i guess i need to update. last night was pretty awful at times. it was clear i was unhappy, and awkward, and i think that made him very…awkward himself. it could have been way worse tho. a few times i caught him staring at me, and he would try to…i don’t even know what to call it…but pretend like things were normal. we went shopping a bit, to dicks and walmart, cuz he needed boots and crap. went to krispy kreme again, and to the beer place. then back to my house to watch tv. i gave him the letter, but he didn’t read it right away – he waited til my parents had come home and went to bed. so we talked about more stuff…i didn’t cry. not like anything was solved (how can it be when i want something i can’t have), but…we talked more, more stuff got explained, my one major fear was eliminated…and i feel better. i felt more better last night after he left than i do now, but…i might just feel bad now cuz i haven’t had anything to eat really in the last 24 hours. but anyway…he said he didn’t want things to be this way, he didn’t want this black cloud hovering over us this last week that he’s here, he wants to go out and have fun like we used to have so that’s the plan for tonight. last night i thought that sounded like something i could do, but right now i’m not so sure again…but i’m going to try. at least i’ll be with my friends too.

no plans for today. nate’s doing more errands to finish getting stuff for africa, plus his whole family is home now and they’re doing the whole big family dinner tonight. his sister wants to meet me, but i’m not sure if that’s gonna happen since i work the next 3 days. tonight is turkey day eve celebrations of band night at hrc and being forced to dance again at rumors. and then whatever else nate has planned for us.