today was not fabulous. remembered that i had stumbled upon a stellar observation of something that i worry about in my current life. it occured to me and i thought, wow, i think that really may be part of it.

depressed again is all. felt fine for a few days. back to thinking instead of ignoring and crying and worrying and everything else.

i am sad because i found out that all the stuff that was in frontier town was auctioned in september. all the carts, and signs, and the trains and all the fun stuff that made it such a neat place to explore is gone. i guess i should be glad i decided to stop there en route to tahawus with my mom.

and my computer doesn’t work.

 

my computer is completely broken and i need to buy a new one, and i really can’t justify it when i don’t need all the crap that comes with a whole new computer. i just fucking bought a harddrive, i don’t need another one, and i don’t need a cd burner. wtf am i gonna do with the shit i have? i thought dell was supposed to let you customize what you want to buy, and silly me assumed that you could customize it beyond just what they offer, so that i could choose a 10 mb hard drive, and no cd drive, not just that i could choose not to get a monitor with it.

new years eve has turned into the most dreaded day in the year. i don’t want to go to work. i’m not going to make it through midnight without crying. i really hope i am on break, so then i could at least hide. it just reminds me of how all my optimism that i had at the beginning of 2004 crashed and burned and how nothing that i wanted to happen to me did…

i’m really tired of my shift. i’m tired of being left out of everything because i work at night.

bad bad day.

now i will continue to stare at the 2 dell windows with my 2 over priced options full of shit i don’t want.

yep totally not spending 650$ on a bunch of stuff that I ALREADY HAVE! i guess i just won’t have a computer.

happy fucking new year