was watching it and was like, what the hell he has snot coming out of his nose all over LOL. lol the white prodigy guy just struck a jay gordon pose…of course, before jay gordon was in orgy, but whatever lol. all raver music should be as cool as prodigy. woah i think black prodigy guy has nipple rings…woo hoo. wallflowers, boring….girls rapping, a big fast forward….fiona apple, best new artist, is this her big rambling speech? haha yeah the maya angelou speech hahaha. the “this world is bullshit” speech hahahahaha she’s such a nutcase. WOO HOO u2 finally….then i can stop watching this crap….oh shit this isn’t the mp3 i have. this is the really shitty performance of please that ali reminded bono about after sept 11th HAHAHAH. how great. ok well that wasn’t shitty…bono sounded good, the band sounded good. aside from being kinda uneventful…and then chris rock said bono looked like the unabomber in his black hoodie hahaha. too funny….

haha talking about dangerous tour, the actual tour and how big it was, and the guy is like, this is the biggest outdoor show ever…haha soon to be surpassed by zootv and then popmart haha. i can’t imagine building the dangerous stage, or zootv stage….any big stage, even the elevation tour. they have the behind the scenes thing on the u2 dvd, and it’s like wow..that stage was NOTHING and it was so huge. hahah all that work for 3 hrs of use…

i soooo don’t remember this….behind the scenes stuff for “give into me”….my fav mj song. lol. slash should tour with mj, he’s not doing anything anymore lol. forget jennifer batan, big haired guitar player….go for the other big haired guitar player named slash hehe. slash rocks.

now i’m watching this tape that contains the 2 versions of “they dont care about us”, 86 and 88 grammies, and 2 mtv rockumentaries about MJ…. so i’m on rockumentary #1 which is about dangerous so like 93 or so. and the commercials are on, and i am so amused!! lol there was one for the premier of Sea Quest on NBC, the movie the Real McCoy….one to buy Janet. at Kmart LOL….MTV commercial advertising new videos “this fall” from janet jackson, mj, u2, whitney houston, nirvana, pearl jam, guns and roses… LOL. mj should do a making the video episode…that’d rock. cuz this rockumentary has all kinds of behind the scenes stuff from remember the time vid shoot – stuff that isnt on “dangerous short films” video tape…there is this one dancer in the RTT video who looks like a man. i hate her. hah.
i need some retro mj clothing…i used to have a belt. long time ago, like when i was 4. i want a vintage mj shirt.

blah the commercials were cut out of this episode of rockumentary…boooring. lol.

i think music is really amazing. this show is showing billie jean from the opening night of the dangerous tour. they show the audience and every person is clapping along to the beat…i think that is amazing. not just mj, but any artist or band. to have the ability to control a crowd like that. to have the power to have people just…i dunno. follow like that. actors can’t do that, artists in the classical sense can’t do that….only musicians, cult leaders and religious figures can…hmm.

haha i forgot, this world music awards thing is when mj started laffing about pirates. LOL he gets another award, and he’s standing on stage with hootie and the blowfish, and this old man. and the old man starts talking about how his success and the success of all the other artists on the show is a result of their music not being stolen by pirates. and mj starts laffing LOL and then the guy keeps going about music piracy and stuff and mj is trying not to laff. LOL but the way the old guy said it, it deserved a laff, cuz he’s like, your music is getting stolen by pirates LOL

so on with my video tape watching….world music awards 1996. this was an mj thing LOL. it was an earth song performance, and i believe it was post controversial messiah complex brit awards performance. yep i’m sure of it, because this is the same performance and i remember waiting to see it to make my own conclusions about the whole messiah bit at the end. mj looks so beautiful, very feminine, but…like…beautiful. bad hair tho, half mullet. or not, but like…bad. layered, woman like. LOL. but his face moved, and he looked happy.
and i realized something while watching the earth song performance. something i really don’t like about invincible is it’s lack of emotion. HIStory might have gotten slammed in the media for being self-indulgent or what not, and criticized because it was all angry and stuff. well i admire the high level of emotion on HIStory…he was truely angry, and it came out in his music. and i realized that listening to invincible – it doesn’t move me. he’s singing totally devoid of any emotion. he’s going through the words, and stuff but i don’t think he really has any emotional involvement in any of these songs – with maybe the exception of speechless but i HATE that song and never listen to it. i dunno. but that’s why i don’t like invincible. i like emotional music, personal, not personal, just emotional…there was no emotion in his tribute concert performances, not like this earth song performance had…i dunno.

jordan knight and jon b have recorded a remake of the Hall and Oats song “Sara Smile”….do you know how much i HATE that song?
thinking about it, i haven’t had anyone sing at me in a while…ha

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i’m having this conversation with cyndi about dumbo. i don’t really remember dumbo really, except for the pink elephants. which i thought were super scary. and i realized some of the movies i find the scariest, creepiest movies are kids movies. first off, most if not all disney movies are really scary. i’ve never been a huge fan of disney so let’s think
lion king – scar (is that his name) kills mufasa…scar is one scary mofo…
little mermaid – whatever that octopus woman’s name was who stole ariels voice – scary.
dumbo – pink elephants – scary…dumbo getting drunk, that whole part
pinnochio – the misfits (that is the right movie correct?)
aladdin – jafar (cyndi said this…i’ve seen the movie a billion times, but i barely remember him at all)
sleeping beauty and snow white – just really scary… lol
alice in wonderland – i love this movie, but it’s a giant drug trip and it’s scary
peter pan – i had to watch that a bunch of times recently, and yeah it’s scary. peter is evil looking, and captain hook is evil, and yeah it’s scary.
beauty and the beast – the beast, nuff said lol
song of the south – ok i dunno if this one was scary cuz i don’t remember, but it was totally racist LOL
bambi – don’t remember it, but his mother was shot so… yeah scary.
and perhaps the scariest children’s movie i’ve seen… “willy wonka”… OMG IT’S SO FUCKING SCARY! esp the part with Wonka chanting on the riverboat…jesus christ. i saw it last year maybe on tv, and had totally forgotten about that part… after i was like HOLY SHIT that was scary. i think i posted the chant on my blog before…must find it again.
THERE’S NO EARTHLY WAY OF KNOWING
WHICH DIRECTION WE ARE GOING
THERE’S NO KNOWING WHERE WE’RE ROWING
OR WHICH WAY THE RIVER’S FLOWING
IS IT RAINING
IS IT SNOWING
IS A HURRICANE A-BLOWING
BLEH!
NOT A SPECK OF LIGHT IS SHOWING
SO THE DANGER MUST BE GROWING
ARE THE FIRES OF HELL A GLOWING?
IS THE GRISLY REAPER MOWING?
YES! THE DANGER MUST BE GROWING
FOR THE ROWERS KEEP ON ROWING
AND THEY’RE CERTAINLY NOT SHOWING
ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!

there we go…it’s scary just reading it, but in his possessed chant…

and another scary kids movie… Wizard of Oz… christ. scary. and the black remake, The Wiz…mega scary.

i so know i’m not insane. there was this movie i saw as a kid. the only thing i remember about it was this book, and there was a green head that came out of it. it was this evil book thing. that’s all i know…. WHAT MOVIE IS THIS! SOMEONE HELP ME!!!!

MacFishto: The dark Crystal should have been banned…
Opal Tranquility: what was that?
MacFishto: that is the king of scarey
Opal Tranquility: i havent heard of that
MacFishto: OH good lord…it was this trippy muppet movie
Opal Tranquility: i remember some like, carebare movie, with some green head that came out of a book
Opal Tranquility: NO WAIT ITS THAT
MacFishto: from like 1980
Opal Tranquility: THE GREEN HEAD THING
Opal Tranquility: RIGHT?
MacFishto: um…
Opal Tranquility: lol or not
MacFishto: green headed thing?
Opal Tranquility: hahah nm
Opal Tranquility: no one ever knows what i’m talkign about, and i certainly dont
Opal Tranquility: i just know i saw some movie as a kid with this green head that came out of a book
MacFishto: no what are you talking about..can you remember anything lse about it
Opal Tranquility: nope
Opal Tranquility: except it may have been care bears
Opal Tranquility: lol

I FOUND IT! I WASN’T IMAGINING THINGS AND IT REALLY WAS A CAREBEAR MOVIE!!!!!!!!!!!!!

THAT IS IT!!!!!! AND IT WAS AN ORANGE HEAD NOT A GREEN ONE! BUT THAT WAS IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I AM NOT INSANE!!!!!!!!!!!!

this, is a spectacular idea
blah blah blah u2 playing first arena show in the US in worcester mass. “When security came charging after one girl, Bono motioned them away, wrapped his arms around her, and waltzed with her around the lip of the stage. Then he continued singing while she slumped down and hung onto his leg. Eventually Bono came in from his emoting long enough to realize that she wasn’t just hugging him. She had chained herself to his ankle. And she did not have a key. The concert had to continue with Bono attached to the fan until the roadies could get a saw and chop her off.”

BRILLIANT!!!!!!!!

more funnies from the u2 book: the scene – u2 are invading england on a greenpeace boat because they were forbidden to go near this nuclear waste site on land.
“One woman present suggests to Bono that there’s an empty cabin available if he’d like to go lie down for a while. Thanks, Bono says, that would be great. She leads Bono in and stands there staring at him as he lies down on the cot. Bono is exhausted; he tries to ignore her. Then she says, “Aren’t you going to take off your pants?”
Er, Bono says, no, that’s ok. I’m fine. Thank you. Then she climbs onto the cot next to him. Gently but firmly Bono explains that the young woman upstairs with the brown hair is his wife. Ahhh. And maybe she’d like to take a nap with me, hmmm? That’s right, ok, thank you. The woman goes off to fetch Ali and Bono lies back, relieved. A couple of minutes later the door opens again, Ali comes in and lies down next to her husband. It is the first time the two of them have been alone together in ages, what with Bono on the road, and the weary couple try to make the best of this odd circumstance. As they begin to cuddle, though, Ali lets out a yelp. Their hostess is back and has climbed into bed with them. Well, Bono says, jumping up, let’s see what’s going on on deck.”
“Paul McGuinness watches them through binoculars. Then the manager turns his attention to a special project for the boys. Paul has with him the cover of the Beatles’ album Help with its photograph of the Fab Four waving navy signal flags. Paul has eight red flags and a booklet of instructions on how to spell out letters. He summons U2 to the top deck and lines them up and they begin learning to spell out first “H-E-L-P” and then “F-O-A-D” – a favourite expression of Larry’s that abbreviates “fuck off and die.”
Great rock band though they are, choreography has never been U2’s strong suit. They spend a lot of time getting their signals backward (they are following McGuinness, who is facing them, which gets confusing) and hitting eachother with flags. During the difficult “switch” from “H-E-L-P” to “F-O-A-D”, Adam pokes Bono in the eye. Eventually the entire exercise degenerates into a sword fight with semaphores.”

hahahah….after the greenpeace stuff….
“When the bus trip resumes, Bono and I head to the backseat. As we approach Manchester I say, “Well, of course, Bono, everybody must be asking you about all the references to oral sex in your new songs…”
“WHAT?” Bono sputters. “Bill, you’ve turned to the wrong page in your notebook, you’re asking me Prince questions!”
Listen, I say, to these lines from recent u2 songs: “surrounding me, going down on me,” “You can swallow or you can spit,” “here she comes, six and nine again,” “did i leave a bad taste in your mouth,”…
“Ahh.” Bono mumbles something about sixty-nine being one of the most equal sexual positions and then strongly suggests we get onto another subject.”

 

oh and the praise keeps coming in about the MPS site that was debuted yesterday – which i think is funny cuz there are some parts i’m not happy with, and i’d like to be different/better. but everyone that is involved in the MPS and the interference msgboard loves it, they think it’s amazing LOL. and yes, there is ALOT to it, and stuff, and i am proud of it cuz it is really complicated…i still think it could be better. but ah well. it’s done…..which is funny too, cuz i’ve still been working on it all day since i got home from work…stupid stories that have to be rewritten chapter by chapter for the site. hahah

 

if i had a band i’d cover billy idol’s “eyes without a face” lol. or rebel yell…some billy idol song.

i realized that sitting at my desk makes me feel like i’m dying. so i’m gonna try not to spend so much time at it anymore. of course, that’s not gonna happen. but my posture makes my tendonitis in my shoulder hurt, and that makes my whole chest hurt and i feel like i’m having a heart attack, and then my head feels weird – not a headache, but like there’s no circulation in it. and yeah. it makes me feel like shit to sit here. too bad like, my whole life revolves around my sites, and my friends that are online that i need to talk to…oh well.

i was talking to this woman at work today. she’s always been…out there. she’s not all there in the head, someone said she was an alcoholic and has this weird alcohol brain diesease… i forget what they called it. i don’t even know if it’s a real thing, but it made sense. but i think she’s schizophrenic. she started talking to me today about all kinds of persecutory things that happen to her.. her mail being tampered with, her car being tampered with, things being stolen from her, people using her phone to call Miss Cleo (lol), her daughters computer disks being erased, things that she’s personally taken to doctors – like referrals – being misplaced or tampered with… really paranoid kinds of things. and she talks to herself, and sometimes you’ll talk to her and she just WILL NOT hear you. it’s strange…and it’s really weird, cuz she was in the army, and she was a nurse – yet she’s working at mcdonalds, lives in the projects, is on welfare and gets food stamps. so something is not right. she should be able to get a nursing job, or something medical related. she seems really bright, when she’s being “normal” and not spaced out. she knows alot of stuff, and i can have conversations with her and she knows what i’m talking about….and rose, who is schizophrenic, she works at tops because she couldn’t hold down a job…she’s poor but not on welfare…lots of personal problems. alot like this woman at work…weird.

so i might have decided on a new career goal – advertising. and the web design thing… but i might go back to school for advertising or something. dunno.

 

i just got email from MJIFC – the michael jackson internet fan club…they’re shutting down. after 7 years. it’s kinda funny, and kinda not. i joined in early 96 i think, and i LOVED it. i finally felt like i could talk about stuff going on with me and being an MJ fan after 6 months of feeling really isolated in regards to it. i met so many great people through it (carolyn, amanda, sandy, emily, cyndi etc…others who i met later in #mjfans). but then it sorta exploded, and the old founders left, and it just got really shitty. it changed formats to digest only from seperate emails…and then there was the whole thing where they bounced a post i sent because it was too large – when it was actually a good post, and not some stupid 1 line piece of shit from some newbie…after that i unsubscribed, and went to news only so i could get info updates. it was a great thing back in the day, and it got out of hand. and now they’re shutting it down. end of an era… sorta goes hand in hand with where i am in regards to MJ now. interesting…i dunno what else to say about it. just felt like mentioning it.

 

 

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finishing the popmart show….bono wore 4 different outfits. first was tight black pants, muscle shirt with black hoodie over it…then changed shirts to the Bono Man shirt…then changed shirts again to a red shirt with black sides….then for encore changed to black shirt, black hoodie, and bubble pants. added the bubble jacket for the 2nd encore…on the elevation tour he wore the same thing every night, for the entire night lol. popmart was an amazing achievement i think…just all the…grandeur…i mean it was absolutely HUGE. so it is quite mindblowing. i dont like how it was filmed. i understand why it was filmed this way, but…don’t like it. i prefer zootv. i forgot about all the INXS stuff in this popmart show…adding “never tear us apart” to….uh, some song, i forget which now.. “all i want is you” i think…dedicating “one” to michael hutchence…i dreamed about the song “one” last night cuz i was reading about the video shoot in the u2 book. but in my dream the song made so much sense LOL…i mean like, i had this revelation about it in my dream and was like aaahhh thats what the song is about. at the moment it’s sorta making me think of hedwig. woah bono’s voice just totally broke down during one… i wonder why. sounded like he was crying, but i don’t think he is.

eric brought this up…uh… i guess when we were watching the elevation dvd…but why do people always scroll credits over the last song…do we NOT want to see the last song? it makes no sense…currently scrolling credits over “wake up dead man”…uh..yeah i’d like to see this song, bitches. is it really THAT important to make us watch the credits?! cuz i REALLY don’t care about who had anything to do with the filming of this…if i did, and wanted to see the credits, then i would watch them scroll over a black screen…annoying.

ok so popmart is over…it was different, it was huge, i enjoyed it, but not as much as zootv as far as big productions go. will have to watch it again when i get time.

 

 

its kinda funny how much the internet pervades my life. cuz i had all these weird dreams last night, and then i had dreams about blogging them. LOL

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decided to watch the popmart vid tonight. started it then ppl started talking to me so i stopped. yeah..wow. that was one incredible stage. it’s absolutely massive. it’s in guiness world records for biggest TV screen ever…and yeah. it’s huge. since i didn’t finish it, i’m only on song 6, i don’t really know what my opinion on it is yet. except that i’d hate to have been there i think. the stage is SO huge, and the tv screen dwarfs them SO much…unless you were really close, you were just blinded by the tvs, and couldn’t see them or the rest of the stage – i’m sure. the video does alot of wide shots so they can get the whole stage, and stuff, and it’s like…is the band even there? cuz you totally cannot see them. and the place it’s at in mexico city, is HUGE…it’s not a normal stadium…and to be in the back, i mean it’s pointless. so i’m really glad i saw the elevation tour, much more “intimate” as everyone kept calling it…but i’d still like to have seen ZooTV…that stage was massive and complicated as well, but not as much as popmart. maybe all this will change when i finish the vid.

 

1 week til the nin dvd! yay

hmm…whatever happened to the tapeworm project?…it kinda just disappeared again…eric, u know?

 

wow getting my passport renewed is a whole lot of crap…i can’t do it an easy way because i got the passport when i was 15. so i can’t apply by mail, i have to do it in person. and i think i have to pay the regular “new passport” fee of 60$ instead of the “renewal” fee of 40$….but i don’t know, because the site MAKES NO SENSE AND DOESN’T ANSWER ANY OF MY QUESTIONS. but apparently i can do it at the NT DMV now and i don’t have to go to that postoffice in amherst like we did when we got them in 96. so i’m gonna go there after my dr appt and see if they can answer any of my questions. i’ll have to get an application to apply if i can’t do this easy renewal bit where i just need to send them my pic, my old passport and the money. how irritating. I WAS ALMOST 16 DOES THAT COUNT?! it’s so unfair. arg. maybe if they dont have any answers for me, which i’m sure they won’t the DMV is always stupid when dealing with me, i’ll go to a travel agent and ask them…there’s one on payne so…yeah. maybe i’ll have them look up flights to ireland for me too hehe.

my new passport photos…quite possibly THE worst picture i’ve ever taken. my last passport photo… i may have looked like a criminal in a mug shot, but at least it was decent…this one…is….HORRIBLE. it’s SOO bad. and my hair is sticking up… like why didn’t the lady taking the picture say something? it’s windy outside you know?!….BLAH but it was 14$ so i’m not about to go get it done again, wtf lol. But anyway….yeah went to the DMV…no passport thing there, like i figured. then went to the travel agency who really didn’t know anything, but she gave me 1 of each of the forms… mailin renewal and passport application. so then i drove to the postoffice on ridge lea cuz i know they deal with passport stuff, and went and asked them. they told me i have to apply all over again, and pay the more expensive fee as if i’m getting a passport for the first time. THAT’S SO RETARDED BECAUSE IN THE PAST 6 YEARS NOTHING ABOUT ME HAS CHANGED EXCEPT MY APPEARNANCE!!!!!!!….my parents were still born in Germany and Michigan, and I was still born in Kenmore, and all that crap. arg. so i gotta fill out this form now, and go take it tomorrow or wednesday. oh and i don’t have my check book, great….

 

i forgot to mention yesterday, that when me and heather are together, we attract strange people. when she came over and stayed overnight in summer 98 we went down to the river and we’re walking around. these 4 boys started talking to us and invited us to their party. so i was like talking to them, and told them we had another party to go to but maybe we’d stop by (cuz if that wasn’t a huge lie i dunno what was)…so we kept walking and heather was like, do you know them? and of course i didn’t LOL. and then yesterday at the outlet mall there was this guy working at the Polish Water Ice place and he asked us if we wanted free samples. so we took them, and we had pina colata, and he was like oooh trying to impress me with the grownup flavor…and we were like um yeah. we went back later to actually buy some cuz it was reeeealllly good. so we’re sitting at the table in front of the place, and he comes up to us and is like, oh the grownup girls are back. and we’re like uh yeah. he had like, big hair…it wasn’t in dreds, but it was long and curly, and sticking up, and he had his labret pierced but he wasn’t hot. so he’s like, do you girls like metal at all. and i’m like yeah sorta, and i told him i liked his shirt cuz it was a NIN fixed shirt. and he’s like there you go…well my band is playing next saturday at the elks (?) lodge for 5 bucks. and i’m like oh…and asked who they were playing with, cuz i know Stemm always plays there, and he said that they were playing with Stemm so i mentioned i knew them, and that yeah maybe we’d come to see his band play LOL.

 

 

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so i went out with heather today. i met her at the hard rock cafe in the casino in the morning, had lunch at hard rock, played some slot machines and came back to the states. went to the outlet mall and media play and hung at my house for a while. then went back to the casino to meet her parents. they took me to dinner at the rainforest cafe, which was cool. fun times. it was cool cuz i hadn’t seen her in such a long time. sooo we took some pics on the digi cam since her regular cam stopped working….

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i currently have 839 mp3s on my computer for a total of 61 hours of music. and that isn’t accurate cuz some of the files are messedup so they dont have times listed…wow.

 

i did something i shouldn’t have today. i reread all these emails that i have on 2 unlinked pages on my site that are about when i was in love with tim summer 98. it was good cuz i remembered everything that happened, and how great it was, and how great he was. and it was bad cuz i remembered how great it was and how great he was….and he’s not around anymore. well i guess he is, but i don’t know where. last i heard he was in NT at his moms, and he was back together with Lisa, but that was like… 2 years ago. wreatha saw the two of them arguing in the noco parking lot, and the cops were called. or something. i haven’t seen him since summer 99, he came into mcds one day, of course i was working and scummy. it was funny, cuz i had told Julie about him, and she was there the day he came in. i was in the crew room and she ran back and was like sara i think tim is here. so i freaked, and like ran up there. later she was like, he is SO hot, u were right. and i said something about thank god he didn’t work here anymore, or i knew julie would be all over him and she was kinda pissed at me that i said that LOL. not my fault she’s a drug whore LOL. but yeah… that was the last time i’d seen him. and summer 00 was when wreatha saw him. i wish he’d just come in one day. i don’t even care if he didn’t remember me, i just want to see him.

and i wonder what julie is doing now. i haven’t heard that she went back to jail or anything. i saw her last summer… i think… nope, summer 00 i saw her. she came through drive thru one day after she got out of rehab and the halfway house and she was living with her boyfriend in niagara falls i guess. haven’t heard anything about her since. maybe she died. i would think my mom would tell me if there was an obit for her in the paper. i would hope my mom wouldn’t be that mean as to not tell me. and when i say maybe she died i’m being serious…she is a heroin addict, and has hep C and probably aids…so it’s very likely she could have died. it’s a shame she’s so fucked up, cuz she’s so awesome. ah well…

need to go do something to make me unsad now

 

omg there is this super rad popmart tour messenger bag that i want so bad, but its on ebay for 75 dollars LOL

 

went out to dinner with my parents tonight. we went to Buca de beppos in cheektowaga. it’s SO great. the outside is all neon and cheesy, and the inside is equally cheesy. it’s an italian restaurant, and the whole inside is done in those big colored christmas light bulbs, and tons of pictures of italian people, and other italian stuff. and one small order of pasta serves 4 people. LOL it’s spectacular. i enjoyed it greatly. and me and my dad got free drinks (they forgot to charge us lol).

then went to galleria cuz my mom was intent on spending my limited gift certificate from my birthday. so i found a pair of black pants…yes another pair of black pants. these are kinda nylon-ish, but nice so i could probably wear them to an interview. then i went to the expensive music store, and YES as i said, they had the popmart vid. it was 20$ so i bought it….no one else has it, so..whatever. so i guess i’m going to go watch the rest of the sabres game…

but oh yeah… for sale in express, are rosaries…to wear…as necklaces….hmm who started that trend? could it be bono?!? hehe

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so even tho blogger wont let me publish this, i’ll type it all anyway. i started reading “u2 at the end of the world” last night, IT’S SO FUNNY. so have to share some stuff…and i’ll continue to share til i finish the book…and it’s a big book

“So this morning Bono, full of emotion and alcohol, should be sleeping like Lenin but something has awakened him. He crawls out of bed hoping for a glass of water and, in his hungover state, wanders down into the basement. While standing there, naked from the waist down, dressed only in a dirty T-shirt, he thinks he hears low voices and the rattling of doorknobs. Someone is trying to get into the house. He creeps up the stairs and sees that the intruders are already inside! Bono is suddenly aware, like Adam in the Garden, that he has no pants on and his cock is hanging out. As the intruders enter the hallway where Bono is crouching he tries to cover his nuts with one hand while with the other waving and in his hoarse voice declaring, “this is my house! you do not belong here!”
Bono is unprepared for the response he gets from the ringleader, an elderly German man, who shouts back, “This is not your house! This is my house, You get out!” Bono, bent over with his balls in his hand, surveys the gang of home invaders, a middle-aged to elderly family of 6 filing in cautiously behind the firm father, who seems prepared to jump on Bono and wrestle him to the floor. Bono is disoriented. He feels like a kid caught trespassing by his elders, not a wealthy international figure whose accommodations have been intruded upon. “This is my house!” the old man repeats. And as Bono stumbles to try to find his German and sort out the confusion, it becomes apparent that the old walrus is not misdirected. This is their house. They were visiting the western side of town in 1961 when the Wall went up. Now they are home, and they want their house back.”

1990 “Edge has been swimming in experimental music, noise rock, electronics, and alternative guitar sounds. He comes in lecturing his bandmates about Insekt, Nitzer Ebb, Nine Inch Nails, KMFDM and Front 242 – stuff that sounds like walkie talkies in washing machines.”

lol edge likes nin!!!

 

i love vernors…it’s such a great carbonated beverage. it’s too bad it’s so expensive in WNY.

and no one in WNY sells u2’s popmart video. or they just haven’t restocked yet from xmas…annoying. how many stores have i been to looking for it?…2 media plays, bestbuy, borders, target and walmart (i knew they wouldn’t have it)…i think the expensive store in the mall has it but not sure, and not about to buy it there. and i’m positive the music 4 less (haha) store in the outlet mall has it…but dont really wanna pay their overpriced…price…hah for it. music 4 less also had the best of 80-90 video which no other store ever has either. blah

 

more from the u2 book
on naming Achtung Baby…”It is all part of erecting the mask Bono talked about, the false face that will keep U2 from the embarassment of standing around with their dicks hanging out. Which brings up a good idea! How about for this cover, a big photograph of Adam standing there naked. The band calls in photographer Anton Corbijn and Adam proudly hangs out his manhood for the camera. Adam thinks that if they use this as the sleeve they should call the record Man – the logical sequel to their first album, Boy. Edge thinks it might be funnier to go with the nude shot and call the album Adam, in tribute to both their bassist and the first mortal (who was also the first man to get kicked out of his home and into the cruel world).”

 

so yeah i’ve been listening to the phantom soundtrack all night…reminded me of when i got it in 7th grade. i wanted to be a professional singer, and i used to practice the song “phantom” all the time so one day i could be Christine in some version of the play. and this one time my mom took me and angela to the outlet mall but we waited in the car for like 2 hrs while my mom was shopping. we listened to the cassette over and over, and the part in the last song “do you spend your days with me or do you send him to his GRAVE!” we would scream, cuz of the way “grave” is super emphasized in the song, and we’d crack up. and i remember when i realized that “point of no return” was totally about sex…and the part in “primadonna” that is about sex…hah yeah, we were in 7th grade, so yeah we were immature

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going to the sabres game tonight. kinda spur of the moment. adr showed up at work yesterday and was like wanna go. and the weird thing was that i was gonna check to see if there were tickets left yesterday afternoon and ask HER if she wanted to go haha. so yeah, we’re going..

i said before im getting crap hours at work, 5 hr shifts and what not…i dont know how the hell i make it through an 8 hr shift ever. i am so sore and tired, and feel like dying and i only worked 4.5 hrs today!!!! what is wrong with me.

 

danielle just told me her parents got 4 100 level tix to the sabres game tonight and they’re letting us have them for the price of our 300 levels. god i’ve been spoiled lately in regards to seats at hockey games. went to 3 games last year and had good seats twice…and now this game… woo hoo this rocks!

 

i just kinda thought this was funny. from yahoo news

*NSYNC Reponds To Boos While Accepting Award
(1/10/02, 12 a.m. ET) — It isn’t often the members of *NSYNC respond to their critics in such a public light, but at last night’s (January 9) American Music Awards they did just that. While approaching the stage to accept the award for favorite pop/rock group, a spattering of boos began to fill the Shrine Auditorium.

When they finally got to the stage, singer Justin Timberlake snapped back at those naysayers. “Oh, quit booing. U2’s gonna get Grammys.”

Chris Kirkpatrick added and more traditional, “Thank you everybody. The record company….our family, God. The fans, thank you guys very much for supporting us. Thank you.”

hahaha

 

blah now i’m sad. i’m talking to someone i haven’t talked to in a long time…well not THAT long. last i heard from her was in september. she was directly effected by sept 11th and sent a letter to me and the other people we were friends with saying she was ok, and telling us what happened. but after that, we hadn’t heard from her, if she moved back into her apartment near WTC etc…she’s online right now, and actually responded to my IM….and i have no idea what to talk to her about anymore. that makes me sad cuz she’s such a cool person. but since she got engaged and is so busy with all that, her new life…it’s like she’s different and i don’t know how to relate to her anymore. and if we met up in person again, i don’t know if i’d know what to say to her. i brought this up to her last year, that i don’t know what to talk to her about, and she went on and on about how ppl that aren’t around her all the time think she’s changed cuz she got engaged, but that her family and friends see her as the same person just with a diamond….but it’s not like that at all. at least not for me. it’s like she got that ring and grew up 10 years, while i’m still the same age i was when we were closer friends. i dunno…i don’t like it. oh well.

 

got my psych gre score today. i forget what it was already…680 i think. i think its out of 1000. it’s 85th percentile. avg is 532 or something like that. well that led of course to talking about grad school, and my mom being stupid and bitchy about my indecisiveness, which promted me to say strongly “well i’m not going yet, end of story”….which led my dad to be like “you didnt tell me u weren’t going.” and i’m like, well guess not, deadline have passed (or are about to)…which led to him telling me AGAIN about how i have to start paying back my loans if i dont keep going to school, even if not grad school…which led me to say, yes you’ve told me this MANY times now. and he’s like, well u didnt tell me you weren’t going to grad school.

well i’m not going to grad school. someone tell me why i should spend another 4/5/6 years and 25,000+ a year to get a degree in something i don’t know if i want a career in. if you give me a good reason, i’ll reconsider, and go to grad school fall 03. that’s what i thought.

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