went downtown with eric and adrienne tonight. went to an irish pub bar near chippewa. they had a live band playing, cheap cover charge, so it was cool. it wasn’t all clubby and blah. ran into jon (joe’s friend), so talked to him for a bit which was cool since i haven’t seen him in a long long time. we had a good time.

i feel kinda weird. i mean i’m sick, and can barely breathe. i’m hoping this doesn’t turn into bronchitis again like 2 years ago when i was on my death bed for 2 months (but still went to work every day even tho i couldn’t breathe or talk). but then i feel mentally weird too. i’m just really tired of everything. i’m tired of this area. i need a change. i’m sure i’ll get over this by like, tomorrow, but…i dunno. i’m just not all that happy i guess. i think that ties into why the song hit me at the concert last night. but not sure, since i swear he sings different lyrics live than any of the ones i’ve found….whatever.

and i pretty much have no voice… sick, concert, yelling at work so i could be heard, yelling at the bar and in the car so i could be heard.. not happy throat.

wow i really feel like shit. i’m not sure i could possibly be more tired without being dead. and i slept ok last night too (after i got up at 3 am to try to find cough medicine in the dark – since i couldn’t breath laying down without coughing). if i didn’t call in wednesday, and if i wasn’t closing tonight, i might have called in today. my head is pounding despite taking excedrine, coughing is driving me nuts. but at least i’ll have stronger abs when this is over. blah. so tired…

eric and i were talking today, and something came up that seems pretty appropriate.
eric: feelings suck
me: yeah, that’s why i pretend i don’t have any
and that’s what i’m going back to now. forget this “crush” bullshit because it’s only going to turn out the same way it always does, and it’s never been a good way. the way i see it, there’s 2 outcomes. 1 – it’s going to end up the same way things did with tim. even if i started hanging out with work-boy, i know i’d fall for him, and nothing would ever happen except me feeling like shit about it, and being in emotional pain anytime i’d have to see him. 2 – i keep thinking that i have a crush on him, and he continues to not really realize i’m alive, leading to the whole pain bit for me again. i don’t really want to deal with the way i get when i like someone and nothing is happening. in my experience it is never worth it. so from this point on, i don’t have a crush on him, and i’m not going to go out of my way to try to make anything happen.

so work today was interesting i guess. 3 mentally retarded people got lost LOL (i can laff cuz i’m going to hell anyway)…well they might not have been lost, but they dissapeared and the group couldn’t find them…they were missing for like 3 hours. state park police and the city police were searching for them. haha. the “chuck norris wanna-be” security guard from the buffalo orgy show, and static x at waterstreet came in tonight. i wanted to ask him if he did concert security, but i’m almost positive it was him. lol. what else…talked to one of the bartenders who used to live on wurlitzer drive. he lived near this bitchy girl from highschool and he said her mom was one of those neighbors who was always spying on them, and then telling his mother what he was doing bad haha. then he asked if i knew this kid john, and i’m like yeah i live across the street from him. so it was cool to talk to him, since he is really intimidating. hahah. pretty much everyone intimidates me there. we’ve also gotten a whole bunch of new videos to play…they played “falling away from me” today, and “it’s been a while” besides the other new vids. more good stuff than bad. haha anyway, i got to go home at 10 instead of when we closed, which was nice since i’m dying. i drank some cough meds before, but they’ve worn off now. i was choking on the way home.

on the way home i saw a shooting star. i was going 70, and it was bright enough to catch my attention. it was pretty cool. too bad i don’t believe in signs, and omens, or i could interpret that as a good thing.

random: listening to korn makes me really paranoid. haha.