the curse is over. my section didn’t lose money tonight despite the fact doug was the pit. yay. hahah…

i realized why i’ve felt so physically shitty recently. i think i was taking too many pain pills. so i forced myself to stop and went through withdrawl and now i feel better. i ran out of excedrin which is why i kept taking the prescription ones. i keep forgetting to go buy more.

i dreamed about this pvc buckle skirt that james showed me the other day. haha. the chinese store at the outlet mall has this cool pants thing..i thought it was a skirt, but it’s not. it just looks like a skirt when it’s on. hard to explain. anyway. i want it. but i dunno when i’d ever wear it so i guess i won’t waste my money.

developed the roll of film james gave me to do, and finally updated the terminal’s site. so next on the list is adding my vacation photos, and apparently dansville photos, to institutional green. i thought i had put dansville up but guess not. then after that, delirious redesign. i’m also going to try to start keeping my dream site up to date again. i’m going to redesign that too so that it’s easier for me to maintain.

i still feel mentally unwell…i’m just not happy for the most part. i don’t know why. i feel very mean spirited at times. rebellious maybe. like i want to revolt against everyone in my life. go into hiding. don’t know why. don’t think it would help if i did. i don’t get it. whatever. i feel like i’m on trial for some reason. walking on egg shells as if not to offend the jurors who will be passing judgement on me in the near future. don’t want to do the wrong thing. don’t want to say the wrong thing. none of it makes sense really. never really cared much about what others thought of me before. don’t know why i seem to care now. this is me. take it or leave it.

desparate is an appropriate term i think.

whatever

but leighanne finally found us a glowing flamingo, which made me laugh when i got home tonight. yay.