this week last year was one of the worst weeks in my life. the week when my heart was torn out and trampled on. i want to read my entries from last year but i can’t, it still hurts too much. i keep trying not to think about it, but it keeps popping up. i can remember every heart breaking moment of what occurred. and it still hurts. and i hate it.

i try to remember what john said to me when he made me cry at work asking me about nate. that it was his mistake, he lost me and can never have me back. i try to think that way. it doesn’t work very well.