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i don’t know why i bothered to go to class today. we talked about research methods… have i not taken an entire semester class about research methods? have i not taken advanced stats and research methods? have i not taken 100 other psych courses that all begin with research methods? have i not RUN FREAKING EXPERIMENTS?!?!?! I KNOW EXPERIMENTAL METHODS BY NOW!!!!!!! ug, so boring. should have skipped, but ah well…

i went to bed at 11:25 last night LOL….campus internet went down. i felt like my life was unplugged. i had nothing else to do, how sad. so i read clinical, read some of the u2 book (carolyn: bono knows kris kristofferson…) and then i was like….ok, i guess i’m gonna go to bed then.

if anyone has any questions that would be good to ask a counselor about ethics, and patient confidentiality etc put them in the comments…cuz i need some, and have no idea…besides like “what’s ethics”… LOL.

i got a package today… it’s 1 of 2 things….mail bomb/anthrax or my candy from carolyn. let’s hope it’s #2. i gotta go to sundance to buy a book on adobe photo shop, like i have the money….and i desperately need sweettarts, so i gotta go to the gas station. they used to sell them there, so let’s hope…since carolyn claims not to have sent any in my package. but it’s way too windy out. if it wasn’t windy it’d be a gorgeous day, but alas…the wind ruins it all. maybe i’ll go anyway, i gotta mail something and stuff so…i could risk it i suppose.

 

NO ONE SELLS SWEETTARTS! WTF IS WRONG WITH STORES?!?!?!?! gas station didnt have them anymore. so now NO ONE has them….. i’m gonna die…

 

ok…w…t…f….!!! did willy wonka stop making sweettarts or something?! becase i’m at a candy warehouse, and you can buy boxes of candy…like remember bottlecaps?!?! well u can buy a case of them…and tart n tinys, and every other damn wonka brand candy EXCEPT SWEETTARTS!!!!!!!!!….or i forget…did i find out sweettarts weren’t wonka anymore…are they nestle?…hmm…u can buy a whole box of fundip… i’m so tempted lol. ok so sweettarts are a nestle product apparently… and u can buy a whole box of the little 3 packs… like the halloween candies… a 3000 count case for 57$…yeah that’s a bit too much for me to pay, for those tiny lil ones. WHY DONT THEY SELL A BOX OF THE ROLLS?!?!?!?! you can buy giant chewy sweettarts….WTF! i had these really disgusting candies in London…they were like, bears…like these wax bears that had gross liquid inside….they were revolting. i can’t remember what they were called tho…

i’m getting pissed off now…

 

AHHHHHHH I FOUND THEM!!!!!!!!! at the same site i was at before, that didn’t show me any results i wanted….Classic SweeTart rolls! Un-wrap the top and flip them into your mouth one by one. Display box contains 36 rolls. 19.80

now the question is, am i that desperate that i need to pay 20 bucks plus shipping for my very own box of sweettarts? ALL I WANT IS LIKE maybe 5 ROLLS!!!!! i don’t even think i can buy these, cuz it says min amt to be shipped to one place is 35$…i’m not about to buy 2 boxes…

if you eat a red and yellow sour patch kid at the same time, it’s really good…like berry lemonade

current mood: moral crisis over purchasing the sweettarts

 

LSD concealed in sweettarts….http://www.streetdrugs.org/lsd2.htm…..so that’s what those white dots are….THAT EXPLAINS EVERYTHING!

 

the gross brit jelly candies were Jelly Babies…and there is no good Jelly Babies website… no one describes how revolting they are anywhere…ah well. they’re so puke worthy.

 

so bored. trying anything to not do work

BASIC INFO:
Zodiac sign – cancer
School – geneseo
Color of eyes and hair – brown and red/brown
Height – 5’9
Pets – cat – ziggy stardust…she has her own webpage

HAVE YOU EVER:
Been in Love – nooooooo
Had an online romance – definitely not
Left the country – yes…canada, uk, greece
Been so drunk you blacked out – i don’t know 🙂 if i blacked out, i wouldn’t remember LOL
Gone out in public in your pajamas – of course.
Missed school because it rained – um yeah probably… ive skipped a total of like 3 classes ever…one of them was probably due to rain. i made carolyn call the psych department last week to ask if my professor was in, cuz i didn’t want to walk outside in the shitty wind and cold to get there and have class cancelled (and it was cancelled)
Set any body part on fire for amusement – LOL no but i’ve glued my fingers together for amusement
Cheated on a boyfriend or girlfriend – noo
Kept a secret from everyone – yeah hahahaha
Actually thrown shoes onto a phone wire – no…i dont do drugs.
Had an imaginary friend – no but i used to have conversations in my head with my internal voice…and i named the voice mary jo…
Had a crush on a teacher of the opposite sex – LOL yes…..*innuendo list* hahahahah
Ever at anytime owned anything New Kids On The Block – NKOTB ROCKS!!!!!!!!
Planned your week based on the TV Guide – no thats what a vcr is for….but i did used to have a weekly ritual of looking in the TV highlights part of the buffalo news tv topics to see if there were any mj programs on for that week….
Prank called someone – yeah before everyone on earth got caller ID! 😛 ruin all our fun
Been on stage – not with a band… like i didn’t get to go up and roll around on stage with bono or anything, but i was in a play, and in chorus and stuff….
Gotten in a car accident – nope but i’m waiting for it LOL
Made homemade fudge – no i tried once, but we didn’t have a candy thermometer
Seen the Eiffel Tower – not in person, yet.

FAVORITES:
Shampoo – i have this dandruff shampoo from aldi right now….
Soap – whatever’s there..
Color – black and silver
Movie(s) – Fight Club, Hedwig, waynes world, the crow
Day/Night – whenever i’m not bored
Band – NIN, Orgy, APC, U2, EC….who else is on my walls?…tool…stp…sw…inxs…
Type(s) of music – anything that doesn’t suck LOL…so that means, nothing that’s on the radio
Coffee or hot chocolate – um…depends on my mood (and cyndi…starbucks is THE WORST coffee ever…)
Cold or Hot – cold
Big or Little – now what exactly are we talking about here???? lol
Red or Blue – blue
New or Old – eh new….i dunno
Neve Campbell or Jennifer Love Hewitt – um, negative captain
Tom Cruise or Brad Pitt – braaaaaaaad
Old Madonna or New Madonna – old, all the way….
Character on Friends – i dont watch friends, it bores me, but i guess chandler – based on my old knowledge of the show
Character on Dawson’s Creek – never seen it, i was a 90210 chick
Soap Operas – gh
Cartoon(s) – simpsons

MY FRIENDS:
Do you have a boyfriend or girlfriend – nooooooo
If no do you have a Crush – not on anyone in real life lol
Do you have a best friend – yes
Who do you go to the mall with the most – probably eric…cuz we’re always bored, and that kills a whole 30 minutes 😛
Who do you e-mail the most – whoever emails me the most.
Who have you known the longest of your friends – eric. we’re up to what? 16 years now…22-6….its said i need to press the lil calculator button to do that subtraction
Who’s the loudest – eric.
Who’s the shyest – danielle
Whose parents do you know the best – i dont really know anyone’s parents…
Who do you go to for advice – don’t seek out advice usually….fab four i’d say
Who do you get the most surveys from – I would have to say.. Sara..definitely Sara. (i only fill them out cuz i get them from you, cyndi)
Who are you jealous of – Ali Hewson ROFL

IN THE LAST TWENTY-FOUR HOURS HAVE YOU:
Helped someone – dont think so….
Cut your hair – no
Worn a skirt – NO! i dont wear skirts
Worn a tie – i’m a girl
Been mean – i’m always mean…:P
Been sarcastic – i’m always sarcastic…
Gone for a walk – i walked to sundance and the gasstation WHICH HAD NO SWEETTARTS!
Gone to the movies – i havent gone to the movies since august…and before that it was like 2 years hah…
Felt stupid – stupid? me?!?!
Said “I Love You!” – no
Written a letter – not exactly a letter
Written a paper – hahah thankfully not yet
Taken a test – online personality test, yes
Met someone new – um..not really
Written in a journal – i have a blog
Watched your favorite movie – saturday night
Given someone a present – no…
Had a serious talk – not in the last 24 hrs, few days ago…
Missed someone – nope
Been scared – YES, YES, thats a big fat YES!! why else do i continue to have a KNIFE in my BEDROOM!?

WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU…
Wished upon a star – october, at the corn maze…lol
Laughed until you cried – i’m not adrienne
Played Truth or Dare – lol we sorta played a half ass version in an mps chat in december
Watched the sunrise/sunset – dont think ever
Spent quality time alone – um i’m usually alone lol
Lied – i’m not sure what a Lie is…
Read a book just for nothing – the entire book? i finished 2 over break…read some more of the u2 book last night
Told someone you hated them – to their face? LOL or over the phone to someone else?! lol…
Ditched a friend for a girl/guy – havent
Showered – yesterday
Ate a meal – what’s a meal? i only eat 1 thing at a time cuz i cant cook.
What are you wearing right now? dark grey turtleneck, jeans
Are you lonely – no
Are you happy – ehm not really
Are you hungry – always
How many friends to death – what? i dont understand the question
Are you talking to someone online – not at the moment
Have you or are you going to be taking any vacations this year – yes…vegas, new orleans and the cross country trip, and hopefully at some point ireland…
Are you ready for this survey to end – yeah sure, i thnk i want dinner now, and my hands are frozen.
How long did this survey take you to fill out – 18 minutes
Do you have any friends you should pay more attention to – i pay attention to my friends, they just dont write me back…
Do you want all your friends to do this and send it back – i’m not sending it to anyone….

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fun with email: “FREE FARM SLUTS!!!”

i closed my window last night but i swear its still open…
a majority of our spoons are gone. we just emptied the dishwasher, and we have a total of 7 spoons. my set alone had 4 – 3 of them are missing. leah brought tons of silverwear, so we’re sure some of her spoons are missing as well. wtf. they better be returned….

danielle is getting fish tonight. went to mcds and walmart/wegmans/liquor store last night and she got a 2 gallon tank for them… just goldfish lol. but yeah…new entertainment.

hmmm what else…that’s about it. someone puked 3 times outside wells last night…once on the side, twice in the front. yeah its super nasty…i was almost late for comp art, cuz i totally forgot i only had a half hour til class, and was sitting here reading blogs…haha. then someone IMmed me and i was like SHIT I GOTTA GO I HAVE CLASS IN 4 minutes. ended up being 3 minutes late according to the clock in the room but we never start on time anyway… i was the 4th person there LOL. we’re starting our self portraits, so we had to scan our faces…it’s bright. lol.

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class was cancelled today. we’re all sitting there, and 5 min go by… so i’m thinking 5 minute rule 5 minute rule!! then this kid leaves for a few minutes, comes back and is like, yeah class is cancelled. we’re all like for real? he’s like yeah she’s not here today. so we all up and leave lol. so i’m walking down the hall into fraser and the kid comes up behind me and is like, that was some crazy shit back there. so i’m like uh yeah. so i talked to him for like a few more sentences and he kept going (he was walking faster than me).

i really like how i can walk across campus and stay inside for almost the whole time. since class was cancelled i went to print out my ugly comp art projects. so i went from sturges to fraser. fraser connects to wadsworth, wells and south as well as sturges. so from fraser i went to wells. then all i had to do was cross the street to get to brodie, the art building. so i printed out my stupid projects, they’re horrid, oh well.

i was thinking this morning about how the hurricane winds had lessened the past few days. well i was wrong. found that out when i decided to walk back to the house outside, instead of going into wells and through south, so then i’d only have to be outside to cross the street. yeah, BIG HUGE WIND! tears streaming down my face from the wind, could barely open my eyes, my ears are frostbitten and i was only outside for like 3 minutes.

but whatever. it takes like 10 minutes for each print job to get sent to the color printer in the comp art lab…so i was bored, and created a new hotmail address. it’s gonna be my “professional” address, for when i graduate and most likely won’t have my geneseo account anymore (dunno how they work all that). but sle2@hotmail.com was taken…stupidheads. i dont wanna put this new address on the blog cuz i dont wanna start getting spam mail already. i gotta remember to keep checking it, so it doesn’t expire…so that brings me up to….9 email addresses plus the platinumcomplication.com ones…hahah. maybe i’ll start transferring mailing lists and stuff to the new hotmail one…

 

hostess brand twinkies, the real brand, are disgusting….little debbie are SOOOOO Much better. so now i’m pissed i just bought a HUGE box of hostess twinkies cuz they were onsale. they are so nasty.

i’ve listened to nin’s still disc so much, that now that i put in the downward spiral “the becoming” sounds SOOOO weird.

current mood: scared for my life

 

my room is 80 degrees. it gets way too hot in here when the door is shut. had to open a window….cool it down a bit.

 

i have a really overactive imagination when it comes to visualizing murders… not me murdering someone, but me getting murdered…yeah, kinda sick isn’t it?

current mood: swealtering and scared

 

wow my aunt wants to take me on a vacation after i graduate, cuz shes happy i’m going into the real world instead of that college shit (as she put it lol)….i have 3 choices i guess…vegas – stay at the paris hotel, their time share in palm desert california or disneyland…i think i’m beyond the disney stuff. she said if i got a job in chicago i could live in her apartment (she doesn’t live there)…wow…

current mood: have to finish reading so i can go drink

 

so i’m not moving.

i’m so tired. blah. i had a bit to drink, wasn’t even buzzed, which sucks. i bought a lil bottle of baileys, and a little sample of smirnoff raspberry twist stuff. it’s pretty good. a big bottle is expensive tho, and we’re poor college students – can only afford the cheap stuff lol.

so tomorrow in comp art we are scanning our faces so that we can start self portraits LOL. carolyn never scanned her face before. i have, a few times actually LOL. does that make me weird?

Posted in: Personal

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the different sides of geneseo…it’s saturday night, our neighbors have a party…what do we do? danielle and i watch a movie, bill and leah work on a puzzle. then we all congregate in the family room to play nintendo and/or do the puzzle til 2 am…LOL

i was gonna say something else but no clue anymore what it was…oh well.

 

THIS is what I forgot to say last night. we had a new discovery last night…someone (probably workers) stole from our townhouse over break. danielle and i realized we should have 2 pints of ben and jerry’s ice cream in the fridge. we mentioned it to leah and bill, asking them if they ate it, or if they had seen it in the freezer when they came back. they didn’t. then leah realized her ice cream was missing too. the workers went through our fridge and stole our ice cream. WTF!!!!!!!!!!!!!! they went through our rooms, they opened my window, and stole our ice cream!

i gotta find my u2 tape so i can get it ready for the superbowl…i guess we’re having a mini party…bill ordered pizzas with his meal plan and i guess danielle is gonna make taco dip or something. i think i gotta take her to the store.

 

i don’t like football. yet i still watched until the rams tied the score. by the last 2 minutes i figured i had wasted enough time watching it i might as well finish. and then they tied, and i was like NO WAY i’m not watching anymore of this. and the commercials sucked. there was only 1 good commercial…for budweiser…when the man slid on the satin sheets on the bed and out the window. that was great. bud has the best commercials. the rest were so boring.

but then… u2 halftime show!!!!!!! WOO HOO!!!!!!!! that was GREAT! lol. that’s like the best halftime ever. and they did MLK which was like WOAH… NO ONE knows that song. so that was way rad. yay for u2!

wow it’s snowing out. it’s snowed alot…where have we been?!

 

 

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the friday 5 a day late, cuz they weren’t up when i looked yesterday
1. Have you ever had braces? Any other teeth trauma? Yes…braces for about 2.5 years, retainer for 2 years or so…and 20 teeth pulled. 12 baby 4 permanent 4 wisdom.
2. Ever broken any bones? nope but always wanted to. i have always wanted a cast. when i got hurt in gym in 12th grade, i was so happy at the possibility my wrist was broken.
3. Ever had stitches? yes twice. on my back and in my mouth. the mouth ones were annoying cuz i played with them with my tongue all the time (insert fight club quote about tonguing the cut in your mouth here)
4. What are the stories behind some of your [physical] scars? i have a scar on my left hand because i burned it on the fry station light bulb wires at work. skin instantly came off, hurt SO bad. bad ugly scar. dont have many others.
5. How do you plan to spend your weekend? did some homework today, gonna watch hedwig tonight, more homework tomorrow and superbowl half-time woo hoo

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so things may be changing. don’t want to say anything too soon, but i feel better about things now. i’m being spoken too, so that’s good. we’ll just have to wait and see.

it is HELLA shitty outside. i didn’t have computer art todays, no friday class…so i came back to the house (duh) and then it was hurricaning outside. super windy, pouring all of a sudden. don’t wanna go back out to my 1:30 class. maybe it’ll be better by then. stupid weather.

so with all the drama of recent days, i didn’t mention the townhouse repairs. we did get the peep hole…wow. we got a sprinkler over the stove, and another smoke detector in the kitchen. we got black moulding over the kitchen cabinets. they did something to all the storage rooms. still no fire extinguisher, still no shovel or rock salt (and we REALLY NEED IT right now)…and when danielle and i got back our doors were open. we shut them when we left. i asked leah last night if they went in our rooms, they said no. so that means workers went in our rooms. you’d think if you were going to sneak around someone’s house while they were gone, you’d cover up for yourself. good to know someone was in my room when i forgot my check book here in my drawer for a month and a half, and my camera…oh and there’s my old VCR remote…why do i still have it? it’s been dead since september.

so adrienne is coming tonight i guess if the weather doesn’t get bad, er worse. it’s just rain right now, it’s actually pretty warm. i dunno what’s gonna happen tonight tho…dunno if we’ll end up in RIT or what…and with the stuff going on here in the house, i dunno if i should stick around here incase we can have a meeting, or go up there. i WANT to go up there, i still really need to get away and be around my friends…and then i dunno if we’re still gonna head up to RIT to do the cd run tomorrow like was planned last weekend before all this shit went down. dunno…

maybe i’ll remove the password access to this site soon…i’d really like to. but…not yet.

 

i totally am in love with “gave up” right now… not sure why. it just suddenly hit me. haha.

so my class is cancelled. i made carolyn call the psych department to see if dr olczak was in… he’s not LOL. i didnt want to have to walk in the hurricane to class and find it cancelled. mom called earlier and said buffalo was shut down cuz of ice storm and that there’s no power etc…that’s why i suspected he wasn’t here, he comes from williamsville. so woo hoo. now i have a whole extra hour to sit here… lol. i haven’t done/started any of my homework. i started reading poli sci wednesday, read like 3 pages, read a bunch yesterday, but have 10 pages left. havent started clinical…or adolescent, but that’s all review so i’m not worried.

 

americans are so stupid. i’m not saying we’re anymore stupid then any other country… but in a discussion with carolyn about what names we’d use to name our kids after US presidents….i mentioned that millard fillmore was killed in buffalo, and teddy roosevelt was sworn into pres in buffalo…and she said mckinley was assassinated in buffalo. so that made me doubt that fillmore died in buffalo, cuz it seemed weird that 2 US presidents died in buffalo…and it made me doubt that Fillmore was even a president LOL. but if he wasn’t a president i didnt know who the hell he was, and why he was so important that it’s a big deal in buffalo. and i knew he was burried in buffalo… so i had to go look all this up. Fillmore was a US president…and he did die in buffalo, but wasn’t killed. and Mckinley was assassinated, and the Roosevelt thing i was sure of the whole time. But then i didn’t know if mckinley was burried in buffalo too, so i had to look that up… but didn’t know his first name. It’s william. NO CLUE! I’m pretty damn sure i NEVER knew what his first name was, because it doesn’t even sound right.

and on a funny note, as if that all wasn’t kinda funny in a sad way, when i searched for Fillmore on yahoo, i spelled it wrong and ended up with hits that were people’s school projects about him.. LOL how funny.

and if anyone is curious about the names i used, i said Roosevelt, Lyndon, Grover and Garfield LOL….

 

 

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i might be moving. again….to austria!!!! my mom called today to find out about shit, and said my dad had an interview tonight at the same place he had a few weeks ago. but then she said he might be applying for this job, some kind of government or United Nations job that would be 3 years in Austria!!! They pay for your rent, all the expenses involved in moving, and traveling back home etc. she didn’t want to go, if i was gonna stay in the US but HELL NO! i’d so fucking move to Austria for 3 years. i probably wouldn’t be able to work anywhere, maybe for the US goverment there or whatever the job is with. but probably not in like…a store in Austria or whatever, that whole work visa stuff. So then I’d have like 3 years to do nothing except travel europe and get cultured and OMG IT WOULD ROCK SO HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I shouldn’t get excited cuz it probably won’t happen. but IF IT DID!! You all would have to come visit me and we could go traveling WHEREVER you wanted to go. woo hoo. so great. that made me happy. my dad could get a job in Washington state and doesn’t want to move but apparently Austria is a different story LOL.

it’s sleeting and really shitty outside. classes were cancelled after 5 pm today. great cuz mine was at 1120 am. but maybe it’ll keep up and we wont have any tomorrow. lol. adrienne is supposed to come tomorrow but if it’s still bad weather i hope she doesn’t risk it. don’t need her driving into a ditch again. i guess we’ll see. i’ll have to take 10 years to scrape my car off tonight to go up to Amy’s for dinner. blah.

i had the wackest scariest murderous dream last night. gonna post it on dreamblog soon.

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trent is funny, and so damn correct…

“But I have enough faith in the music-listening public that they’ll soon have had enough of look-a-like blonde Barbie doll singer fluff music, or enough comic book scary bands, or enough fucking rap-metal, or enough bland power rock bands. I mean with that last one, my fucking God, what has happened there? Eddie Vedder should start suing these people for sounding like him, for fuck’s sake.”

“…..And I think people have been conditioned to this, and that’s how bands of extreme mediocrity rise to the top. People don’t know that there’s anything better than this.”

Extreme mediocrity? Do you mean a band like Creed?
Trent: “Oh my God, yes, exactly. But I don’t even really take offence at them because we’re not doing the same thing. It’s almost like we’re not the same species. I don’t want to fight them, but I don’t want to listen to them, either.”

rofl at his “oh my god, yes” hahaha i need to sit down and have a conversation with this man. i bet he’d crack me up. “But since I’m on a bitching spree…” LOL he’s too funny.
“You know, I think all these bands that have turntablists are doing nothing more than clambering aboard the Titanic and sailing to their death. They are the spandex pants bands of this generation.”

 

people piss me off. and administrative shit, pisses me off. just so you know.

 

i’m moving.

 

i was being bugged all day trying to remember when trent’s birthday was, and how old he was. i knew it was either may 10 or 17…i knew it was on the same day as someone else. may 10 is bono, may 17 is jordan knight. it’s the 17th. then i couldn’t remember how old he was, cuz i was thinking he was 35 recently, past few years, but i thought he was born in 1960…so that didn’t work out. he’ll be 37. but anyway, i ended up going to the imdb.com to find the info, since they’re so trustworty (instead of trust, i typed tryst….freudian slip? lol)….and yeah imdb has the Broken movie listed as one of Trent’s credits… ROFL. so i read the comments people posted about it. SO FUNNY!! they’re all like “distrubing, horrific, brilliant.” some were really funny. i dunno, they all just made me laff how horrified people were when they watched it, but keep watching it anyway LOL. i had a real video of it a few years ago but couldn’t see anything in it really so i never watched it. the comments kept talking about the Happiness in Slavery video, and how sick it was etc…and then i was thinking how Danielle ASKED ME to watch that vid… and the only thing she didn’t want to see was the penis LOL. funny stuff. i dunno. i’ll see broken eventually.

and then imdb had listed, under jordan knight’s bio, that he’s left handed. yeah real important info there LOL.

 

amy stopped by for about an hour tonight. that was nice. it was nice to have a conversation with someone. i’ve missed it. and i managed to not cry as well. which is good too. i guess me and danielle are going to go there for dinner tomorrow. which will be good. since i can’t eat here. i’m starving. maybe i’ll get dining hall food tomorrow during the day. who knows.

well i guess i’m not moving til next week. the open spaces in the other townhouses have the opportunity to be filled by the people already there – finding someone, a friend or something – and they have until next week to decide. then i can be put in one of the spaces if they’re are any left open. if not, i don’t know what i’m going to do. i’m not about to go live in a corridor style building my last semester here.

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January 2002 Dreams

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January 31, 2002

i think it started that i was watching this on tv. there was some serial murderer guy, and he killed this person on this show or whatever. then he went to another person and cut their head off. but not at the neck. he carved all the way around the skull, forehead level, so that the brain showed at the top. so that guy was dead. then the murderer went into another room where there was this girl with all kinds of IVs in her, giving her blood i think. at this point i was there in the room watching. the murderer ripped the IVs out of her and started whipping her with them. someone else was there watching this with me. we were like woah, this is brutal. so he’s whipping her with the IVs and blood is going everywhere, from the IVs and from the girl. he kills her, and leaves. we were covered in blood, and i thought, there’s no way that NIN’s “Broken” movie is more brutal than this.
some other dream about a farm or something. really complicated but don’t remember enough of it to discuss.

possible explanation: was looking at imdb reviews of the Broken movie last night, and how brutal and horrific it is supposed to be.
possible interpretation: hmmmm
posted by sara @ 2:06 PM//

January 27, 2002

i was watching mtv or something, and they were doing a show on new videos. well there was a new MJ video, but it wasn’t really his song. it was like, he contributed vocals for the chorus of the song, so he was going to be in the video, with whoever it was that really did the song. i think it was a rap or r&b type group. and the song was from a movie soundtrack. so i was watching it, and it came on. MJ’s part came on and the first shot was him laying on a bed, and the bed had black and red satin sheets on it. the mattress had the black sheet on it, and the top sheet was the red one. so he was laying on the bed sleeping, and he was wearing black pajamas with white piping on them. so he wakes up to sing his chorus, and he sits up against the headboard and is singing. so they do a closeup and he’s black again – his skin is black. so i was thinking they must have digitally edited it, or put pounds of black makeup on him to make him black again. but then the skin color faded away until it was MJ without any makeup on. you could see all the white blotches in his black skin that the vitiligo caused. so i was blown away by his part in the video, because it was so brave to finally let people see what happened to his skin, without all the makeup. i wanted to tell people if they had seen the video, so i went to my comp to IM ty and ask him if he’d seen it bu the wasn’t online.
the rest of the night i kept dreaming about telling people about the video.

possible explanation: not sure, havent listened to mj since my video a thon
possible interpretation:……
posted by sara @ 10:23 AM//

January 25, 2002

i was driving in New Jersey with someone, don’t remember who. I was telling them how much i hated New Jersey cuz it was such a shit hole. I was telling them about going to Wildwood with my parents in 95, and how it was actually sorta cool because it has all these motels from the 1950s, in their sea foam green and pink paint and stuff, and how some are all decorated with palm trees and stuff. Then we were on this street, outside a restaurant, and i was thinking it looked really familiar. the signs of the gas station across and down the street, and the other stores around where we were looked really familiar. i determined that i had been at the same restaurant with my parents. then we got back in the car, and were going someplace else. then i was with this guy who i was completely in love with, and he was in love with me. his brother was there, and then this woman showed up. it was their mother, and their mother started telling me that she was my mom too. which meant i was related to this guy, i was his sister. but we had different fathers. but then this man came over and was talking to us, and the guy i was in love with said that this guy was our father – so i guess we did have the same father – and the guy was telling our father off about how he was never there for us. and then the father looked at me, and i had a uniform on and a nametag, and he looked at my name tag to see my name. i got mad at him because he didn’t even know my name, his own daughter, or how old i was. so then i left with the guy i was in love with, and the brother, and we were trying to figure out if we could still date even if we were related. then the mother got into the car with us, she had followed us or something. the guy said it was ok for her to come inside the car, because she was trying to make ammends for abandoning me or something. but i got mad, and i kicked all of them out of the car. then there were tons of people trying to get in the car, as if i was a famous person and they were all my fans. i was freaking out inside the car, and then someone knocked on the door and opened it. i was about to scream at them but then i realized it was my friend melinda, and she had a case of beer with her. so i let her in, and we had a beer. then the guy came back in the car, and we gave him a beer too.
possible explanation: um dunno….the whole being famous, and fans trying to get in the car was probably a result of the conversation i had with carolyn about telling famous people stuff…
possible interpretation: whatever….
posted by sara @ 4:02 PM//

January 21, 2002

I was at school and i had just bought my books for the semester. i guess i was taking a US history course, because i had some other books about it. well there was this one book, written by this woman named “Satansatan Manwoman”. so i was telling danielle about this book by satansatan manwoman, and it was about sturges building on campus, and it had this part talking about all these hidden things in the building, passage ways and stuff. and it was really scary. i think the book was about supernatural stuff in the US or something. so i was looking at the pictures and trying to figure out where in Sturges all these things were. the way she wrote, she didn’t use capital letters, so i was like HEY if she got a book published without using correct punctuation and stuff, I can too. so i decided i wasn’t going to capitalize anything anymore. Then i was in a cafeteria with Eric and Paul Guidania and we were in line with our trays waiting to cash out. some deftones song from “white pony” was on, so we were like yeah cool. so i got to the cash register, and all i had was a peanut butter and jelly sandwich and it rang up as 5$. so i was like, there’s no way that my sandwich is 5 dollars. so the lady was like, you’re right, lemme call whoever about it. so she picked up a phone that was there, and was going to call the manager or something. well no one was answering the phone, so we’re waiting and she’s trying to ring up my food a different way so that it wasnt 5$…so the whole line is being held up, but i was like, no my meal plan is for only 100$ and i can’t afford to be paying 5 dollars for a pb&j sandwich. but then i was just so irritated i was like, whatever, so she charged me the 5$ for it. so me and eric and paul went and sat down at the condiment table. I was like um… aren’t we going to go sit in the cafeteria at the tables? and they were like, no we always sit here. so we sat there, and it was annoying because ppl kept coming up to get condiments. but then we were at another table in the same area but without the condiments. then “back to school” by deftones came on, and i was like um didn’t we just hear this? and eric was like no that was another song. i was like ok. then paul spilled ketchup all over the table. then i had to use ketchup, i dunno what for, but i got some on the table too. so i was like, we should clean that up. but paul said no, they charged me 5$ for my sandwich, they can clean up all the ketchup. then we were in the reszel school cafeteria, and eric got up to talk to someone, and was coming back and he had on black dickies. and i was like, yeah chino pants.
possible explanation: haha no idea
possible interpretation: i’m insane.
posted by sara @ 8:34 AM//

January 16, 2002

lots of dreams that i don’t really remember anymore. they kinda were all connected.
i lived in a house with danielle, and apparently, nsync. i guess we had a third floor, and leah lived there. so me and danielle and leah were drinking upstairs. i went downstairs to get more alcohol and justin and jc were on the couch. they looked at me and they were like, we’re concerned you guys are alcoholics. and i’m like, what are you talking about? we haven’t drank at all in the 6 days we’ve been back. i guess we were all in college and had gotten back from break. i told them that they could join all of us if they wanted to. and they asked who was there, because they didnt know we were having a party. and i was like, it’s just me danielle and leah. then they were like, who’s leah? and i’m like uh..she lives upstairs. they were like oh. so i went back upstairs and i got this great idea i had to tell danielle. so i was like, danielle i have the best idea. and i thought it was so funny i was cracking up laughing. she’s like what? and so i told her i wanted to write a fan fiction about nsync to put on fanfiction.net, because it would be really funny since they all have disclaimers that say stuff like “i don’t know nsync etc” but mine could say “i live with nsync.”….and apparently jennifer lopez lived with us at one point when she was dating justin, but she left when they broke up. so then i guess we were having a party, or something, because someone showed up at our house. justin and jc had joined us, and i let this guy in who didn’t believe we lived with nsync. so i was like, totally, we are the ones who got justin and britney together. so then our party was transformed to be at a bar or something…more like a diner with a lunch counter. but it was dark inside and we were having a party. so i went up to the counter to get a drink, and there was a woman sitting on one of the stools. so i was standing next to her, and my parents were on the other side of her, waiting to get drinks. well the woman looked at me and she was like “oh you’re so pretty pretty pretty pretty.” and i got freaked out. my mom i think, was like, that woman likes you. so i moved away from her to the other side of my parents.

i was a police woman, or at least an investigator, and i was doing forensics. my partner was that woman from the bar that thought i was pretty. we had to do all these crime scene investigations together, because i guess we were on a case about a serial killer.

i was playing a 2 on 2 basketball game with michael jordan who had been at my party with nsync. it was me and jordan against kobe bryant and someone else. jordan and i were losing really badly. i was getting pissed, because yeah i suck at basketball but jordan certainly doesn’t. everytime he threw the ball he was way off, and i was no better. so kobe won.

then i was doing something with marilyn manson. he had been at the party, and he liked me. i guess i was doing a video for him or something. but then he gave me this present, but i didn’t want to open it while everyone was there. so then me, marilyn, eric, and some other people were sitting around this tiny room with a bed, cuz we were having a sleepover or something. so we were all smooshed on this bed, and we decided to play this game. i don’t know the name of it, but it involved everyone doing whatever they wanted to me. not sexually or anything, but it was like, i went to the first person and they posed me or whatever, then the 2nd person, than the 3rd etc. and i guess this was supposed to be superfun. then in the morning, i had gotten sorta irritated at the whole thing, and decided to go home. so i went back to the house i shared with nsync, and went to my room. well there was a door in my room that connected to the house next door, so we must have lived in town houses. well the door was open, and i was mad because we had made an agreement that we wouldn’t use the door. in the room the door opened to, dani lived there. and her dad was there packing up her stuff because i guess she didn’t want to live there anymore. so i shut the door so i could go to sleep because i was really tired. but i went to the bathroom and looked at my face, and i had broken out in a rash or i had chicken pox or something. so then i got really pissed at marilyn because i had gotten this disease or whatever from his house. then adrienne came over, with a whole bunch of gifts from marilyn that i had forgotten at his house. so we started opening them and he had bought me all kinds of stuff, and a bunch of cheezy gold jewelry. i guess marilyn was really in love with me, because then he went to the plaza and was standing around the parkinglot waiting for me, because he knew i always walked home from school that way. apparently i was in high school, and so me and a few friends where walking through the parking lot and i saw marilyn. i guess i hadn’t seen him since the sleepover or whatever, and he knew i had been pissed at him so he was trying to appologize. so i said something like, just because of the way me and my friends are you expect me to forgive you. then my friends got pissed at me, because i was stereotyping them as “freaks” just like everyone else did by the comment i made. so i was like no that’s not what i meant. i had a tool shirt on.

my mom was watching this short history of ireland video or something, but it had all these previews on it, and one was for a movie with sean connery and jerry springer. and i was like, jerry springer has another movie? and why on earth is sean connery in it? and then it went into the history of ireland or something, but it was so short, and i didn’t know anything it was saying, but then they got to U2, and were showing this video they made back in the early days of them on a farm singing a song i had never heard before. but then i heard all these other u2 songs and i realized i left my stereo on up stairs. well my mom was whistling along to the songs which made me very happy because that meant she liked them too.

possible explanation: i watched the forensic detectives show on discovery…was watching u2 video,…not sure about nsync and mansion and definitely no clue about basketball.
possible interpretation: i’m insane.
posted by sara @ 9:50 AM//

January 14, 2002

there was some kind of big accident, or tragedy…something big, along the lines of the WTC stuff, and me and my friends were wandering around this park where it occured. someone was hurt and needed blood. a medical person was there and asked carolyn, i think it was her, what kind of blood she had but carolyn didn’t have the right kind. but she told the medical person that i did, so they stuck a needle in me to get blood to give to the other person.
possible explanation: ?
possible interpretation: ?
posted by sara @ 9:51 PM//

January 11, 2002

i was bono, and i was in berlin after the wall came down, and i wanted to go to this cemetery in east berlin to look at the graves, and write things on them (?!?) so i kneeled down by this one grave, and was reading it, and was about to carve something into it when people started walking by. so i stopped because i didn’t want to get caught. i went back later to the same grave, and started carving a sentence into it (which i now forget, but it was something to do with love) and before i could do the last word, people started coming by. so i was trying to hide the screwdriver i was using, until the people went away but they were having a picnic next to the headstone. so i got up to look at the other graves, and come back to that one later but too many people were around.
possible explanation: i started reading “u2 at the end of the world” which start out with a chapter about the band in berlin.
possible interpretation: me and bono are…one, but we’re not the same, we get to carry eachother carry eachother onnneeee… haha
posted by sara @ 10:26 AM//

January 8, 2002

i lived in an apartment that was like a dorm with my friend Carrie. she had gone out and left me alone there, so i was bored and annoyed that she kept leaving me and not including me in what she was doing. i went to the bathroom and it was like a corridor style dorm bathroom, with a bunch of stalls. so i was in a stall and then this group of people including boys came into the bathroom. so i got scared they were going to harass me, so i had one hand on the door and i was trying to be quiet so they wouldn’t know i was in there. then one of the boys went into the stall next to me, and there was a girl in front of my stall door. well i guess they started talking to me so i was talking to them, and the boy was reaching over the top of the stall wall and doing something with the toilet paper. i was trying not to pay attention to him, but i could see him out of the corner of my eye. well then i realized he had stolen the toilet paper and replaced it with an empty roll. so i was like ARG that’s so not funny. so i asked the girl in front of my door, who was this girl jennifer from high school who i hated, if she’d get me some toilet paper. she said yes, and came back with an almost empty roll, that had maybe 4 squares of paper on it. so i was like ARG thanks for nothing. so i had to use those 4 measly squares, and by this time i was super pissed off. i flushed the toilet, and there was two flushers. there was a normal foot one like public bathrooms, and there was a normal hand one like house toilets, but it was slightly underwater. well i used that one so that my hand would be wet. so i opened the door and grabbed the wrist of the guy who’d stolen my toilet paper with my wet hand so he’d think it was pee. so i’m grabbing him and wiping my hand on him, and he’s like eww it smells. so i walk away and go to wash my hands, and he comes up to me and is shoving his arm in my face for me to smell it. and so i grab him and i’m slapping him, and bashing his head into the wall cuz i was really pissed. so i leave and run back to my room which was #23. i was quite scared of those people even tho i had just beat the guy up. i didn’t shut my door tho, i just put the chain lock on it. so they come to the door and are knocking on it. so i’m pretending not to be there, but the guy says he just saw me run into there. so he pushes the door open and the chain is long enough that people could come in. so i was like, wtf is the point of the chain then? so i’m like, why can’t you just leave me alone? and they’re like oh, ok, and left.
i had 2 other dreams that were u2 related. one was with larry, and one with bono but i don’t remember either of them anymore.

then i only remember the end part of this one. me and my dad were someplace that looked like geneseo’s campus but it wasn’t supposed to be. these 5 guys came up to us, they had walked there from western canada. and for some reason me and my dad were going to walk to where they came from…western canada….from eastern US. so we started walking and it was all ice and snow. then we crossed the highway that intersects geneseo, even tho where we were, wasn’t supposed to be geneseo. we went into this convenience store because my dad wanted to buy rock salt. they had this u2 display inside so i asked if i could have it and they said yeah, but the 2 worker girls wanted to sign it. so they were signing it. then i bought a half gallon of ice cream for myself. then i realized that i should buy another half gallon for my 2 sons that were going to be mad i was leaving to walk to western canada for a long time.

possible explanation: haha i dunno
possible interpretation: hmmmm dunno.
posted by sara @ 12:18 PM//

January 6, 2002

had this dream at my grandmas on christmas. have been to lazy to type it: i was outside my house with my mom and her friend sue. we heard all these sirens and we looked in the direction of the big blue water tower and we could see 3 distinct clouds of smoke, like things were on fire. so we were all looking at the smoke clouds, and the one in the middle started spraying water. we could see the water coming from the middle fire, so we figured fire trucks must be spraying it. but then it startes spraying out more, out of the house not like hoses spraying onto the house (we couldn’t see the house, just the smoke clouds and water spraying)…so it was more like a burst pipe was spraying water. well the water started spraying so hard that it was reaching my house. then it wasn’t water but raw sewage. it was this brown slime stuff, and it was spraying all over and landing around my lawn and stuff. well some of it got on my mom, and i was like EWWWW you’re covered in raw sewage slime, but she was all calm like she didn’t even care. then i was so grossed out about it that i started to throw up. so i ran in the house covering my mouth as i threw up so i could make it to the bathroom. but when i got in the bathroom raw sewage was bubbling up out of the toilet and sink so i didn’t know where to throw up.
last night’s dream: i was at a party, or wedding or something and George Costanza was there from Seinfeld. he was having some sort of crisis where he needed to get married because of some legal thing, and he didn’t have anyone to marry. so i told him i would marry him, so he could get out of whatever trouble he was in. it was a marriage of convenience. well he magically had 2 rings, and there was a justice of the peace there already marrying someone else. so he was going to marry us too. the ceremony was just casually putting on the rings and doing a shot of alcohol. so after we were married, we didn’t tell anyone cuz it wasn’t really important. but i felt bad that he had to marry me even tho we had no relationship, just to get out of trouble or whatever. so i was being really nice to him, to try to make him feel better. then i was leaving the party and i was in my car trying to get out of the parking lot. i got rear ended by a limo, but he was trying to blame it on me that i was drunk. but i wasn’t because i only did the 1 shot when i got married. so i got out of the car to see what was going on, and i didn’t feel like crying but i thought i should to make people feel bad for me. well my trunk was really crashed up and looked terrible, it wasn’t just a little bump. and i thought i had whiplash. i don’t remember the rest.

possible explanation: NO CLUE!!!
possible interpretation: i’m gonna end up marrying some fat balding neurotic man hahah

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it’s funny that i’m using “jc justin gay sex pregnancy” to search for my own website on google. hey, whatever works right?

and yeah. shit happened, can’t talk about it. i’ll just continue to get myself into more trouble that way. i’m thinking about taking down a bunch of my websites. sadly.

skipped adolescent development today…yeah first day of class and i skip. well shit came up. don’t think it would have been a good idea for me to go. so instead i drove home while hysterically crying. probably not a good idea either, but i survived. i got home REALLY FAST….i started listening to the live nin disc when i left school, wasn’t quite done with “hurt” when i pulled in my driveway. the way back to school, i listened to live nin disc 1 full time, and up to march of the pigs (track 3), plus the rest of “hurt” from before…so gee, was i speeding on the way home? i didn’t go over 90 really. only once…the rest was between 80 and 85. whatever. i survived.

so whatever. not much else to say… not allowed.

Posted in: Personal