i was on minibacc tonight…i told robert i couldn’t do it. he said i could. i told him i was stressed out and really couldn’t do it. he said i had to. so i did. after the first 40 minutes of me freaking out it was ok. but i ended up standing dead for over 2 hours, which gave me lots of time to think, which gave me lots of time to make myself not cry on my game. it wasn’t fun.

i’m going to go break something now. and finish diary.

finished diary. i wouldn’t call it a horror novel in the slightest. that’s how i remember it being described by chucky p in his notes/conversations with the cp.net people…it’s definitely not horror. it’s not a mystery, tho it’s mysterious. it seems it finishes off real fast…ties up all the loose ends, and then finishes. much like michael crichton books do. but maybe that’s cuz it gets all tension filled, and you read faster, so you get through it faster. definitely a good book.

in other news. i’m done. i’m done with everything.

help me if you can
it’s just that this
it’s not the way
i want it

so could you please,
help me understand why
i’ve given in to all these
endless dark desires

you’re lying to yourself again
suicidal imbecile
think about it, don’t put it on the faultline
what’ll it take to get it through to you precious
i’m over this, why do you wanna throw it away like this
such a mess, why would i wanna watch you

disconnect and self destruct one bullet at a time
what’s your rush now, everyone will have his day to die

they were right about you
they were right about you