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i was scheduled in the high roller pit ..that just doesn’t happen. the times i’ve been in there, i’ve been reassigned there. but it lasted 20 min. 20 min of me being on break, cuz i was supposed to be relief. then spent the next hour on break…i was sent to the slums, pit 6, to be relief on 2 tables that weren’t open yet. hense 3 more breaks. spent the night cleaning up after the new dealers i was tapping out. it was fun. i was in the zone lol. brendan was supposed to be my sup on 2 of the tables, but it got changed around. he cracks me up. he was asking about my photography stuff, and i was telling him about the terminal. he’s like, yeah i used to go up top as a kid. i was like OMG you know what i’m talking about. no one ever knows what i’m talking about haha. i got jenn all interested now too, she wants to go with me on one of the tours. but brendan, gah, he just won’t stop flirting with me lol. it was bad today. not as bad as john always was, but still bad.

anyway. i totally gotta do something to my hair. i guess i’ll just dye it again. i really want to cut it off short tho too. if i do that, i’d dye it black again, but…i do still wanna try to keep growing it out, so i guess red it is, again. and i want to get something pierced. we’ll see.

gonna get all the rest of my pics from last weekend up tomorrow. i’ll post highlights when the time comes.

 

i got a letter from nate. i almost wish i hadn’t. at least i know he’s alive. why the hell am i crying? i hate this. it’s so frustrating. he has gotten all my stuff, my packages, my letters, but didn’t write back til june. i wrote in his letters about the stuff with john, and he writes that he’s seeing some 27 year old girl, where things went south, but it doesn’t mean they’re not sleeping together – and that makes me mad. what do i expect, when i wrote to him about dating. fuck. i really hate this. i should be happy that he still at least thinks of me over there, and made an attempt to contact me, even if i’ve gotten 2 letters from him and i’ve sent him about 10. i hate him. at this moment, i hate him. for no good reason. maybe a part of me still believed that the whole way things were with us, or at least how things were with me, that there was something unknown about our relationship that would bring us back together in the end. maybe i was still stupidly holding on to hope that he’d go over there and realize how much i meant to him. fuck. i hate myself.

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well. blackjack in pit 3 last night, surprise. they pulled me off around 2am to do pai gow. surprise! i told them that it was my first time on a live game. i messed up my first hand LOL. but it was ok. i dealt the hands to the wrong spots. only ended up dealing 5 or 6 hands, cuz i got tapped off for break right after i got on the game, then it was dead until 5 min before i left. but it was good. i’m scared to do mini-bacc tho.

today. met brian and james at the terminal to go to the abandoned church near by. wow. beautiful church. and beautiful in it’s decay as well. surprisingly non grafittied, since it is on the east side and everything. lots of bird shit. lots of bird skeletons. lots of pretty ness. almost all of the stained glass windows are intact, which is phenomenal. very very nice place. when we were leaving, the construction workers asked if we took pictures inside. i was like um *not saying anything*. brian took over, said yes, they were cool about it and were talking about how it’s a shame it was abandoned like that. all good.

so from there we went back to the terminal. brian wanted to do some exterior shots and check out the mail building some more. i swear to god, the terminal+my camera=shit…the first time i was getting the stupid flashing Fstops (which i found out was a problem with not recognizing the lens)…2nd time, ran out of film…this time, ran out of batteries. fuck. thankfully brian had to go meet his mom and give her his digi cam, so we ended up by a walgreens, where i had to borrow 20 bucks from james to buy new batteries. but anyway. went into the parking garage. wandered in there a bit with james, brian was in the mail building i think at that time. left to do the cam drop off, came back. back into the parking garage now that i had batteries. then to the mail room. the staircase leighanne and i had found, but had no flashlights to explore, ended up going to a power room. a nice toxic power room. super. went out back to the tracks. i swear, this building is never ending. the things we find. it’s like no matter what we do, even if we think we’re at a place we’ve been before, and seen all we can see, there is something else. tons more stuff we found. we had limited time, so we have to go back. but yeah. unbelievable. the building never friggen ends. aside from the parking garage, and the mail building, and the baggage building, brian found another underground labrynth of tunnels. we didn’t check them out this time, cuz we found other stuff. but it’s a secret. and we find the most bizzare stuff in that place. this time we found big letters…made out of styrofome. if they had been metal or wood i wanted to take one, since they had an S.

so yeah. i told them if we happened to get caught by police i could get us out of it in 2 minutes, so to let me do the talking. i got it all planned out. it’s fool proof.  i like myself hehe

so yeah. great day, aside from having to get up at 8, thus having 3 hours of sleep. i so need to nap, but i need to eat first. and clean myself. i feel dirty.

gah gah gah the full version of a perfect circle’s new song “weak and powerless” was leaked to radio. gah this is so great!!!!!!! *still not regretting my tattoo* this sounds more reminiscent of tool than their previous album. it’s got a tool type bass line it seems. who’s their bassist now? oh yeah, twiggy. gaaaaaaaah.

 

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gah gah gah gah gah aperfectcircle.org has a preview clip of APC’s first single “Weak and powerless” gaaaaaaaaah so excited. i can’t wait!!!!!

up early to go back to the rents house to scan the rest of my film. bye.

 

so i made myself a 2 volume set of best of MJ. and it makes me wonder what the hell happened between blood on the dance floor and invincible. cuz he has such great songs, and then… invincible. i put 2 songs from invinc on the best of set. i said this to ty, and thought it was sorta funny:
*secret stealth screenname*: invincible is not awful, it sounds like the pop music of today. not mjs fault todays pop music sucks.
ha i’m funny.

finished scanning all the negs. working on getting them up now. and i gotta install winxp sometime soon. eek. scary. everything better fucking work when i’m done. my comp is tempermental and doesn’t like new programs.

i had other shit to say but i forget. oh yeah. i gained 10 lbs in 2 months. hahah

ran into scott at eckerd too…wished him luck on his wedding tomorrow etc.

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so last night after class involved taking my film to be developed out on sheridan. from there, we went down elmwood to the poster shop and i got 2 more things for the apartment. now we just need poster frames. then stopped at home depot to get clear spray paint for The Can. one more stop at the outlet mall to check out the record theatre outlet. picked up u2’s war, and unforgettable fire, with no album art, for 5$ each. i was kinda iffy about getting them, cuz most places have used cds with art for 5$…but whatever. almost bought bowie’s “hours” but i dunno what’s on it, and if i want that one or not. whatever. watched tv and did nothing all night.

class today. only 8 of us showed, since it was the last day. we left at 2. did errands – post office, bank, gas, carwash – and stopped at media play to find poster frames. i thought adr said her bro got them there cuz they’re the cheapest. but it wasn’t that cheap, plus it was too big for both of the posters. they’re odd sizes. crap. stopped at the camera joint i found in the phone book on military to ask about b&w processing and the terminal film reel, since they do video transfers…basically same price to do b&w processing, but they send it out and it could take 2 weeks. no thanks, i’ll keep driving to sheridan to get it done over night. as far as the film reel. she thought it was audio cuz you can’t see frames…you don’t see frames on VHS tapes…and… does kodak even do audio tapes? then looking at it more, she said it could be 16mm video. i started to unravel the reel, and there are parts of the tape that are clear…dunno why. she said to call around to video transfer places and ask if they do 16mm, and it will be expensive. maybe i’ll call around and go in to show them the tape. it might not even be worth trying to view, now that i noticed the blank sections. we’ll see.

i looked around and contacted UB, buff state, and NCCC about taking a photography class or two in the future. only heard back from UB, and all classes for the fall are full…hoping i can get in something at the other 2, cuz i don’t want to wait til spring to learn how to use my camera again haha. nccc is closer and cheaper, so i almost hope i can go there…even if it is 13th grade. they have an intro to the camera class, then intro to photography and an interemediate photog class…i’m wondering if i should skip the intro to cam class or not…i think that might be what i want to take…so i’ll just go for that – if i hear back from them.

tonight brings scanning the negs at my parents house. catch me on the other screenname all night, if you like.

 

hooray for me being smart and taking the film reel to color tech with me. i asked if they knew what it was. and they did. it’s micro-film. so with that information in mind, i headed to the library to take a look at what is on it. it’s lots of documents from New York Central Railroad. while slightly less exciting than what we were hoping to find on the reels, when we thought they were video film, it’s cool none the less. who knows what’s on the rest of them. my father said railroad museums might be interested in having them. so gonna talk to russell about bringing them up from the depths. exciting stuff.

its been almost 3 hours, done 2 rolls of film. i’m gonna die. see you in 19752345 years when i’m done with this.

 

the coolest show is on primetime live. about the zodiac killer – some history, timeline of his killings, and dna research based on his letters he sent to news papers about the killings. sooooo friggen cool. *loves this stuff* *i know i’m a freak*

2 full rolls done, started in on first roll from last sunday.

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well my stint outside of pit 3 lasted 1 day. back in 3 last night on blackjack. i’m waiting for the day where i’m scheduled for mini-bacc and pai gow now. apparently we secretly took our auditions yesterday, aside from the test. i’m assuming i passed since i can do it haha.

today brings class, graduation party at the old hard rock haunt, angelos in the travelodge, taking my film in to get processed…i want to see if i can get some kind of clear…paint/sealer…to use on the civil defense can. it’s thundering out at the moment, so i guess i still can’t bring the can in, since it’s still wet.

 

who the hell likes creme eyeshadow??? why is it popular, and like, the only kind of eye shadow you can find now. it’s the worst! it immediately collects in your eyelid creases, it’s impossible to get on, since it doesn’t use any kind of applicator other than your finger…it’s awful. some of them even feel wet on your eyes the entire day. ug.

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i forgot to mention something that really amused me when we were at the buff ave site on sunday, since i didn’t really write up a trip account. we went up to a higher floor, one brian and jasen hadn’t been on before. we walk in and there are barrels of…whatever, all over the place. a few cracked open and what not. brian laughs and goes “that is sooo niagara falls” rofl it was great. amused the hell out of me.

blackjack in pit 4 last night. i haven’t done blackjack outside of pit 3 in weeks, i forgot what it was like to be on a 15$ game . work has been playing all 80s music lately. i hear “state of shock” every day. then the night bus driver was playing the thriller album on the bus again haha.

i gotta do something with my civil defense can before the neighbors wonder what it is, and why it’s in our parking lot.

off to class.

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ug. this is bad. my headaches have really annoyingly returned for some reason lately. i’m back to popping pills every day. the prescription ones, and excedrin. i can’t get through a day without them. i wonder why. maybe the antibiotics are reducing the effects of my drugs? the dr said it wouldn’t. maybe it’s a phase, they’ll re-go away.

supposed to have bad hail producing storms all afternoon. good thing my car will be in a nice covered parking ramp for most of the day. but that nixes any plan of photo-ing the farm.

 

i decided for these 7 rolls of film i need to get processed, i’m not having them printed. just developed. i’ll scan all the negatives on my dad’s scanner, then print ones i like. i have a feeling that alot from yesterday didn’t turn out. i can’t afford to take crappy pictures lol. so wednesday after class, taking them to get processed, should get them back thurs. i’ll use my day off to scan them all and get them on the web. good times.

i’m obsessed with this song by my favourite 80s lunatic, adam ant. desperate but not serious. saw the vid a few times on vh1 classic. it’s so great. haha.

we have a pai gow test tomorrow. i should study my house ways. eh. whatever. don’t want to work tonight. of course last night i was supposed to be on roulette, and i missed it. tonight i’m sure it’ll be blackjack. or better yet, one of the carnival games.

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it can’t be. someone must have made a mistake in scheduling. i was on roulette tonight. my very own table. on a saturday. i wasn’t in pit 3. holy crap. tonight was great. my table was kicking all night. i had all colors out, and value on the inside (i know none of you know what that means). it was fabulous. was on my game til about 2:30, then sent to reassignment, and pit 3. of course. tomorrow i’m 7-3 which should be a roulette shift…2 nights in a row!?!?!?!? could it really happen?! we’ll find out in the next installment…

but yeah, work was pretty great tonight. i was on breaks with good people too. brendan invited me to the puerto rico fest…someplace in buffalo…tomorrow, but no can do. how the hell many fests are going on this week/weekend…cAnal fest, italian fest, and puerto rican fest?! i don’t think this area can handle all those fest at one time.

oh yeah did i mention the other fish died? yeah. it did.

i should get to bed. set the alarm for 11:30 incase i happen to sleep that late, i still have time to brush my hair and get to walmart to meet brian and jasen. lol.

 

i’m home. i called in sick. home from the urbex-ing with a ginormous headache that made me want to find a sawed off shot gun and blow my brains out. i knew that by 7 it would probably be gone – 3 excedrin and 2 prescription pain killers later – but that gave me no time to get ready for work etc. so i ruined my perfect attendance. no big deal. i’m not going to the party tonight, even tho it’ll be tons of fun, and i’ll be disappointing millions – ok, not millions, maybe 2. it provokes cognitive dissonance for me to go to the party but not go into work. plus i’d have to shower. ah well. it really was one of the worst headaches i’ve had in a while, if not ever.

the urbexing went well. i currently have a civil defense emergency drinking water steel drum in my trunk. we were really successful i think. hit the sanborn vacant air force site, the deveaux (which i heard people talk about that niagara falls neighborhood and always thought it was spelled devoe) park – where viewmobiles go to die, and the buff ave building across from our employee parking lot. way friggen cool. 4 and a half film rolls later…i need to find something to do with the last of the 5th roll tho, so i can take them in wednesday to get developed, along with my 2 nite shot rolls. maybe i’ll take pics of the apt, since the parents said the grandparents would probably like to see. and there is a farm down the street with a semi broken silo that i’ve been meaning to photograph, and the cows, so if there is a day before wednesday next week when it doesn’t rain, i’ll get that done too.

i need to do something with that drum. get it out of my trunk at least, before shit hatches and infests my car. i should probably just get it outside for a while, but dunno what the other tenants might think lol. it definitely needs to be hosed down and scrubbed before it comes inside to become an end table. we found some real nice intact good condition ones – that were filled with trash, in one building, but this one is worse for wear a bit. bri also found an little emergency drinking water can for me. yay for souvies. oh, and a tin that used to be full of emergency biscuits was found in the buff ave site…but only one package was left, and you couldn’t really read the writing on the tin. did i say only one package was left? yeah, you couldn’t pay me enough to eat one of the survival biscuits. well you could probably pay me enough, but it’d take alot. and more than anyone i know has to offer haha.

brian gave me a lens for my pentax camera, he said it was a zoom – but it doesn’t zoom in and out like you think a normal camera lens would (of course, i could be a moron and not know how to use it), but it definitely magnifies everything more than the other lens i use tho. i’m think the moron part might be accurate tho haha.

i need to cook something before my headache comes back. maybe soup would be good. and easy.

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i love my new pants. the fake army ones. they’re my new “wear every single day” pants, since my old “wear every single day” pants have become my urbex pants. which reminds me i have to pull them out of my laundry basket. oh well, they’re still unwashed, they’re just gonna get more dirty. i should by 2 of everything i like so that when one wears out, i still have another. haha.

oh shit i just realized there was a psych center tour today. crap. i keep not going cuz i don’t want to get up so early, esp when we don’t get to go inside. but i gotta go to one of them, since we probably can use the info for the book. now that leighanne isn’t coming up, i gotta motivate myself to go haha.

hung up more of my own pictures. mom said it’s not pretentious. haha. gotta find a place for my metropolis poster tho, dunno if i should put it in my room or in the kitchen. and since adr thought the pics of silent movie stars idea was cool…gotta look in to that more. the way the apt is arranged, we don’t have all that much good wall space, so i dunno how to arrange the pics if i ended up getting them. bah. then there’s all the vintage posters, and deco ones i wanted before. but dunno where to put them. i’ll figure something out.

so. gonna do…something now. dunno haha. i’m defrosting 5 rolls of film for tomorrows excursion, hopefully that’s enough. if we get into the missile base i might go nuts tho, and wish i had brought 10. damn my stupid fascination with all things cold war.

 

i took pics of the terminal model at the mall. it’s in the store front dedicated to the Niagara Orleans Model Railroad Engineers…club, or something. the guy was thrilled i wanted to take pictures of the model. i wasn’t trying to be all artistic or anything, they’re in black and white cuz that’s the mode adr’s camera was set on. the one pic turned out really friggen cool tho haha….so incase you care…

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talked to john for like, a half hour… of not really talking. he’s so weird on the phone haha. but how friggen bizzare, i have all these dreams about him, and then he calls. i never know it’s him when he calls either, cuz he doesn’t say hi or anything. this time he said “why are you home?” i thought it was tony, tho it didn’t quite sound like him. and i don’t detect john’s accent til he says a few more things. i realized it was him and i was like OOOH just like last time he called. i asked why he called if he didn’t think i’d be home. he said he was going to leave a harassing message on the machine lol. i was going to mention the dreams but i decided not to. grrr stupid john.

 

so the plans for today are
1. shower.
2. go to marshalls/target/walmart to look for 3 nice 4×6 frames to frame some of my own terminal pics. we hung up the frame adr got me for my birthday, with 4 of my dads pics in it. need the other frames to hang next to the big frame. best bet is target probably, cuz they most likely will have frames to match my bday frame, since that’s where adr got it. if i’m lucky, they might have some kind of 4×5 frame that i can use for my dad’s “sign” pic, and a frame to use for my “sign” pic – thanks to brian for that idea.
3. stop home to get all my chucky p books for brian, and drop off some shit i’m not selling anymore.
4. defrost some film for sunday’s urbex outing
5. hopefully eat something that resembles dinner for the first time this week.
6. go to work.
7. oh yeah i gotta go to wegmans and pick up my drugs.

the phone call extinguished any kind of trend in the john dreams. i guess i’m good to go for another few weeks.

 

well. i bought a kitchen table. and we got a new couch. for whatever reason, when out on my errands, i decided to stop by the big lots furniture store. turns out they are having a 40% off moving sale. score! they had the table i liked for 200$, with 40% off (129$). bought it. went home to wait for my mom to get back, so we could take the wagon over there and pick it up. mom bought me a couch there, like she said she wanted to 2 months ago, since it was 40% off too.

bought 12 frames at target for 23$. one was a 10 pack box of frames that match the one adr got me. it was on the discount rack for 9 bux. then i bought 2 other ones, for the “sign” pictures until i find something better. the 4×5 one had no price, so she gave it to me for 8$ (it was supposed to be 13). score.

so i’m decorating my apartment with my own photographs. is that pretentious? haha

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