i bleached my hair last night. it’s orange. various shades of orange and yellow actually. i’m almost tempted not to dye it tonight and go to work like this.

i had to get up early to take my car for inspecting. took entirely too long (hr 15). came back and went back to bed. i had nothing to do today so i slept until 3. i shouldn’t have gotten up. should have just kept on sleeping. had a strange dream about james. another “alternate version of reality” dream.

oh yeah. watched vanilla sky last night. i left during the middle to take a walk. didn’t particuarly care for it. 1. i hate cameron diaz 2. i don’t like tom cruise 3. the end was a cop out. albeit a slight twist on the normal cop out, but still a cop out (won’t say anymore incase anyone wants to see it). maybe it was better if i had actually seen the whole thing instead of taking a walk.

the pics from yesterday are scanned. i hate color film. i just can’t work with it. i esp can’t work with it in low light conditions. and the one pic i really wanted to turn out because of the colors didn’t…half the pic is yellow half is white…i think something messed up in the developing. grrr. i tried to fix it in photoshop and was able to a bit, but…it’s still messed up. oh and the other pic i wanted to turn out because it would be so killer…turned out, but is not as good as i was imagining it would be. blah.

my art depresses me lately. i have no desire to do it anymore. what doesn’t depress me lately?

oh yes i had a revelation (well many but…) in talking to carolyn the other day about…why i’m so fucked up….i’ve been taking anti depressants for over a year now. while they were not prescribed for me to combat depression (my neurologist gave them to me to prevent my headaches), i single handedly credit the pills as to the reason i stopped being upset about nate last year. however, i think they fuck with me. i was explaining some things to carolyn that i’m not particularly very proud of, and came to the conclusion that the pills fuck with me. i think they’ve done a very good job over the last year of generally keeping me from being depressed all the time. but…my theory is that the pills stablize my mood so that i don’t feel alot of intermediate feelings. the pills wipe out any mildly bad moods, or mildly happy moods. the moods that break through are so extreme on either side of the spectrum. they have to be extreme to break through my medicated contentedness. and as i was telling carolyn, my bad moods have been getting more severe each time i am in one. they have to be severe in order for me to feel them through the pills. so i have decided that i’m going to stop taking them and see what happens. if my headaches come back severely i’ll start again. i hate feeling the way i’ve been feeling lately. i’m hoping that stopping them doesn’t make my moods worse…honestly, that would be frightening.

one year ago today was the first time i stepped into buffalo central terminal. the joy that i felt on that day has not since been duplicated, and i think only one thing COULD ever duplicate it (getting into the psych center). it was also the day i met that website kid.

went to the terminal for the PR committee meeting. it was sort of a bust sort of not. sort of, because very few showed up. we didn’t actually have a meeting. it was hella fun because it turned into LETS BREAK STUFF. we did demolition work on the kiosk. i got to play around with a sledge hammer and get out all my agression and anger and frustration and emotion on the poor defenseless glass ceiling of the kiosk. it was great fun. i’m ready to start on the next kiosk hehe. but we have more work to be done in the one we’re working on… like disposing of all the demolished glass, sanding things, etc. we’re doing a work day tuesday after the press conference and thursday from around 3 until dark. if you want to help, show up.

and somewhere along the line this cute boy with a camera showed up lol. and i was all scummy with my bad fried orange hair. oh well.

went to check target for battery powered rope lights, then went to applebeas with leighanne and adr. good times.