ug. i really hate the mindset i get into at the casino. i get there, and get caught up in the big circus of it all, and i get so fucking hostile. if any little thing is irritating/upsetting/whatever i get all over dramatic and…just hostile. i want to break shit. all the drama and bullshit – and i’m not talking about my own situation…just all of it. everyone is involved in some kind of bullshit.
so i start crying at work today, cuz i was just so hostile and hating. i was the breaker, and i’m sitting alone in pit 3 thinking about all this shit going around in my head, and next thing i know i’m crying. super.
i’m not coming home tomorrow night. going to after hours after work for jenn’s “hooray-you-got-to-leave-the-department” party…it has the makings for an interesting night once again, possibly involving sobering up at *someone’s* house, but i’m not getting my hopes up too high about that one.
and the parents are home. i haven’t even seen them yet and they’re irritating me. i so need my own place, and soon. cuz i really need to like, blast the “broken” cd from my stereo really loud right now, but no. i cant. cuz they’re home again…i can’t fuck around and be noisy and watch tv or anything, cuz yeah, they’re sleeping. ug.
and they’re totally gonna end up seeing my tattoo. i forget it’s there, and i’ll do something dumb and they’ll see it like my mom saw my bellybutton ring accidentally cuz i forgot it was there…
and i’m getting sick. throat has been tickled all night, been coughing all night…ug. maybe i have sars and i’ll die.
mom is all super excited about the apartment and ways we can decorate cheaply etc etc etc. bought a table at the rerun furniture shop in downtown NT. it was 15bux and cool and modern. wood tho, so we have to paint it. all good. we went and drove by the apartment that we hope to get.
i’m totally anxious about the tattoo thing. i just want to tell her i got it, cuz i’m being paranoid about her seeing it. oh well hahah.
told her i’m not coming home tonight. she said “don’t get arrested” lol.