had a rough few days. my days off are always bad it seems. monday night when i went to bed was the worst. not getting into it. i’m hoping it’s mostly hormonal and that it goes away. if it’s not, than i got some shit to think about.

wednesday i had my echocardiogram. i didn’t get to watch it, which is a shame. i only got to see one thing quickly when i had to lay on my back. i think it was one of my valves…maybe the one that exits the heart. it was really cool so i wish i had gotten to see the rest. the lady doing the test said not to expect any bad news. so i have to go on…um…i dunno what day next week back to the reg doctor to get the results from the blood test and the heart test. the pain sorta keeps coming back so…they need to do something. i know they’re gonna be like, oh nothing is wrong, we don’t know why you lost 20 pounds and we don’t know why your heart hurts. which is exactly why i hate doctors, they’ve never ever fixed anything that has been wrong with me.

i might have another web project to do. unpaid to start. i don’t really know. my dad said something about guys at work starting a business and the one guy doesn’t like the aestethics of the page the other guy is making. so i gotta put together a portfolio of sorts to show what i’ve done, and maybe they’ll “hire” me. who knows. i guess the last project i thought i was doing i’m not since i never heard anything back about it. whatever. i don’t care.

i wrote my grad school essay. i think i finally have enough written thanks to cyndi’s help yesterday. now i gotta have some people read it and see if it’s enough and if it sounds un-retarded. but no one is ever around when i am. oh well. maybe i’ll just submit it as is.

finally called nate’s house too. i left a really retarded message because i get nervous calling there. forgot to give them my phone number so hopefully they kept it, or at least my name and address so they can look it up in the phone book. whatever.

i swear the casino has aged me 10 years. all the smoke. i get wrinkles under my eyes by the end of the night. i want to look old enough so people don’t think i’m a teenager, but i don’t want to have wrinkles. i used to get smile lines really bad with nate. especially if we were drinking. it’s like the alcohol made my skin lose elasticity, because i’d look in the mirror and have tons of wrinkles around my mouth. it was annoying.